Mission Experiences, Chapters 25 & 26

This entry is part 13 of 18 in the series Mission

Chapter Twenty-Five
Lost love

As our relationship progressed I became more and more optimistic that I had found my ideal mate. Then, one day when I was with her it happened. A message came to the core of my being telling me that I was not supposed to marry her. I tried to shrug it off but then a short time later it came again.

I felt terrible about this message as it made no sense to me at the time. Rhea was as serious about the church as I was. She had even gone on a mission – something only a small percentage of females do. Not only was she spiritual in her interests but I loved being with her in every way. I couldn’t bring myself to break it off with her. I also couldn’t bring myself to propose to her because of the message I received.

Finally circumstances intervened. One evening when we were together she looked at me with an intensity that made my heart melt and said, “Our relationship seemed to progress so far and then it seemed to stop moving. I’ve been waiting for you to take the next step and you have not.”

Her words, “The next step” whirled around in my mind. That could only mean marriage. Yes, I thought silently to myself. I would love to ask you to marry me, but for some damn reason I am not supposed to.

Then she looked at me with her penetrating eyes and continued, “Are you prepared right now to tell me that you love me and want to move forward together.”

I did love her, but felt it would be unfair to tell her so if I wasn’t prepared to marry her. I knew that telling her I loved her at that moment would be a virtual marriage proposal. For one of the few times in my life I didn’t know what to say and cannot even clearly remember what I did say. All I know was that it wasn’t the words she wanted to hear.

For the first time since I knew her she became visibly upset and started to cry and asked me to leave. I was reluctant to leave her when she was feeling so hurt and tried to sooth things over but she just became more upset and ordered me out. She said our relationship was over and didn’t want to see me again. She shoved me out the door.

I never felt so low in my life. Here was a girl I loved and wanted to marry who I had just devastated and over what? Some message from on high… yea right. Maybe someone was just pulling a cosmic joke on me or maybe I did not know a divine message from a hole in the ground.

After a few moments I composed myself and thought, “The message came through loud and clear. She is not the one I am supposed to marry. Some greater good has to prevail in the end.” I had to have faith in this or I think I would have went insane.

That was the last time I saw Rhea, and on reflection I would bet she is probably greatly relieved she did not marry me. I am sure she is still in the church and is a faithful member and would not want to be married to someone viewed as an apostate.

As a side note, after I was thrown out of the church, I sent Diane some of my writings. I thought she was open-minded but she told me she burned them and warned me about the dangerous path I was on.

Meanwhile, as I said earlier, I had been writing Margaret for the past four years. I had considered her a friend and pen pal and had told her about Diane and Rhea. One of the reasons I didn’t take her more seriously was, even though she had long dark hair, she was not tall. She was only five feet two inches.

I was therefore somewhat surprised that I received a powerful witness that I was supposed to marry her as I always had the feeling Bob really did catch a glimpse of my future wife.

When I journeyed to England to see Margaret I was expecting smooth sailing. I thought we would hit it off and that would be that. After all, our relationship seemed to be approved of by God.

To tell the whole story (which is quite fantastic) would take some time but in a nutshell we found we were very different from each other and I was about to back down from marrying her. She wanted to go ahead but I did not even though I received even more powerful confirmation on her. Finally, I said to God, “Look, you gave Bob a vision of my wife so I’ll make you a deal. If Bob says that Margaret is the one he saw then I’ll marry her.”

I thought I had God over a barrel because Margaret was not tall like the one he saw. Obviously she couldn’t be the one in his vision.

Usually when you speak to God like that nothing comes back, but this time it was different. This time I heard back clear as a bell…

“It’s a deal. If Bob says she is the one, you marry her. If not then you do not.”

Well, this ought to be interesting I thought. Unless God is going to perform a great miracle and make a short person tall, I do not know how Bob could say for sure that Margaret was the one he saw.

I took a picture of her, hopped in my rented car and drove from Peterlee to Scarborough to see my good friends, Bob and Betty. It was going to be interesting to see what was going to happen next.
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Chapter Twenty-Six

I arrived in Scarborough an hour or two before Bob came home from work so I had a little time to kill. I decided to just spend some time walking around the uptown area and check out some of the stores. It seemed odd to stroll around the town alone after I had previously spent eight months there always being with a companion 24/7. As missionaries we rarely took any time to just take a look at a town the way a tourist might.

