Chapter Eighteen
The Positive and Negative of Feelings

Many religious and New Age writings are teaching that we should only feel the positive emotions of love, happiness, and bliss and that all other feelings are evil and should be extinguished. The basic thought seems to be that if we are “evolved” or “saved” then we will never feel fear, hate, anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, possessiveness, or unhappiness of any kind. God either without or within is only love therefore if we are one with Him we will feel only love.

We read all of these books about love and the way things should be if we are able to escape from the world of illusion and we begin to form pictures in our minds of ourselves in a perfect condition beyond the reach of negativity or illusions of any kind. We want to make the leap to perfection in one step because the picture painted by some inspired book looks so beautiful and true, we cannot bear to live with our imperfect selves another instant.

There are many inspired or channeled, books out that present sound principles designed to lead us out of the illusion toward a perfect manifestation of love. This is well and good, but if the goal toward spiritual progress is not approached correctly all this wonderful inspiration can lead us further into the illusion.

And what is the correct approach to progress toward the true reality?

The answer is simple. All illusion is created by deception. Therefore, we find reality by practicing non deception.

If we do not practice non deception then inspired teachings designed to take us out of illusion can lead us further into illusion.

We must overcome self-deception if we are to see correctly. If we do not see accurately when we look inward then it is impossible to see correctly from the outside world. If we are deceiving the self within then it is fruitless to try and make any adjustment to the outside world. As the Christ said we must take the beam out of our own eye then we can see to take the sliver out of our brother’s.

Three Deceptions

There are three basic deceptions (often overlooked) that we need to master before a lot of progress can be made on the spiritual path.

[1] The deception of our place on the Path.

[2] The deception caused by not facing our true thoughts.

[3] The deception of not facing our true feelings.

[1] The first deception is an easy trap in which to get caught. This is largely caused by the impatience beginners upon the spiritual path. They read these marvelous events of the masters walking though walls, levitating, walking on water, teleporting and so on, and the writing may make it sound so easy a child could do it. They do not want to wait for many lifetimes to acquire all these abilities and thus gets all excited and figures this is his last life on the earth, that they are at least close to being masters and that they could walk through walls if the occasion arose. They often convince themselves that they are beyond all negativity and temptation and that it is not necessary to listen to anyone’s counter thoughts for none can teach these enlightened ones. If they sense negative thoughts, they deceive themselves into the idea that they did not think it. If they feel a negative feeling they force themselves into a mindset that they are beyond feeling such things and then deny having the feeling.

We must all carefully examine ourselves in the light of spirit and reason and discern our true point on the path. The purpose is not to brag about where we are to others, but so that we can know for ourselves. It is impossible to take the next step forward unless we take the step where we are, not where we are not. If I am in Boise and take an imaginary step in New York, then I have neither taken a step in Boise or New York. I have stood still. If we take imaginary steps on the Path of progression by being deceived into thinking we are where we are not, then no progress has been made.

Some people waste many lifetimes in taking only imaginary steps. The only benefit here is that they will eventually learn that they are making no progress and wake up to their true position. But why consume a thousand years needlessly? Why not search our souls and find out where we are now in the present time so we can take our next real step?

If one is not sure of their next step is there some key that will act as a signpost? Yes, the seeker will know he is taking a real step because it is thoroughly fulfilling with a sense of accomplishment, even if it seems insignificant.

[2] The second deception is that of not facing our true thoughts. Most of us are convinced that we have an open mind with no biases, but do we really? Are we perhaps biased against religion, the Bible, teachers, groups, people from the political right or left, Star Wars, abortion, the space program, or Mickey Mouse? Are there certain words that can be said that cause us to immediately shut down and allow no more input? Why do we shut down? What is the real thought behind it? Are we deceiving ourselves into pretending that our true thoughts are not there?

Perhaps we think our beliefs are not as important as the thoughts of others so we pretend we have no thoughts. Maybe we believe that our thoughts are more important than anyone else’s so we pretend that others have no thoughts.

Perhaps we have a belief and we do not know why we have that belief. It is just there we tell ourselves. But there is a thought behind every belief. All creation including beliefs come from thought. If we say it is not there, we are deceiving ourselves. We must ask, why are we afraid to face the root thought? If I am a Catholic and do not know why then perhaps there is a thought I fear to face. Perhaps, in reality, I am a Catholic because I admired my Father who was one. I do not want people to think I am a blind follower, however. I want them to believe I think for myself. The presentation of my thought behind my belief would be embarrassing so I pretend the thought does not exist. I say that I believe in the Catholicism because I just feel it is the best. Thus I have deceived myself and gone further into the illusion.

Our true root thoughts must be discovered and examined in the light of day if we are to see the true reality.

[3] The third and major area of deception at this time concerns our feelings. We are often afraid to face them and take great measures to cover them up because of two basic reasons. (a) We do not like to hurt or bother other people with our negative feelings. (b) We feel that all negative feelings are bad and we are somehow at fault if we are even feeling them. If we are good, or evolved, we will be beyond ever feeling anger, sorrow, hurt, or jealousy or anything but love.

Both of these statements are deceptions in thinking which lead us to misconceptions of how we are feeling.

[a] When we cover up a feeling to avoid hurt or disturbance we are creating a deceptive act. It is deceptive because the person is pretending that he is feeling fine when he is not. One virtually deceives the other person into thinking that all is well. This leads us further into illusion and postpones the day of freedom that much further. In addition, hurt is not avoided as hoped, but increased.

Emotions are like steam in a tea kettle. If they are not released the pressure keeps building up until the lid blows off. When a person suffers any hurt and it is suppressed, or denied then the energy of the emotion still lays latent. When a similar hurt comes later the person not only feels the energy of the present emotion, but this is added to the one that is denied.

After this process is repeated several times, a tremendous emotional energy is built up and can be triggered with the slightest offence. When this happens, the offending person is amazed by such a strong emotional outburst for such a minor reason. Unrealized is the person is receiving the combined emotional blast of several offenses.

If the emotions are not released and the pressure continues to build up, the release may take the form of physical weakness or disease. Consistent and honest communication of feeling brings a smooth flow of emotional energy and this openness unlocks the door for higher spiritual contacts and much more control over emotional release.

[b] Denial of the negative feelings is the greatest and most complicated problem of human self-deception at this present time period. Feelings are covered up for two basic reasons: First, the person fears the feelings are beyond control. Individuals feel that if they allow themselves to express all their emotional feelings that they will feel something they do not want to be or face. Thus, they pretend that they do not have these feelings and avoids mustering up the energy necessary to deal with them.

The second and most common reason we deceive ourselves in not recognizing our feelings is that many view all the negative emotions as evil. It is human nature to think that we as individuals are basically good and that nothing inherently bad can be in us. Because we think of some emotions as bad and we are good, we translate this into the idea that the bad, or negative emotions cannot dwell in us.

If this is our basic root belief and the emotion of hate, jealousy, sorrow, unhappiness, anger or other negative emotion is felt within our breast what do we do? The impulse is to deny it, pretend it doesn’t exist and thus continue in the uninterrupted belief that we are the good guys. The illusion, or deception that is created here is that we cannot be in the light if we have any of these negative feelings in us. But who has judged this? Is it not possible that perhaps one may still be somewhat enlightened and still have feelings of anger of jealousy inside? This seems to be a new idea to some, but we hope to show here that it is accurate.

The truth is that any of the feelings, positive or negative, can be brought about by the right circumstances. When these circumstances occur feelings manifest. When they do, we can either admit them to ourselves and channel the energy constructively, or deceive ourselves and others and pretend they do not exist.

