Chapter Fifteen
 Key Three – Willingness to Give

Whereas communication is the keystone to happiness, a giving nature is that which builds the bridge to a joyous union. When Joan communicates her needs to John, she needs a satisfying response to obtain fulfillment. John must be willing to give in to those reasonable needs which are communicated. Communication itself is the highest form of giving. Giving is merely communicating to the other person the idea that you value him or her as much as you do yourself. Those who do not have a giving nature are rarely good communicators on a one-to-one basis. They may be able to speak before groups but be incapable of sharing feelings on an intimate level.

The committed love relationship is the highest form of schooling on the earth in that it teaches communication and givingness. The reason for this is that male and female are on opposite polarities as far as energy is concerned. This also applies to same sex relationships as in any relationship one gravitates more to sending, and the other in receiving. This causes in both individuals the need to make a considerable effort before they can effectively communicate and give. They are both forced to develop some empathy and open-mindedness.

To give to another person what he or she wants is not always easy to do. It will be found, however, that the more accurate the communication is for both parties the easier it will be to give. Generally, the reason a partner in a committed relationship does not have their needs fulfilled is because they were not properly communicated. One should always seek to fulfill the needs of the mate involved as long as one’s own needs are not sacrificed to an extreme and there is no harm done. In doing this, we will create an automatic trigger in our mates that will cause them to respond with givingness. It is impossible to give over an extended period of time and not receive back. It is a universal law that we must receive that which was given out.

A Course in Miracles states it aptly by saying “To give and receive are one.” If we fulfill the needs of others, then others must come to us, sooner or later, and fulfill our needs. If every married or attached person believed this law they would then seek to fulfill the needs of their mates whether they thought the partner deserved it or not, for if they refuse they may find their own needs unfulfilled.

There are some instances where fulfillment of the needs of the two involved may conflict with each other. For instance, he may want sex four times a week and she only two. This is what they each need for fulfillment. In this case it would be wrong for the woman to give in to the man all the time if it causes her consistent distress. We must not forget that we have an obligation to our own fulfillment as well as that of others. In this case a compromise is necessary and compromise itself is a form of giving. Compromise is only permanently successful when both parties are willing to yield, or give. In this case they could agree to sex three times a week or they could decide to let the male initiate sex during one week and she initiate the second week. This way each could be fulfilled sexually at least every other week, and as they grow old together seeking to fulfill each other they will find that their needs and desires will adjust to each other and they will eventually be satisfied a larger percentage of the time.

In seeking to be true givers who who fulfill their mates they must seek out and understand human needs so they are aware of where they need to direct the giving energies.

There are seven basic human needs just as there are seven rays, seven colors and seven notes. Here is the list that we shall discuss:

1 The need for union.

2 The need for love.

3 The need for experience.

4 The need for creative expression.

5 The need for knowledge.

6 The need for emotional fulfillment.

7 The need for order.

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