As I was walking around I saw a palm reading shop. I hadn’t recalled seeing that when I was working there and debated with myself about going in. The church discouraged us from using anything occult and most members think such things are from the devil, but I couldn’t see the harm and it seemed as good a way to spend time as any.

I went in and met a younger slender lady with dark hair who seemed fairly intelligent. After paying her we sat down at a desk facing each other.

I said, “I understand you are supposed to read the left hand, but mine has been injured. Can you use the right one?” She said that was no problem.

She studied my palm for a moment and then looked at me with a fairly serious expression on her face…

“Do you know a girl who has the name of Margaret?” she asked.

I about fell off my chair. “Yes,” I managed to whisper.

“You are supposed to marry her,” she said.

I gasped, pulled my hand back and looked over my shoulder halfway expecting to see God telling her what to say. After all, she was telling me the same thing I had already received directly, once back in the states, and then just recently when I was with Margaret.

Then she grabbed my palm, took another look and stared up at me again, “There’s another girl…” she paused as if trying to receive the name. “Do you know one whose name begins with “R?”

Again, I was astonished. “Yes, there is one named Rhea.” (On hindsight there are not many Rheas in England so picking up just the first letter of the name is understandable).

“She would make a good wife,” she said, “but you are supposed to marry Margaret.”

She then went on to give me a standard reading but my mind was so sidetracked that I didn’t pay a lot of attention. I do recall though that she said I would be a writer.

Then after the reading was over and I was up, getting ready to exit, she stopped me and said, “You are sensitive, like me. You should use your talent in service. You could do what I do.”

I explained that I was not interested in being a commercial palm reader or psychic. Then she explained that there are many ways to use this ability, which she thought we had in common, and I should look for ways to put it to use.

I realized I was sensitive to the Spirit but always considered that ability to be much different than psychism. I will note though that I have had my palm read many times since meeting this lady and none have been able give me anything so impressive as her statements. She was definitely not a run of the mill psychic.

As I left her I continued walking about town musing to myself. She definitely received something beyond normal human ability, but did it come from the Adversary or God? Was this part of a trick being played on me to force me into a decision I did not want to make? I wondered.

One thing I knew for sure and that was that Bob was sensitive also and was a man who was pure in heart. Any revelation coming from him would definitely be from God.

Let me remind the reader that I was not making the trip to see Bob as a confirmation of God’s will concerning me, as I had already received it twice. I knew without doubt that for some reason the Powers-That-Be wanted me to marry Margaret, but I also knew that it did not make sense to me. In that list of 30 things I was looking for in a wife about the only thing that was a match for Margaret was that she was a member of the church.

Bob offered me the only hope of getting out of going against the will of God, for the revelation I received said that if she was not the one in his vision then I would not have to marry her. On the other hand, I had agreed to submit if he definitely said she was the one.

It seemed the air was filled with witnesses telling me that I should marry Margaret include Margaret herself.

As I wrote earlier, Margaret was told shortly after I first met her that I was to be her husband, that she should wait for me and that I would return to England at a later time and marry her.

I did now return and it appeared that her revelation was turning into reality until I announced to her that we were not a good match and I was heading back to the states as a single man.

She was very upset at this and made me promise to stay a while longer. She said she had never doubted what she received but now felt she needed another confirmation as this was not the way things were supposed to work out. She needed to have another talk with God to find out what was going on. She was not beyond giving God a piece of her mind if he didn’t play his cards right.

Anyway, she said she was going to fast without food or water and pray for three days and asked me to meet her after this period to discuss whatever answer she received.

I agreed and did not see her for the three days. Finally, after the three days I stopped by to pick her up. I was very curious as to whether she received an answer and if she did, “What was that answer?” I thought.

I remember clearly driving up to her front door and her exiting the house, walking toward me with a serene expression on her face and then a smile forming on her lips as she approached.

That smile unnerved me and I calculated that it meant that at least she thought she received some type of positive answer.

She got in the car, sat next to me and then I asked, “So… did you get an answer?”

“Yes,” she said. “And in a way I am ashamed of myself.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I already received an answer and I shouldn’t have had to seek another one.”

“So what did you receive this time?” I asked.

“I received a confirmation of my first answer and if there was even a particle of doubt it has been completely removed. The answer was a definite, indisputable, undeniable yes. There is absolutely no doubt at all in my mind and I feel bad that I asked for confirmation of that which was already confirmed. Then I did receive something else that I was not given when I was first told to wait for you to return and marry me.”