Let us consider this. Both positive and negative emotions exist in us all. This is a fact. I have never met a person who has not expressed some of both. If we accept the fact that God created us and that we are created in His image then it stands to reason that all the feelings, positive and negative, are a form of manifestation of God, or the will of God. All manifestations of God are different vibrations of energy and as such are neutral and are neither good nor evil. What determines the good or bad of any energy is the manner in which it is directed.

Jesus Christ, the Master of the Masters manifested negative as well as positive emotions. He expressed sorrow and wept. He felt anger and chased the money changers out of the temple. We are also told he expressed “zeal” which is from the Greek ZELOS which can also be translated as jealousy. In other words he felt jealous of his Father’s temple and chased the money changers out. The Bible tells us that God hates, is angry, jealous of his people

Electricity just as emotional energy is a good example to illustrate the point. It can either be used to fry a man’s brain or to cook dinner. The intelligence behind its direction determines whether it is good or bad. This should be obvious.

It should also be obvious that this principle applies to all energies including all of our feelings. They are all neutral and can be used for good or evil. We shall illustrate them one by one next.

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Chapter Seventeen
Trust

We have covered the three prime ingredients to a happy relationship: communication, a willingness to give and an open mind. Trust is a fourth consummating key, but the others must lay the foundation for creating this trust. One cannot fully trust someone who deceptively communicates. There will always be the question: “What is (s)he holding back from me now? Is (s)he up to something that is not communicated?” If the mate is an honest communicator, these questions will never be asked and needless suspicions will not be aroused.

If the companion is truly giving, it will tend to make the other feel secure and if a fullness of energy is sent, it will be sensed by the mate and no feeling of betrayal will enter the mind or heart. If individuals do not honestly communicate and become giving, they cannot expect to be fully trusted, yet such a person will demand trust more than others. Trust cannot be delivered on demand, but must be revealed through honest communication.

Essentially trust is a strong reliance on a communicated virtue. We must communicate our strengths and dependability to our mates so they can trust in us.

The most important area of trust in a committed relationship is love. Each wants to trust the other with their love and trust that love will always be returned. To secure this trust, a committed relationship becomes necessary. Thus, the two publicly state before the world in a marriage ceremony that their love for each other can be trusted and a foundation for lasting trust is laid. But if correct communication and giving is not developed, trust will be shaken and the couple will feel insecure in love, which is among the most uneasy of all feelings and very disturbing to the balance in life.

After a couple develop communication and givingness, they find that the cement that holds the union is trust.

Trust in a marriage partner is not unlike faith in God, for trust corresponds to faith and the union sought with a mate is a lower correspondence to our desire for union with God. Before we can have faith in God, we must communicate (prayer, meditation, etc.) and give (donate, serve). Then we find we have faith or trust our concept of God.

Each of us has a reflection of God within themselves, and, when this God in man and woman manifests, a great trusting relationship becomes possible.

If we are to be trusted, we need to be trustworthy. Trust must be also be developed among associates in life outside of the marriage relationship. Groups, states and nations must learn to trust each other and be trustworthy so peace on earth, goodwill to men can be established.

Trust is an energy which is sent that is a reflection of Purpose. Trust which is built on sound principles is very magical. It causes “the law of dominating good” to manifest and sought-for events can miraculously externalize.

Trust is the driving power that moves people to oneness. It is the synthetic energy created through communication and giving.

Trust can only come after effective and honest communication is established. Keep in mind that trust can be wrongfully placed. If the Pharisees had trusted Jesus to teach orthodox doctrine, they would have been wrong. Obviously, such blind trust would show a poor line of communication.

To trust someone, you have to properly understand them. If John trusts that Mary will use her grocery money to buy him a bowling ball, he will probably be mistaken. For trust to have power to cement a relationship, it has to be properly directed. The correct placement of trust is a science just as dealing with electricity is. If electricity makes the proper connection, it may light a bulb. If trust is correctly placed, it may make a reliable union out of two people.

Sometimes, trust will inspire trustworthiness, but not always. Many people just cannot be trusted in certain areas of their lives and showing trust in them will not create an improvement. But for some persons trust can turn their lives around and they will be trustworthy merely because they feel someone believes in them. This type of trustworthiness is usually a temporary thing. Before it can be permanent, one must first be true to themself. When this occurs, others can place faith and trust in us.

A true friend and companion is one to whom you can say: “I trust you, my friend, to always seek that which is good on my behalf and to never intentionally make an effort to cause me pain or harm.”

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Chapter Sixteen
The Seven Needs

(1) The Need for Union

One can meet this need by being a true communicator as already discussed.

The need for union is the most powerful of all needs and all others are branches of this one root need. Union is the motivating force behind all evolution. When two people truly love each other they experience an overwhelming desire for union, and deep within their souls they know it is their destiny. Remember the statement: “Let us commune and be one.”

All people feel a need for more union than they have at the present moment. The single person is drawn to members of the opposite polarity in the hope of union. The married person seeks to create even greater oneness with their spouse. In addition to this, couples seek harmony and closeness with friends and associates. Towns, cities, states and nations all seek to unite their populace through group spirit.

The need for union is the inner motivating purpose behind the other six needs we shall discuss. Love is manifested as we move toward union. Hate grows in separative thinking. We can only appreciate union after we have gone through experiences together. Creative expression brings us closer to those who appreciate it. Knowledge makes us aware of the interrelation of all things. Emotional fulfillment makes us glad we have taken steps toward union and order causes us to see how all things work together in one grand united purpose.

(2) The Need For Love

This is probably the most frequently acknowledged need of mankind for nearly everyone is active in some degree in seeking love. Giving is therefore very important for it is an active expression of love.

Love has been very difficult for mankind to define because there are two basic types and people see what love is from their angle of vision and point of evolution.

The most common love is the love of the personality, or the lower self. The second, and higher form of its expression, is the love of the Soul, or the higher self. The manner in which we give and receive love is dependent on our point in spiritual evolution. If our consciousness has attained contact with our higher selves, or souls, then we can love others as souls. This is an unselfish love. If we have no contact with the higher self then we will love others as personalities. This is a more selfish and possessive love from a higher point of view and is merely a mirrored reflection of true soul love. It may be more appropriately called attachment. Generally, two people get married because they like each other’s personalities and become attached to them. In this situation if there should be an apparent personality change, then love, or attachment, would cease.

If one loves another’s higher self, then a personality change would not cause the love to cease, for spiritual love is not dependent on the personality expression.

Soul love may be defined as: “A desire for union, a desire to serve and fulfill and a desire to share with someone.”

Personality love is one or more of the following: “A desire to be in the physical presence of, or possess (because of the attractiveness of the personality of physical makeup), a desire to please (even though it may not be a beneficial pleasure), and a desire for sexual expression with another person.

Those who have developed soul love will find that they have not left personality love behind for soul love encompasses personality love. Soul love puts personality love under subjection. The person is then able to love on all levels, but loves the personality with detachment so when soul love comes in conflict with it the spiritual love will prevail.

Those who love others as souls still desire sexual expression and fulfillment, but this is not one of the main criteria for determining their love expression for one another. They will not let sex interfere with the desire for union, service and sharing on the soul level. These higher expressions are a first priority and the physical expressions are sublimated to enhancing the higher expressions.

Those who love on the personality level need to be with and be possessed by someone, need to be pleased and need affection and/or sex.

Those who love on the soul level still need the personality fulfillments, but also need union, need to serve to be served and need to share with someone.

The type of service the soul seeks is the service that will stimulate evolution and the sharing it seeks is a sharing of enlightenment that will bring a mate to a higher level of progress. The personality seeks service and sharing with no thought to spiritual stimulation.

