Category: 2011 Part1

So far as I could learn from this celebrated “Angel,” I should stand at the graves of my forty wives, provided I had so many, and should soliloquize thus: There’s Jane, she was a first-rate wife, and very faithful, I’ll have her up, hence I would bawl out, Jane come forth! and up she’d come. Well, there’s Maria, she was a vixen, I had enough of her during this life, I don’t want any more Maria in mine, she lies there and don’t come up. I then turn to the grave of lovely Susan, she was a darling. Susan arise! Up she comes, bright as a daisy, and so on, with Alice and Angelina, Lucy, Betsy, Bertha, and Bridget, Dora, Dina and Dorothy, Caroline and Catherine, Louisa, Martha, Matilda, Miriam, and Elizabeth; Pauline, Jemima, Priscilla, Rachel and Rebecca; Mabel, Agnes, and Abigal; Isabel, Rosabell, and all the other bells, be they many or few.

Thus I their lord and master, resurrect those wives that have been faithful and obedient to me, while the disobedient and unfaithful are doomed to everlasting oblivion. “You see,” said the “Angel,” continuing his strange theology, “This doctrine makes the women obey their husbands when nothing else will.” Polygamy is a peculiar affair, and it requires strong doctrine to regulate the domestic concerns of plurality; hence we teach that the husband is the only Lord and God the wife will ever know or be answerable to, and that her salvation depends entirely upon her husband, he alone can damn or save her.

Even this don’t keep Polygamic wives from fighting, scratching and hairpulling, and off times when they continue in a disobedient course, the husband has to resort to the means which Bro. Kimball preached, viz:-To cut them off, and send them back to their mother earth. Just like brother Andrews cut off that unfaithful wife of his by cutting her throat, and by such measures being adopted, we can often regulate the family affairs when all other efforts fail.”

With a cunning wink Gabriel tapped me on the shoulder and said, “I tell you what it is brother,” (fancy singing “I want to be an Angel, and with the Angels stand,” here I was an Angel’s brother.) “This doctrine of Polygamy is a queer thing to get along with anyhow.” I confessed that the Singularity of Plurality was a matter I could never understand, to which the Angel replied, “Practice makes all things perfect, even in Polygamy. You must practice plurality, young man, before you can understand its singularities.”

I thought the most fitting prayer for the occasion was “I pray thee have me excused.” But to return to the matter the “Angel” wished to convey when he cast that knowing wink, he said, “sometimes the terrible consequences of polygamy will drive a man into apostasy, then it becomes the duty of the “Destroying Angels” to attend to him as you will learn further on; but sometimes they evade the grasp of our blood atoners, and get away. Now then, this theology of ours teaches that the man being the only Lord and Saviour of the woman, when he leaves our church, the wives must leave him and marry some faithful brother that can save them. Hence you will find women in this territory who have been married to ten or a dozen different men.” I knew a woman that claimed 53 fathers for her three children, but then this is only a small part of the singularities of plurality. It’s a queer thing when you come to.go into it.

Having received such soul stirring and refreshing doctrine from an “Angel,” and anticipating more information such as I could not get, in any of your worldly, sensual, and devilish schools, I was somewhat sorry to find, that all the 40 men and 6o women had by this time got rid of all their sin in the bath tub, and stood before me looking very slick, having each received a coating of oil and the “Wedding Garment.” The women had also put themselves inside their chemise, and we men to match them had to don our shirts; in this condition we were all ushered into a dark room and made to squat higgledy-piggledy upon the bare floor; we were now supposed to represent the Sons of God which sang together at the Creation.

I did not sing, who could sing in the dark and not see what they were singing about? I failed to see the point. Presently there was a sound as of a mighty rushing wind that filled the place; in the dark we could hear considerable mumbling and jumbling; this we were given to understand was the “ Gods “ in conversation. I thought if they had anything to say they might as well speak out. Shortly a voice which we were told was that of “ Elohim “ rang out “Michael go down and gather the elements together and prepare to make a world.’ “ Aye! aye”! responded Michael, “behold it shall be done according to thy word.” Then the sound of footsteps tramp, tramp, tramp, convinced us that Michael was on the march to fulfil the command of “Elohim.”

After fumbling about in the dark awhile, the same footstep was again beard, conveying the idea that Michael having performed the task assigned him was returning from whence he came. When he got back he called out, “All right Elohim, behold all things are done as thou hast commanded.” Michael is thus sent to and fro by Elohim on several errands in connexion with the Creation now supposed to be taking place, and finally when the command is given “Let there be light,” and when “ there was light,” we the unfortunate candidates were in a curious predicament, here we were squatting around looking worse than a group of” Digger Indians,” and right before us stood the “ Gods “ and “Holy Angels.” Here was “ Elohim the boss God,” impersonated by Brigham Young,”

Jehovah “ was represented in the person of a Murderer, who ought at that time to have been dangling at the end of a rope. The “ Messiah “ or “ Christ “ was impersonated by a man with a Glass Eye. “ Michael “ being represented by a thorough “Masher and Smasher” that could captivate and thrash wives to perfection. There were “Gods many” and “Lords many,”-” Angels” and “bright personages” too numerous to mention; I shall describe some of them further on.

Now being in the light we could see as well as hear all that was going on, but I must necessarily omit a great deal of what transpires in this “Holy place.” I pass on to where we find ourselves after the world is completely organized and made ready for the habitation of man. Now “Elohim,” “ Jehovah “ and “ Christ “ say. “Let us make man in our own image, after our likeness, and let him have dominion over all these our works.” Then up jumps “ Adam, “ a fine looking specimen of humanity: he was a stranger to me at the time, but I afterwards found he was as good a man as ever cut a throat or scuttled a ship. Poor Adam looked kind of lonely and forsaken standing there alone, which drew out the sympathy of the “ Gods “ who noticed his forlorn condition.

