Suppression, Denial & Release
Question: As far as the emotions go what is the difference between suppression and denial? How do they prevent true harmony and peace? How do they feed a grievance? How do we obtain release from them?
To suppress emotions, one has to first have a strong urge to release them and then force himself to contain them so they remain alive deep within the breast.
Question: How does one free himself from suppression without offending people and destroying relationships?
To answer this question we must first distinguish between the duality of suppression and self-control. I point out this duality for a good reason. The fact that there is duality in all things in this world is the reason that right action cannot be packaged in black and white. Duality makes it difficult to say that XYZ equals suppression and ABC always equals self-control.
We do know that self-control is overall a positive and constructive characteristic and suppression is a negative and destroying one. It takes a keen judgment to accurately discern the difference between the two in all cases.
Examples always aid in the understanding.
Self control: Alison innocently burns Ben’s toast for the third time this week. A he looks at the overcooked item he feels an anger building up. He feels like telling her off in a way she will never forget. However, he controls himself and reflects. He remembers that she mentioned she wasn’t feeling good a couple days ago. Maybe she is feeling worse than he thought. Instead of showing anger he controls himself and asks in as nice of a tone as he can muster.
“What’s with the burnt toast, sweetie? Is something distracting you?”
He thus avoids a suppressed grievance by controlling himself and yet communicating the problem.
Suppression: Julie serves Brad burnt toast for the third time this week. Brad feels that she is sending him a subtle message that she has some unresolved issues with him and it hurts his feelings to think about it. What are those issues he wonders? He decides he really doesn’t want to know and says nothing about the toast. He thinks that if he doesn’t rock the boat that whatever the problem is will go away.
The end difference between self-control and suppression is this. If one uses self-control, but doesn’t suppress then he will harbor no grievance or residual hurt feelings. But if he truly suppresses then there will be the after effect of negativity that will reside within to surface again when another offense comes.
The one with judgment will know that self-control is the right path when he can control and redirect his negative feelings without causing any grievance or residual hurt within himself. On the other hand, if he does feel a grievance the question is then what to do.
He has three choices:
[1] Suppress and harbor a grievance – wrong choice.
[2] Lash out in anger and let the person have it. Wrong choice again. This is sometimes a better choice than Number 1, but it is also destructive.
[3] Communicate your feelings to the other person. Use self-control and do not do this with anger but just tell the person how you feel.
Example: “When it looked to me that you burned my toast on purpose I felt hurt and angry. I felt like really letting you have it.”
This communication brings the release that is needed. Now you place the responsibility for the negativity on the other person’s shoulders. If she is innocent, she will understand and harmony will be achieved. On the other hand, if she is not innocent, she may feel guilt and lash out. In this case there is nothing you can do but let this person deal with the negativity. It will be released from you however.
Suppression alone is bad enough, but denial in addition to it complicates the situation to the extreme, making release very difficult.
Pride from the ego is what causes denial. Here is the sequence.
A person, who is usually above average, suffers a negative emotion such as hurt, anger, jealousy, etc. Since he is a big believer in peace and love, he doesn’t want to make waves, suppresses the negativity and pretends that all is well. After the emotion returns several times, he takes assessment of himself and reasons internally this way.
“Wait a minute! I am a spiritual and enlightened person so this negative emotion has no place in me. I will immediately rise above it. It cannot exist in me because that is not who I am.”
After this subtle reasoning he convinces himself that the negative emotion does not dwell in him because he is superior to it.
The truth is that he is not superior to it. All of us are subject to negative feelings in the right circumstances. The way to master the negativity is not to pretend it does not exist (falsehood) but to face the truth of it, work through it and find release.
The master of the situation always finds a way to send the negative emotion into its right place.
Reader Comment: I wonder what role the Lazarus Principle might play in the molecular relationship. Maybe it plays a role in empowering the molecule, Or maybe when we send our united energy and faith to the higher life whose primitive proto-form is the molecule, we are the Martha.
JJ: This is the type of thing you start seeing when you look at the principles involved.
The interplay of male-female energies has a lot to do with making the Molecular Relationship work. Now the Lazarus Principle is a special aspect of that interplay which produces a faith that has great power. When this living faith is manifest by the various receivers to their senders then the Molecule will take upon itself magical properties.
Then he makes another interesting observation:
Just as a woman deeply believing in her man is spiritually empowering beyond what makes any logical sense, so too her disbelieving in her man is like Superman putting on kryptonite underwear.
JJ: Here we have an example of the “opposition in all things” principle. Indeed, our partner of opposing polarity in life can inspire us to great heights or take us down to the greatest depths. We control the situation through our power of choice. It is important to gain the power of discernment and to use the mind as well as the heart in selecting a partner who will add to the relationship year after year.
The day will come for all of us when each seeker will have a partner who stimulates his or her dreams so do not give up. If you are having difficulty now, look upon it as if you are in training at a school. We must go through some strenuous exercises until the day comes that we are strong enough to sail the relationship boat with smoothness.
April 28, 2007
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