The strongest soul need people have in the sharing of love is the sharing of enlightenment that can lead to joyousness. Every person has a strong need for joy and happiness and soul love seeks to fill this need in others through the sharing principle.

(3) The Need for Experience

Experience is an extremely strong need for it is the basic reason all things were created. The One Life who permeates the universe is seeking experience.

Every life form needs certain types of experience depending on its point of evolution. As we progress from life to life we share in many varied experiences. As we repeat certain experiences again and again, we find that we tire of them and that we seek new more challenging ones. When the time comes that we have experienced all there is under the current laws of existence then we reach a point where we are liberated from the physical world.

Each individual has a need to experience variety, change, and entirely new happenings in their life. A new experience can be like a stimulating medicine that can be a healing balm. Even old souls are stimulated by variety and change.

In a meditation I participated in years ago a young man was spiritually transported to a future society where interrelationships were of a very joyous nature. He brought back to us one sentence which impressed everyone in the group: “Our goal is to fulfill each other’s dreams.”

One of the best ways to fulfill one another’s dreams is to help each other have the most conscious expanding experiences that are possible. Find out what the other person wants and help him achieve or experience them.

In a bonded relationship one should study the kinds of experiences one’s mate may need and seek to fulfill them. Talk over the types of new experiences you would like to have together. Keep in mind that this can be anything from a vacation to a new paradise, to learning a new activity, to meditating together. In the Bible the Master says: “I make all things new.” His disciples sing a “new song.” Doing new things, sharing experiences never shared before keeps us eternally young and vibrant and should not be forgotten in a relationship.

If a relationship seems to be getting stagnant the best medicine available is a new experience that is not resisted by either party. Seek for it and the reward cannot be withheld.

(4) The Need for Creative Expression

This is a need that becomes stronger the farther a person progresses upon the path of spiritual evolution. When individuals are centered in the lower self the main creative expression is through imitation. They build, they draw, or create that which they have been instructed in and this fulfills their needs in the personality. These need praise and appreciation for that which they have made and derives much satisfaction from seeing their creations put to practical use.

Those who are centered in the soul develop a need to create things which are new, beautiful and original. They want to sing songs never sung, draw pictures that have never been seen, and build creations that no one has yet dreamed as possible.

We must search out our companion’s creative needs and seek to stimulate them and show sincere appreciation for the beauty of their creations. We should seek to understand the effort and sacrifice that was made. All people need to be appreciated. Perhaps in creative people this need is stronger than most.

(5) The Need for Knowledge

All people high and low need knowledge and can sense the impulses of their soul in some degree driving them toward it. As the need for experience within a sphere of activity decreases the need for knowledge increases. The most important knowledge of all is the knowing of our inner selves. Then we can better know the inner self of our mates. The knowledge of the principles that lead to a joyous relationship is one of the greatest needs humanity senses.

Each person has different areas of interest in which he or she is seeking knowledge and each person is impressed to go a certain direction. We should seek to understand the areas in which our mate is seeking knowledge and seek to help him or her expand the opportunity. If one person in a relationship has more knowledge in an interesting area than another, they can seek to teach their companion. They can enlighten and appreciate each other.

Gaining knowledge is much more than just obtaining facts registered on the brain through memory training. The key of knowledge is the understanding of the principles, for one principle is worth a thousand facts.

Henry Ford is a good example of this. He was once criticized for his ignorance of automobiles and details related to his business. He pointed out to his accuser that he did not have to waste his time memorizing all the details concerning the operation of his cars and business. All he had to do was merely give a call and he could have an expert delivering him the needed knowledge. Henry Ford did not clutter his mind with unnecessary facts, but, instead, worked with principles of good business; hence he was successful.

We must seek to give and receive the principles that make all knowledge available to us and share the knowledge we gain with each other as one of the steps to fulfillment.

(6) The Need for Emotional Fulfillment

The key to emotional fulfillment is to avoid suppression. Suppression is a form of avoiding communication. This is especially dangerous when the negative emotions are suppressed for this can lead to disease, as well as depression. Just like steam pressure in a tea kettle can cause it to blow its lid if it has no release valve, so can suppressed emotion cause a person to explode unpredictably. An unpredictable moody person is usually one who suppressed emotion.

All, whether they suppress or not, have a need to express themselves emotionally whether it be through romantic love, hate, anger, happiness or any other feeling. The emotions should be controlled and rightly directed, but not suppressed. No one likes to live with a walking time bomb and this is what they become if they do not intelligently release feelings now and then to let off the dangerous pressure.

Seekers must find release for emotional feelings as they arise or they can build up negative energy pressure to a dangerous level. For instance, if they feel anger, they should not pretend that it is not there. This is dishonest communication, and negative, whereas control of anger and honestly communicating it harmlessly is positive.

What then should we do with anger, or other negative feelings when we have them if we are not to suppress? Should we attack the person with whom we feel anger? No. This would be uncontrolled emotion. Instead, we must direct the expression of our feeling through the control of the mind.

When we are angry our emotional self sends a strong instinct not to think, but to immediately carry out a destructive action. However, the mind must override emotional authority and declare: “I will not release my authority to decide a course of action. I will stay in command.” After maintaining the reigns of control, the mind can then say: “My emotional self feels all this anger toward Mary that needs released. What is the most harmless way to let it off?” The mind then decides to communicate instead of attack. John says to Mary: “Mary, what you just said makes me feel very angry. I feel like strangling you. I, of course, will not do it, but you really upset me and hurt my feelings.”

Most people have feelings within them, positive and negative, locked tightly within and fear letting them out in the open. They are afraid of becoming vulnerable, believing that they may be hurt as they have been in the past. Nevertheless, each person still has an inward longing to share and release these feelings and they wish with all their heart they could trust someone enough to intimately communicate with them.

If you are reading these lines and feel a need to share suppressed emotions, but cannot because you feel that you can trust no one to not hurt you then the solution is to let the mind assume control and tell yourself: “If I suffer pain because I trust another with my feelings it will not be as bad as the emptiness I now feel. Therefore, I will share my innermost feelings, even at the risk of pain. Some pain mixed with pleasure is much better than non-existence.”

Life is always less painful to one who communicates than to one who does not. In one way of looking at it we could say: “Most emotional pain is an indication of a failure to communicate.”

Those who find themselves responsible for helping other people release pent up feelings will be endeared in other people’s psyches for a lifetime. The overflowing stream of peace and joy that follows such a release is sometimes overwhelming.

When individuals enter a situation where they can communicate and control negative feelings, then they are faced with the need of using their positive feelings to create a fullness of joy. This is the circumstance we should all find ourselves in if we follow our inner urges to communicate.

He or she then works toward a fullness in communicating love-desire energies, affection, sexual and romantic feelings, appreciation, generosity, givingness, and freedom.

Affection is extremely important in a male-female relationship. It is the glue that cements the bond leading to oneness. A touch, a caress, a squeeze or a loving look says: “I care about you and love you as I love myself.” Those who did not receive much affection as a child may not feel like giving or receiving a lot of it as adults. If this is the case one should let the mind assume control and declare: “Giving and receiving affection will help me receive a fullness of joy; therefore, I will give affection.”

If the mind drives one to be affectionate it will not be long before the emotions will be stimulated and they will “feel” like responding. Then the person will “change” into an affectionate person. There is no one in the world who does not have the capacity to appreciate affection. One should intelligently practice giving and receiving it until mastery is attained in this important area of life. One should also practice timing. Giving your mate a hug when he or she is in a rush may produce irritation, but giving the same affection on a lazy rainy day may be greatly appreciated. Sense when the time is right and then give affection and always be open to receiving it.