The result was the “ Gods “ came to the conclusion that it was “not good for man to be alone,” and they decided there and then to make a “help meet for him,” but for some reason we were not permitted to see how the thing was done. Adam was mesmerised on the spot, then we were all told to go to sleep, and being obedient, we stretched ourselves on the floor and began to snore. As we are not supposed to know what takes place during our sleep (though at this particular time I slept with one eye open) my readers must be content to know that we were aroused from our slumber, and, on arising we beheld “Mother Eve” in all her beauty-Venus like, courting her Adonis, or rather Adam, and persuading him to get married, not that she feared a rival or had other choice, but Eve seemed to be on the marry, and looked determined to give Adam no rest until she obtained her “marriage lines.” While Adam and Eve were making such a confounded fuss over each other, we, the candidates for “future glory,” were ushered into another room called the “Garden of Eden.” The walls of this room were painted to imitate shrubbery and trees, the ceiling was .frescoed with numerous stars, while sky and clouds were roughly outlined; there was also large pots containing bushes and shrubs of various sorts to give the place the appearance of a garden; this was “Eden.” Here “Adam and Eve” were married, but the “ Gods “ having made but one woman there was no plurality of wives for Adam. I could not help thinking that surely this was the time and place for Polygamy, if such was necessary at all during any portion of the world’s history, why it was excluded from Eden I have yet to learn. Mormonism is a jumble of blasphemy, tragedy, and burlesque; although I treat some of the subjects in a bantering style, they are nevertheless true. Let the reader, however, here pause for a solemn consideration of the fact that Adam was only furnished with one wife notwithstanding the command, “Be fruitful and multiply.” Aye, and at the Flood only four women went into the Ark-one mate for each, male. According to Mormonism. man, who has degenerated, and cannot be said to posses the pristine vigour of primitive times, is now (after thoasands of years), and contrary moreover to philosophy, physiology, and psychology to have wives ad libitum. Let the dupes of the “ religious “ libertine consider this, and, however some parts of Scripture may be perverted, use only their commonsense. [To continue the Endowment House story]-

“Adam” and “ Eve “ being now man and wife, the “Gods” strictly charge them to be fruitful, and multiply and replenish the earth: after showing the consequence of disobedience, the Gods leave the garden. Adam having got over his honeymoon starts out for a walk by himself, like many a married man in this our day, leaving his dear wife to look after the garden and herself at the same time. No sooner is Eve left alone among the shrubs, when the Devil appears. Yes, dear reader, I have seen the Devil. This being the first time I ever saw his Satanic Majesty, I must describe what he is like.

To select a man to impersonate Satan requires something more than ordinary shrewdness. It is not every man one meets with who is adapted to make a first-class devil. Here we see the craftiness of Brigham Young in choosing Judge Phelps; could any one imagine a more fit and proper person to represent the Devil than a Lawyer,-a sombre Judge.

Brigham always despised the legal fraternity, and would often brand, and define them as a set of devils. I suppose this to be one reason why a Lawyer was selected to play the part of Satan in this Endowment drama. This devil of a Lawyer, or Lawyer-Devil, stands about five foot two and a button-hole-a withered shrivelled up old fogy.

I had always felt a dread of meeting the Devil; there seemed to be so much sulphur, brimstone, and pitchforks connected with him and his trade; and as he was supposed to be carrying on a roasting concern, or a sort of old-fashioned bake-oven on a large scale, I must confess that ray thoughts and ideas of the Devil were anything but refreshing. You may imagine how relieved I felt when standing before that small “wee bit” of a Satan-there he stood-all there was of him. How ridiculous the thought of being afraid of him; any man present could have snapped the life out of him at one pop. But he was of such a very pleasing disposition that no one could entertain the thought of doing him any harm.

When I was introduced to him I shook the old chap’s paw heartily: I wasn’t afraid; no, not I. Why should I? He smiled a sort of Satanic grin: this was performed very poorly; I could have done it better myself; however, I thought it best to make friends with his Devilship in case I may need a situation in his establishment in the future, and as the goodwill of a dog is better than its ill-will; I thought surely the goodwill of the Devil was far preferable to his ill-will; besides I concluded that it was more than possible I may be able to learn a trick or two from him; hence I sought to be on friendly terms with the Devil. As we “ Sir “ everyhody in America, except women, and this particular Devil being of the masculine gender,. I smiled and said, “Good morning, sir, happy to meet you, for I presume you are an American Citizen! “

“You bet yer boots that’s just what I am” he replied.

“Do you exercise the franchise, and vote at elections? “ I ventured to ask.

“Why certainly, and so does all my better  haffs,” he answered.

“What! Are you married?” I asked.

“Oh yes! and a daddy!” said the Devil.

I ventured to remark pleasantly that I had heard him spoken of as “the Father of Lies,” but that there should be a Mother of Lies had never entered my mind till now. He asked, “How can there be a father unless there is a mother?”

To get at what I started in to know I said, “Pray tell me, did Apostle Pratt give a true account of the Fall, &c., in his curious book called “The Seer.”

“Oh dear, Yes!” says the Devil, “Pratt is right, and the Bible and all the God forsaken Ministers are wrong. I can’t help grinning to think how the blind lead the blind. The Garden of Eden was in Jackson County Missouri where Eve “fell flat,” as they call it, and showed her wisdom, by being convinced the forbidden tree was good and pleasant, and a tree to be desired to make one wise and become as Gods. You will see presently how she became convinced, and took of the fruit thereof, so you need ask no more on that point. I’ll guarantee to make it all plain to every God forsaken child of man present before you get out of here.”

The Queen of Sheba’s remark to Solomon, “The half has never been told,” was given to me with “New Light,” too dazzling for these pages. Furthermore Great Salt Lake was fresh water before “Old Mother Lot suicided by steeping herself in it; she was a briny old cuss and made the water devilish salty. That’s why it is called The Great Salt Lake’ to this day. Remember Lot’s wife.”

I asked “Are there infants in Hell a span long, or any unfortunate babies whose parents failed to have them Christened?

“Look you here my friend,” said the Devil (fancy I was now the friend of Satan.) “There is no Hell! except what we get upon earth.”

“But we read of a bottomless pit,” I replied.

“Git out,” says “Satan.” “How can there be a pit without a bottom: besides it also says, it’s full of fire and brimstone. How can a bottomless pit ever get full? Where can you get the brimstone to keep the thing agoing? Brimstone burns out rapidly, and there ain’t enough in the universe to keep the thing running night and day for a month on the stretch, and yet they say the fire is never quenched.’ If the fire is always burning how can it be a place of darkness as they say. Its all humbug, you hear me! Don’t you believe such nonsense my friend.”

Then Satan enquired “How many wives are you going to marry today?

“I answered “Only two.”

Says the Devil “If you don’t get Hell enough out of that two, you can eat me, boots and all.”

I said “Are we not commanded to take more wives than one?”

“Yes,” replied the Devil, “but the hell of it is you are a darned sight too miserly over the thing, take my advice young man and marry at least a dozen, or you’ll have Hell upon Earth with them two. Two is always bound to fight and kick up hell, the one is jealous of ‘tother all the time, and you wont have a minute’s peace: but if you marry a dozen and mind your P’s and Q’s it’ll be a darned sight better for you, and-”

I was vexed to have this interview cut short, I wanted to ask more about these Lucifer matches as they are namesakes of his, and various other matters, but this chat occurring “behind the scenes, between the acts,” the time was up, and the Devil had to proceed to business.

