Chapter Nine

This entry is part 10 of 22 in the series Free Book

Who Are We, Really?

I shut the door behind me and walked over to Elizabeth. “What do you think?” I asked.

“He’s interesting,” she said. I could see from the light in her eyes — something I haven’t seen in a long while — that hope had returned.

“Do you think he’s for real?” I asked carefully.

“I don’t know for sure. Something about him is very convincing.”

“A scripture about Jesus comes to my mind,” I said, clearing off the table. “It says, He taught as one having authority, not one of the scribes. John seems to teach with an authority or knowledge behind what he says that is unlike any teacher I have ever heard.”

“It goes beyond that,” added Elizabeth. “I definitely felt something when he touched me. I swear I think I can stand up.” She nudged forward in her chair. “Take my hand,” she commanded.

“You aren’t going to try to get up are you?” I said walking toward her.

“I feel like I can stand. Pull me up,” she insisted.

“I don’t know,” I said giving her a fairly limp hand.

She grabbed and pulled. Her pull made me pull back until she was standing upright.

“I don’t believe it!” I exclaimed. “You haven’t stood in months.”

“I think I can walk!’ she exclaimed, as she took a step. Then she took another, letting go of my hand. Next she walked slowly across the room and rested against the wall. She radiated like an Olympic winner at the finish line.

“It’s a miracle,” I shouted.

“John said I would have increased strength for a couple days,” Elizabeth cautioned, walking back and forth slowly across the room. “Since this is temporary, I think we should go for a walk while I have the strength.”

“Do you think you can?”

“There’s one way to find out,” she said. “Get our coats, and let’s breathe some fresh air.”

Sometimes, there was no way of saying no to Elizabeth. I had to at least humor her. I got the coats. “Why are you so determined to take a walk?” I asked.

“There was something in John’s voice as he was leaving. Remember what he said — something like walking helps you to arrange your thoughts. He said something about putting my thoughts and fears in their right place so they would no longer be destructive.”

Then Elizabeth took my arm and walked out the door and down the steps with a strength and determination that amazed me. Soon, we were walking down the street at a brisker pace than I had thought possible. “Let’s head toward the foothills where we used to go,” she suggested in a childlike voice.

I couldn’t discourage her at this point. We lived only a few blocks from some beautiful foothills that we haven’t been able to explore since the illness. We headed toward them and to my pleasant surprise Elizabeth seemed to have the strength to continue.

“It’s so good to be able to walk again,” she breathed in, deeply. “I have never felt so good in my life. Even the air feels like it is charged with life.”

“Just think of all the walks we could have taken together but didn’t,” I said. “You know I’ve never thought of it before, but I can see how walks can take your mind off your troubles. Just look at the beauty of this place! How can a person be fearful or worrisome while walking through it?”

“I think I can see how John was right,” said Elizabeth. “For several years before my illness, and perhaps even more so after my illness, I have had my attention on my problems and my fears. Even when I seemed to be taking it easy my concerns were still there gnawing at me. If my brain has needed a rest I can see how it didn’t get it. On the other hand, it seems as if your brain doesn’t get any rest either.”

“You can’t always tell what is going on inside by looking or even living with someone,” I replied. “I think I am successful at keeping unwanted fears and thoughts from affecting me continuously. Even when I have little time or am under a lot of pressure, I set aside periods of time where my undesirable thoughts and fears are diverted. They are not suppressed, but sort of like in hibernation.” Then it was like a light was turned on in my head. “Perhaps it would be more accurate to say it’s like I have created a place for them and have put them there. That’s kind of the way John put it, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” she nodded. “He said something about sending our thoughts and fears to their right place. That’s a little the way I feel now, like my unwanted thoughts and fears are in storage behind some locked doors somewhere. Right now, while we are walking through these beautiful hills they have no power over me. This is the first time since my illness I can remember feeling this way.”

“Maybe this means that you are healed,” I said hopefully. It was too good to be true, I thought, but miracles do happen.

“I don’t know. John said I would have added strength for a few days. It’s like some other will besides my own is keeping those symbolic doors locked and making me safe for a period of time. He said I could be healed if we solved the first three keys. Maybe we should take this quiz program of his seriously. You said something about the importance of getting the question right. Tell me the exact wording again.” We sat down on some rocks to rest.

“It was not just ‘WHO AM I?’ but ‘WHO OR WHAT AM I?'”

“And what answers did you give him that he said were not correct?”

“He didn’t quite say they were not correct but implied that my answers didn’t mean anything. Apparently there’s some core answer I’m supposed to come up with.”

“Tell me the answers you gave him that were not it.”

“First I said I was a human being.”

“Well, when I look at your office I sometimes wonder about that,” she smiled.

“You are feeling better, aren’t you?” I quipped

“What else did you say?”

“I said a spirit, a soul, a son of God. None of these were it.”

“Well, you would think our essence would be some type of spirit or spiritual. Why did he say this was not it?”

“He said that saying I am spirit does not mean anything. He asked me to define spirit and I couldn’t say anything intelligent.”

“So he wants you to say something definite about who you are, and if you do not know what spirit is, it means nothing to say you are spirit?”

“I think it’s something like that,” I answered.

“Have you done any more thinking about who or what you are?”


“What have you come up with?”

“Not much. How about you? Can you come up with anything?”

“Well. I always find it’s good to just rattle off whatever comes to mind, make a list and see if anything makes any sense.”

“I’ve pretty much rattled off my list,” I said. “Let’s go through your list, perhaps from a woman’s perspective.”

“Smart man. Turn it over to a woman when you reach an impasse.”

“OK. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

“WHO or WHAT AM I? Let’s see.” Elizabeth stood up and we started walking again. “In addition to what you’ve said I could add that I am my thoughts, my feelings, my personality… I am what I look like. I am female. Did you know that many women define who they are by their home? That the home is an extension of themselves?”

“I think you mentioned it to me. Your list sounds as good as mine. Somehow I don’t think we have the answer though. Let’s write our thoughts down when we get home and I’ll present them to John in our next session.”

“I guess that’s about all we can do.”

“There’s one more thing I think I will do.”

“What’s that?” she asked.

“I’m going to have breakfast with Wayne tomorrow. He’s been a good friend for years and an amateur philosopher. I think I will ask him the question.”

Elizabeth glanced at me anxiously. “Didn’t you say John told you not to tell anyone about this yet?”

“He told me not to tell anyone about him. He didn’t put any restrictions on how I can come up with the answers.”

“Well, don’t do anything to screw this up,” she said, squeezing my arm. “He said if we master the first three principles I will be healed.”

“John said to listen to his exact words and his exact words did not forbid me from tossing this by Wayne.”

“We haven’t done that great so far. Maybe Wayne will give us an idea or two.”

The next morning I met Wayne at our favorite cafe. Wayne was an old friend about my age who had his own business. He ran a yard care business and did a little of everything for his customers – pruning, mowing, pest control and so on. He looked like a regular homespun guy and usually wore a cowboy hat. You would never think by looking at him that he spent any time thinking about the meaning of life. But he loved to get together with me for breakfast at least once a week and just talk about philosophy, religion, the new age, politics, meaning of life or whatever. We both had respect for each other as two thinkers who looked a little deeper into the meaning of things than the average person. This morning I was hoping he would be at his philosophical best.

“How’s your week been?” I asked him as the waitress seated us.

“You don’t want to know,” he said with a painful expression on his face.

Even though Wayne was a great philosopher he had not quite perfected the art of distilling his intelligence to the point of running his business smoothly. It seemed like every time we got together he had a horror story of some costly action one of his employees took. Several months ago one ran off with about $10,000 worth of tools just a couple days after Wayne bailed him out of jail. Just last week one of them showed up on his doorstep with his wife and kids because they were evicted. The reason? He spent his rent money on drugs. Wayne was beside himself on that one.

Even though I felt bad that my good friend had so many business problems I was always curious about what happened this time. I could never just let it slide. “OK Wayne. Tell me the story.”

“I drew Skip a diagram – a map of the yard so there would be no mistake. Last time he told me that I wasn’t clear enough, so this time I drew him a damn map!” Wayne almost spitted out.

“Wasn’t Skip the one who pruned the wrong tree of some fussy customer?” I asked.

“Yep. He promised it wouldn’t happen again as long as I was clear with him so I drew him a diagram of the yard with an X marking the spot where the birch tree was located. The instructions were simple. Take out the birch tree where X marks the spot.”

“And he took out the tree from somewhere else?” I guessed.

Wayne shook his head and gritted his teeth. “The stupid son of a bitch took out a birch tree from the east side of the lawn, not the west side where I had the X.”

“So there were birch trees on both sides of the lawn?”

“Yes, but I had the X marked on the West side.”

“If your diagram was not clearly marked maybe he looked at it upside down and thought east was west.” Good old Wayne doesn’t get mad when I analyze his problems like Elizabeth does sometimes.

“That’s what he claims, but only an idiot would have read the map that way. I had the roses marked on the West side by the correct birch. That was just one of the ways he should have chosen the right tree.”

I thought to myself that I might have turned the map upside down had I been an employee, but my friend was aggravated enough without me adding fuel to the fire. “So what’s the owner going to do?” I asked.

“We had to go back and take out the right tree for free and plant him three new trees and he still isn’t happy. He’s talking about taking us to court, but I think he just wants to blackmail us for all he can get. The last time I talked to him he said that if we mowed his lawn for free for all of next year he may not take legal action. I felt like telling him to take a hike, but I suppose we’ll wind up mowing his lawn. That damn Skip! You’d think a guy could read a diagram.”

“Maybe next time you ought to actually show him the right tree in person,” I offered gingerly.

“I don’t have time to hold everyone’s hand,” Wayne said, shaking his head.

Then at least you’d better mark East, West, North and South on your diagrams.”

“Hell, that wouldn’t do any good. Some of these guys don’t know which way is up, let alone where West is.” Wayne took a big gulp of water.

This conversation seemed to end where it does each week. Wayne had a major problem with one of his guys and there was no way to prevent it and there is no way to prevent it from reoccurring. I was glad I was not asking him for business advice. Philosophy yes, Wayne was as good as anyone I knew, but business did not seem to be his talent. Nevertheless, I did admire him for keeping at it despite all the setbacks. He did seem to be getting a little more savvy in the real world.

“I have a philosophical question for you,” I said, changing the subject.

“Anything to get my mind off my guys,” he said. “I told you I didn’t want to talk about my problems.”

“OK. Here’s the situation.” I bent forward and asked in softer tones so as not to be overheard. “Let’s say that you have a vision and God appears to you.”

“What does he or she look like?” Wayne asked with a smirk.

“It doesn’t matter. Just suppose God appears to you and offers you a deal.”

“What kind of deal?” Wayne seemed to be shifting his attention from his problems to his philosophical mode.

I thought carefully. I couldn’t tell him about John. “Let’s say that God tells you that if you can answer one simple question He will give you three wishes.”

“I could use three wishes. I would take a stab at it. Why not? What’s the question?”

“Here’s the question: ‘WHO OR WHAT ARE YOU?’ Now here is what the answer is not. It is not a human being, a son of God, a spirit or soul. So if God says that none of these common answers are correct, what could it be?”

“This is an odd line of questioning for you,” Wayne said, looking at me suspiciously. “Are you sure you didn’t get hit on the head and see the Big Guy?”

“No. Nothing like that.” I tried to sound nonchalant, but I didn’t know whether or not Wayne guessed something was up. “Just been doing some thinking. I want your serious answer here. How would you answer the question?”

“OK. I’ll play along. Not son of God, not human, not spirit, not soul. Well, Jesus said something interesting about who we are that is in none of those categories.”

“That might be helpful. What did he say?”

“He said we are gods.”

“That sounds like Mormon teachings.” I’ve studied quite a bit about different religious teachings and so has Wayne.

“Yes, the Mormons have a slant in that direction, but in addition to them there are billions of people on earth with some type of belief that man is a god of some sort. Most of the Christians believe this doctrine is heresy however.”

“But you are telling me that Jesus actually said it in the Bible? How does the actual wording go?”

Wayne took a sip of coffee and leaned forward. “I remember clearly three words he said. It was Ye are gods.”

“Jesus called us Gods?” I asked in hushed tones. I remember the Bible calling us Sons of God, but Gods? Do you remember where that scripture is?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s in the gospel of John.”

“John?” I sputtered, spilling several drops of coffee on my lap.

“Careful there,” Wayne grinned. “Are you sure you didn’t have some vision or something? You look pale.” He looked carefully at my face.

“Here lately I’m not sure of anything,” I said lamely “You really think Jesus said that in the book of John?”

“Like I said, I’m pretty sure. John the Beloved himself recorded that. He was definitely the best New Testament author. Keep in mind though that most Christians don’t think he was seriously telling us we are gods.”

“So, what do you think? Do you think we’re gods?”

“Look at it this way,” said Wayne. “God is supposed to be everywhere, right?”

“That’s what they say.”

“You occupy some of that space they call everywhere, don’t you?”


“So, is God in the space you occupy?”

“If He is everywhere, then the answer is yes.”

“That means that God is in you.”

“Yes again.”

“So would God be in your heart, brain, liver and even your cells?”

“Well, they are all part of everywhere. If God is omnipresent then I guess He would be in every atom of my body.” I was catching on to Wayne’s reasoning.

“So if God is in every atom of your body you are made of God. It follows then that you are God. If it’s in you through and through, then it’s you.”

“So, do you think that is true? Do you really think we are Gods?”

“Hell, I don’t know,” Wayne said, leaning back in his seat. “I’m not even one hundred percent sure that there is a God. Sometimes I’m not even sure I am here on earth. Maybe everything is just a great dream and when we wake up there’s nothing there. Or maybe when we wake up we are in some place that makes sense. Better yet, maybe we’ll wake up on a south sea island full of beautiful girls to take care of our every need.” Wayne grinned at this thought. Poor guy hadn’t had a girlfriend in a long time.

“Very interesting thinking, but that scripture you mentioned interests me the most. I’m going to look it up when I get home,” I said excitedly. “I faintly remember reading it, but never thought of it in the context that we could actually be gods.” I couldn’t wait to get home!

“Don’t take it too seriously and expect me to worship you,” Wayne smiled.

I cut our conversation short and sped home and started researching the book of John. Finally I found the scripture in chapter ten:

John 10:34 Jesus answered them, Is it not written in your law, I said, Ye are gods?
John 10:35 If he called them gods, unto whom the word of God came, and the scripture cannot be broken;
John 10:36 Say ye of him, whom the Father hath sanctified, and sent into the world, Thou blasphemest; because I said, I am the Son of God?

After a little research I realized that the “law” that Jesus mentioned was the book of Psalms. Jesus seemed to be saying that those who received the law of God or scriptures were called gods. Just maybe…maybe that was the answer. We are more than human. We are gods. I will admit however, it seemed odd to think of myself as a god, but apparently the answer that John wanted was not just your standard Sunday school formula.

I took the Bible in my hand and found Elizabeth in the family room, “Sweetie. I think I may have the answer.”

She looked up. “Don’t tell me Wayne came up with something for you?”

“Actually, he did. It’s a bit off the wall, but it just may be what we’re looking for.”

“OK. Let me have it.”

“We are gods!” I exclaimed. I could hardly contain my excitement.

She didn’t look impressed. “Wayne would come up with something like that,” she said, looking back down at the book in her lap.

“Wayne didn’t really think of it. Look here in the Bible.” I moved toward her. “Jesus said it. If Jesus said it then that’s got to be who we are.”

“Let me read it for myself,” Elizabeth said, taking the Bible out of my hands. She read the whole chapter.

“I remember this scripture” she said after a while. “I was having an argument with a Mormon once and he quoted this and told me that our destiny was to be gods. I was a little rattled and called the Bible Answer Man on a radio station.”

“What did he say?” I asked curiously. I didn’t know she called radio stations about philosophical questions.

“He said we misread the scripture, that the original Psalm was making fun of man because of his frailties. It is a little bit like one person putting down another by saying, You think you’re hot stuff don’t you? The one guy doesn’t really think the other is hot stuff. He’s just making fun.”

“So, this scripture is explained away with the idea that God is making fun of us?”