Sex is one of the most intense forms of giving and receiving positive energy and feeling. There are many good books available on enhancing the pleasures of sex so we need not go into that. Nevertheless, the underlying principle of sexual fulfillment should be stressed: “Communicate your sexual needs to each other and seek to fulfill them in your mate so long as no harm is created.”

There has been so much written on how to put romance in a relationship that we need not go into it here except to say that this is an important area to practice giving and receiving. Most people are aware of how much little things like notes, flowers, a night out on impulse, a walk in the park, and other amenities can mean to a relationship. We must merely practice what we know in this area.

Freedom is, however, an emotional need that is worthy of comment. The couple should allow each other a certain amount of “space” as it is currently called. Almost everyone wants to belong to someone and likes to be possessed to a certain degree, but when that possession interferes with a desired freedom of thought or action then there is resentment. One must examine the mate’s need for freedom and allow the space he or she needs to act and express themselves. We will also find that we will be appreciated if we work to stimulate our companions to greater avenues of freedom. Nevertheless, the interdependency that is agreed upon by the two must be strong enough to hold the bonded relationship intact.

(7) The Need for Order

This need includes the need for balance, rhythm, harmony, structure and judgment. It could also be called the need for cyclic activity.

Despite the fact that we live in a liberated era where everyone wants to do their own thing, all people have a need for a certain amount of structure in their lives. We can see how order is necessary for living things by observing nature. The sun rises and sets at certain times in certain seasons and living things adjust to this. Birds and animals retire to sleep at certain times and rise at predictable times. They eat, store, build, migrate, leave home, and mate at certain set times of cyclic activity. If this is interrupted, their harmony is disturbed.

There is no living thing more out of harmony with nature than humans. In seeking freedom of expression, they often goe to the extreme and do not balance themselves with order as demanded by nature. When humans lack order in their lives, they are out of harmony and often become sick or emotionally disturbed.

Therefore, order is a human need just as love is and is needed for us to obtain a fulness of livingness.

Some types of order that is beneficial to humans are:

[1] Going to bed, rising, and napping (if desired) at approximately the same time each day.

[2] Eating at about the same time and frequency each day.

[3] Study at certain times.

[4] Entertainment at certain times. Man instinctually wants entertainment on weekends.

[5] Sex should be adjusted to harmonize with cyclic desires.

[6] Work at set times.

[7] The laws of the land.

[8] Religious ceremonies, sacraments and observances.

[9] Contemplation, prayer, and meditation.

[10] Marriage as a stabilizing structure.

Often, people with no objectives in life who suffer mentally, emotionally, and physically merely need some order and structure to their life.. This is basically how the churches the world benefit humanity. Their basic benefit is not so much in the knowledge they impart for they impart very little, but the benefit is that they give order and objectives to a family’s life. Very few people will admit that the need for order is the reason they go to church, but in the last analysis it usually is.

You will notice that those who are not active in a church will usually be involved in some civic organizations or fraternities. This involvement we seek is merely to fulfill our need for structure and order. Those who do not have some structure in their lives inspired by some organization or cause are usually listless and feel empty. These are often the type of people who turn to crime. They find no order in society to suit them so they turn against it.

The bonded relationship is so sought after by many because it fills a great need for order. In fact, many people get married more to stabilize their lives than for love. Marriage brings in the new ordered sequence of seeing someone you care for on a cyclic basis. Any newly established cyclic routine brings additional order and therefore, more purpose in people’s lives. When children arrive, new cyclic encounters occur and greater stability reached. These ordered relationships, can, if they are structured correctly, bring more fullness in a person’s life.

The need for ceremony is part of the need for order. This is a basic human need that has received little or no attention by psychologists.

The human need for ceremony is well illustrated in the marriage process itself. For instance, a couple could merely agree to live together with no ceremony and the relationship could be just as successful as a full-fledged husband and wife. However, this is rarely the case because of the need for ceremony. We have created the ceremony of the wedding rites, vows, rings, and laws governing such so we can feel a stamp of public approval on this major decision. Humanity has created covenants that bind this relationship so they can have more order, structure, and purpose in the hope of creating a more permanent relationship.

To create more order, we set up authorities whose word is either law or sanctioned by it. Men and women are married by such an authority. They exchange rings. That is an ordered ceremony. After that, they have the wedding reception. The bridal dress and wedding cake are two more ingredients which fill the need for order here along with all the order amenities of the wedding reception.

Very few couples can really “feel married” unless they follow the accepted public order in getting there.

Even the Christ had to fill people’s need for order when he healed them. Often, if he would not have done it, the people would not have had enough faith to be healed. Sometimes Jesus had them bath in water, another time he poked his fingers in a man’s ear, another time he anointed a man’s eyes with clay made from his saliva, other times he touched their eyes, or tongue, or laid his hands on their heads. Part of the reason he used these techniques was because he recognized people’s need for ceremony and order. People couldn’t believe they could be healed unless he followed a strange ritual of some kind. He perceived the need each person had and tried to adjust to it to strengthen their faith.

We should search for the need for order and ceremony in the lives of ourselves and our mates and seek to fill it. Seek to be a part of the order that is in your companion’s life. Seek to create all the order that is needed to bring a fullness, but beware of being overly rigid. Too much strictness may be a greater evil than not enough order.

Couples should seek to establish mini-sacraments in their relationship: A bottle of wine on a special occasion, getting an ice cream after a movie, collapsing in each other’s arms after the kids are in bed, kissing each other on going and returning from work, saying “I love you” before going to bed etc. These little rituals we all establish help stabilize a relationship through order. If we lack these little ceremonies, it will be found to be advantageous to consciously create a few.

Retired people are especially in need of order because their lives are so disrupted by losing the ordered sequence of going to work. An amazing number of people die within a year or so of breaking off from the work cycle. Those who have a happy retirement are those who can keep order and structure in their life. This is may be more important than diet or exercise for living a long, healthy life.

To become a fulfilling giver, one must learn to control giving with the mind, for if the giving nature is controlled by the emotions, then we will only give when we “feel like it”. When giving is controlled by the mind, we can find ourselves giving when we don’t feel like it, but at the same time accomplishing a great good. If we only give when we feel like it, we are no better than the savage who does the same. But when we give when we think of it, or when it makes sense, then we become the master of the situation and become a true giver.

Most persons have times in the marriage relationship when they do not feel like giving communication, loving feelings, or loving words. This is the greatest opportunity to exercise mental control. The mind is like a muscle and it cannot become strong enough to control the emotions without exercise, but after sufficient and regular exercise, it does become strong enough so mental control is effortless.

Here is one of the best mental exercises you can do: The next time you have your feelings hurt by your mate or loved one, and find it difficult to show any love at all, take hold of him or her and look in the eyes with as loving a look as you can muster and over a short period of time say “I love you” three times. Try and get the partner to do the same. This will dispel much of the negative feelings you have, even if you do not get an “I love you” back. Those seeking the path to union and fullness must develop the power to do this exercise IN ANY SITUATION. When this is accomplished, they will gain a sense of freedom and liberation never before felt and will realize to some degree that the peace that passes all understanding is not dependent on circumstances or other persons, but on the individual.

If the first exercise mentioned above does not dispel all negative feelings, then try this second one: Within the period of one hour, give something three times (tangible or intangible) or provide a needed service for the person who hurt your feelings. Remember that the other person is not responsible for your negative feelings if your mind is in control. Thus, it is not their responsibility to dispel your negativity. It is your own. It matters not how dire and wrong is the deed your partner did to you. It matters not that they do not accept your “I love you,” or gift, or service. What matters is that you give them, and in giving them you liberate yourself. This is why Jesus said: “Give to him that asketh thee.” (Matt. 5:42) He also said we should go the extra mile. Simple advice, but difficult to do.