To describe him more fully-he was clothed in a suit of black velvet; on his head he wore a sort of scull cap of the same material; this cap had two large ears which made him look somewhat Devilish, he also wore an apron made of a square of white satin on which was worked in with dark silk floss two large pillars representing the pillars of Solomon’s Temple, and a lot of serpents. He was a tricky customer, and oh, how he could lie! It is no wonder he is termed the “Father of lies “: and as the Mormons have been well trained by the Devil, it is no marvel that they are the greatest liars upon the face of the earth. The Devil is also a great deceiver, and the fact that Mormon Missionaries are well trained by the Devil in Utah is the reason why they manage to deceive so many people in England and other places when they come in search of dupes.

With this description of the Devil I will now describe the part taken by this “ Lucifer “ in the ceremonies which follow. Of course, Eve so pure, so beautiful has to fall, and “no devil no fall,” hence the Devil has a very important part to play in this hellish drama.

Satan, who had been in close proximity peeping through the bushes when “ Jehovah “ commanded Adam and Eve “to be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth,” now finding Eve alone seeks to instruct her in regard to this very important command; for this purpose he steps forward and shaking hands says, “Good morning, Eve, it’s a fine morning, and what a beautiful place you have here!” Looking all around he adds, “what beautiful fruit! “ and going straight to the tree containing the forbidden fruit Satan plucks some, tastes it, pronounces it very good, and offers some to Eve. She, of course, very politely refuses, and gives the reason-it is forbidden. Eve assumes a very maiden-like and innocent touch-me-not attitude.

Then the Devil, with much adroitness, convinces Eve that in order to fulfil the command “Be fruitful,” she must partake of a particular fruit_ I cannot here explain what takes place between Eve and the Devil, these matters are not intended for the “unregenerate,” they are to be “ spiritually discerned.” If you cannot discern I can only help you a little by referring to “The Seer,” vol. t, page 85, par 69 That our first parents would have had no mortal children if they had not partaken of the forbidden fruit, is not only reasonable, but it is clearly revealed in the Book of Mormon. The Prophet Lehi says, If Adam had not transgressed, he would not have fallen. AND THEY WOULD HAVF.HAD NO CHILDREN; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin. Adam fell that men might be; and men are that they may have joy,’ (2 Book of Nephi, 1st chap., page 58.)

“ And in that day the Holy Ghost fell upon Adam, and Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth: blessed be the name of God for my transgression, for in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh shall I see God.

“And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying, were it not for our transgression, WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAD -SEED The capitals in these quotations are as in the book], and should never have known good and evil. And Adam and Eve blessed- the name of God, and they made all things known unto their sons and daughters.”

This is why the sons and daughters of Adam know so much now-a-days. It has been handed down, and the Devil has had a hand in it also, as we learn in the same paragraph from which I have quoted, thus:-” BECAUSE THAT ADAM FELL WE ARE: and by his fall came death, and we are made partakers of misery and woe. Behold Satan hath come among the children of men, and tempteth them to worship him: and men have become carnal, sensual, and devilish, and are shut out from the presence of God.”

It appears from this book also that we have cause to be truly thankful that Eve fell and then managed to seduce Adam, for the prophet Lehi continues; “Therefore I lift up my heart in praise and thanksgiving before the Lord yea, I bless God with all my soul, that our first parents did transgress; for, because of this transgression my spirit has been permitted to come from Heaven and enter a tabernacle of flesh and bones-because of this transgression, I am permitted to know, in this life, good and evil, joy and misery, justice and mercy, love and hatred-because of this transgression, I learn by experience things which I never could have learned in any other way: and but for this transgression the great family of spirits in Heaven would have been disappointed in their anxious longing expectations to receive bodies.” “The Seer, p. 88, see Appendix C. for more of the Seer.

I have conversed with thousands who have been through these ceremonies and from what I learned from them it is very evident that some parts of the performances are varied at times, so that should we attempt to expose them there would be conflicting statements. At one time Satan himself consummates the fall of Eve; at another time Satan only explains matters to Eve, and Adam accomplishes the fall. Sometimes men and women are huddled together entirely nude; at other times partly dressed. Mormon leaders are very tricky, and I have no doubt the ceremonies are varied occasionally. I can only give the facts as I saw and heard them. While they vary in regard to some particulars, they all agree as to the washing and oiling part of it.

“It is quite probable the ceremony is frequently changed,”-” Beadel’s Life in Utah,” p. 492.

It is a matter of surprise among decent people that a woman could be found in this our day and generation to take the character of Eve in such a place, and the question naturally arises, who is she? To answer briefly. She styles herself  “Miss Eliza R. Snow.” That you may form a correct idea of this Miss I will state that I have heard her say in public that when the “Revelation on Polygamy” was first given she immediately married Joseph Smith, while his wife, Mrs. Emma Smith, was still living with her affectionate husband. In fact, this Miss Snow constantly boasts that she was the first to obey the Revelation and to enter into Polygamy.

When Smith died, Miss Snow married the “ Prophet “ Brigham Young, and since the demise of this worthy I understand our Miss has united herself in holy Wedlock to the present “ Prophet “ John Taylor. I have no doubt this latter is correct for she seemed wonderfully “stuck after Prophets.”

She is termed by the “ unwashed “ of Salt Lake the procuress of the Church, as she spends most of the time when not engaged performing “Eve,” in seeking to induce young girls to marry the lecherous old scamps who are ever seeking fresh victims for their filthy Polygamic harems.

Mrs. Smith, on page 45, “Fifteen Years among the Mormons” says:-” Eliza Snow performed the part of Eve more than any other woman. Now at fifty years of age she is even yet very beautiful, and she may be said to perform infamously well.”

Having said this much in regard to Eve, we will again turn to the scenes in “Eden.” The Devil having thoroughly instructed Eve concerning the forbidden fruit and other details concerning the fall, proceeds to show how it is to be accomplished, and having finally adjusted matters the Devil goes off and hides behind a tree to await further developments. At this juncture Adam, who has taken a stroll alone, now returns when Eve plays well the part consigned to her by the Devil. Here, then, we have before us the sad picture of the first fallen woman, who, being created as the “help meet” of the man, helps him to his downfall, and we are informed that “Adam is the first, but not the last man thus drawn aside from the path of virtue by a woman.”

Some think that Adam should have remained firm and not have yielded to Eve. Had they stood with me and witnessed what I did, they would never blame him. Many men fall by “Temptation,” less than Adam’s. I can assure you Adam deserves credit; he stood out like a man, and it seemed doubtful if Eve would succeed in her undertaking so proof was he against all her subtleness. But finally human nature, even in Adam gave way and he fell.