“That’s basically what most people I have talked to seem to think.”

“Let me have that Bible again,” I said. I carefully read over Psalms eighty-two and John chapter ten. “I don’t know. I’ve read it over carefully and I think Jesus was really saying that we are gods. “Look”, I said, kneeling beside her. “He used the statement as a defense for saying He was the Son of God. In other words, If those who received the law are gods, then why make a big deal out of a statement from Jesus that He is the Son of God?”

Elizabeth looked up at me and smiled. “You realize, don’t you, that there is one way to find out.

It dawned on me. “Yes. Yes,” I said, “we can ask a man who knew Jesus personally. In fact, he’s the man who wrote the scripture!” I laughed. This was unreal!

“He should be working at his bell ringing job right now,” said Elizabeth. “Why don’t you go ask him?”

Copyright 1997 by J J Dewey

Chapter Ten

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Chapter Ten

This entry is part 11 of 22 in the series Free Book

The Dream

I drove over to Albertsons to seek out John again and ask him the 2000-year-old question.

I drove around the corner and saw the now-familiar sight of the bell ringer. I parked, got out of the car and headed toward him. “John!” I said.

The bell ringer turned. It was not the same bells, nor was it the same John.

“Where’s John?” I asked.

“Who’s John?” replied the man, a fairly scruffy-looking guy about twenty years younger than John.

“He’s the guy who was working here before you.”

“Oh, that guy. I’m not sure. He had to go out of town.”

“When will he be back?”

“I don’t know. People come and go at this job. Chances are he’ll never be back.”

“Is there anyone who would know?”

“You might check with the regional office.”

I went home and made several phone calls and finally found someone who remembered John. He had basically the same story: John was out of town for an indefinite period and wasn’t sure when he would be back. He said he hoped John would come back soon because he was their best fund-raiser.

This was an event I never expected. Even though I had only known John a few days it already seemed as if he was an old friend who would always be there when I needed him. It was almost as if he was a genie who belonged to me … as if he had not yet granted my three wishes and had no right to take any time off until I had my way with him.

“Damn!” I said to Elizabeth when I returned home. “John is gone and they don’t know when he will be back.”

“Do you know where he lives?”

“You know, I never even thought to ask him. Who knows? Maybe he’s just sitting in some small apartment in the North End watching TV and drinking a beer.” John was certainly a man of surprises.

“But didn’t they say he was out of town? If he is a real apostle I don’t think he would lie.”

“Well, maybe he hasn’t left yet. Maybe if we knew where he lived we could catch him before he left.”

“Didn’t he say he would give you more hints in a week? A week from your first encounter is next Thursday. If he is truly a man of his word he will be back by then.”

“That’s five days away. I wanted to talk to him today. I can’t believe it. I feel more restless about seeing John again than I did about you when we fell in love. I never thought that could happen with another woman let alone a man.” My heart ached with disappointment.

I realized I had made a statement that may have hurt Elizabeth and turned to her. “I’m sorry. You know you’re the most important person in my life. It’s just that I felt such spiritual love and power coming from John. It seemed so familiar and so good, and now it’s gone.”

“I know,” Elizabeth reassured me. “I probably would be upset too, but I feel the same way. As soon as you said he was gone I also felt a void, and that extra strength that came through him is fading. I don’t think I can get up again.”

I didn’t want to see her get weak again. I grabbed her hand, hoping she could keep her strength until she was healed. “Here. Let me pull you up. You must keep faith in yourself that you can be well.”

I pulled on her, but she was unable to stand more than a few seconds. She was very shaky and unable to walk. I helped her back into her wheelchair. I noticed a tear falling down her cheek as she said, “It was good to feel well for a day, but I’m losing strength fast. I think I’ll soon be back to my normal, weak self.”

“John said that this short-term miracle was to give you faith that you can be healed. Even though it is passing, maybe we should be thankful that we had the opportunity to see that miracles are still possible.”

“Perhaps,” she said. “But instead of faith, I feel afraid. I’m afraid that we will never see John again. I don’t know why. I feel kind of a sinking feeling.”

“I feel the same feeling,” I agreed. “For some reason I feel a great void of energy. I hope nothing has happened to him.”

“If anyone can take care of himself I’m sure a 2000-year-old man can,” said Elizabeth.

“It’s probably just us. We’ll just have to live this next week with the belief that we will see him again no later than Thursday.”

“You’re right,” said Elizabeth. “We will have to do everything possible to solve the first key. We need to at least show him that we have made the greatest possible effort.”

“Yes, but I think I’ve done about all I can do at this point. The best that I can come up with is that we must be gods, like Jesus said in the scripture.”

“There is one other person you can call. Why don’t you call your friend Lance in California and run by him the same question as you did Wayne?”

Yes, I thought. It would be interesting to get Lance’s input. We had a long history together. We were business partners for a while and shared many good times together. We had also spent countless hours talking philosophy together. He moved to Los Angeles several years ago after he got thoroughly ingrained in the New Age movement. He has researched numerous groups and studied their philosophy. It’s quite possible that he has come up with some interesting interpretations to John’s first key.

“That’s a good idea,” I said to Elizabeth. “It wouldn’t hurt to get his opinion. I don’t think there is any New Age group that he hasn’t looked into.”

Late that evening, I finally caught Lance in. “How’s things in the big city?” I asked.

“Exciting things are happening,” he said. “Too bad you aren’t here. I’m giving a seminar this weekend. You ought to come down some time and check out what I’m doing.”

“Maybe after Elizabeth gets better,” I said.

“How’s she doing?” he said.

“She’s having her ups and downs,” I replied.

“Give her my best,” he said. “Guess what my seminar is on.”

“Knowing you, it could be anything.”

“I call it ‘Ye are Gods: A Synthesis of the New Age and the Bible.'”

I almost dropped the phone. “What made you pick that topic?” I asked.

“Well, as you know, just about all the New Agers down here think man is some type of god who has forgotten who he is … that we just have to remember.”

“Is that what you think?” I asked hopefully.

“Yes, the idea is basically true. But what’s interesting is that I have been running into these religious types lately who’ve been quoting the Bible at me right and left. They say the idea that man can become a god is Lucifer’s first great lie. These guys really got under my skin, so I started studying the Bible again to see if it was as backward as these guys make it sound. And guess what I found?”

“I’m sure it’s interesting,” I quipped.

“Interesting? Listen, the Bible teaches out the ying-yang that humans are really gods.”

“You mean like the Mormons teach?”

“Not really. The Mormons are in kindergarten on this and seem to be embarrassed to talk about this doctrine anymore. The Bible doesn’t tell us that we are going to be gods in some far-off future, but that we are gods in the here and now — very similar to many New Age teachings. The thing that gets me is that most New Agers think anyone who believes in the Bible or studies it is back in the Stone Age. And Bible believers think that New Agers are worshippers of the devil himself. My studies reveal a harmony between the New Age philosophies and the Bible, and no one seems to see it, so I thought I would give some lectures on the subject and see how much interest is out there.”

“So if someone asked you who or what we are? Would you answer that we are gods?”

“That’s what Jesus said in the Good Book. That’s also what every teacher that’s into the New Age or philosophy around here thinks,” he said.

I reflected a moment. “What if God himself appeared to you and told you that was the wrong answer and that you were supposed to guess again. What would you say?”

“I never thought about it being the wrong answer. It makes too much sense,” he replied confidently.

“But just suppose it was wrong. Is there anything else you would guess?”

“What else could it be?” he asked. “In the beginning there was only God and He created the universe out of Himself. That means you are made out of God and you are a part of God. If you are one with the God consciousness, then you are God just as much as Jesus was. After all, He even said in the Book of John that we are supposed to be one with God just as He was.”

“You’re right. John did say that.”

“Yes. Of all the writers of the scriptures, I think John was the greatest.”

“I’ll tell John that the next time I see him,” I quipped.

“Funny,” Lance said, not suspecting the truth behind my humor. “What did you call for, anyway?”

“To ask you a question, but you already answered it.”

“That’s the way it happens when you’re in tune with the universe, buddy,” he said, sounding very pleased with himself.

We spent a few more minutes talking about family, friends and business ideas before we said our good-byes. He ended it with his favorite phrase, “Have a powerful day!” I related the conversation to Elizabeth.

“This sounds like the first insight,” said Elizabeth.

“What do you mean first insight?” I asked.

“I thought you read “The Celestine Prophecy.” That book talks about insights that will transform humanity. The first insight says that we are to pay attention to coincidences, that they will lead us to paths we are to follow.
“Yes, I do remember reading that now. It is a pretty fantastic coincidence that both Wayne and Lance had the same answer. It’s especially interesting that Lance answered my question even before I asked it. Do you think that is some kind of sign?”

“It sounds like it could be.”

“Let’s suppose it is a sign then. That means we’re supposed to think in the direction of us being gods. If I tell John the answer is that I am a god or God, could that be enough or are we supposed to think deeper?”

“Who knows?” Elizabeth shrugged. “The question I have is that if I am a god, why can’t I snap my fingers and just make myself well?”

“Good question. But from what I’ve read about it in New Age books, the reason is that we are basically gods who have forgotten we are gods. Because we have all power as gods and we believe we are frail humans, this belief makes us frail humans. When we drop this false belief, then the god within us will be revealed.”

“So, all I have to do is drop my false belief, and I can have power to heal myself?”

“That’s the basic teaching of the present-day gurus.”

“It sounds too simple.”

“It does,” I agreed, “but simple things are often the truest.”

That evening when I went to bed I felt very restless. I felt a vacuum ever since I learned that John was out of town, but as I lay on my bed that night I felt even more depleted of energy. I felt as if I was fading in and out of reality. Finally I fell asleep and had an unusual dream. Now, in my experience, some dreams are just dreams, but every now and then one comes along that seems very real, and you think there must be a reality behind it. This was one of those dreams.

I found myself in a room surrounded by these floating evil-looking entities. Their faces were contorted and snarling at me as if they wanted to do me harm. I looked for a way of escape and found a door. I ran through the door and found a saintly-looking man in a rocking chair, looking at me with a benevolent look on his face. I turned around and noticed that the evil spirits did not follow me into the room, and it seemed that the kindly man was somehow protecting me from them.

I walked toward the man and asked, “Who are you?”

He looked back at me, and I heard an authoritative voice projected toward me which said, “This is my beloved apostle — John.”

I looked at the benevolent-looking man with a start. He looked nothing like my bell-ringing friend who I thought was the apostle John. This man had long, sandy hair, a beard, and a fairly heavy build. John was fairly thin, with no beard, and black hair with touches of white. John’s complexion was also darker than this man’s. This person in front of me was definitely a different person than the bell ringer I knew as John.
Now this voice I was hearing, which sounded very authoritative, was telling me that this other man was John the Beloved. The voice sounded a bit like James Earl Jones when he says, “This is CNN.” It was like you would imagine the voice of God to be. Because of the general situation the strong impression came to my mind that it must be the voice of the God, or of Christ himself.

I ventured forth a question. “Who is the other John — the Bell Ringer?”

The authoritative voice answered back: “The impostor you met has been an enemy from the beginning. He is a prince of evil and deceit who will lead all who believe him into the abyss and destruction. Beware of evil that has the appearance of good. Beware of all those who teach that men are gods. I alone am God.” His voice echoed until I woke up from the dream with a start and lay in my bed in contemplation.

John had indeed seemed sincere and had appeared to be a true teacher, but it never occurred to me to think he was some kind of evil incarnate. Now this voice that seemed to be the voice of God had shown me what may be the true John the Beloved — and the one who I thought was the true apostle might not be an apostle at all, but some kind of evil incarnate sent to lead me to … what? The voice had said “the abyss and destruction.”  That must be some type of hell, I thought.

It seemed to me that if the voice was correct, I would be destroyed. But if John-the-bell-ringer was right, I would go on to learn the Keys of Knowledge. I didn’t like my choice. If John-the-bell-ringer was wrong, I might suffer some type of eternal punishment or destruction… But if the dream was wrong, I could go on to learn the keys of knowledge from John.

As this thought crossed my mind, I found it interesting that I felt fear of the voice of God in the dream. I feared it was right, but I did not want it to be right. I remembered the feelings of love I had when John-the-bell-ringer was in my presence, especially when he sent me his memories and later taught my wife. Then I thought of how I felt when I saw the supposed John the Beloved in the dream. The evil spirits in the dream did not follow me into the room where John was, and it seemed peaceful when I entered into the presence of John in the dream. But that peace was different from the peace I felt in the presence of the bell ringer. In the bell-ringer’s presence, I felt a peace that penetrated me to the core, perhaps the “peace that passeth all understanding.” But in the presence of John in the dream, the peace was like the peace you have when a baby stops crying. It seems peaceful because of the lack of disturbance, not because of any inner feeling.
Next, I contemplated the voice of Jesus or God that I thought I heard. The feeling from the voice seemed to penetrate my outer body and tried to work its way into my heart, but the sound of the bells I heard from John seem to penetrate my deepest heart-center or soul and radiate outward to permeate my whole being.

As I contemplated the two Johns, I concluded the major difference between them was that one created a feeling of fear and dread in me, and the other a feeling of love and peace.

I thought long and hard within myself, as I had a feeling that I was supposed to make a choice of some kind. After a period of absolute stillness I thought within myself, “If I have to choose, I will choose the John whose bells, thoughts and words touched my very soul.”

Immediately, as instantly as one can imagine, I sensed a presence beside my bed. It was a presence of tremendous evil, of that I was sure. The vibration was so terrible and overwhelming that I felt like running, but somehow I knew within myself, as if I had been sent some type of revelation directly to my brain, that this powerful entity from the abyss was the one who had given me the dream and was the one who was the owner of the authoritative voice. I somehow knew that he did not know that I knew he was there. He seemed to be standing by my bedside, waiting to see if I would fall for the illusion he had created for me in the dream. I knew the truth was now revealed to me because I had chosen John-the-Bell-Ringer — and that he was indeed John the Beloved, apostle of Jesus. My choice was true. If I had chosen the other John, I would have chosen an agent of the dark side.

I lay completely still for another few moments, holding my breath. I sensed the being was watching me, waiting for a response. I felt a fear beyond anything I had felt before. I somehow feared this being had power to destroy me if I did not please him. I spent several more minutes quieting the fear and told myself I would put myself in the hands of the true God, Whoever and Whatever that would be. Somehow, I felt I must confront this personage who was waiting for a response. “Oh God,” I prayed within myself with sincerity I had never had before, “what shall I do?”

Immediately I felt another presence. It seemed very familiar. Somehow, I knew it was the presence of the real John, the real Beloved. “Oh John, are you there?” I asked silently. “What shall I do?”

An inner voice that I knew without a doubt came from John said these words: “Laugh at him.”

I almost broke my silence with astonishment at that answer. It was totally unexpected. Here was perhaps the devil himself at my bedside, the most terrifying creature one can imagine, and I am supposed to laugh at him! I had to take a few more minutes to absorb that one. Finally I asked silently again, “Are you sure I’m supposed to laugh at this thing?

No answer.

Then I thought within myself. “Hey! What gives here? I want some reassurance. He might take me to some fire and brimstone if I laugh at him. Give me a sign that this is the correct thing to do, that I will be safe.”


“John!” I shouted with a silent scream. “I need to know that I did not imagine I heard you. Please, give me reassurance just this one time!”

Still nothing.

For some reason, I thought I must go with what I had received. I reflected on the voice of John. It seemed very real, more real than anything I have ever felt. My mind just had a hard time accepting it. I had to go with that which was most real to my soul, I thought, and decided to obey and laugh at the intruder who I sensed was getting very impatient.

I took a moment, gathered my courage, lifted myself up in my bed and looked in the direction of the presence. I thought of Steven Wright (my favorite comic), let out a laugh as if I just heard a good new joke, and said out loud: “Great try, you son-of-a-bitch, but your little trick didn’t work! I do find it very funny though.” And I laughed some more.

My laughter was stopped in its tracks by a negative force more powerful than anything I have ever felt. It was like a whirlwind of negative energy that made me think of the Tasmanian Devil in the Bugs Bunny show, except I was terrified rather than entertained. I feared this thing was going to destroy my body and soul within the next two seconds.