If, after these two exercises, the negativity is not yet dispelled, there is one more thing you can do: Ask your spouse to do something giving for you. One thing may do the trick, but three things over a period of time is preferable. Do not pick something difficult, but choose something you know they can easily do. If you have told him/her you love him/her three times and given to him/her three times, then (s)he should be ready to give to you. If (s)he hasn’t given to you in some way, ASK. The giving will make you feel better and bring peace in the home.

Generally, these three steps will dispel any negativity in a relationship unless a major rift has occurred and the other party is utterly beyond response.

A yielding nature is essential to create oneness in any relationship and it must be possessed by both parties. People who are truly giving and yielding are rare and when they are found, they are usually mated with someone who is unyielding and takes advantage of their good nature. One yielding person can make a relationship bearable and somewhat workable, but it takes two cooperators to make a true union.

There is a basic difference between giving and yielding. We generally give that which we feel like giving, but when we yield, we often give in areas that are against our feelings for the sake of a relationship. Yielding is the highest form of giving, and, if both parties possess a certain amount of it, the marriage can be “made in heaven.” It is a simple ingredient in a successful relationship that is ignored by most because they do not “feel” like cultivating it.

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Chapter Fifteen
 Key Three – Willingness to Give

Whereas communication is the keystone to happiness, a giving nature is that which builds the bridge to a joyous union. When Joan communicates her needs to John, she needs a satisfying response to obtain fulfillment. John must be willing to give in to those reasonable needs which are communicated. Communication itself is the highest form of giving. Giving is merely communicating to the other person the idea that you value him or her as much as you do yourself. Those who do not have a giving nature are rarely good communicators on a one-to-one basis. They may be able to speak before groups but be incapable of sharing feelings on an intimate level.

The committed love relationship is the highest form of schooling on the earth in that it teaches communication and givingness. The reason for this is that male and female are on opposite polarities as far as energy is concerned. This also applies to same sex relationships as in any relationship one gravitates more to sending, and the other in receiving. This causes in both individuals the need to make a considerable effort before they can effectively communicate and give. They are both forced to develop some empathy and open-mindedness.

To give to another person what he or she wants is not always easy to do. It will be found, however, that the more accurate the communication is for both parties the easier it will be to give. Generally, the reason a partner in a committed relationship does not have their needs fulfilled is because they were not properly communicated. One should always seek to fulfill the needs of the mate involved as long as one’s own needs are not sacrificed to an extreme and there is no harm done. In doing this, we will create an automatic trigger in our mates that will cause them to respond with givingness. It is impossible to give over an extended period of time and not receive back. It is a universal law that we must receive that which was given out.

A Course in Miracles states it aptly by saying “To give and receive are one.” If we fulfill the needs of others, then others must come to us, sooner or later, and fulfill our needs. If every married or attached person believed this law they would then seek to fulfill the needs of their mates whether they thought the partner deserved it or not, for if they refuse they may find their own needs unfulfilled.

There are some instances where fulfillment of the needs of the two involved may conflict with each other. For instance, he may want sex four times a week and she only two. This is what they each need for fulfillment. In this case it would be wrong for the woman to give in to the man all the time if it causes her consistent distress. We must not forget that we have an obligation to our own fulfillment as well as that of others. In this case a compromise is necessary and compromise itself is a form of giving. Compromise is only permanently successful when both parties are willing to yield, or give. In this case they could agree to sex three times a week or they could decide to let the male initiate sex during one week and she initiate the second week. This way each could be fulfilled sexually at least every other week, and as they grow old together seeking to fulfill each other they will find that their needs and desires will adjust to each other and they will eventually be satisfied a larger percentage of the time.

In seeking to be true givers who who fulfill their mates they must seek out and understand human needs so they are aware of where they need to direct the giving energies.

There are seven basic human needs just as there are seven rays, seven colors and seven notes. Here is the list that we shall discuss:

1 The need for union.

2 The need for love.

3 The need for experience.

4 The need for creative expression.

5 The need for knowledge.

6 The need for emotional fulfillment.

7 The need for order.

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Chapter Fourteen
Key Two – The Open Mind

Open-mindedness is, in the last analysis, open-communication and being an open communicator can greatly enhance a relationship. The amazing point is that everyone seems to view themselves as being open-minded. I have a friend who asks many people he meets if they think of themselves as being open-minded. He has asked hundreds of people and, without exception, all of them so far think they are as open-minded as the best of us. On the other hand, you and I know that there are many closed-minded people. We meet them every day – people who refuse to consider or even hear a divergent point of view.

After my friend asks concerning their open-mindedness, he then proceeds to converse with them in a logical sequence using unorthodox data which goes contrary to their preconceived notions. Nine times out of ten, the person will shut off communication on the subject; in other words, he closes down his mind. It is interesting to note that even after this mental shutdown, the person will still insist that he is open-minded. It is interesting to watch a person shut down his mind and afterwards insist that it is still open.

This is one of those subjects where we need to define our terms to clarify communication, for the numerous people who argue over the phrase obviously have different concepts of it.

An emotional person who shuts his mind off to enlightened communication will insist he is open-minded because he seems to use the following definition. To him open mindedness is: “A willingness to hear an associate’s point of view briefly expressed.” When that point of view contradicts something he ‘knows’ or feels to be right, the case is closed and the communication must immediately end or change direction. How can he consider something he knows is wrong? He is always willing to consider additional knowledge pertaining to points of view with which he already agrees.

Using this point of view, anyone can be open-minded, for all of us encounter additional light on concepts in harmony with our thinking. Nevertheless, it is how we handle opposing points of view that determines our true open-mindedness.

A truly open-minded person adheres more to the following definition: “A willingness to hear any opposing point of view and a willingness to exchange facts and data on the subject and follow a logical sequence with the data until a conclusion or consummation is achieved.” The mind remains open to two-way communication until this consummation is reached.

Closed-minded people shut down lines of communication as soon as a point of disagreement is apparent. They think that those who disagreed with them are closed-minded. They may feel that they expressed themselves clearly and the other party should therefore see as they do and agree with them. If others do not agree, they are judged as closed-minded whether the lines of communication are open or not.

To disagree, debate or argue is not being closed-minded, but, as the word implies, it means to close the mind down so there can be no further communication on the metal level.

It is amazing how many people accuse others of being close-minded merely because they disagree and then, immediately after making this accusation, they shut down their minds and refuse to communicate. Who is the open-minded one? Is it the person with lines of mental communication open and desiring to reach a conclusion, or the one who stated his case and shuts down?

In a two-way conversation where there is a mental disagreement, the first person who turns off communication is the more closed-minded of the two. In other words, he closes his mind first.

Every person alive has certain facts and data stored in their minds that is believed to be true. The test for open-mindedness comes when another person states a case that runs contrary to those “true facts.” An open-minded person does not disregard the data he believes to be true, but will be open to the possibility, however remote, that the data is not a fact. For instance, in arguing about addition, one does not disregard the “fact” that two plus two equals four. The acceptance of certain facts such as this is essential to create a chain of data to reason with. On the other hand, as impossible as it may seem, one must be open to the remote possibility that two plus two equals something else and be willing to carry on a two-way conversation about it if someone claims an argument to the contrary.

Open-minded people are not necessarily always correct. They will not always be convinced in an argument, but are much more likely to change their minds when presented with a sound argument over a weak one. A sound argument is one that commences with exploring a point of view and leading in a logical sequence to the conclusion.

Let us say that I believe that the moon is made of green cheese. I can believe in something even this ridiculous and still be open-minded. If someone comes along and tells me that the moon is not made of green cheese “because the Pope says so” am I closed-minded because I reject this argument?