The first chance I got between the acts (for all this is similar to a theatrical drama) I said to “Adam “-” How is it that you, so pure, and before the fall, could allow a poor fallen man like Joseph, to beat you in purity and virtue? “

“Look you here,” says Adam, “If you read that yarn about Joseph carefully, you’ll find he had a coat on at the time of his temptation, which makes a darned sight of difference: ’twas his coat saved him. But, say! “ continued Adam, thinking I was chiding him. “You fetch your Josephs’ in here, and strip ‘ern, and let old Mother Eve git a hold on ‘ern bet six bits,* she’ll hold ’em, they won’t slip away from her.”

Eve fell first, then Adam fell, and just as the fall was completed, we, the candidates for initiation, were supposed to realise the condition of our first parents, when “they knew that they were naked,” and being aroused to our true condition with much shamefacedness (for our eyes were now opened, they were supposed to have been shut up to this time), we dive into our little bundles and get out the “Fig-leaf Apron” wherewith to cover our nakedness. Then there is a fearful commotion in the garden. A loud noise of tramping, and thump, thump, is heard, which is supposed to be the approach of “Jehovah.” Adam and Eve the fallen, are hid in the bushes.

The Devil who has been watching all the proceedings from behind a tree, continues his devilish grins; while “Jehovah” appears, and loudly calls “Adam where art thou?” Adam comes sneaking out from the bushes looking very criminal; Eve follows looking awful sheepish and very pale. Poor Eve, I really felt sympathy for her, she looked like a mother of twins on her way to be churched.

Satan comes forth from his hiding place and the remarkable trio stand confronted by “Jehovah.” Adam was the first to break the silence that ensued; speaking to Jehovah, he said, “I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I wast naked, and I hid myself.” Then Jehovah replied, “Who told thee thou wast naked? Hast thou partaken of the forbidden fruit? “ Adam pushing the blame on his wife as men are apt to do now-adays, answered, “The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she got the best of me and I had to give in, it’s no use talking.”

At this, Jehovah turns to the woman and snappishly enquires, “What is this that thou hast done?

“Eve, like her daughters of the present day, was not minus an excuse, she threw the blame on the Devil who had beguiled her. Then “Jehovah’s “wrath Was kindled, and I saw the Devil quiver as he received the cursing. Up to this point Satan had stood erect as a man, but when the words were uttered by “Jehovah,” “Upon thy belly thou shalt go,” the Devil stooped, placing his hands upon the floor, and ran around the place on his hands and feet, like we sometimes see boys when playing monkeys. Satan stopped occasionally to taste his new victuals, the “ dust “ but he did not seem to like it, and cast many a glance at the fruit on the tree with a nod and a wink, which was interpreted to mean that he’d have some when the way was clear.

The woman also came in for a share of “ divine “ vengeance. “In sorrow shalt thou bring forth children,” now rang in her ears; and not only was she to have sorrow where she anticipated so much joy, but the multiplication table was to be lavishly used in her case, “I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception,” were the words now used for her edification. Hitherto she had held the upper hand: she was indeed “the better half.” She could make Adam conform to her ideas and desires, but now her desire was subject to her husband, and she was dismissed with the consoling words: “And he shall rule over thee.” It is this that gives Utah husbands the power they so freely exercise to rule their wives as with a rod of iron.

Adam was let off pretty easily,-he was merely turned into a farm labourer. He had tried his hand at tailoring, but at this he was not a success, his fig leaf apron was a poor specimen of workmanship, besides tailors were in poor demand, for the woolen manufactories had not yet started-in fact there had been no sheep shearing.

The first requirements were husbandmen, especially as there was to be now some weeding to attend to besides the cultivation of the soil. We now file out of the garden, clothed with our fig leaf aprons, and in this “light marching order” costume, we are thrust out of Eden into the cold, cold world. Now we are in a bitter cold room without fire in the depths of winter, the thermometer registering ten degrees below zero. I found there was not much warmth in fig leaves. My apron was of little service, either as a non-conductor of heat, or to keep out the cold. The mercury of our enthusiasm drop’d below zero also.

I had a chat with the “Archangel Michael,” and was surprised to learn from him that he was also Adam our Father and God; that after the war in Heaven, having beaten the Devil he came upon this earth as Adam. He was the first spirit to enter a fleshly tabernacle. The earth had been formed just prior to this “Holy War” and as there is no hell, the Devil and his Angels, when thrust out of Heaven made a bee-line for America, and landed in Missouri where the Garden of Eden was situated. He said get “The Seer” and read page so and 51, that will give the straight of it. I did so and straightway got the “straight of it” thus. “In the revelations which God gave through Joseph Smith the Prophet, we are informed that Adam was Michael, that the war in Heaven had ended before Michael left Heaven, and entered a body of flesh and bones under the name of Adam.”

The glass-eyed “ Messiah “ came to me picking his teeth, and said that He, Elohim and Jehovah had just been having a nice snack of the cold chicken and ham in my lunch basket, and told me where to find the empty basket. I tried to draw him out on matters spiritual, but he was too worldly-minded. He had heard that I possessed some cash, and as he owned some saw mills, he wanted to strike up a partnership. But having heard of him as “the one-eyed pirate” I was on the look out, and though he was playing “ Messiah “ I was up to his trick and no bargain was struck.

This was between the acts of the expulsion from the garden, after the fall, and the next act where we are “clothed upon with our holy garments,” or in plain English before we donned our togs, I should think about one o’clock, but my watch was in my vest pocket, and I had not seen my clothes since I stripped six hours before, and of course there were no clocks or watches in “Eden.”

Just as we were concluding that we had better freeze to death and thus wind up the ceremony, “ Jehovah “ appeared, seemingly in a much better mood than when we last saw him in the garden. He had been out helping himself to the cold chicken and ham in my lunch basket, and having refreshed himself, felt better. He deeply sympathized with us in our shivering condition and in the new mile of tailor, dressmaker and outfitter, promised to make “coats of skins” for every man and woman in the place.

We were now ordered to untie our bundles, the Priest who gave the orders sublimely saying, “Fetch out yer duds; “ this was the signal to don our “Endowment Robes.” There was considerable fumbling in the operation, the sash being purposely put on wrong to necessitate a change again at another part of the ceremony. We were now cautioned that if any of us ever attempted to reveal what we saw and heard in the “ House “ our memories would be blighted, and we should be everlastingly damned, for these “ Holy” matters must not be mentioned after leaving the “Sacred Place.” Hence, I suppose my damnation is secure, but how far my memory has been blighted my readers can judge for themselves.

I must not forget to notice the emblems one finds -connected with this matter; my blighted memory shall only fail me in matters too indecent to publish-these I must forget. On the right breast of the “Wedding Garment” we have the “Square,” and on the left the “Compass.” There is also a small hole in the centre, and on the knee a large hole called the “stone.” I once took this “ garment “ to a Chinaman to ascertain what that heathen would think of it. John carefully scrutinized it all over, especially in the middle, where he thought I had joined drawers and vest together to cheat him of one piece in the wash bill; then pointing to the “square,” the Chinaman said, “You no good mason, you try cheat me one. No go. Shirt and drawers all-same two pieces.”