Suddenly, with swiftness faster than light, the entire presence left the room, and a fire came down from some heavenly sphere and completely engulfed everything that was me. I was both on fire and feeling the “peace that passed understanding” all in one moment. I knew that only God could produce such a feeling. The feelings I had in the dream did not compare within a millionth of a degree to that of the fire and the peace that surrounded me at that moment.

As I was enjoying this great bliss, Elizabeth turned to me sleepily. “Did I hear you laugh?”

I laughed again with joy that I could not hold back. “Yes, my sweet, you did hear me laugh. I feel too great not to laugh.”

“Well, could you laugh more quietly?” she asked, somewhat irritated, and rolled over to go back to sleep.

“OK,” I smiled. “I will laugh more quietly.” Then I laughed what I have since called a quiet, heavenly laugh as I drifted into the most peaceful sleep I had ever experienced in my life.

Copyright 1997 by J J Dewey

Chapter Eleven

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Chapter Eleven

This entry is part 12 of 22 in the series Free Book


It was a long wait until the next Thursday. I had a million questions to ask John, but the most important thing to me was just to see him again. I wanted to share my dream with him, even though I assumed he knew the story. Now the problem was that I wasn’t sure how to contact him. Just before noon on Thursday I went to Albertsons to see if he was working there again. I was disappointed to find that same substitute there again. Of course, the substitute did not know anything about when John may come back.

I went back home and had lunch with Elizabeth and shared my frustration with her.

“Are you sure you heard John right, that you would see him in a week?”

“I’m sure,” I said. “But who knows what all things a 2000-year-old man must attend to. Maybe he had to go to Bosnia or something.”

“Even so, if he is a man of his word, he should contact you today, shouldn’t he?

“You would think so. Who knows! Maybe I’m not good student material and he gave up on me.”

“I don’t think so,” Elizabeth assured me. “From that dream you told me about, it sounds like you passed some type of test.”

“Maybe so,” I said. “I suppose I’d better get back to work. I have to go show a house.”

After showing my client the house, I drove back to Albertsons and several other bell ringer locations. I looked everywhere I could think of, just on the off chance that John was somewhere in the area. Finally, when my work day was done, I headed home with the thought that contact was John’s responsibility. “If it happens, it happens,” I thought.

Elizabeth and I spent a quiet evening together. Finally, she broke the ice. “Have you done any more thinking about the first key?”

“I’ve done a lot of thinking, but don’t think I can go much further until John tells me about the man-God idea.”

“What if he says that we’re not gods? You’ve covered about everything else. What’s left?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we’re just animals,” I said sarcastically.

“You may be just joking,” said Elizabeth, “but I guess we have to be open to anything.”

“I guess,” I agreed.

We went to bed just before eleven (which was quite early for me) and I lay on the bed trying to drift off to sleep, disappointed that I had not seen or heard anything from John.

Then, as I drifted off to sleep, I heard bells.


I woke up suddenly. “I heard bells!” I exclaimed to Elizabeth.

She woke up. “Bells? It must be John.”

“Yes. It must be John. But now I’m awake, I can’t hear them.”

“You always hear them when you’re close to sleep. Try going back to sleep.”

“You’re right. I’ll try that,” I said. I tried to go back to sleep, but sleep had fled from me. After a moment I said, “I couldn’t sleep right now if my life depended on it.”

Elizabeth sighed. “Why don’t you just try lying still and tuning in? Maybe John will send you something.”

“I’ll try,” I said. I lay still and tried to tune into my inner self. At first, nothing happened, then faintly I heard the bells again. I somehow knew I was supposed to focus on the sound and did so. As I focused, the sound became clearer, and an image of John formed within my mind. I saw him drinking a cup of coffee at Denny’s at the exact same seat where we talked before. Somehow, I knew he was there waiting for me.

“He’s at Denny’s!” I exclaimed as I rose up out of bed and headed for my clothes.

“Denny’s?” Elizabeth asked sleepily.

“Denny’s,” I said firmly. “I’m going there now. I may be awhile, so don’t worry about me.”

Elizabeth turned to me and asked, “Sweetheart?”


“Tell John thank you for giving me faith again. Even though I’ve lost that extra strength, I now have hope I can be healed.”

“I’ll tell him,” I said.

In a few minutes, I was in my car approaching Denny’s. I found myself wondering if there was something special about Denny’s, or if it was just a convenient place. Oh, well, that question was far down the list. As I walked into the restaurant, I noticed that the time on the wall clock was about one minute to midnight. I hurriedly walked to the corner where we met before, and there he was drinking coffee looking exactly as I saw him in my mind a few moments before.

“John,” I said reaching out my hand. “I’ve never been so glad to see anyone before!”

John smiled as I sat down. “Not every beginning student feels that way,” he said. “Are you sure I am not a prince of evil and deceit bent on leading you to some eternal hell?”

“You know all about the dream then?”

“Yes. It was not unexpected. He pulls a similar trick on any student I have that shows promise.”

“He? Who is he?”

“Who do you think?”

“Well, I do know this. Whoever he is was capable of disguising himself as an agent of God; yet, when I sensed his true nature, it was an evil vibration beyond anything I have imagined. If there is a devil, this has got to be him.”

John smiled. “In the days of Jesus we didn’t use the silly-sounding word “devil.” We called him “The Adversary.” The word “Satan” in the Hebrew text means “adversary.” Today we would call someone like Hitler, Saddam Hussein or a terrorist an adversary or enemy, but it would sound silly to call them devils. We didn’t use bogeyman-like words, fluffy words or fairy tale-like words back then. We were dealing with real energies, real beings and real situations. The religious authorities of that day were the ones who feared illusionary bogeymen.”

I nodded. “I could certainly tell that being was an adversary. I knew he wanted to destroy me when he learned I saw his real self.”

“He still wants to destroy you. You really made him mad when you laughed at him.” John laughed.

“You told me to do it!” I exclaimed. “I didn’t realize I was just making him mad. That’s all I need — an enemy of immense power from the underworld.” I frowned. John paused a moment and studied my face.

“As long as you side with light and truth he will be your mortal enemy with all the force he has available.” Then, grinning, he said, “I figure you might as well get a dig in when you can.”

“That doesn’t sound like turning the other cheek,” I countered.

“As Solomon said, there is a time and place for everything. Through his control of agents here on earth, he has had me killed and tortured about twenty times. The last time I was hung by piano wire and the first time I was boiled in oil. That alone should be enough to deserve the reward of laughing at his defeat. You’ll never realize the joy you gave me when you followed my instructions.”

“I think we really pissed him off all right,” I laughed nervously.

“That’s an unpious term,” John scolded, “but I couldn’t express it better.”

I took a sip of coffee. “It still makes me nervous. He might try to take it out on me.” God, as if I didn’t have enough problems in my life!

“From the moment you saw through the illusion and passed the test you became a mortal enemy. But don’t worry. He cannot harm you if you follow the light of truth and the Holy Spirit within you. At present you are following the highest you know, and you are completely protected. But there are energy points in time and space like acupuncture points on the body. When one of those points is arrived at, it provides an opportunity for both good and evil. For instance, the other night you had a visit from a strong evil force and also a powerful good force. The fire you felt was what we used to call the “baptism of fire.” If you go forward, you must risk the chance of going backwards.”

“What would have happened if I had fallen for the illusion?”

“I would have kept my word and seen you today, but because you would not have felt the spiritual fire you would have rejected me and the knowledge I have for you.”

“Would I have been some servant of evil then?”

“Not in the sense you are thinking,” John replied. “That would only happen if you have very selfish intent within your heart. What he seeks to do with basically good people is to neutralize them. After they are neutralized he generally leaves them alone and goes on to other work. Only if a person sinks to great illusion and selfishness can he then be of conscious use to the Dark Brothers.”

“Who is this ‘Adversary’ and who are the ‘Dark Brothers?'”

“They are just like you and me,” John replied. “They are brothers of ours, but very wayward brothers. As you know, there must be opposition in all things. If there is an appearance of a positive force, then that appearance can only be held if there exists the appearance of a negative force.”

“Why do you use the term ‘appearance?'”

“Because positive and negative is real to you in this world, but in a higher reality there is only one energy, and that is God. It is important for teaching’s sake that we always deal with the reality we are in. If you try to solve the riddles of a higher reality before you understand your own, you can get caught in an illusion that will cause you to wind up far behind the simple realist.”

I nodded. “I do notice that many intelligent dreamers do not seem to accomplish anything, whereas the dull-witted plodder often achieves a surprising amount.”

“Your statement deserves to be reflected upon,” he said evenly. I must have hit upon something important to my progression.

“So are these Dark Brothers burning in Hell like the preachers tell us?”

“They live in a world with no glory but the illusion of glory. To understand what that means, you must solve a future key.” He shifted in his seat and clasped his hands. “Let me put it this way. All of us have a spark of divinity within us. As you follow this spark, your glory, light, truth and power of love is increased. There are certain very selfish individuals who, through conscious effort, shut themselves completely off from soul contact. After this they completely deny all things that are good and true. Because they are conscious beings with no true spiritual contact, their consciousness creates a world that is complete illusion, with no real light or glory. They believe that the true spiritual plane created by God is illusion and that they have discovered or created the only true reality. Because this false belief is so real to them, there is no escape, and all that makes them personalities is in a state of death or disintegration. This drawn-out death often takes many years, but after it happens the spark that is their true self will continue, and the person will be re-created in a future opportunity on an earth that does not even exist yet.”

“Heavy doctrine,” I replied. “Does that mean there is no burning in Hell?”

“There is in a sense,” he replied. “When one has rejected light, surrounds himself with illusion and then comes into contact with real light, it produces a spiritual pain something like a fire. Why do you think the Adversary fled so quickly when the Spirit descended upon you the other night? The light and fire of the Spirit was painful to him beyond anything you can imagine. Even though he wanted more than anything to destroy you, he was forced to instantly leave.”

“It was the most sudden exit I’ve ever seen,” I nodded.

John continued. “When people die and go to the next world they reside with others who have a similar light to their own. Many are disappointed when they realize how little light they have followed on this earth, and they desire to go higher. This desire takes them near the presence of a greater light, and it is very painful to them. They want to move toward the light, but the approach is painful like a fire, so they are in hell two different ways. They have to live with others who are of lesser light and not very pleasant company, and secondly, a desire to escape leads them to a fiery pain.”

“Are they stuck in that situation forever?”

“No. A way is made for their progress, but we could spend days on this subject. Let us move on.” John nodded to a waitress passing by for more coffee.

“I have one more question first,” I pursued after she left.

“Go ahead.”

“Where have you been? I didn’t expect you to disappear like you did.”

John frowned. “Actually, I didn’t expect it either, but my Master needed me.”

“And that would be …?”

“Who do you think?”

“Jesus?” I asked in wonderment.

“Jesus is the modern pronunciation of the name he went by two thousand years ago in Palestine. Of course, the preachers of this age have become attached to it, but those within His inner circle just call Him “The Christ” when making a reference to Him. When I get the opportunity to speak to Him on a personality level, as I am with you, I just call Him Joshua. The original pronunciation of the name Jesus was something like Yay-soose, but that name is pretty obsolete now. He decided a couple hundred years ago to use Joshua, the English translation of the Hebrew equivalent of Jesus, because it is still a name in common use.”

“Joshua Christ,” I smiled. “That will take some getting used to.”

“He wouldn’t think of using the name Jesus except for purposes of identification. Every time He hears one of the preachers speak or shout the name in that religious twang, He cringes.”

“You know, I always wondered what Jesus thought about how the preachers massacre his name.”

John reflected a moment: “There are many mysteries to be revealed which are associated with Jesus, as you call him, and the Christ. I know Him by two of His names and He has a third which only He knows.”

“What’s the other name that you know?”

“I couldn’t tell you that without His permission,” he replied softly.

“What’s the purpose of having more than one name?”

“I cannot tell you at present. That knowledge is contained in one of the keys you will learn in the future. I can tell you a little about the term The Christ. It is not part of His name, but is the name of an office. The most enlightened teacher associated with mankind on the planet has this office and is called The Christ. Joshua will not always hold this office. In about another thousand years He will leave this solar system and the position of The Christ will be taken over by a close disciple. The title Christ, without the article ‘the’ is used by many disciples who share what has been called ‘the Christ consciousness.’  I am one who is free to use the name of Christ for myself as long as the one being communicated to does not mistake me for the master teacher. Those who bear the name of Christ are not permitted to knowingly deceive, and the wrong use of the title could produce deception. Self-deception, however, will often occur because of wrong interpretation of doctrine transmitted by the teachers.”

“So, why were you called away so suddenly?” I probed.

“There was an emergency,” John looked serious.

“Can you tell me anything about it?”

“Not a lot. I can tell you that a situation developed where some terrorists had an opportunity to obtain nuclear weapons that would have been planted in Washington DC. This event was not in the plan and had to be prevented.”

“What did you do to prevent it?”

“Even if I could tell you I do not have time to go into it. Joshua needed my assistance and fortunately I was there to help. It was at great sacrifice that I was able to make this appointment with you. There are still some details I have to return to attend to.”

“Is saving the world from nuclear attack something you do often?” I quipped.

“The last time we had a crisis like this was back in the early ’80s when scientists were working on the neutron bomb. Its perfection would have been too great a temptation for any nation at this time, and this weapon and several others had to be contained.”

“So, do you control men’s minds to avoid catastrophes?”

“The Disciples of Christ, or the Brotherhood of Light, never force men’s minds. We are obligated to honor free will. The Dark Brothers, on the other hand, will use force whenever they feel the need and have the opportunity. They often find that all they have to do is create a little illusion to have their way with the masses.”

John paused a moment. “You’ve done a good job sidetracking me, but we need to get on with your education. Do you at least remember the question I posed to you last week?”

“I think I got that, anyway. It is ‘WHO OR WHAT AM I?'”

“I am pleased you remembered the exact wording. Now can you give me your answer?”

“Well,” I said nervously, “with a little help from my friends and the Gospel of John, which I assume you wrote, I concluded that men are gods.”

“So are you God with a capital G or a god with a small G?”

I stumbled for a moment. “Well… the Mormons say we are becoming a god with a small G and the New Agers say we are God with a big G.”

“What do you say?”

“Well,” I stumbled again, clearing my throat, “if I am one with God, then I must be God with a big G.” It sounds weird to say that, but that’s my answer.”

“Are you confident in that answer?”

“Sort of.”

“What makes you sort of confident?”

“I’ve had several coincidences pointing me in that direction. I figured they must have happened for a reason.”

“So you had some signs leading you toward the answer?” John smiled.

“I guess you could say that,” I replied.

“Have you read what the Master said about signs?”

“I think he said several things, didn’t he?”

John got out his old Bible again and turned to Matthew chapter 16. “Read verse four,” he said, pushing the book toward me.

I carefully held the old book and read: “A wicked and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign …”

I just about dropped the book. “I remember reading this scripture, but I never thought about it in the context that is now entering my head. I thought the answer may be that I am God because of signs, but Jesus said the wicked seek signs.”

“You were not actively seeking a sign,” John assured me, “but several appeared to you, and you thought they meant something.”

“So are you telling me they didn’t mean anything?” I asked, somewhat disappointed.

“It is true that there is a reason or a cause behind each happening,” John replied, “but when people see coincidences they often read much more into them than should be. Suppose you roll dice hundreds of times. Sooner or later you will roll a ‘7’  three times in a row. Does that have any deep meaning, or did it happen just because you rolled the dice many times and the law of averages tells us you will eventually roll three sevens?”

“So, you’re saying that coincidences just happen now and then?”

“Generally, that is the case, but then every once in a while coincidences are contrived by a higher power. But what usually happens is that when a coincidence happens to a superstitious person, much more will be read into it than is based in reality.”

“So the fact that both Wayne, Lance and that Dark Brother mentioned man and gods was just coincidence and means nothing?”

“Not entirely,” John replied. “You, Wayne, and Lance have been friends for many years and as such tune into each other’s frequency and share many of the same thoughts. This greatly increases the chances that you will all come up with similar conclusions on various ideas. What happened with you three was not nearly as much of a coincidence as you thought. You were looking for an answer, and you were happy that something finally seemed to jump out at you. It was no coincidence, however, that the Dark Brother jumped on this. It served his purpose.”