No! Open-minded people need logic and facts to convince them. A mere statement of belief by another person will mean little. Why should the Pope’s opinion be more valid than our own?

If someone says that the moon is not made of green cheese because that is a silly notion and “I personally know it is not,” am I being closed-minded for not accepting this?

No. Again, no reasoning is presented; what I think I “know” is just as valid as what another person thinks he knows.

If someone says that the moon is not made of green cheese because the scientists and authorities say it is not, am I being closed-minded for not immediately accepting this?

Again, the answer would be no. The arguer has not told me why these authorities reached this conclusion and has presented no facts or reasoning.

Let us suppose that another person comes along and says: “The moon cannot be made of green cheese because the moon is not green. Look at the moon and see for yourself.”

Am I being closed-minded for rejecting this? Yes. This person is presenting more than a mere statement of either his opinion or another’s. He is offering me a chance to look and see for myself.

Am I being closed-minded if I say: “The moon certainly does not look green, but the gray color could be caused by a distortion of our atmosphere?”

No. This is a possibility that needs to be explored from my point of view, impractical though it may be.

After I have sorted this out, I may then look at the moon and ask myself: “Whatever made me think the moon is made of green cheese when the moon is not green? It must be made of grey cheese.”

Am I being closed-minded now?

No. No one has proven to me or presented a logical argument that the moon is not made of any kind of cheese. They merely proved it was not green and I accepted it. I am still open to communication on the subject.

Later another comes along and shows me some actual pictures taken from the moon’s surface and scientific data on core samples and says: “Here we have irrefutable evidence that the crust of the moon is, in many ways, similar to the earth and no cheese of any kind was found on the moon after a half dozen trips.”

Am I closed-minded if I reject this? Yes. The thought that the moon was made of cheese may have been a cherished belief of mine for decades and it may be very difficult to accept that this is not true, but I must strongly consider it or be a closed-minded person.

In the end, open-mindedness is open communication through the mind, or from mind to mind, until oneness is achieved. Two open-minded people placed together will eventually become one in thought if pertinent facts are available.

Open-mindedness between companions creates smooth sailing on the waters of life.

Communication is the foundation of all happiness. It is the prime key and ingredient. Communication is the door that leads men and women back into the presence of God. Communication reveals the path that leads to the kingdom of God that lies within every person.

When we can be completely without deception in all communication, we have then opened the door to overcome all things, and see our way out of the great illusion that holds us bound to mortality.

Pure communication reveals that there is no death. The Christ showed the result of pure communication when the tomb burst open and the immortal Son of God walked free. True communication eventually reveals to us that we are now what we have always been: Sons of God. We are as God created us. Deceptive communication tells us that we are much less than this. True communication leads us out of all illusion, but we must begin to walk the path to liberation by applying honest communication in normal day to day relationships with men and women until it becomes clear that they are not just men and women, but sons and daughters of the One God.

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Chapter Thirteen
Three Keys to Happiness
Key One – Communication

There are three basic keys to happiness in any relationship; they are communication, giving/receiving, and trust.

These three simple ingredients can lead the way to great happiness for anyone. It is important to contemplate the root source of happiness. It can be summed up in one sentence: Interaction with others that leads to unity. No one has ever been truly happy in relationship who has not had a hope of unity or union with another.

The first union that needs to be established is within the individual: the union of the personality with the soul, or the lower self with the higher self. When we communicate, give to, and trust the soul and subject the personality to it, we take a major step toward joyousness, and truly then begin to consciously seek merging and oneness with others.

Let us briefly discuss the three keys mentioned that lead to happiness in a relationship.

The first key is communication. Communication is the most important of all the keys, for it is the foundation upon which the other two are built. Contemplate this sentence for a moment: If any two people truly communicate, they will be one, for the vast majority of disagreements are caused by a failure to communicate.

All unhappiness in any relationship can be traced back to a failure to communicate by one or both parties.

When we examine common problems that occur in a marriage relationship, we can always discover a lack of communication. A divorce is, in the last analysis, a statement by one or both parties that says: “If you had communicated to me before I married you what is communicated to me now, I would have seen that our relationship wouldn’t work.”

There is one other rule we must take into account: People can communicate with each other only to the degree they have learned to communicate with their souls. Those who have had no soul contact will find that every communication they give or receive will have some deception in it. Words themselves veil true meanings and to have true communication, one must “read between the lines” or learn to look beyond the literal meanings of words.

An example of a communication problem is: A Catholic and a Protestant have a child who has become old enough to go to church. The two get into a heated disagreement over which religion he is going to raised in. This disagreement shows a lack of communication in three areas:

[a] Premarital: The couple should have communicated these feelings before they were married and reached an agreement then. Perhaps communication at that time would have caused each of them to seek elsewhere for a marriage partner.

[b] Communicating each other’s current feelings: If they truly understood each other’s feelings, they would be willing to compromise and reach some agreement in the interest of the child – providing they both have the interest of the child at heart.

[c] Communication with their souls: If they had true understanding, they would realize that in the end, it would not make a lot of difference which church the child started with, especially if the parents teach him the basic virtues found within both churches.

A second example: Joe likes to play cards with the boys every Wednesday night, and Mary does not like this, for she says she wants him to spend more time alone with her. Joe becomes upset because he feels restricted and nagged, and Mary is upset because she feels lonely and rejected.

Again, Joe’s need to spend time with his friends as well as Mary’s need for companionship should have been communicated before they were married. It may have made a difference in their decision to marry.

On the other hand, it is possible that a little communication in the present will solve the problem. Does Mary really need Joe home every night or does she just want more attention and security in their relationship? Is it possible that “I want you home tonight” is a deceptive communication? Is she avoiding saying what she means because of fear of rejection and hurt? Is she really saying “I want to be more a part of your life. I want you to think I am important and if you made me feel that way, I wouldn’t feel insecure if you left for an evening”?

Perhaps Joe thinks Mary is very important but has not communicated it to her. Perhaps it has been years since he bought her flowers, or wrote her a sweet note, or told her how much he cared for her. Communication leads the way to the fulfillment of both their needs.

A major cause and effect of discord in relationships is arguing. All arguments are caused by a lack of communication. A good marriage counselor can sit between almost any two people having an argument, explain in different words what the other party means, and the argument will usually cease because the other’s point of view is then understood. As long as both parties are receptive to communication this can be done.

Arguments have two basic causes:

[1] The two have a different interpretation of various words used in the argument. This different interpretation has not been communicated.

[2] The two are seeing from different levels of vision. No two levels of vision are exactly the same, but a real problem occurs when one of the arguers sees only on the emotional level and the other sees on the mental. The mental person must step down to the feeling world to reach agreement with the emotional person. It is very seldom one can get a person who is polarized in the emotions to follow a course of pure logic.

One would be surprised at how many times cause #1 occurs. Usually when this happens, both parties actually believe the same way, but have a different use of words. Here’s an example:

JOHN: Every time someone communicates, he is teaching in one way or another.

MARY: Do you mean that any time someone says anything, he is teaching?

JOHN: Yes.

MARY: That cannot be right. I have had many people speak things to me that did not teach me anything. In fact, many things were completely untrue.

JOHN: Even if the communication is untrue, there is some fact conveyed.

MARY: Let’s take an example. I take a bite of a steak and I say “This is delicious”, but you take a bite and don’t like it. How does your communication teach me anything? I know the steak is good independent of what you say.

JOHN: Nevertheless, I related to you the FACT of my distaste for the steak and that is my opinion. My opinion may not be true in your eyes, but it is a fact that it is my opinion and I taught you what I think.