I failed to convince the heathen that it was but one garment, the pattern of which had been revealed from Heaven. He made me pay for two pieces. I have been asked, “is the Devil a Freemason? “ I give it up, don’t know; he said he was, but he lies so who can believe him? But this I know, I have seen the Devil wear an apron similar to that worn by freemasons. It contained the pillars of Solomon’s Temple, which are used so. much in Masonic emblems, but as we are coming to the grips, signs, etc., the fraternity will discover much that is “ emblematic ‘ as we proceed.

The first Mormon Prophet was a “Mason,” so was Brigham Young. General Beadel, in his “Life in Utah,” p. 499, says:-” The Mormons all became Masons. Joseph Smith out-masoned Solomon himself, and declared that God had revealed to him a great key-word which had been lost, and that he would lead Masonry to far higher degrees, and not long after their Charter was revoked by the Grand Lodge. How much of Masonry proper has survived, in the Endowment, the writer will not pretend to say; but the Mormons are pleased to have the outside world connect the two, and convey the impression that this is ‘Celestial Masonry.’“

Knowing this I was not much surprised to find Masonic emblems in the room, such as “The Compass, Square, Level, and Plumb-bob.” To convince the Masonic Fraternity of the truth of this, I quote from page 48 of “Fifteen years among the Mormons,” by Mrs. Mary E. V. Smith, where she says:- “ Certain marks were cut with a small pair of scissors, besides others, the Masonic square and compass, upon the right and left breast of our garments, and upon the right knee, a gash, deep enough to make a scar, by which we were to be recognized as Mormons. It was a noticeable feature that the outside show of some of the regalia and furniture connected with these “ Endowments “ were made to conform with those of Masonry; and Mormons are anxious to have the ‘ Gentiles ‘ associate all they know of these beastly ‘.Endowments’ with Masonry, or as being a modified form of it, made eligible to women, as a blind to cover the real objects of this Institution.’

Note from JJ. This should be particularly interesting to those who are familiar with the current temple ceremony.  Apparently there were significantly different ceremonies and procedures in the early days.

There are other features very amusing, which show that the dear men often get in for it, but as I give a chapter on “He and She Devils “-Raising the Devil,” &c., further on, just to show what you may expect I give one wee bit here from a paper published in Salt Lake City-” The Salt Lake Tribune.-

“One of the Saints who took unto himself recently a second wife has been brought to law by the first. On the morning after the nuptials had been celebrated, the newly-married couple were rather late rising. Wife No. 1 went up about 10 o’clock, and finding the couple still in bed took a rope and larruped the two soundly, with the remark to her lord and master, “I’ll learn you to stay in bed until after 10 o’clock when you have business to attend to.”

“Tis not restraint or liberty that makes men Prisoners or Free. Hudibras.

Nature has not provided for polygamy in the United States. The census report for 1880 shows that there are a million males in excess of females in that country. If the ” Revelation “that one man should marry 20 or 100 wives is to be adhered to, where are the women to come from? As it is for every 25 men, one is left out in the cold, with “no one to love, none to caress,’ -doomed to be an old bachelor. Polygamy could not be kept up, were it not that Mormon Missionaries drag so many girls to Utah from the manufacturing towns of England, Scotland, and Wales, and the British Government should arrest these scamps who come here to make white slaves Of our English girls, -and to procure inmates for their filthy harems.

I shall give a chapter of horrors in regard to the brutal and murderous practices of polygamy further on, here I pass over tragedy, and merely relate one case. To show this in a proper light, I will introduce a paragraph of Apostle Kimball’s sermon preached at Salt Lake. “What power has any one of my wives to act independently; she has not a particle of power. She must act in connection with me as the limb acts in connection with the tree from which it springs. If not she is a dead limb; will they ever come to life again after they are dead? No! They must be cut off and thrown back into the earth to return to their mother element.” [Journal of Discourses, vol. 6, p. 67]. The case I give is that of a Mormon who had ten wives. One of them disobeyed him, or in the words of the sermon quoted, “acted independently of him.” Her lord and master sharpened his razor; then taking this wife upon his knee he lovingly kissed her, and then cut her throat from ear to ear, and held her till she expired. He afterwards dug a grave in his garden, and consigned her to mother earth “to return to her mother element.” This man still lives in Utah, with his other nine wives, and no law reaches him. On page 469 of “The Rocky Mountain Saints” is the following:-

“KISSED HER AND CUT HER THROAT.?

“One of the wives of a Polygamist was unfaithful during his absence when he was on a mission. On his return, the ” Reformation ‘ was in full blast, and the unhappy wife believed that, from this faux pas she was doomed to lose her claim to motherhood over the children which she had already borne; that she would be cast aside in eternity as well as in time, by her husband; that, in fact, she would only be an angel, and with the angels stand; and that she could not reach the circle of the gods and goddesses unless her blood was shed. She consented to meet the penalty of her error, and while her heart ‘ was gushing with affection for her husband and her children, and her mind absorbed with faith in the doctrine of human sacrifice, she seated herself upon her husband’s knee, and after the warmest and most endearing embrace she-had ever known-it was to be her last-when the warmth of his lips still lingered about- her glowing cheek, with his own right hand he calmly cut her throat and sent her spirit to the keeping of the gods. That kind and loving. husband still lives near Salt Lake City, and preaches occasionally with great zeal. He seems happy enough.” [See Chapter of Horrors for more.]

Polygamy produces curious consanguinity. A man married a widow and two of her daughters. Shortly after he married another of his wife’s daughters, who had also been left a widow with three girls, and when these girls grew up he married these three stepdaughters also, so as to keep them in the family. This man was, therefore, the husband of grandmother, mother, daughter, grandaughters, and step daughters. In addition to this he married two of his nieces, and to cap the climax, married his half sister, and they all bear him children. Now what relation do these children bear to each other? and what is the relative position of the father in this case? Figure it up, and you will find that this man is his own uncle and stepson, and if you trace further you will discover that this very individual is his own grandfather.

The creed and practice of the ‘Saints” in Utah differs vastly from the Mormon Missionaries’ statements in England. There were about 3,000 dupes gathered there at the time I was. It must not be said that I was the only fool in Great Britain, or the only one here who could possibly be duped and “roped in” by these Mormon Missionary scamps; I wish it were so, but the ‘ facts show otherwise.