“So, what about the answer, then,” I asked. “Is it right or wrong?”

“Let’s regress just a moment,” John said, putting his fingers together. “Why do you suppose Joshua said a wicked and adulterous generation seeks for a sign? Now in reality wicked means ‘mislead.’ So how is one misdirected who seeks for a sign?”

“I’ve never thought of looking for a sign in a negative light. Most people see signs as a positive thing.”

John was silent, evidently waiting for a concise answer. I continued, “OK, let me see. If we use a sign to guide our lives, then we are using something outside of ourselves. Perhaps we are supposed to look within.”

John smiled. “There is hope for you yet. I think your light is increasing. Now what is adulterous about seeking a sign for guidance?”

“That’s a tough one. I don’t see a lot of relation there.”

“There is a lot of correspondence here, said John. “Answer me this: What is adultery?”

“It’s where a person betrays his marriage partner and has a sexual relationship with someone else,” I replied.

“And who is your spiritual marriage partner supposed to be?”

“You mean someone other than my physical wife?”


“Could it be God?”

“You are correct. This is taught throughout the scriptures. The Israelites are called the Bride of Jehovah throughout the Old Testament and the Church is called the Bride of Christ in the New. Both Israel and the Church are symbols of those who have the light of the Spirit of God within them. So how does a bride of Christ or God commit adultery?”

“Perhaps by leaving God and leaning on or uniting with someone else, or another God.”

“Very close,” said John. “The brother of light senses the Spirit of God within himself and has made a commitment to follow it and be one with it, similar to a marriage relationship. If he actively seeks a sign outside of himself for his main source of guidance, this causes a shift of attention away from the Spirit. So his God becomes a false God outside of himself, and the inner God is ignored and betrayed. He has committed adultery against his only true source of guidance, which places a black wall between his personality self and the God within.”

“Fascinating,” I said, feeling like Spock again. “So the New Agers, who are always teaching about the God within — yet at the same time are always seeking coincidences and signs — are really teaching one thing and doing another?”

“They are not alone,” John smiled. “On the other side of the spectrum, the very religious also seek for signs rather than an answer from God through prayer as they claim to teach.”

“So, are we to look within for all answers?”

“Not exactly. That would mean the outside world has no meaning or purpose. The purpose of the outside world is to stimulate with experience, and the purpose of the inner is to verify. Without the outer world there is nothing to verify, and without the inner there is no source to find the point of truth that exists in all things.”

“It would appear to me, then, the religious fundamentalists look without for their answers, and the New Agers try to look within, but both are concentrating too much on either side of the pendulum,” I said.

“Another good answer,” John said smiling “Now, you’re going to want me to tell you if you have the right answer.”

“I’ve been very curious all week.” I leaned forward eagerly.

“Let’s get another cup of coffee and we’ll explore your thoughts.”
Copyright 1997 by J J Dewey

Chapter Twelve

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Chapter Twelve

This entry is part 13 of 22 in the series Free Book


John took a sip of fresh coffee and said, “Now, tell me your answer.”

“I figure this has to be a good answer because it is a direct quote from Jesus, or Joshua as you now call him, and it was written by you in the book of John chapter 10. There Jesus said, Ye are gods.”

John smiled and said, “So what is the answer to the question, ‘WHO OR WHAT ARE YOU?”‘

“I guess men are gods.” I replied tepidly.

“I keep telling you to listen to the precise words I say. The question is ‘WHO OR WHAT ARE YOU?’ not ‘What are humans?’ Now think over the question and answer again.”

“Well, I guess I am God or a god,” I said.

“Which one is it? Are you God or a god?”

I didn’t think the answer would be that awkward. I tried again. “The Mormons say ‘a god,’ and the New Agers say just ‘God.'”

“And what do you say?”

“I guess I am God,” I said, feeling a little strange.

“Should I worship you then?” John grinned.

“No! Of course not!” I exclaimed.

“Then are you sure you are God?”

“I’m not sure,” I replied weakly. “Maybe I am just a god.”

“So you are a god then,” John smiled again with that look in his eye that revealed he knew things that were beyond my grasp. “Then you must have great power. Why don’t you levitate that waitress over there and show me your power? Or better still, why don’t you snap your fingers and heal your wife?”

His latter words reached the core of my being. There was nothing that revealed my powerlessness more than the fact that I had been unable to help my own wife. “What a fool I am,” I thought to myself. “If I am God or a god, then I should be able to heal my wife.” I cast my eyes to the floor with great emotion. I felt like I was nobody, let alone a god.

John looked n my eyes with compassion. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings; I just wanted to get your attention.”

“You got it all right,” I said. “Boy, do I feel like a fool. I’m no more a god than that ashtray over there. If I was God’s little toe I would have healed Elizabeth. I seem to do nothing for her, and I feel like nothing.” I felt more emotional than I had in years.

“Don’t let emotion take your eyes away from the truth,” John said softly. “A true seeker must be part Spock, part Captain Kirk, with a dash of Bones.”

I started to laugh.

“Glad I cheered you up. What’s funny?”

“I just had an image of John the Revelator watching Star Trek. It just struck me as very humorous — comparable to Jesus singing a rap song.” It’s funny how you can sometimes switch from one emotion to another when something strikes you right.

John looked a little perplexed for the first time since I had met him. “I’ll have to ask Joshua if he’s done any rap lately,” he quipped. “Now getting back to the subject. You must be part Spock and part Captain Kirk here to find truth. Emotion often turns the truth upside-down.”

“So, was my answer about being God right or wrong?”

“It was not the correct answer.”

“So we are not really gods then?”

John paused, and said, “Was your answer about being human the correct answer?”

“You said no.”

“But are you human?”

“Yes. So are you saying my answer may be true, but the wrong answer?”

“Exactly. We are called human beings, but since a human doesn’t know who he is, then naming yourself human doesn’t really bring you any knowledge about yourself, does it?”

“I guess not.”

“If I say you are God, and you do not know What or Who God is, then that does not bring you an increase in knowledge, does it?”


“You don’t really know any more about who you are than you did before I told you that you are God.”

“I think I see what you’re getting at. You’re saying I must answer the question with something that really tells me about who I am. If I say I am flesh, and I don’t know the difference between flesh and silicone, then I might as well say I am silicone. My answer means nothing if I don’t know what flesh is.”

“That is good, my friend. I may use your example with my next student. Yes, your answer must mean something. Saying that you are human, God or a son of God may all be true, but if you cannot explain what the terms mean, then they are just labels without meaning and true knowledge.”

Frustrated that I still didn’t know the answer, I stated, “Before we go on, I would like you to explain the scripture in John chapter 10. There is a big dispute among Bible believers as to whether Jesus is really telling us that we are gods.”

“What conclusion did you come to?”

“It sounds like Jesus is really telling us that we are gods.”

“You are correct. I was actually in His presence several times when He used this argument. After He obtained a certain amount of notoriety in Jerusalem, He was often approached by religious authorities who had heard their followers express the belief that He was either the Messiah, a god, Son of God or an ancient prophet brought back from the dead or reborn. They would often speak to Him with venom, saying something like, Who do you think you are, the son of God?

“Then He would answer something like this: And what if I did say I am a son of God? Why do you think that is a big deal when your own law of God in the Psalms and writings of Moses calls you gods? If those who merely received the scriptures are called gods, why do you think it would be a major claim for me to say I am a son of God?’

“Here, let’s turn to Psalms.” John opened his old Bible to Psalms. “The first verse of the chapter in question reads: God standeth in the congregation of the mighty; he judgeth AMONG THE GODS. Who are the gods that He judges among? It tells us in verse six which reads, I have said Ye are gods; and all of you children of the most High.

“Here we are told that the gods that God judges among are the ones who received the scriptures as Jesus said. In fact, there are numerous instances in the writings of Moses where the people who judged among the people were called gods. In the Bibles today, these are usually translated incorrectly, but if you use any Hebrew concordance from a regular Christian bookstore you can prove to yourself that the judges were really called gods time and time again. I’ll write down these references so you can look them up.”
John scribbled down some references and handed the piece of paper to me. It read Exodus 21:6; Exodus 22:8-9. “Now, everywhere the word judges is mentioned in these scriptures it comes from the Hebrew ELOHIYM, which is the same word used for the God who created heaven and earth. Interestingly, they translated it correctly in the King James Version in Exodus 22:28.”
He handed his Bible to me and I read: “Thou shalt not revile the gods, nor curse the ruler of the people.”

John offered an interpretation: “The ruler of the people was Moses, and the gods were Moses and the judges. This is why David in Psalms called God as one who judges among the gods.”

I added, “The Fundamentalist Christians think Psalms 82:7 refutes the idea that men are gods. Here, I’ll read it: But ye shall die like men, and fall like one of the princes. Because this comes right after the ye are gods statement, they say the ye are gods is a mockery.”

“What does it sound like to you?”

“It sounds to me David was saying they were gods who were behaving like they were just men.”

“That is correct. Now turn to Exodus 4:16, and read.”

I read, “And he shall be thy spokesman unto the people: and he shall be, even he shall be to thee instead of a mouth, and thou shalt be to him instead of God.”

John explained, “Here it is talking about the calling of Aaron to be a spokesman for Moses. However the later translation is poor concerning Moses; the Hebrew reads: Thou shall be a god to him (Aaron).”

“I can see why your life is in danger from life to life.” I remarked. “I’ll bet you really make some religious people nervous when you talk the scriptures.”

John smiled, “Unrealized truth clearly presented can cause a great disturbance. The master at that was Joshua, or Jesus. The Bible does not do justice at relating how angry he made the religious authorities of his time.”

“I can imagine,” I nodded. “So, from our conversation so far, it sounds as if you’re telling me we are gods just as the scriptures say, but that just accepting that does not really tell us who we are, so it is not the answer to your question.”

“That is correct. You are both God and a god, and from another perspective, you are becoming a god, but none of these statements mean more than just words to those who quote them. I will give you a hint that will help you realize more of what God is. Read First Corinthians chapter 12, and tell me next week what you come up with. Here, I’ll write that down next to the other references.”

“I notice you quote a lot from the Bible,” I remarked while he wrote. “What do you think of the other scriptures and philosophies of the world?”

“I use the Bible often with you because it carries much weight in this part of the world. There is some truth in all scriptures and all philosophies of the world. I am familiar with many of them and have taught with many of them. Now, getting back to the subject, do you have any other ideas about ‘WHO OR WHAT YOU ARE’ before I give you your next hint?”

I thought for a moment. “So, basically all my answers are correct, but they just don’t mean anything. I am a human, I am spirit, I am soul, I am a son of God and I am even a god or maybe even God in some esoteric way, but none of these statements communicate more than a vague idea. Is this correct?”

“That is exactly correct. Can you think of an answer to the question that does mean something to you?”

“I don’t know if I can give you anything intelligent right now. Why don’t you give me my next hint, and I’ll think about it during the next week?”

“All right, my friend. Here it is. To better understand who and what you are, it is helpful to know what you are not. I think you have already concluded that you are not your body, that the body is merely a vehicle for that which is the real you.”

“Yes, I have pretty much accepted that.”

“Just like you have a car which is a vehicle that takes you places, with the real you inside the car, so do you have a body, which is not the real you, which is a vehicle that takes you places. The real you directs the vehicle. What many do not realize is that the real you has other vehicles besides your physical body.

“There are two other things you are not: You are not your emotions, and you are not your mind. Instead, these are two other vehicles you use to take you places.

The question remains: If you are not your body, your emotions or your mind — what remains? WHO OR WHAT ARE YOU?”

“That’s interesting,” I mused. “Many lay philosophers like myself are aware that we are not our bodies, but most see our feelings and thoughts as part of our eternal nature. But you say they are not a part of our real selves, but just vehicles?”

“That is correct,” John replied. “Contemplate this and the scriptures I gave you and we’ll meet back here at Denny’s next week at midnight.”

“Are you going back to your bell-ringing job?” I asked.

“I may have to skip it for the rest of the season,” he said. “Joshua needs my help to place some safeguards on some terrorism that has potential to hinder the purpose of God on earth. Whatever you see happening the next few years, I want you to know it would have been a lot worse without our intervention. Hopefully, we can get things taken care of the next few weeks. Don’t ask me any questions about it. There is little I can reveal at present.”

“Sounds like you’re a spiritual James Bond,” I said smiling.

John returned a light smile.

“Elizabeth told me to tell you she appreciates the fact you gave her hope.”

“How is she doing?”

“She had her strength back for a short time, but now she is like she was before or perhaps worse.”

“Ask her this for me,” said John. “Ask her if she has discovered her fears and thoughts she has been hiding from herself, and has she learned to put them in their right place?”

“I’ll ask her,’ I said.

John arose as if he was ready to go. He pulled a red handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to me. “Tell her to rub this on her forehead three times a day. It will give her additional strength and make life more bearable for her for the next week. However, you must return it to me next week.”

“I’ll do it,” I nodded, taking the handkerchief from his hand. “Do you have to go now?”

“I’m afraid so.” We paid and walked out the door. As we were walking down the street he said, “Your car is in the other direction.”

“I know, but I’m curious. Where are you going and how are you going to get there?”

“I’m going to the Middle East. The exact point I will not say. ‘How?’ You may ask. Let us go behind that tree and I will show you.”

I walked with him behind a tree where we were out of sight from passers-by. He stood perfectly still, closed his eyes, bowed his head slightly and whispered a word ever so softly. In an instant he was gone. He didn’t fade away like some ghost in the movies, but he was just instantly gone.

I wasn’t sure which word he uttered, he said it so softly, but it seemed like it was “Joshua.”
Copyright 1997 by J J Dewey

Chapter Thirteen

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Chapter Thirteen

This entry is part 14 of 22 in the series Free Book

Hidden Fears

On my way home I found myself thinking there was now no way I could doubt that John was a mystical being. I was already very convinced of his reality because of the power of his teachings and the internal spiritual feelings he generated. But when you see someone just disappear before your eyes like that it brings home a realization of a higher reality that is just undeniable.

After I arrived home I tried getting into bed without disturbing Elizabeth, but without success.

“Honey, it’s after three. I was worried that you and John ran off together.”

“Not a chance. You’re lucky he had to go. I could have talked to him for days without sleeping. I hope you’ve gotten some sleep since I’ve left.”

She was silent. That meant that she never slept. “I wish you’d listen to me about your rest,” I said. “You’ve been awake all this time, haven’t you?”

“How do you expect me to sleep when you’re out there having high spiritual drama?”

“I’ve got to admit, I couldn’t have slept either.”

“So did you have the right answer? Are we gods or what?”

I replayed to her the dialogue that had occurred between John and me.

“Let me get this right,” she said. “Everything everyone thinks we are is not what we really are because they are just phrases that don’t tell us anything. We are also not our bodies, feelings or thoughts. There doesn’t seem to be much left for us to be. Maybe we are just blobs of nothing.”

“That sounds about as good of an answer as any, the way I feel right now,” I said, somewhat frustrated.

“Let me try out that handkerchief,” she said.

I retrieved it and handed it to her. “He said to rub it on your forehead, and it would give you strength. I know it sounds crazy, but after what I have experienced with John so far I’m willing to try anything.”

She took it and placed it on her forehead. Then she rubbed it back and forth, with her hand seemingly growing steadier. Finally, a smile graced her face as if she were experiencing pleasure. She looked at me and said, “Sweetheart, make love to me.”

I do believe I was more surprised at this request than at John’s disappearance. She hadn’t shown any interest in lovemaking for some time, now, because of her illness. “Are you sure?” I asked.

“Very sure,” she said with a very sensual voice.

We made love immediately, with more feelings of pleasure and sensuality – and, on the other extreme more spiritual feelings — than I had ever felt in lovemaking. The only way I could describe the feeling was as a union that belonged to the gods and not humankind.

Afterwards, we were lying together in silence, contemplating the experience. “If I never get better,” Elizabeth said softly, “this moment is worth a lifetime. How many live a whole lifetime in good health and never have one moment as we have just had?”

“Very well said. But of course, no one else is married to you.”