MARY: But your opinion was nothing useable so I was not taught anything.

JOHN: It doesn’t matter whether you use it or not. I still taught you my opinion.

MARY: You did not teach me anything. Your opinion wasn’t even true from my point of view.

The problem here is that John and Mary are using a different definition of the word “teach”. John thinks that to teach is to relate any fact so it is understood, whether it is useful or not to the other person. Mary thinks that there is no teaching accomplished unless the person receiving the communication receives data he can use in her life.

Even though John’s opinion may not be true to Mary, it is still a fact that it is his opinion. He related the true fact of the way the steak tasted to him. In relating this fact to Mary, he was teaching by his definition.

By Mary’s definition, he was not teaching because she didn’t care what he thought of the steak. It was not useable knowledge to her.

The two will argue till doomsday and never reach agreement on this point until they agree on a common definition of the word “teach.” If they go to the dictionary and use the most accepted definition and abide by it, then they will find that they agree with each other after all. Perhaps they could arrive with two different terms to define what they felt about teaching. For instance, to teach would be the communication of any fact, useful or not, but an “effective teacher” would fit Mary’s idea of one who communicates useful information. Once they have defined their terms, they have no need to disagree unless one party is just plain stubborn.

Perhaps we can now see the truth of the following rule: “If two people agree on their definitions, and communicate on a logical basis, they will always reach some point of agreement.”

The second cause of arguments is that of seeing from different levels of vision. Some arguments from this category are over such things as capital punishment, religion, abortion, equal rights, racism, etc. If two people are arguing over an emotionally charged subject, then one may know that one or both members in the discussion are emotionally polarized. If both members stay on the plane of the mind, they can stay calm even in discussing such emotional subjects.

Thus, we have two basic types of arguments in this second category: a) Emotional verses emotional, and 2) Emotional verses logical. mind

Here we have an example of emotional verses emotional:

DON: All men are created equal. Blacks are just as good as you or I.

RON: I never met a black I liked. They are all lazy and want to live off the white man. They ought to be sent back to Africa.

DON: You’re a racist pig if I ever met one.

Ron then takes a punch at Don.

Notice that neither of the two men use any intelligent reasoning. Now we will examine an emotional verses a logical argument:

DON: All men are created equal. Blacks are just as good as you or I.

JOHN: It depends on what you mean by equal. In reality, no two people are alike, even in the same race.

DON: You sound like a racist to me.

JOHN: A racist is someone who does not believe in equal rights for the different races. I do believe in equal rights so how do you get the idea that I am a racist?

DON: You do not believe that blacks are equal.

JOHN: I said that I don’t believe that any two people are equal, or exactly alike. By that I don’t mean that they are not Equal in rights, or even potential. I’m talking about ability and personality. You didn’t seem to be listening. You and I are not exactly equal, or alike. For instance, I can run faster than you, and, at present, there is nothing you can do about it.

DON: Do you believe that the black is equal to the white?

JOHN: We all have unlimited potential and blacks and all races should be equal in rights, but in other ways one race will differ from another. For instance, I think that blacks are better basketball players than whites on the average, but, on the other hand, whites seem to excel at hockey.

DON: It sounds to me like you’re a racist.

JOHN: It sounds to me that we had better pin down your definition of a racist so we can talk intelligently.

Notice that Don thought John was a racist because he did not speak from the same feeling level as he did. John was exasperated because he was trying to speak logically to an emotionally polarized person. If Don could shift his angle of vision to the world of reason he would see that John does not LOOK at other races as being not as good as his own. Instead, he is trying to examine differences in a logical manner.

There is one other cause of disagreements and this is illusion. Illusions are caused by wrong core beliefs in a person’s thinking. All beliefs that branch off this core belief may seem completely logical and sound if the core belief is unexamined. But when the core belief is seen in the light of the mind, the illusionary nature of the branch beliefs are readily seen.

If one person believes that man is basically evil and another believes he is essentially good, then the two will disagree again and again on the branch beliefs. To reach harmony, they must both trace their branch beliefs back to the core belief and examine them under the light of reason. Only high mental thinkers will be able to do this. Emotionally charged people can never trace their beliefs back beyond the point of where their mind currently has its attention.

We can begin to see that true communication is difficult to achieve, but when it is we will be amazed at how simple, yet joyous it is.

There are two types of communication: (1) Deceptive communication. This hides the whole truth, consciously or unconsciously, and, in the end, creates restlessness and pain. (2) Honest communication. Here the feelings and thoughts are conveyed as accurately as possible. This leads to joyousness and peace. Some may argue that a certain amount of deceptive communication is necessary because “the truth hurts,” but what is not realized is that the truth only hurts when it follows a deceptive communication.

Let us say that a man is unfaithful to his wife and doesn’t want to tell her of the affair he is having because it will hurt her. Thus, he tells himself that he is doing right in deceiving her; but what he doesn’t consider is that he had to give her many deceptive communications before a secret affair could even take place. If he would have communicated fully with her from the beginning, he would have avoided producing the circumstances that create the hurt. Deception to avoid hurt only becomes necessary when a foundation has been laid by previous deception.

Honest communication is difficult for people because of two fears: 1) The fear of hurting others and 2) the fear of becoming vulnerable and hurting oneself.

Both fears are illusions in this upside-down shadow world. The truth is the opposite of the way most people think. Hurt is caused by lack of communication or deceptive communication – not honest communication. Honest communication only hurts when it exposes deceptive communication.

Every man and woman will admit that they want someone with whom they can communicate. Each person has a strong inward longing for real communion with another. How can we achieve this? How can we let down the walls and let our thoughts and feelings flow unchecked without fear of pain?

As long couples are polarized in the world of feeling and allow emotion to govern decision making, they will generally communicate with some degree of deception, for their emotional selves greatly fears pain for themselves and others, and is willing to deceive to avoid it. To achieve true communication, even on an emotional level, we must raise ourselves up to the plane of the mind and subject the emotions to mental control. The mind realizes that pain is a part of life, that some of it is inevitable, and accepts the fact that some of it will come our way. Because the mind accepts pain, it does not have unreasonable fear of it. Mentally polarized people can be more honest in communication because they do not deceive to avoid pain. They can then subject the emotions to the mind and command the emotions to express themselves in fullness. The mind also controls itself to a degree and expresses itself honestly, provided it is not under an illusion.

No two people can truly be one until the mind through the soul assumes control in the relationship and there is communication without deception from beginning to end. There will be no big hurts even if the two were to separate, but in a relationship of true communion, separation is rare.

Establishing true communication where it previously did not exist takes a great degree of aggressive energy. Honest communication does not occur among emotionally polarized people by “going with the flow”. The emotional self generally leads a person in the opposite direction of the pure reason of the non-deceptive mind. That is why the mind must assume control and literally force communication, as much as will be allowed. When all channels are opened up and a free flow of energy established, then true communication will be the natural state.

To learn honest communication, one must examine every thought expressed by ourselves and others, and look for deception in thoughts unexpressed. The speaker must constantly ask himself, “Have I truly communicated my thoughts in what I just said? Does the listener know how I feel about the subject?” If the answer is “no”, he should seek further clarification.

Example: John is starting up a new business and Joan seems eager to help him succeed. She is helping him with the books, answers the telephone and runs errands. The time comes, however, when Joan seems to lose interest and John finds that he has to badger her to get her to help him. He says to Joan:

“Joan, have you lost interest in the business? What’s the matter?”

“Nothing’s the matter” replies Joan. (Deceptive communication. Obviously something is the matter).

“Do you not think our business will succeed or what?”

“I suppose it will if you work at it hard enough”

“What do you mean if I work it? The business is ours, not just mine.”