On the Sunday we, 3,000 “Greenhorns” as they term fresh arrivals from Europe, went to the Tabernacle.  Apostle ” Pratt preached for our edification as follows:-

“I want to talk to the new comers, and let me tell you plainly, you have come from Babylon-the churches or Christendom-but you might as well remained in your Baptist, Methodist, and other Churches, unless you fulfill the whole counsel of God and go into Polygamy. No man can be saved unless he has at least two wives. You can’t get into Heaven lop-sided like a crab, with one woman pulling you down on one arm; you must be evenly balanced with a wife on each arm, then you can get into Heaven but not else. If you have a dozen or so hanging on to your coat tails, all the better: the more wives the more glory you will have, but if you stick to the one wife and refuse to take others, I tell you every one of you will be damned, and any woman who refuses to give her husband another wife will be eternally damned. Utah expects every man this day to do his duty, and take all the wives possible. Any wife found raising objections to this shall be destroyed, for thus saith the Lord in his Revelation commanding Polygamy.”

This was the kind of preaching we all had to listen to.

Deseret News,” October 1, 1856.

” Apostle ” Grant, in the Salt Lake Bowery, September, 1856, uttered the following:

“We have women here who like anything but the Celestial Law of God, and if they could break asunder the cable of the Church of Christ, (Polygamy) there is scarcely a mother in Israel but would do it this day. And they talk it to their husbands, to their daughters, and to their neighbours, and they say they have not seen a week’s happiness since they became aquatinted with that law, or since their husbands took a second wife.”

“A JOHN BULL YANKEE,” BOSS DEVIL OF “HELL UPON EARTH.”

At Brigham Young’s death, seven years ago, the World said, “Mormonism will fall to pieces,” but today it is stronger than ever. The fact is people know very little about it. A greater than Brigham exists. John Taylor, the present Prophet, a Church of England man, from Manchester, understands Church and State and kingdom affairs, much better than Brigham did. Americans admit that English, or “John Bull Yankees,” as they call them, beat the Natives. The Prophet Taylor knows well how to instruct his Missionaries in the art of seducing Britishers; and having himself been a missionary and lied like the Devil, he makes a first-class Boss Devil in this “Hell upon Earth.” In France, at a public debate, he denied Polygamy, although at the same time he had five wives at home. On page 8 of “Three Nights public discussion at Boulogne-sur-mer,” published in Liverpool by the same John Taylor, I find the following:-

“We are accused here of polygamy and actions the most indelicate, obscene, and disgusting, such as none but a corrupt and depraved heart could have contrived. These things were too outrageous to admit of belief; therefore leaving the sisters of the white veil,’ the black veil,’ and all the other ‘veils’ with those gentlemen to dispose of, together with their authors, as they think best, I shall content myself with reading our views of chastity and marriage, from a work published by us containing some of our articles of faith, ‘Doctrine and Covenants,’ page 330.” Inasmuch as this Church of Jesus Christ has been reproached with the crime of fornication and polygamy, we declare that we believe that one man should have but one wife, and one woman but one husband, except in case of death, when either is at liberty to marry again.,”

The “High Priest” Journalist, on page 193 of “The Rocky Mountain Saints,” says:- “At the very time that Brother Taylor’ read these pages in Boulogne-sur-mer, he had himself, living in Salt Lake City, five wives: one of his two companions who likewise testified during the discussion, had also two wives there; and the other companion had likewise two wives in the persons of a mother and her own daughter!

Taylor also read:-” We believe that it is not right to prohibit members of this Church from marrying out of the Church.” To show that Taylor preached one thing and practiced another, “I quote from “Fifteen Years among the Mormons,” by Mrs. Mary Ettie V. Smith:- (Available free at Googlebooks)

“When Col. Steptoes’ regiment halted a short time in Salt Lake City on its way to California, she says:-” One of the officers formed an acquaintance with a daughter of John Taylor-Mary Ann. She was a very interesting girl; and the intimacy ripened into a mutual attachment. Her father is one of the Twelve Apostles (now Prophet), and a man of great influence in the Church, and at the time edited a paper in New York known as the Mormon. She succeeded in getting married. This was a termination more fortunate than she could have expected had the father been at home. For when he heard of it, he wrote to the Prophet blaming him very severely for not preventing the marriage by the sacrifice of her life. He wrote that he should always feel dissatisfied because the blood of his daughter had not been shed to atone for the sin of marrying out of the Church.” This work is published by Belknap and I Bliss Hartford, Con., U.S., 1870.

If you want the nightmare, or your hair to stand on end, get Mrs. Smith’s book. I give her affidavit and what else I can in future chapters, but my quotations must be brief.       .

THE “ENDOWMENT HOUSE,” ITS SECRETS AND FREEMASONRY-

THE DEVILS’ PINAFORE-WEDDINGS IN HELL.

Having heard so much about the “Endowment House” I had a great desire to go through and see what it really was. Mormon leaders will not allow converts to enter that ” Holy ” place until tried and found faithful, which sometimes take years. I managed to get my necessary papers, which are required to gain admission, four months after I arrived at Salt Lake. Here I was to see Gods, Angels, the Devil, Gabriel, Michael, Peter, James, and John, and learn from them my whole duty as a man and a brother.

It may be termed the Secret Lodge of Mormonism, where candidates for future glory are initiated into the “Mysteries of the Kingdom.” The Saints in England are assured that in this House they will meet Jehovah and “learn the ways of the Lord more perfectly.” It is held up to us as “a very sacred place.” They disclose no more than Free Masons, and other kindred societies before initiating a candidate; it is all mystery till we get in, and then it’s too late to get out with clean hands and a pure heart. No man or woman can possibly go through that sink-hole of iniquity without becoming totally oiled and very much soiled.

I will tell all that I can with decency, and as this book will not be sold in a sealed envelope, or be given to the public as obscene literature, I am compelled to omit very much that I would like to have an opportunity to whisper in men’s ears. Those gentlemen who have heard my private lecture to men only, are better posted in the things transpiring in that ” sacred ” place. To give a faint idea of what it is like, I quote from a work written by a lady who passed through it. On page 50 of “Fifteen years among the Mormons,” Mrs. Smith says:-

“Now in conclusion of my disclosures upon this ‘Endowment’ subject, associated as it is with hateful memories of that peculiar kind, most distasteful to the recollection of a pure woman, I deem it my duty in compensation for what I have felt compelled to omit, especially of that never-to-be-forgotten scene in the Garden of Eden,’ to state that the ‘moral’ and object of the whole is, socially to unsex the sexes … and when I call the attention of the reader to the fact that while I have described the dress of all the parties to this inhuman display and ocular demonstration, I have not mentioned the dress of Adam and Eve,’ nor the nature of the FRUIT by which each was in turn tempted; I think, he will admit, that while I have said enough I have also left more unsaid than the imagination, held with the loosest possible rein, would be likely to picture; and I have only to add, that the reality is too monstrous for human belief.” See Mrs. Smith’s Affidavit, &c., Appendix D.