We embraced and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

We both arose the next morning after just a couple of hours sleep, but we both felt refreshed. Elizabeth seemed to have her strength back again and insisted she make breakfast. After we sat down together, she asked, “So have you done any thinking about who or what you are?”

“A little.”

“So, if we are not just a blob of nothing, what are we?”

“I’ve been thinking of it this way. If my body is taken away, I may still have feelings and thoughts. If my body and emotions were taken away, then I have thoughts, but if all three were taken away I would still be something. I’ve been imagining stepping aside from my vehicles and visualizing what is there. I know and feel there is something there, the driver of the vehicles. Some type of livingness.”

“Maybe you are just life itself,” she said.

“I know what John would say if I said that. He would ask, ‘What is life?'”

“And the answer to that has baffled philosophers for ages,” she said.

“Maybe we ought to start with the easy stuff,” I said. “John told me to ask you if you have discovered the thoughts and fears you have been hiding from yourself, and if you have learned to put them in their right place.

“I must be hiding them well, for I’m not sure what they would be.”

“Have you thought about them at all?”

“What’s there to think about? I think I’m pretty open about my thoughts and fears. Actually, I don’t have many fears outside of becoming incapacitated with this disease.”

“I’ve thought a little about it. If you are hiding certain thoughts and fears, perhaps they are especially hidden from yourself as you said. So if you try to look for them, they are hard to find because you yourself have hidden them from yourself.”

“So you’re saying I’ve hidden them so well that I can’t find them?”

“Maybe it’s something like this: Let’s say you have an extra twenty dollars and hide it in a cookie jar. For some reason, you forget about hiding it there. Then some time later you need the twenty, and it does not occur to you to look anywhere for it because you cannot even remember that it ever existed. Perhaps you haven’t seriously looked for these hidden thoughts and fears because you do not believe they exist. But just as the twenty dollars still exists in the cookie jar whether you believe it or not, so do your hidden thoughts and fears exist, waiting to be found.”

“You’ve been spending too much time with John. You’re sounding just like him.”

“Thanks for the compliment, but I’ve known you a long time, and I sense that you have a reluctance to find these hidden fears.”

“If they are hidden, and I don’t know they exist, then they don’t have power to hurt me. Why should I go looking for trouble?”

“You may not have been looking for trouble. In fact, you have probably been trying to avoid it. Nevertheless, trouble has found you. If John is right, you must realize you have to let down the barriers and find what you have hidden.”

Elizabeth looked like she wanted to hit me. “So if you know me so well, you tell me what I’m hiding.”

“I don’t know if I can find it for you. I think only you can recognize them when found, but maybe I can encourage you and push you in the right direction.”

“So push me then, I’ve drawn a blank here.”

“I have a feeling you have some residual fears that are connected to your early religious upbringing.”

“That’s silly. My religious beliefs have changed drastically over the years. Just like I no longer fear the bogeyman, I also no longer fear the fire and brimstone teachings of the old-time religion.”

“You say that, but is it possible that you almost put too much emphasis on the idea that you’re not afraid of a burning hell, and that guilt is beyond you?”

“I think the idea that God would send you to a burning hell is ridiculous. A loving God would not do that.”

“Logically, that’s true, but things you were taught as a child may have had a much more powerful effect than you may admit. Weren’t your parents very religious fundamentalist Baptists?”

“Yes, I had to go to church every Sunday, no matter what.”

“I remember you said that your dad’s favorite preacher was this hellfire-and-damnation guy who loved to shout out the punishments of God. You said he portrayed all humans as terrible sinners who are going to suffer unimaginable pain and suffering if they don’t follow the Bible and the line of virtue one hundred percent.”

“Yeah, I cringe at the memory of that guy”, Elizabeth replied. “Dad made all of us sit in the front row and listen to that horrible diatribe. At the dinner table during the week, he would talk about the sermon and how it applies in our lives. When I got interested in boys, Dad really hammered virtue into me. He made me feel that if I ever slipped and had sex before marriage I was going to burn in Hell forever.”

I paused a moment and said evenly, “And those old teachings don’t bother you any more?”

Elizabeth sniffed. “Of course not. Like I said, I’ve put them behind me like the bogeyman.”

“I don’t think you’ve put them entirely behind you. For one thing, I can tell the memory of those days still bothers you.”

“Everybody has painful memories they don’t like to think of,” Elizabeth said, wheeling her chair out of the kitchen.

I decided to change the subject for the moment. Elizabeth was getting pretty defensive. I stood in front of her. “Your mother was a perfectionist, wasn’t she? Didn’t she put a lot of pressure on you to be the perfect child?”

Elizabeth lowered her eyes. “When I was little I tried to never do anything to disappoint my folks — like I never misbehaved or talked back to them. I remember even apologizing to them in little notes I wrote for not being better in some way … But when I got older and more independent and started dating, they both seemed disappointed in me.”

“Disappointed how?” I asked.

“I don’t know how to describe it … like, their innocent little girl, their perfect child, grew up and innocence was lost. I did feel sexual guilt, I guess. My mom gave me the third degree after every date and my dad wasn’t comfortable being physically affectionate anymore. I really felt their discomfort with my sexuality. Maybe I was feeling their sexual guilt instead of my own.” Elizabeth added after a pause, “It seemed like I couldn’t do anything right.”

“Did you ever feel like they didn’t love you for who you really were, or that their love was conditional on you conforming to their idea of perfection?”

Elizabeth’s eyes moistened. “Yes” she replied softly. “And I never measured up no matter how hard I tried. They never got to know me as a person, and, after a while, I didn’t want them to. I got a little rebellious — did my share of sowing wild oats — and I’m sure they didn’t want to know about that side of me either. It would have killed them, I think.”

“That may be it!” I exclaimed, kneeling in front of Elizabeth. “If your folks knew who you really were, the real you, you think it would have killed them. So you punished yourself by suppressing the real you … by killing the real you.”

Elizabeth looked a little pale. “You need to get to work. We can talk about this later.”

“Work can wait,” I replied. “Do you see now how there might be some connection between this fear of discovery, your suppression of the truth, your guilt and your disease today?”

“Um-m-m, maybe,” Elizabeth frowned. “I think I’ve worked through my stuff pretty well, though. I’m my own person now; I don’t need my parents’ approval anymore.”

“But you need your own,” I said gently, taking her hand. As I got up, I said, “I think we need to explore it. I’ll go to work now but I want you to promise me something. Promise me that you’ll think about the guilt you may still feel about those days and the fear of not measuring up to your parents’ standards for you.”

“What good does it do?” Elizabeth looked up at me angrily. “It doesn’t change anything.”

“No, but facing your fears can change you,” I said, squeezing her shoulder. “Will you try, please? It may heal your disease.”

“I’ll see what I can do, but I think it will do more harm than good.”

“Trust me on this one. I think this is the right direction.”

I kissed her good-bye and put on my coat, hoping I was right.
Copyright 1997 by J J Dewey

Chapter Fourteen

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Chapter Fourteen

This entry is part 15 of 22 in the series Free Book

What We Are Not

The next couple of days were fairly ordinary. I got the feeling Elizabeth didn’t want me to press her further about any hidden guilt, so I laid low in that area. In fact, it seemed as if there was a distance between us that didn’t exist before our conversation, and I did not seem to know how to close the gap.

I did quite a bit of thinking on who or what I was and was looking forward to my weekly breakfast with Wayne. Maybe bouncing a few things off of him again would bring some additional light.

This week I suggested we meet at Denny’s, and was fortunate enough to get the same booth that John and I had been sitting at. “If Wayne only knew who was sitting in his seat a few days ago,” I thought to myself.

Wayne started the conversation.

“Why were you so adamant that we meet at Denny’s? We sometimes come here when nothing else is open, but not for our weekly discussion.”

“I just like Denny’s better than I used to,” I replied nonchalantly.

“Ohhh-kay,” Wayne said with a facial expression that told me he wasn’t quite satisfied with my answer. He continued: “So, did you look up that scripture where Jesus says we are gods?”

“Yes, and it was quite interesting. I also found another scripture that sort of tells what God is and goes along with what you said last week.” I pulled out a Bible and turned to the First Corinthians chapter 12 that John suggested I study.

Wayne looked a little startled. “I don’t recall you ever carrying around a Bible in public places before.”

“I never realized there was so much interesting stuff in it,” I said. “I wanted to read you something interesting I found. Here let me read you this from Paul’s writings. In First Corinthians chapter 12, Paul starts out talking about the gifts of the Spirit. Then concerning these gifts and powers, he says: But all these worketh that one and the selfsame Spirit, dividing to every man severally as he will. Now there are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. And there are diversities of administrations, but the same Lord. And there are diversities of operations, but it is THE SAME GOD THAT WORKETH ALL IN ALL. But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to EVERY MAN to profit withal… For as THE BODY IS ONE, AND HATH MANY MEMBERS, and all the members of that ONE BODY, being MANY, are ONE body, SO ALSO IS CHRIST. For by ONE SPIRIT we are all baptized into ONE body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; and have been all made to drink into ONE SPIRIT. For the body is not one member, but MANY …Now Ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.

I looked up. “So what do you get from this?” I asked Wayne.

“Hand me that Bible a minute.” Wayne took it and spent several minutes perusing the chapter. “It’s funny,” he said. “I’ve read the New Testament a couple times, but I seemed to have glossed over this. There’s a lot of deep meaning here.”

“That’s what I thought too,” I agreed. “Tell me how you interpret it.”

“I could probably spend about a hour.”

“I’ll tell you what,” I said. “Let’s go through the part that I read verse by verse. It starts out, But all these worketh that one and the selfsame Spirit, dividing to every man severally as he will. So what’s your interpretation here?” I asked.

Wayne said, “It tells us that God has one Spirit and that every man has a portion of it.”

“But what I find interesting is the word dividing. The Spirit is divided to every man,” I said.

“So, you think maybe the one omnipresent God divides Himself to every life form? That’s another way of saying what I did last week. If God is omnipresent, He is everywhere. In one sense He is divided into each and every form and another sense just one great life.”

“That kind of makes sense.” Then I read on: “Now there are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. And there are diversities of administrations, but the same Lord. And there are diversities of operations, but it is THE SAME GOD THAT WORKETH ALL IN ALL. But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to EVERY MAN to profit withal… This merely emphasizes what we’ve been saying. Basically there is one Spirit of God working through every man.”

“But would that include evil men, and, of course, murderers, child beaters, rapists and so on? It does say that the Spirit works through every man,” he said.

“I think Christians think every man means every Christian.”

“But it doesn’t say every Christian. It says every man. Actually, if God is omnipresent, the Spirit would have to be in every person, even in every form.”

“That’s true. But let’s stick to Paul here. He definitely says the Spirit is in every man, so I guess that would have to include evil men.”

Wayne stared at me a moment. “So, how could an evil man have the Spirit of God in him and still be evil? Is God then evil?”

“Maybe the Spirit is in all men, even evil men, but the evil and violent people ignore that Spirit. Maybe we all ignore it to a certain degree.”

“That’s a possibility,” Wayne said after a moment.

I continued. “I find this next verse interesting: For as THE BODY IS ONE, AND HATH MANY MEMBERS, and all the members of that ONE BODY, being MANY, are ONE body, SO ALSO IS CHRIST. What I find fascinating here is if we substitute the word God for Christ, we have a description of what God is.”

“So you’re saying that God is like a giant body and each life is a member of that body. I’ve thought of something like that before. Like, I’m just one of millions of cells in some great life much higher than myself.”

“Let’s say you are the mouth of the body of God, and you say, “I am God.” Are you telling the truth or not?”

“Well, my mouth says, ‘I am Wayne’ and it is telling the truth as I command it to. It is enough of a part of me to say it is me.”

“So, if we are a cell in the body of God, we are not incorrect in saying we are Gods. Do you think this is what Jesus meant when He said, Ye are gods?'” I asked.

“Probably. Even though the people who were called gods were far from perfect, they still compose a part of His life.”

I looked at my Bible again. “This is verified by the last verse I read you: For by ONE SPIRIT we are all baptized into ONE body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; and have been all made to drink into ONE SPIRIT. For the body is not one member, but MANY. Now Ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular. This goes along with what we’re saying. The body which is God is not one, but many. I find it fascinating the Bible verifies this thought you have had all along. We are a cell in the body of a being much greater than we are. What is really interesting is the Bible seems to indicate we can say we are that greater life which is God.”

“Heavy stuff,” Wayne quipped. “What have you been doing lately, reading some off-the-wall books?”

“Actually, I’ve been reading the Bible a lot lately.”

“Feel a need to save the soul?” Wayne joked.

“All kidding aside, I have found some fascinating things in here. For one thing, did you know that the judges in the time of Moses were called gods?”

“I don’t remember reading about that in the Bible.”

“You don’t because it’s not translated correctly. In several verses, the Hebrew translation reads gods and not judges as most Bibles translate it. Even Moses was called a god.”

“Sounds like the Bible is a New Age book,” said Wayne.

“The more I read it, the more it seems to support New Age philosophy rather than standard Christian dogma.”

“Yet if you quote a scripture to a New Ager, he acts like you’re in the dark ages, like you’re a stupid hick that hasn’t been enlightened. It’s kind of ironic. The Bible has a lot of light that orthodox Christians don’t see and that New Agers won’t even look at.”

I thought I would change the subject a bit. “Remember the question I asked last week, ‘WHO or WHAT ARE WE?’ Now, the best answer we’ve been able to come up with so far is we are gods. And what are we as gods? We are a part of the body of the one God. By identifying with that body, we can legitimately say then that we are gods. But the problem is, even though this seems to tell us much, it also tells us little. Like, what is the one God, anyway? One may answer life, but what is life? The problem I have here is all the mysteries of the universe are reduced to words, and the meaning of the final words are also mysteries. Therefore, saying we are gods or life means nothing if we don’t know what God or life is.”

Wayne grinned. “So, you’re pretty much saying what I have believed most of my life. In the end, we know nothing for sure, so we should believe nothing for sure.”

I frowned. Wayne sure could be a cynic. “I’m beginning to see why you have believed that way, except I have to go with an inward belief I have. That is, when we don’t know a thing for sure, it is because we are either deluded or don’t have all the facts. Obviously, God and life are something. We just don’t have all the details as to what they are,” I said.

“How about love? Do you think that can also be defined?”

“I think if we understood love completely, we could pinpoint a definition. The trouble with love is everyone has a different idea as to what it is. The parent may think love is not giving the kid candy, and the kid may think love is in the giving of the candy.”

“So we have a similar problem with God, life and who we are. Everyone has a different idea.”

“I think it’s a little like guessing how many beans are in a jar,” I said. “Everyone has a different idea as to the number, but when the logical process of counting is applied, an exact number is discovered. After this number is found, there is only one answer. All other answers are illusions. One of my favorite quotes is from the book “A Course in Miracles,” which says, The truth is true and nothing else is true. When the true number of beans is found, nothing else is true. When we discover who we are for sure, that will be true and nothing else will be true.”

“But there can be more than one way to describe the truth,” said Wayne.

“How’s that?” I motioned the waitress for more coffee.

“Let’s say there are is thousand beans in a jar.”

“Yes. There’s not 1001 or 1002, but only a thousand.”

“That’s true, but another way of describing the number is ten times one hundred or ten times ten times ten. There are numerous different ways to say the number ‘one thousand.'”

“That’s a good point, but you will still have the truth as long as you are arriving at the correct number. The number one thousand is still constant, whether it is spoken in English, Spanish or as ten times one hundred. The definite number does not change, only the way it is described. The trouble in philosophy is that people describe the number one thousand and they may make it sound like two thousand. But thinking there are two thousand beans in the jar does not add a thousand beans. The jar still only contains one thousand, no matter how fancy your language.”

“You’ve hit on the concept that explains why very few people think alike.”

“Yet, people would think alike if they could see through the fog that hides and distorts the true number of beans in the jar.”

“I guess I could buy that,” said Wayne.

“So, if we could see the true answer to WHO OR WHAT WE ARE, then it would probably make enough sense that we could become one in thought.”

“That’s true if we could both see without distortion, or preconceived notions.”

