Challenging Situations

Oct 20, 2015

Challenging Situations

There are situations that tempt one to suppress that are completely under your control and then there are others where control is awkward, or seemingly harmful.

An example of the first category would be where someone makes remarks that hurt one’s feelings. In this case the person may not want to create a conflict so he doesn’t say anything and acts like his feelings are fine.

In this situation, however, he usually has full power to not suppress and just communicate in a civil manner how the person made him feel. The results will be much more positive than negative and will relieve the grievance and help the relationship.

The second category is where honest communication would seem to have a big downside. There are two main situations where this may occur.

The first is your job and the second a marriage.

If one is in a job where he has a boss that is abusive and he really needs the job and the money then speaking about one’s true feelings or thoughts may get him fired and be the cause of great difficulty for some time to come, especially if such jobs are scarce.

One may also be in a marriage that he or she does not want to see end. Either he is in love and doesn’t want to lose the person or he is very dependent on his partner.

In most situations in a marriage a person can honestly communicate emotions without worrying about divorce, but if certain categories are hot button issues with a mate the person may figure he just needs to control or suppress his feelings if he wants to stay married.

These are awkward situations that make many feel trapped and there are only two ways out.

(1) Be prepared to leave the situation or relationship and as civilly and as honest as possible communicate your feelings or…

(2) Learn to assume the attitude of the observer. As an observer you do not get your feelings hurt no matter how much you are insulted.

If you are at a theater and watching the hero being insulted by the bad guy, are your feelings hurt?

No.

Why?

Because you realize you are the observer.

Like Shakespeare said, we are all actors on the stage of life and if we see ourselves as merely playing a roll then others will have no more power to hurt us than we allow.

I have had a very difficult past marriage and several horrible bosses and I found that looking on those difficult situations as a school type situation, giving me the practice of being the observer was helpful.

I had one boss in construction that really had it in for me and shouted in my face at me on a regular basis. I needed the job and the money so I just tuned him out until he got things out of his system. I used the Lion Principle on him and just realized that he was who he was and there was nothing I could do about it. On the positive side my encounters with him provided good entertainment for other workers.

Anyway, he was unable to hurt my feelings at all; the only negative effect was he hindered me from getting my work done rather than helping.

It is interesting though that if a negative person sees that he can’t have a negative effect on you he will often turn up the volume and become more aggressive and annoying than ever. This will indeed test the seeker’s power to be the observer.

There have been times in my life where I risked everything and others where I played it safe. It is a judgment all one must make using common sense and as much soul contact as possible.

“Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can’t prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you’re presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power.”

Blaine Lee

Copyright 2015 by J J Dewey

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