I coincide with her publisher, who adds this foot-note:-” It would scam to be a misfortune that a false estimate of propriety should be allowed to interpose a barrier against the exposure of these Mormon debaucheries.”

Mormon Leaders defy Apostates to tell it, and well they may. The indecencies, oaths, and penalties effectually bar its exposure in most instances; many have attempted it and checked themselves suddenly, just where they should go ahead. Not that I blame them. Life is dear to most people, and these attempts at exposure were made in America, within reach of Mormon “Destroying Angels.” General Beadel, in his work “Life in Utah,” page 500, says:-

“Apostates universally have a horror or fear of speaking about it, and never do until they are safe beyond the power of the Church.” I am 7,000. miles away, and can snap my finger at all the Mormon infernal devils, so fond of cutting throats and sending people “to Hell across lots.” Moral decency and a great desire to have this book pass through the Post, is all that checks me from giving a complete exposure, and every word used in that Hell within a Hell. I give all that anyone can possibly give in public, and much more than has ever before been given. Men can learn more at my private lectures..

“H. Jenson, the Apostate Mormon who was threatened with blood atonement for revealing the Endowment House Oaths, died on Sunday at Brigham City, Utah.”-Salt Lake Tribune.

The secret place of initiation into Mormon mysteries is called the “Endowment House,” where we are said to receive our “Endowments.”

It takes nine hours to go through all the rites and ceremonies, grips, signs, oaths, covenants, obligations, and filthiness. We enter the Endowment House at 7 a.m., taking with us a well-filled lunch basket, and a bottle or more of olive oil. If a man is to take one wife, two bottles of oil are sufficient, but should he be matrimonially inclined, and is about to take unto himself two wives at the same time, he must have three bottles of oil, and so on, adding another bottle for each additional wife.

It takes a pint of the best oil to slide each individual through these ceremonies. At the time I went through and received my “Endowments” there accompanied me some forty men and sixty women who were fellow candidates for the same “Blessing.” Each person, in addition to the lunch and oil, has also a little bundle; the man’s bundle contains a clean white shirt, a pair of white socks, the “Holy Endowment” or “Wedding Garment,” a white linen robe, or loose gown-somewhat after the style of the ancient eastern costume, and a linen sash, a turban or cap, also of white linen, and the “fig leaf apron; ” this is made of a square of green silk, upon which is worked with brown floss nine fig leaves.

These articles, together with a pair of white linen moccasins form the contents of each man’s bundle. Pardon me for peeping into the woman’s “little bundle,” but being of a curious and sort of “Paul Pry” disposition, I must take the consequence. The “Daughters of Zion” not only slide into the kingdom a la olive oil, but a certain paraphernalia of dress is also requisite to complete the modes operandi. In the female’s bundle we find such interesting articles as a chemise, purely white and clean, a snow white bed gown, a pair of white stockings, garters with the motto “Boni soit qui mal y pense ‘ omitted, a sort of night cap (white of course) with a huge veil; this veil is used but once to cover the face, although it is very badly needed for that purpose during the disgusting ceremonies.

There is also a large flowing linen robe, a sash, a pair of white linen moccasins, the “fig leaf apron” of the same material and description as the men’s, and likewise the “Endowment,” or “Wedding Garment.” Much importance is attached to this article of apparel, and we are here reminded of the man who got into the feast without the Wedding Garment; and we are given to understand by the Priests that should any of us happen to get in without this garment, we shall be “kicked out.”

I cannot better describe this garment than by saying it is under shirt and drawers in one. If my readers wish to possess a “Wedding Garment” just take a pair of drawers and a vest or undershirt; stitch them together making one garment of the twain and you have it, only be sure to cut off the buttons and sew up the button holes and put tape strings in their places for tying instead of buttoning, for buttons and button holes are patterning after the ” Gentiles ” and considered -very worldly: there’s nothing ” Heavenly ” about buttons and button holes.

We are cautioned never to be found outside of this “Holy Garment.” It must ever after be worn next to the skin, for with this garment on we are told it’s impossible for the Devil to enter one’s body, if we are in a building on fire without means of escape, this Garment will keep us from burning, we shall pass through the fire like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, with our hair singed and no smell of fire upon us; so you see it’s a complete fire escape. Then again if shipwrecked and no lifeboat handy this Garment becomes a swimming apparatus which beats Paul Boyton’s: we cannot sink. It is a wonder to me that no “Yankee” has yet patented the thing. Think of it; here we have a Garment warranted Devil-proof, fireproof, waterproof, and what not, and the patent not applied for yet. What a chance for some enterprising Yankee. So careful are the ” Saints ” never to be without this garment, that when changing the soiled for a clean one, they first pull off a sleeve of the dirty one and immediately slip the arm (bare but an instant) into the sleeve of the clean garment; then the corresponding leg is slipped off and replaced at once within the leg of the clean, and so on, till finally the whole garment is changed.

Having thus described the contents of the “little bundles,” I will merely say in passing, the lunch we take with us is for the ” Priests ” that minister before the ” Lord ” in that “Holy Place.” We get none of this, we get meat to eat the world knows not of, strong meat at that. What we get in the Endowment House” can in no way be termed “milk for babes,” Oh no! we are supposed to have grown by this time to the stature of full men and full women in the Lord; in fact before entering we obtain from the Bishop a Certificate that we are strong enough in the faith to endure the scorchings and searchings, the fire and awful grandeur of this sublime place. This Certificate also states that the holder thereof is in good standing in the “Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day-Saints “-has paid up his tithing and is in every particular worthy to receive his or her “Endowments.” If a man intends to marry two or more wives at this particular time the certificate states that he is worthy and recommends that he be allowed the “privilege.”

On entering the “Endowment House” we present the Certificate to the officiating Priest, who examines it and, if found correct, enters the same in a book kept for that purpose; the name, place and date of birth, and the Parents’ name of the person presenting the certificate are also entered. We hand over to the Priest the lunch and the olive oil, keeping the little bundle ourselves. When all the Certificates and names are duly registered and the house is full, we are ushered into another room called the bath room and ordered to disrobe; 40 men and 60 women had now to get rid of their vast sins by means of a bath. A Mormon “Order of the Bath.” I saw at a glance that the first in the tub would get the cleanest bath, for many of my brethren showed unmistakable signs of having neglected their ablutions for a very long time past, hence I preferred to take my bath before; rather than after them, and being quick at undressing I was the first to spring into the bath tub.