“Let’s say, then, the fact that we are gods is not the answer because god is just a word for us that tells us little. Let’s also say we are not our bodies because our bodies are just vehicles in use by the driver, which is our true selves. What is left?”

“Most philosophers agree we are not our bodies,” said Wayne. “Without our bodies some say we are spirits or souls.”

“But these are just words again. People are still not sure what spirit or soul is. Let’s say you had an out-of-body experience and were floating above your body. What are you in this state that you can pinpoint?”

“Assuming that such an experience is real, I guess I am still thinking and feeling and have some type of consciousness.”
“Let’s suppose your feelings are not a part of your true self, but a vehicle like your body. Suppose you are now separated from them — what is now left?”

“Thought and consciousness, I guess,” said Wayne.

“Now suppose your thoughts are not a part of your true self and you are separated from them. What is left?”

“Where did you get this stuff?” Wayne asked, confused. “Our feelings and thoughts probably survive death, assuming there is an afterlife.”

“Even so, assume they are just vehicles and you are separated from them. What is left?”

Wayne sat back and stretched. “This is an unusual line of thought for you. OK. Let’s see. I guess all that would be left would be life, consciousness, perhaps awareness. On the other hand, without thoughts and feelings you may be just a blob of nothing. It’s hard to say.”

I leaned forward. “I kind of thought that when this idea first came to me, but then I experimented. I spent some time meditating and cleared myself of all thoughts and detached myself from all my feelings, but I found that something in me was still there. I still had life and consciousness.”

“Well, maybe you were thinking and feeling and didn’t know it.”

“Why don’t you try it? When I did it, I felt more alive than ever.”

“See, you said you felt alive. You were still feeling.”

“But it was a higher octave of feeling. It was not feeling in the normal, emotional sense. I use the word feeling because I don’t think we have a word for what I sensed,” I said.

“So if I play your game here, our true selves must be some type of consciousness that can take in and use data, and that uses emotion and the thinking process like you and I use a computer.”

“You came to basically the same conclusion I did. If you had to make a guess, would you say we are consciousness?”

“Life, consciousness, awareness, spirit … Who knows? You’re likely to go crazy if you think about it too much. I think I’ll stick to being a god. It seems simpler and more fun.” Wayne picked up his empty cup and turned around. “And if I were a god, I’d make more coffee materialize right now. Waitress!”

The waitress responded and brought some coffee. “Well,” I grinned, “you got more coffee in about thirty seconds. That must be pretty close to being a god.”

“I wish,” he said. “I’ll tell you this. I don’t know where you’re getting this stuff, but I’m looking forward to seeing what you come up with next week.”

“So am I,” I smiled. “I don’t know what is coming yet, but I guarantee it will be interesting.”
Copyright 1997 by J J Dewey

Chapter Fifteen

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Chapter Fifteen

This entry is part 16 of 22 in the series Free Book

The Name of God

The rest of the week passed rather uneventfully. I didn’t seem to be looking forward to my weekly meeting with John as much as usual because I knew I would have to give the handkerchief back. During the week, Elizabeth didn’t let it out of her sight. She had it in her possession at all times. It seemed to work for her though. She had most of her strength back and we went for short walks each day. In addition to this, she did most of the housework and cooking. I was beginning to feel like we were a normal married couple again, except it was now Thursday and I had to deliver the handkerchief back to John.

That evening Elizabeth went to bed early. At about eleven I went upstairs to see her and observed her lying peacefully asleep with the handkerchief clutched in her right hand.

I nudged her. “Sweetie,” I said. “It’s time for me to take the handkerchief.”

She squeezed it tighter. “No,” she said. “It gives me strength.”

“I think it’s much better if we give it back than if we keep it.”

“Ask John if I can keep it a while longer.”

I paused and took a deep breath. “OK. I’ll ask him, but I need to take it back.”

“Let me keep it while you’re gone.”

“John made a point that I’m supposed to listen to his exact words. I think I should take it back, but I’ll ask him if you can have it a while longer.”

I almost thought I felt strength withdraw from Elizabeth as I took the handkerchief. I felt like a heel, but I thought it was the best thing to do. I kissed her good-bye and went out into the garage and seated myself in the car. Just as I reached to put the key in the ignition I felt a tingling feeling throughout my body.

The next thing I knew, I found myself sitting on the floor of a sparsely furnished room. I looked around and saw John sitting at on a chair drinking a cup of tea next to a dining table. “Why don’t you come over here and join me,” he smiled.

I got up and walked toward him, somewhat disoriented.

“Cup of tea?” asked John.

“Sure. Why not?” I said. I looked out the window. The sun was in the East. It looked like morning, wherever I was. “Where am I, and why is the sun up? Isn’t it eleven o’clock at night?”

“Here, drink this,” said John, pushing a cup of tea my direction. I took it, sat down and started sipping. “Wow, this really has a zing. What is it?”

“I’m not sure, really. Joshua made it. There are several combinations that He likes.”

“Joshua?? You mean Jesus?”

“That’s the man.”

“He was here?” I couldn’t believe my ears!

“Just a few minutes ago.”

“Can I meet Him?”

“That’s not on the agenda yet.”

“Are you telling me Jesus was here, a few minutes ago, making and drinking tea like a regular guy?”

“That’s exactly what He did.” John looked like he was having fun with this.

“But isn’t He ascended into heaven or wandering around in the next world somewhere?”

John laughed, “You still have a lot to learn, my friend. But enough small talk. I am pressed for time and we need to get started.”

“You never told me where I am and why it’s morning.”

John studied me for a second. “You are in Tel Aviv, and it is eight-twenty in the morning, here.”

I stared at him. “I’ll tell you this,” I said in amazement, “if I was not a believer before, I am now.” I glanced out the window again. We seemed to be in the midst of the city center, most of the way up a fairly tall building.

John looked at me in earnest. “As you know, when we started this relationship, I shared some of my memories with you. Would you mind if I shared some of yours?”

I noticed John asked if he could share my memories. I thought about the request a few seconds. “That would be fine, but there are some embarrassing things that are now floating around my mind I would just as soon not share.”

“Don’t worry about it,” John smiled. “I will only tune into the memories associated with our relationship and the teachings. A true teacher will only tune into memories that are released through free will. Now hold up your hand.” Our right hands touched fingers and I felt a slight tingle.

John sat back in his chair and smiled. “So far, so good.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You’ve been tempted to tell Wayne about me, but you have resisted. It’s a good thing. Those who cannot keep a secret are usually revealed at this point. You shared discussions on the first key with him, but I did not forbid that.”

“Was that all right then?” I asked, eagerly.

“It was more than all right. This type of sharing will prepare you for your mission. You will be doing much of it in the future if you are faithful to the inner voice.”

“You keep talking about a mission. Can you tell me more about it?”

“If you are faithful, your mission will embrace several areas. One will be the teaching of the keys. Any more I can say would merely be a distraction at present. Now we must move ahead. In your own words, tell me: WHO OR WHAT ARE YOU?”

I took a deep breath. “OK, here are my thoughts. If I am not my body, mind or emotions, and if all the other terms I’ve passed by you do not have enough meaning, I guess all that is left is consciousness itself. I am consciousness.”

“Do you know what consciousness is?”

“Consciousness is livingness. Life.”

“And what is life?”

“An awareness.”

“An awareness of what?”

“An awareness of whatever is out there?”

“How about things that are inside yourself? Is consciousness awareness of that too?”

I thought a moment. “I suppose,” I said.

“So consciousness is awareness of things outside and inside self.”

“I think so,” I said, unsure of myself.

“So the real you is like a camera that takes snapshots of what is outside and inside of itself?”

“I’m not sure,” I replied weakly.

“That just doesn’t feel right, does it?”

“No it seems silly when you think about it. We’ve got to be something more profound than a camera,” I said.

“Again you found something that you are not. A camera is something a living thing uses, but it is another type of vehicle that is in use by the real Self.”

I thought silently for a few seconds. “I think I’m at a dead end here. I have passed by you every thing that a human being has ever considered that he was, and not one of them is the right answer.”

John smiled. “If the answer were obvious, you would not need a teacher. A true spiritual teacher does not show up to teach maxims that are readily available in the books of the world. There are hundreds of books in print dealing with the divinity in man or the idea that humans are gods. Then there are many others dealing with the standard spiritual ideas. Joshua and those working directly with Him only present a teaching when it is either something not yet clearly revealed to humanity or an aspect of an old teaching that is not understood in today’s world. There are many teachings that have never been revealed, and there are yet many others that have been revealed in the past but have been lost for a number of reasons. The time is coming soon when all the old truths will be restored, and many new ones will be revealed.”

“Are the keys a new revelation or lost knowledge restored?”

“A little of both. Most will be new knowledge to seekers, but there are several of them that are openly taught in the world today, but the full meaning is not understood. Each key has points of enlightenment that the seekers of the world need to tune in to. To solve each of them, you must not only come up with the right answer, but you must demonstrate right understanding. I see from your memories you have been doing some thinking about the nature of God as described in Corinthians.”

“Yes. Do I need to run my thoughts by you or can you read it from my memories?”

John closed his eyes for a moment and said: “Your memories give me the general idea of what you have come up with. You are on the right track, and we’ll talk more about who or what God is later. We are short on time right now, however, so we must move on. Continue to contemplate the mystery of godliness to prepare your mind for the future. Meanwhile, are you ready for your next hint?”

“Yes. I am really curious because I’ve reached a dead end here. I can’t imagine what the next hint will be.”

“The next hint revolves around the mystery of God that you have been contemplating. I’m sure you remember the story of Moses.”

“Well, I’ve seen the Ten Commandments and I’ve read the Bible story,” I said.

“Do you remember what Moses did during the second forty years of his life?”

“He was chased out of Egypt and became a sheepherder in the desert. If I remember right, he was around eighty when he freed the Israelites, so I guess he was a regular guy most of the time during the second forty years. We don’t know much about that period of his life.”

“No part of any person’s life is lost. All is eventually retrievable. Not much is written of this time period because it was a time of preparation. He found his father-in-law, Jethro, to be a wise man with teachings that had been passed down for many generations, and he learned a lot from him and the brotherhood of which he was a member. One of the major points of discussion Moses had with his little conclave over the years was about the nature of God. One of the great mysteries that was discussed at that time was whether or not God had a name and, if he did, what it would be.”

John continued: “The reason the name of God was such a big item then was that it was a tradition among the Hebrews and many other ancient peoples to attach great meaning to a person’s name. In that period, a lot of thought went into naming a child, because it was believed that the name was connected to or would determine the child’s destiny.

“For instance, Abraham meant father of a multitude and that was what he became. David meant beloved, and David was the beloved of God. The name Joseph means the person will have increase and Joseph — who was sold into Egypt — became the world’s richest man along with a very great posterity.

“Because of this great interest in names, one of the greatest mysteries for Moses was the name of God itself. If one were to discover the name of God, he would hold the key as to what type of being He really was.”

I nodded. John took a sip of his tea. “During this forty-year time period, Moses spent many a day tending sheep alone with his thoughts, questioning many of the mysteries of the time. The prime mystery that was in the front of his mind was the mystery of the name of God. He contemplated and wondered about this over and over.

“Finally came the experience of the burning bush, where he entered into the presence of God and received that rare chance to ask any question he wanted. Do you remember what that question was?”

“Yes,” I replied. “He asked God what his name was. You know, I kind of wondered why he asked that question, but now it makes sense.”

“Do you remember what the answer was?”

“God said, ‘I AM THAT I AM.'”

“What kind of name is that?” John asked.

“I don’t know for sure. I always thought it was kind of a strange answer. I guess God is just saying that He just IS.”

“Was God saying He has no name?” John asked.

“I’m not sure. It sounds like it. I have heard some say that His name is just I AM.”

“If you were Moses, and God gave you that answer to your question, would that satisfy your curiosity?”

“Hmmmn. Not really.”

“If you were Moses, what would have been your response?”

“I would have asked, ‘What kind of name is I AM THAT I AM?'”
“Moses was an intelligent man. Why do you suppose he did not ask for some type of clarification for a weak answer to a question he had been contemplating for forty years?”

I thought a moment. “I haven’t thought about it that way, but you’re right. I just figured it was one of the Mysteries.”

“There are two possibilities. First, perhaps Moses was not the curious after all, or, second, he was satisfied with the answer. Which do you think it is?” John asked.

“You said Moses thought about this question for forty years. So he had to be curious, but I cannot see why he would have been satisfied with the answer.”

“You’re right,” John said nodding. “Moses was too curious to let a partial answer pass by. Let us say that Moses was satisfied with the answer. How could this have occurred?”

“Maybe he understood the answer better than I do.”

“That is correct. However, he did understand the answer better than you do — not because he was smarter, but because he heard a different answer than is presented in the various translations of the Bible.”

John pulled out his old Bible again, opened it to Exodus chapter three and asked me to read verse 14. I read the words: And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.

“This is pretty much the standard translation in most Bibles, but it is a very bad one, and most honest Hebrew scholars know this. In the Hebrew it reads: I Am Becoming that which I Am Becoming. Go say to the children of Israel that He who Is Becoming has sent you.

“The ancient Hebrew is much different from the English you are used to. It always had gaps in it that were to be filled by either the obvious or by the intuition. Now let me tell you plainly the answer that Moses heard. As you remember, Moses asked God what His name was. To this question God said: You ask for my name so you will know who or what I am. This I cannot give you because I Am Becoming that which I decide to Become. Go tell the children of Israel that He who is Becoming has sent you. John paused a moment. “Now tell me how you think Moses understood this answer.”

“I think you’ve turned on a light in my head,” I said excitedly. “Here’s the way I see it. As you said, in that age, a name revealed the core essence of who the individual was, and Moses was expecting an answer like this from God. In other words, he thought he might get an answer like, I am the great and powerful one. Instead, God told him that He could not give Moses a standard name because He is in the process of becoming whatever it is that He wants to become. Thus, any name given to Him at one time may not apply at a future time.”

“Great answer! Perhaps we have the right man for the job after all,” John smiled. “Your answer is right on track. God is always changing the image that He presents to the various parts of the world at different times in history. For instance, in the time of Moses, He presented an image of the all-powerful ruler who is to obeyed at all costs. Then, in the time of Christ, this changed to the all-forgiving God of Love who sacrificed His only Son. This was a definite change in the presentation of God that is not acknowledged by most Christians. Also, God is presented to the world in different ways in many other religions that had inspired beginnings. Notice that each religion has a different name for God. This is because the name has a particularly important message for their consciousness that will help their particular group or race progress.

“God has many names because He is many things to many people in many times. Thus, He could not give Moses any ultimate name because He becomes what He decides to become to the consciousness of any group or individual.”

I nodded, but a thought struck me. “But isn’t there a scripture that says God does not change? It sounds like He, in fact, is in a constant state of change.”

John nodded. “When the prophets wrote about the changelessness of God, they were telling the people that the words of God are 100 percent dependable — that He does not promise the people one thing today and break it tomorrow. They were not saying He does not change in any way. I tried to make this clear in my own Book of Revelations. I talked about God revealing a new name, that He will create a new heaven and new earth, and that He will make all things new. Look at the earth and the universe around you, which is God’s Body. It is all in a state of change, becoming new or renewed. Everything is changing. Because God is everything and everything changes, God changes.”

“Speaking of new, this is certainly a new teaching. I have never heard anything like this in any church.”

John’s countenance became serious. “The religions of the world do not believe in new things. They will always resist any new teaching and attempt to preserve the old, even if it is scientifically proven to be incorrect, as in the days the church persecuted Galileo for merely revealing what his eyes saw through a telescope.”

“I’ve come to that conclusion myself. That’s why I don’t attend any church, even though I basically believe the scriptures.”

“That is also one of the reasons you were chosen. Anyone whose mind is fixed in a dogma is not usable to us as a world teacher. It may seem hard for you to accept, but if the standard believer who is fixed in a dogma were to have experienced all that you have with me and were to have heard what you have just heard, I would be rejected as an agent of the devil.”

“Even if he were transported halfway around the world in an instant?” I asked.