“What was that?” I asked.

“Here it is,” she said. “It is of extreme importance that we marry.” Then she became even more serious in tone and said with great feeling, strongly enunciating her words, “If you do not marry me you will be cursed! You have a mission in life and if you do not marry me you will not complete it. There is no other way.”

I looked back at her in astonishment. This struck me to the core because I had always had a strong sense of mission and was surprised she used that word. I could see that her answer affected her so strongly that she was expecting me to be influenced by the results, but then I replied, “It may be okay with God that I marry you, but it’s not okay with me. We disagree on almost everything and are not compatible. It doesn’t make sense that God would insist on us being together when we would have such a stormy relationship.”

My answer was not what she wanted to hear and I could see she was very disappointed. She replied, “But you said in your letter you received the same answer as me. You said that you received a revelation that we were supposed to be man and wife. That is why you made the trip to England. Are you going to go against the will of God?”

“I’ve been reflecting on that answer I received,” I said, “and here is what I have come up with. It is fine with God if I marry you and I have His blessing if I should decide to do so. But He didn’t tell me I had to marry you or that I would be cursed or not complete my mission if I did not. I still have my free will and my own mind and my common sense tells me that marriage would be a disaster for both of us.”

“You are wrong,” she said. “God is not just giving us approval He is giving us His will and if you do not obey you will be cursed and not complete your mission.”

Saying I would not complete my mission was strong enough to cause me concern, but I thought the word “cursed” was over the line.

I was not swayed by her words though they did concern me somewhat. Even so, I couldn’t think of a greater curse than a bad marriage so I decided to avoid a curse I could understand rather than one that I could not.

I told her, “If we are not going to get married then it is best that we end our relationship as soon as possible. I do not want to cause you any more pain than you have already experienced. I have visited with a travel agency and have made plans to depart for Amsterdam in three days. I will be visiting parts of the continent and then I will be heading for home.

She was extremely upset and said, “This cannot be. God promised me that you would be my husband and God does not break his promise.”

I know he approves, but we still have our free will,” I said. “I do not believe this is something we have to do and I do not think it is in either one of our interests to continue the relationship.”

She became even more hurt and upset and I felt like dirt. Here within a short span of several weeks I had devastated two potential mates with rejection. I had always tried to live a harmless life but it seemed that even when you do your best you sometimes can cause great pain to others.

Even so, I figured it was better for Margaret to have a short period of pain now than a whole lifetime in a stressful marriage.

I tried to console her and told her that I could still spend some time with her the next three days. I didn’t plan on this but when I saw how upset she was I thought it was the least I could do. Maybe I could smooth things over a bit before I left.

What happened the next three days is a story unto itself that I will consider telling in full another time, but at present I will say this. At the end of the third day as I was supposed to be saying goodbye to Margaret I had a revelation so powerful that I felt fortunate to be alive afterwards. After this I knew that marrying Margaret was not just a divine suggestion but it was of extreme importance that I do so and indeed I would not complete my mission if I did not yield. I wouldn’t use the word “curse” but perhaps that slant would apply if I did not complete what I came into this life to accomplish.

Even after this, I resisted because it did not make sense to me so I made one a desperate attempt to change the mind of God.

I reminded Him of the vision he had given to Bob about my wife and told him I would marry Margaret if Bob positively confirmed that she was the one he saw in his vision.

To my surprise the immediate answer was, “It’s a deal.” This puzzled me because Bob saw my wife as being tall and Margaret was not tall. Surely God knew of this discrepancy and Bob could not give a positive yes on the matter because of this. I thought I had a way out of what looked like a bad situation.

I then told Margaret that for the time being I was canceling my trip to Amsterdam, but was going to take a trip to Scarborough to see an old friend. I would see her again in a few days.

It seemed odd to her that I would suddenly cancel my trip abroad and go see an old friend in Scarborough but she had hope again that God was performing some strange work to make the pieces come together to fulfill divine will.

These were the memories that went through my mind as I approached the door of Bob and Betty’s house. Little did I realize how much my destiny was about to be changed.

Copyright 2010 by J J Dewey

Series NavigationMission Experiences, Chapters 23 & 24Mission Experiences, Chapters 27 & 28

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