Here the High Priest stood ready to manipulate. He began by scratching into the roots of my hair like a barber shampooing a man, and as he kept scratching away he said Bro. J.-by this process I now wash away all the unholy thoughts that have previously occupied your mind, at the same time passing his hands over my forehead. He then washed my eyes thoroughly saying, “I now wash away all that you have ever beheld of iniquity.” My mouth received a cleansing and was rinsed out with cold water, The Priest said “I now cleanse you from all the evil you have ever said,” thus all the naughty words I had uttered, and all the little and big lies I had told up to this time were washed away.

My ears next received attention, and all the evil and sin I had heard was cleansed. My hands received a complete washing, so that if I had helped myself to anything that did not belong to me, or had given anyone a blackened eye, or any and every sin my hands had committed was also washed away. My arms, breast, in short away down through the whole body every part was carefully attended to right down to the soles of the feet, so that if my feet had been swift to do evil those sins were also removed; in fact I was pronounced “clean every whit.”

Having been thus cleansed from all my sins I was shoved over to another Priest, the Priest who had washed me bawled out ” Next ” as he gave me a push, and another victim took my place at the same bath tub, and in the same water that contained all my sin. The Priest I was so unceremoniously pushed toward was the ” Aaronic Priest Called of God as was Aaron.” It was this individual’s prerogative to attend to the ” Anointing ” business; he took my bottle of olive oil and poured the whole pint into an old cow’s horn, called the “Holy Horn of Anointing.” First of all he poured Oil on my head “that ran down upon the beard, even down to the skirts of”-here the quotation fails for we had no garments on; however it ran down to the toe nails, then the Priest vigorously scratched the oil into the roots of my hair like a barber when he uses bay rum after a good shampoo.

Now says the Priest “I anoint your head so that for the future nothing but holy thoughts shall occupy your mind, your eyes that you may turn them away from beholding of vanity or evil, your mouth that you may always speak the words of truth and righteousness,” and so he kept on rubbing in the oil at every part, and mumbling nonsense right down to the tips of the toes and soles of the feet. I was thoroughly greased, oiled all over. I felt just then that I certainly was a slippery customer; this oil is supposed to remain upon the person as-” The Holy Oil of the Anointing,” but its stay on me was of short duration “you bet,” for I found no rest until a hot bath removed all that ” Holy ” or rather oily stuff.

Talking with a good Mormon ” Saint ” whose presence I did not like, especially in hot weather, he told me that he was oil’d 25 years ago and the consecrated stuff was still on him, for he had not taken a bath since. My apostasy was attributed to the fact that I had washed off the consecrated oil, so that the sacred influence refused to stick to me. In addition to the sin of divesting myself of all oily substances, I also found the “Wedding Garment” most uncomfortable to wear, and having to sleep with the thing on, my rest was so much disturbed, I concluded to leave it off. Thus the Devil got possession of my body again and entered in, “And the last state of this man was worse than the first,” at least, so say the Mormons. After being oiled, I had to put on the “Wedding Garment,” but how to get into it was a caution, I suppose I never should have got the thing outside of me had not the Priest very materially assisted in the-operation; having got the sacred rags on (for I had split the concern in making the rash attempt) the Priest whispered in my ear the “New name, which no man knoweth, saving he that receiveth it.”

He first ascertained that my Christian name was William, and then gave me the name of “James.” All the names are either John, Peter, James, David, Solomon, Abraham, or such like; there are no surnames given in the “Endowment House.” This new name must never be divulged only to St. Peter. (Dear reader, don’t tell him I told you or I shall “catch it.” It’s between you and I, you know). ‘

At this juncture I was introduced to the “Angel Gabriel.” I shook hands cordially with his Angelic Majesty, but being unaccustomed to meeting angels I was somewhat embarrassed, and knew not what to say; however, I summoned up courage to remark, “happy to meet you Mr. Gabriel, its a fine day ai’nt it,” forgetting that angels usually live so far above the clouds that they are unaffected by atmospheric influences.

I also ventured to say that I had expected to have heard him blow his trumpet before having the pleasure of his acquaintance. He smiled, and this relieved me, for I had expected to find angels very grave and solemn, but here was an angel that could actually laugh. I began to feel at home with him, and thinking that he knew something about future and eternal affairs, I proceeded “to draw him out,” and gained considerable information in regard to the resurrection and other matters, for at this point of the proceedings we, who had been washed and oiled, had to wait while the rest of the men and women received similar treatment, for be it remembered that all sin must be washed away from the candidates in the manner described, and the Holy Oil must be applied to each person before we are considered fit to associate with the ” Angels ” and the “Gods,” to whom we are introduced afterward.

The women undergo the same process as the men, only that it takes a little extra effort to extract sin from a woman, she being so full of the Devil; and possessed of very many devils, it takes some scrubbing and washing to thoroughly cleanse a woman, judging from the splashing and splurging-the giggling and chattering-it seemed the women were highly delighted at the way and manner in which they were getting rid of their sins. Women also receive a new name. Sarah being a pet name, whose daughters they are so long as they consent to give their lords a concubine, and obey their Abrahams as Sarah of old did. The women’s new names are taken from those of the women of Scripture. This difference is observed in regard to the new name of the man and that of the woman-while the former reveals his name to no one but Peter.

The latter must reveal hers to her husband. I asked the “Angel Gabriel” why this difference? and received from him this choice piece of theology. “You see” said the “Angel,” “Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression; she gave way to the Devil in Eden when she had no business to, and then she coaxed and wheedled around ‘ her old man Adam, until he yielded to her. He did not yield to Satan only inasmuch as the Devil was in Eve. Now the woman having given way to Satan, it will never do to entrust her with Salvation, for she would give it over to the Devil in five minutes; the husband holds the wife’s Salvation, and has power to raise her up at the resurrection.”

Interrupting, I asked what became of the spinsters and old maids? “Gabriel “laughed heartily this time, and said, “When they die their spirits are shoved into prison with the spirits of all the old bachelors, and that’s hell enough for both parties; there the Gospel of Matrimony is preached unto them and if they get over their prejudice and join in wedlock, they are let out of jail and go straight into glory.” Here the ” Angel ” paused, then said “let me see we had got so far as the resurrection; now don’t you see that it is very important that a man should have the power to resurrect his own wives. It will not be as you have supposed, that I shall toot my horn and wake ’em up, oh no 1: it’s not my business to wake up the women. At the resurrection I shall only call forth the men; for instance, take your own case, supposing you marry forty wives, perhaps several of them will have perplexed or bothered you so much in this life that you won’t want to be troubled by them in the next world; no one would know better than yourself who to resurrect out of the lot. It will be my duty to call you up, there you will stand at the graves of your forty wives and you will then call forth those you wish. The remainder will sleep on in their graves, and never see the light of eternity. Not one woman’s name is found in the Book of Life.”