“The closed-mindedness of those stuck in religious dogma is beyond belief,” said John, shaking his head. “This was demonstrated by Joshua when He raised Lazarus from the dead after he was three days in the grave. Instead of converting the religious leaders, it just inflamed them and hastened the crucifixion. The leaders also knew without doubt that Christ was raised from the dead, for He appeared to them after the resurrection so they would be without excuse. Even this did not convert them, and they fought all the harder against His followers. When the average person has his mind centered on a belief, only the destruction of the world created by that belief will change him. That can happen by an inner or outer collapse.”

“I’ve never thought of it that way, but I can certainly see that you are correct. I don’t mean to change the subject, but what is my hint for this week?”

“What we have talked about is the hint,” John said evenly.

I thought a moment, recalling the Bible verses. “Can’t you give me something more direct?” I pleaded.

“I have given you much food for thought. Contemplate in particular what we have talked about concerning Moses and God.”

I thought for a moment. “I have a couple of other questions.”

“Ask away. I have a few minutes.”

“You said you have been killed a number of times, even once under Hitler. How could this happen to you when you have power to disappear? Look what you did to me. You teleported me halfway across the globe.”

John smiled. “Intelligent question, my friend. There are certain laws and principles in place that regulate how an evolving humanity can be assisted. The higher they evolve on the spiritual ladder, the more directly they can be worked with by the Brotherhood of Light. When a member of the Brotherhood decides to work directly with the people, he must be subject to the same personal limitations the general populace has. Thus, when I directly worked with Staufenberg in Nazi Germany, I became subject to the same perils he was. The only way I can be invulnerable to death is to work at arm’s length, through a disciple like yourself. If I were to work side by side with you, there would be so much controversy stirred up because of the nature of the work that we would both be killed before the work was done. There is another factor. In past ages, I could move from one part of the world to another and no one would be the wiser. With today’s communications systems, once my picture appears in a National Enquirer or the Star, any hope of anonymity is over. So taking all things into consideration, we have decided it best to work through an apparently ordinary mortal such as yourself.”

“You mean I am just apparently ordinary?” I asked with interest.

“Joshua sees much more potential in you than you might guess,” John said with a smile. “Even though your life has seemed fairly ordinary, you have had many experiences which have prepared you to be a teacher. You, in turn, will find others who will become major players in this part of history. Some of these would have just lived ordinary lives if not for the great opportunity you will present. Great opportunity brings forth greatness of the human spirit.”

Wow, this gave me a lot to think about, but I couldn’t remember having many experiences that would lead me to teaching. “Sounds overwhelming. So what are you doing here in Tel Aviv?”

“We have disciples like yourself here and in several other Middle Eastern countries. Their primary purpose is not to teach, but to influence political leaders on the path to peace. Believe me, we have a difficult task, particularly since the Dark Brothers also have their disciples carefully placed. I thought I could spend some time relaxing in Boise and teach you at my leisure, but we seem to have a lot of crises coming up lately that have to be dealt with. One major problem is the proliferation of nuclear weapons to third world countries that would not hesitate to use them. This is a much greater threat than your leaders realize and needs to be dealt with. This is all I have time to tell you about this at present.”

Realizing my time was short, I reluctantly pulled the handkerchief out of my jacket pocket and handed it to John. “My wife appreciates the relief. Is it possible she can keep the handkerchief a while longer?”

John replied softly, “Believe me, I feel for her and also you, but the natural laws must be allowed to flow. She’s got to be on her own with her struggle. Let me warn you it will be more difficult than you expect the next few weeks, but the end will be good if you both follow the highest you know.”

“That’s encouraging, I guess,” I said without confidence. “Elizabeth will be so disappointed,” I thought.

John patted my back. “Time to send you back. Perhaps we can spend more time together next week.”

The next thing I knew I was back in the front seat of my car. I got out and walked into my home in somewhat of a daze. It was several hours before I got around to going to bed.
Copyright 1997 by J J Dewey

Chapter Sixteen

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Chapter Sixteen

This entry is part 17 of 22 in the series Free Book


After getting to bed so late, I was hoping to be able to sleep in, but was awakened by Elizabeth shaking my shoulder.

“My legs!  I can’t move my legs at all!”

“Maybe they’re just asleep,” I said, half asleep myself.

“No.  No.  It’s worse than it was before.  I can barely move them at all now.  Help me!”

I hated feeling so powerless, but helped her up into her wheelchair.

“Look! “ she cried  “My legs are now totally useless.  Even at their worst they had some strength, but now it’s worse than ever.  Did you bring that handkerchief back?”

“Honey, John said I couldn’t…”

“What kind of man is this guy?  He gives me a gift and takes it away.  Now I’m worse than I was.  I wish I had never even seen John.”  Elizabeth  sobbed bitterly.

I knelt in front of her and took her hand firmly.  “Don’t say that, sweetie.  Because of John you now know for sure it is possible to be healed.  He said if I solved the first three keys, you would be healed.  We must look forward to that time.”

She gathered her composure for a moment and asked,  “So, did you get the first one yet?”

“Not yet, but I’m getting closer.”

“Maybe you are and just maybe this is some cosmic joke and there is no answer.  Maybe we are nothing and going nowhere,” she said, starting to cry again.

I hugged her for a moment and then lifted her chin and looked deeply into her eyes. “I know there is an answer.  I will find it.”

Elizabeth turned her head away.  “So consciousness is not the answer?”


“So try nothing next time.  That will be as good as anything.   You’ve guessed everything else we could be.”

I was startled with her coldness. “I’ve never seen you so negative.”

“Negative? You don’t know negative,” she said bitterly.  “Call Doctor Kevorkian and I’ll show you negative!”

I felt a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach as she said that.  I felt like running out of her presence as far as I could.  It was as if it was not her who was talking, but some hateful being.  Nevertheless, I knew I had to override that feeling and show her all the love I could.

“You’ll get your legs back.  This is just a temporary thing,” I tried to assure her.  “We’ll take you to the doctor.  Maybe he can give you something.”

“The doctor never helps.  I’m staying right here.”

“I’ll call your mom and she can come over while I show some homes.”

“I’m not helpless.  Just go and I’ll take care of myself.” Elizabeth wheeled herself out of the bedroom toward the kitchen.

I called her mother anyway to keep an eye on her when I had to be out.  There was a certain amount of work I had to do to survive financially, and I spent all the time I could with Elizabeth, but nothing I could do or say seemed to help.  She was in the darkest spirits I had ever seen her in.  It was almost as if she were turning into another person.  Realizing she may not have much time left, I thought every spare moment about the newest hints and the first key.  I came up with a few ideas and thought I would share them with Wayne during our next breakfast.

When Sunday came, Elizabeth was still in a negative state and didn’t even want me to have breakfast with Wayne.  I assured her I needed someone to bounce ideas off of and of the importance of solving the keys, but she seemed to act as if I were wasting my time.   She was generally very supportive and this resistance did not seem like her.  I went to see Wayne despite her comments.

“I see we’re back to our regular eating place,” said Wayne.  “How was your week?”

“It was the best of times and the worst of times,” I said with a forced smile.

“I’ve had a few weeks like that,” he said.  “So have you decided that we are consciousness or have you come up with some even heavier thought?”

“I’ve concluded that the core of our being is not consciousness, but uses consciousness.  Consciousness is like a camera and our true self is like the one who takes the pictures.”

“So who or what is the one who takes the pictures?” Wayne asked.

“I’m not sure yet.  You know the philosopher Descartes tried to discover what there was in man that he could call real and he came up with the phrase I think, therefore, I am.”

“Yes,” Wayne agreed.  “If I remember right, the famous Latin phrase was cogito ergo sum.   Descartes, using the process of elimination, concluded that the only thing he knew for sure was that he was thinking, therefore he had to exist.  That was one of the few things I learned in college.  I think it’s interesting that both Descartes and God reduced our essence to the phrase I AM.  Maybe we just are and it’s a great mystery we will never know or understand.”

“Funny you should say that.  I’ve been studying the words of God to Moses and the phrase  I AM that I AM is a mistranslation.  The literal translation according to scholars is I am becoming that I am becoming.  Go tell the children of Israel that He who is becoming has sent you.  Taking this into consideration, it seems that the essence of God which may be our own essence also has something to do with the process of becoming.”

“So maybe Descartes should have said I think, therefore I am becoming.”

“That probably would have been more accurate,” I said,  “but I think there is some mystery behind all this that we just haven’t seen yet. We have an essence that is becoming, changing or evolving, but I don’t think I’ve found it yet.”

“I doubt if we ever will,” said Wayne.  “We just are.  Any more than that would be just about impossible for us to find out.”

“It can’t be impossible!” I said with greater volume and emotion than I had anticipated.

Wayne looked startled.  “Whatever you say, buddy.  You feel pretty strong about this quest of yours, don’t you?”

“I suppose.  I didn’t mean to startle you.  I kind of feel under a lot of pressure.  Elizabeth is quite a bit worse again, my finances for helping her are limited and my emotions are on edge.”

“I feel for you and her.  Want me to drop by some evening this week and see if I can cheer her up?”

“It might not hurt, but call first.  She’s been kind of withdrawn lately.  She acts like she doesn’t want to see anyone.”

“Sometimes it’s good to have company, even when you’re not in the mood.”

“I agree.  Now getting back to our main line of thought.” I said, leaning forward. “What do you think it is that is in us that is becoming?  It can’t just be called I AM.  There’s got to be a name for it.”

“If I didn’t know you better, I would say you’re becoming obsessed here with this idea.  Here we’re talking about a crisis with your wife and you switch the topic back to philosophy.  It seems kind of strange.”

“You’re right, it does seem strange, but I have a good reason for it.”  I paused for a moment to think of a good reason that would not be a lie.  “Elizabeth is very interested in my finding the answer.  I think it will lift her spirits if I can come up with something good.”

Wayne didn’t looked convinced. “That’s an odd way to lift someone’s spirits.”

I paused.  I really hated holding out on Wayne.  “We’ve been friends a long time,” I finally said.  “Could you just trust me on this?  It would mean a lot to me and possibly to Elizabeth.”

Wayne looked me in the eye.  “I’ve known you a long time.  I think there’s something you’re not telling me here, but if it’s important, I’ll just play along.”

“There is something I can’t tell you.  All I can tell you right now is that it is important that I find the answer to this question.”

“Now you’ve really got me curious.” Wayne leaned forward and lowered his voice.  “Come on.  You can tell me.  You tell me everything.”

“I’ll tell you as soon as I can, but just not now.”

Wayne leaned back. “OK.  I’ll let you off the hook for now, but I’ll expect the juicy details soon.  Why do I keep getting the feeling that you think you’ve had some vision or something?”

I tried to smile nonchalantly.  “Who knows?  Now I want you to wrack that brain of yours and tell me if you have any deeper thoughts on this subject.”

“Answer me this then.  Do you really think we are capable of getting the right answer?”

“You know I’ve never lied to you.  I will tell you this.  I happen to know that we are capable of getting the answer.”

“You think so,” Wayne said looking at me squarely.

“I told you I know so,” I said with emphasis.

“OK,” said Wayne.  “We’ll proceed on the assumption you are correct here and that we can really go where no man has gone before.  Perhaps a key here is God really said to Moses he is becoming rather than he just is.  Becoming implies action, movement, evolution, whereas I AM implies a static, unchangeable state.  Now all religions that I know of think that God is perfect and does not change, but I AM BECOMING implies a God who is changing and moving toward a higher state.  That means He isn’t perfect, because if He were, He wouldn’t have to evolve any further. Maybe humans are gods, as some teach, for the very reason that we are imperfect and that we are also in a constant state of change and evolution.  Maybe the perfection of God is just some hocus pocus passed down through the ages and is completely false.  Maybe God is trapped in this universe and is just trying to find his way home like the song says.”

A light  went off in my head. “Good Wayne!  I don’t know if you’re right, but at  least you’re leading us into new territory.  Now let’s assume that you’re on the right track about what God is.  If we are truly gods, then who or what would we be?”

“That’s a hard one.  Maybe we’re movement or action,” said Wayne.

“You know, that could be it.  Everything else that people think we are is just a vehicle or instrument that we use, but action or movement is not a vehicle.  You know, as scientists investigate the atomic world they find only motion, but have not found anything they consider solid.  When you think of it, everything is made of wavelengths in motion, therefore the answer may be motion.”

“That’s true.  Without motion on the atomic level there would be no life, or form, as we know it.”

I reached in my pocket for money to pay for my breakfast.  “I think we’re on the right track.  I feel it in my gut.  Thanks for your help Wayne.  Sorry to cut our breakfast short, but I’ve got to go.”  I stood up, ready to leave.

“Why do I get the feeling we’ll be talking about this again?” Wayne mused as we walked toward the cashier..

“You’re probably right, my friend.  You’re probably right.”
Copyright 1997 by J J Dewey

Chapter Seventeen

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Chapter Seventeen

This entry is part 18 of 22 in the series Free Book

The Attack Of Darkness

I had a feeling I should not leave Elizabeth alone for long and I should return as soon as possible.  I found that my hunch was right when I returned home and found her wheelchair was empty.

“Elizabeth!” I shouted

There was no answer.

I started searching all the rooms in the house.  Finally I heard a whimpering coming from the bathroom.  I ran inside and found Elizabeth in a corner with a look of terror on her face with tears drying on her cheeks.

“Sweetheart, what happened?  How did you even get in here with no wheelchair.”

“I needed you and you were gone.  I told you that I didn’t want you to go.”

“Here, let me help you back into your wheelchair and we’ll talk.”  I lifted her up and carried her back to her chair.  She was clinging to me very tightly, softly crying.  “There.  Now I’ll make you a cup of tea and we’ll talk.”

I made us both some herb tea and sat down facing her across the table.  “OK.  Now tell me what happened.”

She looked at me and suddenly a look of terror took over her face like I had never seen before.  She screamed “It’s him!” and started wheeling away from me as fast as she could.

I ran after her and caught her and forced her to look at me again.  “Look at me!  It’s me.  No one else.”

“I saw his face.  Your face became his face!”

“Whose face?” I  asked with no small amount of frustration.

“When you left I felt tired and fell asleep in my chair.  I dreamed I was at this flea market where there were all kinds of people hacking their wares.  I was in my wheelchair, but managed to wheel my way around from booth to booth until I came to one that seemed to me manned by John.  I thought it odd that he was wearing dark sunglasses and I wheeled my way closer and saw that he was selling all kinds of scarves and fine handkerchiefs.  As soon as he noticed me he said:  I know what you want.  He picked up an old wooden box and opened it up and pulled out the old red handkerchief.

“Can I have it?’  I pleaded.

“Of course you can have it my dear.  Here, grab hold.’

“He dangled the handkerchief in front of me and I grabbed an end and immediately I felt my strength returning, but was puzzled by the fact that John held on to the other end.  Are you going to let me have it?” I asked?

“On just one condition’, John said.

“And that would be?’

“Look into my eyes for six seconds.

“It seemed like an odd request to me and something about him seemed unlike John.  His voice, the sunglasses, the request – it seemed really strange.  Nevertheless, I wanted the handkerchief and his request seemed harmless so I agreed.

“Then he said, After you have looked into my eyes for six seconds you can have the handkerchief.  He took off his sunglasses and to my horror I saw that his eyes had no pupils or iris.  They were entirely white.  I was surprised, but I really wanted the handkerchief so I looked back at him.  Suddenly, I felt the most evil feeling anyone can imagine.  Then I felt myself paralyzed as I felt my very life force being sucked from my body.  I wanted to turn away, but couldn’t.  I somehow sensed when the six seconds were up, I would be doomed to death, extinction, Hell…who knows what.”

“So, did you look at him for the six seconds?” I asked, anxious to hear her answer.

“In a way the few seconds I did look seemed like an eternity, but somehow internally I seemed to sense the true passing of seconds.  During the first three seconds the man’s face changed and I saw that this person was not John.  He was an older effeminate-looking man with white hair.  Right around the fifth second he smiled.  It was a smile I never want to see again.  It made an evil shiver go all the way through me.  The smile seemed as if it belonged to serial killer who is watching his victim die and enjoying the moment of death.  At that instant I cried out to God in my heart  to give me strength, and just before the sixth second I received power to turn away and instantly woke up.”

I gave her a hug and said,  “My poor sweetheart.  What a terrible experience.”

“That’s not all,”  Elizabeth continued.  “After I woke up I realized it seemed real but consoled myself in the fact that it was just a dream. But then to my side I sensed that same awful presence, similar to what happened to you.  I tried to wheel myself away from it but it felt like the brake was on.  Somehow I fell out of my chair and found myself crawling away.  I turned and looked toward the presence again and saw a faint outline of the white-haired man and heard his words in a whisper.  You are dead anyway, why not give your life to me.”

“I shouted, NO!”

“Then he said something very strange.  Tell your husband I know who I AM.  I AM THAT I AM.  I AM SELF.  I, the self, is all that matters.  Then he disappeared, but I still felt his presence and crawled into the bathroom where you found me.”

“Is his presence still here?”  I asked.

“I felt it again when I saw his face instead of yours, but it seems to be gone now.”

“It’s funny that I felt his presence before, but not now,” I said.  “Maybe evil  must be revealed as well as good.”

“I’m just glad you’re here,” Elizabeth said with a weak smile.  “I never want you to leave me again.”

I hugged her again.  “You would think going through this disease would be plenty for your share of pain in life without having to go through something like this.”

“I’ll tell you this.” she said with a deep sigh. “I thought I knew what fear was when I found out that I had an incurable disease, but that was nothing compared to the shear terror I felt today.  It was as if my soul was at stake, in addition to my life.”  Elizabeth was still shaking, and I continued to hold her close.

“I know,” I nodded.  “I felt that presence.  You really do have to experience it to understand the feelings it can generate.”  I took a deep breath and let Elizabeth go.  “I think it’s time we finished that cup of tea.”

We seated ourselves around the table again after micro waving the tea so it was hot again and resumed our conversation.  I asked, “This entity made an interesting statement about who he thinks we are.  Now how did he word that?”

“He said to tell you  I AM.  I AM THAT I AM.  I AM SELF.   I, the self, is all that matters.”

I replied, “What I find interesting here is that John said that I AM THAT I AM  is a mistranslation.  It’s interesting to compare the two translations.  I am  implies a static condition and is another way of saying self.  I AM BECOMING  implies an evolving condition that involves looking outside of self.  In a weird way this makes a lot of sense to me.  To the good guys out there, self is not the ultimate, but what the self evolves into in connection with all other selves is the thing.  But to the bad guys all there is self, so every goal they have is to only benefit the self as they see it.”

“Why do you suppose his eyes had only whites?” Elizabeth asked, calmer now, but I could tell the memory of the event was still horrifying to her.

“I’m not sure.  Maybe it’s a symbol of their blindness.”

“So do you think the New Agers are wrong when they tell us to look to the self for everything?”

“Maybe they just don’t have the whole truth.  On the other hand, the Christians could be equally as wrong for stressing the translation I AM instead of I AM BECOMING.  It seems that both the New Agers and the Christians may have inadvertently put undue attention on the self.”

“The funny thing is that this evil entity may have helped us rather than hindered,” said Elizabeth, stirring her tea.  “Is it possible that when all is said and done we are just individual selves?”

“In some way we are individual selves and for the Dark Brothers that’s where it ends.  Thus, all they do is for selfish ends.  But the keynote of the Brothers of Light is unselfishness. Therefore, they see something beyond self or greater than self.  Somehow, I feel that the word BECOMING  is a key one here.  Perhaps self is meaningless to those in the light because they are in a state of evolution.  Therefore the self tomorrow would be a different self than the self today.”

“And, by contrast, the unevolving self would be the same tomorrow as it is today,”  Elizabeth added.

“And the fascinating thing to me is that this is one of the main perceptions that people have of God – that He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  When you think of it, this concept would make for a very boring God, wouldn’t it?” I mused.

“Maybe that’s one of the reasons I turned off religion so much.  I always relished new experiences and everything about religion seems to be centered around keeping things the way they are now and not rocking the boat with any changes.”  She paused and finished her tea, then asked,  “So what did you and Wayne come up with about the first key?”

“It seems that everything we’ve come up with that we could possibly be so far is a vehicle of some kind.  Even consciousness itself is like a camera our real self uses.  So we finally came up with something that John can’t say is a vehicle.”

“And what would that be?”

“Everything is created by vibration, action or motion, so that has to be what we are.”

“Sounds like a strange answer to me.”

“But think about it.  If everything was still, there would be no interplay; and if even the vibrations that make the atom were stilled, there would be nothing to exist.  We must be composed of some type of vibration in motion; and if it ceased to exist, then we would cease to exist.  Therefore, we must be composed of movement itself.  That would explain why we are becoming.”

“Maybe, and it is a good thought, but it doesn’t feel right to me,” Elizabeth said frowning.

“It may not be right, but it’s the best I can come up with at the moment.  I have a feeling that we’re getting close.  I think the next hint will tell the tale.”

“I hope so,” Elizabeth sighed.  “I don’t know how much longer my strength can hold out.”

I took Elizabeth’s hand.  “You’ll make it, Sweetie.  When we solve the third key John is committed to healing you.”

“If you could solve even the first one I would be encouraged,” she said.  “It appears that you’re trying to find an answer that has eluded the best philosophers in history.  What makes you think that you can go beyond anything that has ever been done?”

“No one else had the apostle John to help them, “ I said softly.

“But John’s been wandering the earth for two thousand years.  Maybe they have had his help.  Maybe this will be harder than you think.”

Good point I thought to myself as I tried to assure her that we will solve the keys.
Copyright 1997 by J J Dewey

Chapter Eighteen

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Chapter Eighteen

This entry is part 19 of 22 in the series Free Book

Dark Brothers Revealed

The next Thursday evening, as Elizabeth and I were sitting down for dinner and I was wondering how I was going to contact John this week, I heard a knock on the door.  To my surprise it was John!

“I hope I’m not imposing,” he said.

“No… No, come on in.  Sweetie, look who’s here!”

Elizabeth looked pleasantly surprised.  “Come have some dinner with us.”

“You might talk me into it,” John smiled.

“Hope you don’t mind Sloppy Joes,” I said.

“If it tastes as good as it smells I won’t mind at all.”

We all sat down to dinner and told him what happened to Elizabeth.

“I knew they were going to try something like this,” John said frowning.

“What would have happened after the six seconds if she didn’t break it off?” I asked.

“This adversary would have stolen your life force to enhance his own vitality.  Without assistance from the Brothers of Light you would have died within a few days.”

Elizabeth looked horrified.  “What are these guys, some type of spiritual vampires?” I asked, looking at her reaction, then to John.

“That’s exactly what they are,” he said.  “You will find that many stories and fables from your culture contain some seeds of truth.  According to stories, a vampire will steal blood from his victim to give himself a renewal of life.  Theoretically, he could live forever if he could have an endless supply of victims.  These dark brothers do not take your blood, but they do take your life force, which corresponds to the physical power of blood.  This stolen life force allows them to continue their existence.”

“What do they do then, spend their time preying on helpless victims like Elizabeth?” I asked, taking Elizabeth’s hand.

“He attacked Elizabeth because he was trying to get to you and put an end to our work.  Taking her life force would have been a bonus.  Actually they get most of their energy by working through agents on the earth.”

“What do you mean by agents?” Elizabeth asked.

“Just as you will soon be an agent for the Brotherhood of Light so also are there agents on the earth for the adversaries of light, or the Dark Brotherhood.  The enlightened brothers feed the multitudes of those who are open to the Spirit  and give out an increase of energy, but the Dark Brothers steal energy by feeding off the multitudes and are only interested in helping themselves.”

John continued,  “When you are in the presence of a dark agent you will often feel a drain of energy that is unexplainable.  Sometimes you will feel weak and even have to sit down.  A person under his influence will often not think clearly and be literally unable to speak anything but approving words.”

“You know,” I interrupted, “I’ve felt that way several times in my life, but I can’t say that the people that made me feel that way were dark agents.  One was a religious leader of high acclaim, another was a government official and the other was a head of a corporation.  They all had impeccable reputations.”

“Did you notice they all seemed to be surrounded with an unusual aura of authority?”

I thought of them a moment. “Yes.  I particularly remember the authority around the religious leader.  I remember that I disagreed with him and couldn’t bring myself to vocalize it.  At the time I couldn’t understand why I didn’t say anything.”

John smiled knowingly.  “They have to shut down your resistance before they can steal your energy.  When you yield to their illusionary authority you virtually become a subject and a source of their power, but their power is not real because it is stolen.  When humanity wakes up and reclaims their power, the power of the Dark Brothers will instantly vanish and the adversaries will be bound for over one thousand years as predicted.”

“So how does one free himself from their control?” Elizabeth asked.

“The illusion of authority is what gives them power.  They had power to shut you up because there was a part of you that yielded to that authority.  You can easily neutralize any dark agent by completely releasing yourself from all his so-called authority and recognizing only one authority.  Do you know what that is?”


“And where do you find God?”

“Within, I guess.”

“Yes.  The Master said The kingdom of God is within you. If you subject yourself spiritually to any person outside you, you are in danger of losing the true light and being subject to a false one.”

“Does that mean that in a perfect world we shouldn’t have leaders or civil authorities?”

“Not at all.  The structure of society could not stand without leaders, bosses, and some civil authorities.  You can support a boss, mayor, local police and others and yet give all your spiritual allegiance to God within yourself.  Only a few can perceive the difference between cooperating with authority for the good of the whole and yielding your power to an authority.  You only learn this completely when you successfully neutralize a dark agent.  Then the seeker understands.  You have successfully accomplished this when you neutralized the Dark Brother who appeared to you.”  John laughed wryly.  “Believe me, you really caught him off guard by laughing at him.  He’s still reeling from that encounter.  It’s one reason why he attacked your wife.”  John focused his gaze on me.  “Did you notice who he pretended to be?”

“Yes, he pretended he was you,” I replied.

“Why do you suppose he did that?”

“Was it because you are the greatest spiritual authority in our lives?”

“Yes, and this is unfortunate.  Elizabeth has given me too much of her power and this created an opportunity for the Dark Brothers to attack.  You must remember this:  A door must be open before they can come in.  When you learn to keep all the doors shut they will be unable to touch you on the spiritual and energy levels.”

“His eyes were terrible,” Elizabeth grimaced.  “They were white with no pupils or iris.”

“The reason his eyes appeared white is because they were turned inward toward self.  This is a symbol of their utter selfishness.  Their eyes can appear normal when they desire, but when they attempt to commit the ultimate act of selfishness, which is to take another’s life force and use it as their own, they turn their eyes inward to the self.  This aids them in siphoning off your energy for their terrible use.  Thus if you ever see or dream of an entity who only shows the whites of his eyes, avoid looking at him as you would the Medusa.”

“Do the agents of the Dark Brothers on the physical plane have this power to steal life force?” I asked.

“The uninitiated agents on the earth do not have power to kill with negative energy, but do have power to steal enough to make you weak. Then there are a handful of Dark initiates on the physical plane who have greater power.  The advanced Dark Brothers are in another astral sphere such as the one you just encountered.  Generally you will only encounter them if you pose a real threat to their plans.”

John continued, “These agents of the Dark Brotherhood are often given material success and prestige in return for transferring energy to the Dark Brothers.  Even though they are dedicated to selfishness there are still some obvious reasons to assist each other.  The Overlords in the unseen world find certain agents useful, and they know they must give them a few crumbs to get their cooperation; and when they are no longer useful, they no longer get the crumbs.  On the other hand, the Brotherhood of Light is dedicated to their disciples as well as mankind, and are ever vigilant to lend a helping hand.  We are not quite as all powerful as many assume; however, and are limited in a number of ways in the amount we can assist.  You are fortunate that I have freed myself sufficiently to teach you.”

“We are both honored to have you,” I said, getting a nod of agreement from Elizabeth.  “So I take it that many of our leaders in high authority, position and influence are really Dark Agents.”

“Yes.  Many of them are.  Most of them are not aware they are agents transmitting dark energy, but a handful of the most dangerous are completely aware.  Then too we must remember that all leaders are not dark agents.  There are always a handful who are sincerely doing their best to serve.  Even in this latter category many are following deceptive paths and their good intentions are thus neutralized.”

“Are you saying,” Elizabeth interjected, “that I would not have been in danger if I had not given you too much power?”

“That is exactly true,” said John.

“How then can we learn from you if we don’t recognize you as an authority?”

“The key,” said John  “is to realize there is only one authority.  That authority is the Holy Spirit and can only be contacted from within.  Nevertheless, all humans are interconnected by the Spirit.  The only authority that I have is through the Spirit.  When I speak truth and you are focused on the Spirit within, you will feel a confirmation within.  When you then feel that confirmation, you will accept my words not because you see me as an authority, but because of confirmation through your personal authority.

“You were deceived by the Dark Brother because you were accepting my words and actions without checking with the Spirit within.  The healing power of the handkerchief convinced you that you just had to accept me no matter what.  This is the great error beginning disciples always make.  Even if I am right all the time, you must still check; for there may come a time that he who you think is me is not me after all, just as happened with your deception.  Thus, giving your power even to a true servant may open the door for a Dark Brother to trick you.”

“These Dark Brothers don’t make a lot of sense to me,” Elizabeth said, shaking her head.  “I don’t understand why they are so destructive.”

“The main difference between the Light and Dark Brothers is one sees in the light and the other feels in the darkness,” John replied.

I thought about this statement and asked, “Is this another way of saying one uses his mind to perceive the truth and the other uses emotion to cover the truth?”

John smiled.  “Exactly, my friend.  Imagine two groups of people trying to find their way home.  One travels by night and the other in the light of day.  Which one would have the easiest time?”

“The one traveling by day, of course,”  I answered.

“All intelligent lives seek God at one time or another.  Even the Dark Brothers have gone through what both sides call the long dark night of the soul; but in that night they did not find Him, so they created God after their image and thus established a system where God is not found in the Universal Spirit, but in external forms.  Thus, you see why the Dark Brothers convinced the Israelites to build the golden calf as a source of external power.

“All but a very few have their golden calf, which steals their power.  But the glitter of gold must eventually yield to the pure white light of Mount Sinai that reveals the way home.

“There is much yet to be revealed about light and darkness.   One may see correctly at one time and be deceived at another.  To stay in the light requires eternal vigilance.  I will reveal more to you about this from time to time.”

John sipped his coffee, “My time is short so we need to get on with our lesson.  Have you discovered who or what you are yet?”

“I think I have either found the truth or am close to it,” I said, leaning toward John.  “When scientists examine matter they say that they cannot find proof that solid particles exist.  All they can seem to find on the smallest level is wavelengths in motion.  If all these wavelengths were to be stilled, the universe would virtually disappear.  If the motion of the wavelengths that make me would be stilled, then I would probably cease to exist.  Therefore, the real me has to be motion or action of some kind.”

“That’s very good,” said John.  “Coming to this point is a milestone, but you are not there yet.  Answer me this: What is it that is in motion and what is the force creating the motion?”

I thought a moment.  “If there is no such thing as solid matter then nothing is in motion, if that is possible.  I guess the force propelling the wavelengths is pure energy.”

“But,” said John, “if there is no solid matter, then nothing is in motion, as you say.    Therefore, does it not stand to reason that energy is not required for motion since nothing is really in motion?”

“Maybe I was right after all,” Elizabeth chuckled.  “I said half joking that we were nothing and perhaps I was right.”

“As far as the material plane goes, you are correct,” said John.  “But from the greater reality you are a great something.  That something which creates all motion in the universe is the great mystery.  Energy is not the answer because in reality there is really nothing solid in motion.

“Now I will give you two major hints.  First, in my hand I have a pen.  Now I will take this pen and throw it on that sofa over there.”

John threw the pen on the sofa.

“Now, what made that pen fly over to the sofa?”

“Obviously you did,” I said

“And who or what am I? And don’t say John.”

“So the real you threw that pen?”

“Yes.  That which is the real me made the pen move.  This is the first major hint.  The second one is a parable.  Do you both have a few minutes while I relate it to you?”

“We’re not going anywhere on a bet,” I said.
Copyright 1997 by J J Dewey

Chapter Nineteen

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