“Ours?” she says coldly. “It is no concern of mine. I’ve got a lot of other concerns to keep me busy. I’m tired and I’m going to bed.”

Joan then rises and walks off to the bedroom. John is baffled by her behavior.

Every sentence Joan has spoken here has been deceptive. She did have a problem. She teaches an aerobics class and wanted John to show some interest in it, but he ignored her completely. He also made no comment when she lost ten pounds and her figure improved. Her feelings are deeply hurt. She is afraid to communicate her exact feelings for fear she will be patronized by John and hurt more deeply. Thus, she suppresses her feelings, but suppressed feelings do not die . . . they grow. Joan’s feelings grow into an unconscious attack on John. She strikes at John by ignoring his business in the same way he ignored her.

The problem is that now she has made John upset, the two suffer a loss of affection and the channels of communication are cut off more than ever. At this point the solution to the problem must come from John. Joan is upset and totally focused on her feelings to the extent she does not want to even think about the problem or solution. John must ask himself what he did to hurt her. He must retrace his steps to the first sign of discord. What was the original thing he did to hurt Joan? Was it the aerobics class? He can see signs of how he hurt her by examining how she tries to hurt him. If he can guess accurately and approach Joan with the real problem and show a willingness to solve it then the lines of communication can be reopened.

It would have made everything much easier, however, if Joan had not been deceptive in the first place. When the hurt first occurred, she should have said:

“John, do you realize how it makes me feel when you ignore projects that I am interested in while, at the same time, I am showing interest and enthusiasm for things you like? It makes me feel like you are the only one that counts in this family and that nothing I do matters. It makes me feel like not even helping you in the business.”

“I didn’t realize I was ignoring you. I guess I’ve had a lot of things on my mind.”

“How would you feel if I dropped all interest in your business and acted like I didn’t give a damn?”

“I’d feel pretty bad. I depend a lot on you,” said John.

“I want to depend on you too,” said Joan. “I need your support.”

“I’m sorry honey, but I’ll tell you this. From now on you’re going to see a big improvement.”

Here we see that honest communication would have prevented any major hurt and alienation from taking place. Fortunately, John was yielding and willing to give in to Joan’s communicated needs. This willingness to give is the second ingredient which creates happiness.

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Chapter Twelve
The Mystery of Romantic Energy

The correctness and incorrectness of the sharing of sex energies has been a cause of debate for thousands of years. We have covered several principles seeking to bring enlightenment in this area, but the subject must be more deeply explored. We must correctly understand the right use of this power for without understanding we always follow the lower way.

Another factor making right understanding more complicated is the fact that the right use of sex energy is different for different people at varying stages of consciousness and evolution. The right use for each individual is that highest use which his consciousness can accept.

There are four basic ways individuals look at sex:

[1] The first way is by one who thinks that the giving and receiving of physical pleasure is natural, and that he should enjoy it with whomever he finds attractive. Such a person will ask himself: “What is the harm in enjoying sex with whomever I want and obtaining physical fulfillment?” His answer is usually, “I can see nothing wrong with it, for I give and receive pleasure.”

These people receive no great condemnation from their souls for the way they use sex energy, for they use it according to the best of their knowledge. Nevertheless, because of natural law, there can be suffering from feelings of emptiness and lack of fulfillment on the emotional level. From time to time, they will feel impulses from their souls prompting them to greater discrimination and a more correct use of sex energy. Even though there is emotional sharing, this attitude makes it difficult for this person to merge with the deeper emotional energies. This is the next field of endeavor to explore.

These individuals share the least amount of energy in sex and are therefore able to enjoy free sexual license with little affecting their conscience. A basic rule is: The less energy shared in sex, the less discriminating the person need be in its use and selection of partners. The more energy shared in sex, the more discriminating the person must be in its use.

If there were no energy shared at all, then there could be no “sin” in pure physical sex. For instance, the animals do not share energies in the way that humans do; thus, they are under no condemnation for their use of sex. The basic point to remember is that sex is not good or evil because of the physical act itself, but because of the manner in which the energies connected with the act are directed.

[2] The second way of looking at sex is viewing it with the idea that any sexual relationship is good if romantic love and sharing of emotional feeling are involved. “If no one gets hurt, it’s OK” is the general idea expressed here.

A person with this viewpoint sees no reason to hold back his or her sexual expression as long as there is a feeling of romantic love between two people. He or she feels that sex for physical satisfaction only, with no love interest, is wrong, but can rarely give a logical explanation as to why. They merely feel that love should be there for somehow it makes it more satisfying.

For a person at this stage of thinking, this is the most correct use of sex energy. It may be quite fulfilling, but it still leaves the participant short of full completeness, for a full sharing and union is not accomplished at this stage of thinking.

[3] The third attitude toward sex is the black and white view. Sex sanctioned by the church is the only right sex, and sex outside of this sanction is wrong sex, a terrible sin. People at many different levels of consciousness get caught in this rigid way of thinking. For those who are governed by their emotions, this way of thinking can be beneficial to them and lay a foundation for stability and security in relationships. Those who are of higher evolution want logical explanations as to why sex is good or bad in different circumstances and feel as if they are caught in a trap by religious teachings.

Those who govern their sex lives purely by black and white religious teachings will also fall short of fullness. One major problem is that they often suffer guilt feelings over many of their sexual desires. A person may desire to experiment with his spouse or find the body of a passing female attractive and feel guilty because he thinks God or his religious authorities would disapprove. This person is always struggling with “temptation” and is seldom happy with himself.

Such people need to break their minds free from rigid rules and govern themselves by true principles. They need to understand why something is good or evil and not merely believe a doctrine because someone has told them it is true. Religious teachings generally guide mankind in the right direction, but their virtue is often destroyed by a black and white attitude. “The letter (of the law) killeth, but the spirit (of the law) giveth life.” (II Cor. 3:6)

[4] The fourth attitude is that of those who are evolved enough to understand the true principles governing sexual expression.

These they understand either because they intuitively perceive them, or have been taught by someone else. In either case, their sexual actions are governed by knowledge and understanding. This attitude is rare indeed in today’s world. However, if a clear teaching on the matter gained wide circulation, the number of people in the fourth category would be dramatically increased.

The basic physical sex urge in humanity propels us toward sex because we sense an urge to union, and sex is a symbol of union in the physical world. The higher energies of desire, love and purpose also seek union, and true fulfillment only comes when all human energies in the male-female relationship achieve union. It makes sense then that anyone who gains a true knowledge of a path to greater fulfillment will seek with all his energies to achieve it.

People who have not shared all the energies leading to complete sexual union and fulfillment sense that there is something more available to them, but know not how to find it. On the other hand, once this greater fulfillment is experienced, even once, neither heaven or hell can stop that person from seeking and eventually discovering all the laws of unity. As knowledge is then increased, the numbers of individuals who use sex energy correctly correspondingly increases.

The person with the fourth attitude mentioned above understands the sharing principle governing sex and all relationship interactions.

To understand the sharing principle, one must look upon all individuals as units of desire energy. Each person, male and female, possesses one unit each of solar plexus energy. This is the energy of desire and romantic love. The sharing of this energy must be carefully regulated by spiritual law because the wrong dispersal of it creates many of the negative emotions, feelings, and actions of mankind. Feelings of jealousy, anger, and emptiness primarily result when this law is broken and those who suffer these feelings usually have no idea as to the root cause.

Each individual possesses one unit of desire energy. As long as he or she maintains a complete and full unit of this energy, they will not be afflicted with jealousy, anger or emptiness. For instance, if participants have little association with or desire for romantic companionship and are content to be alone and keep this unit of desire energy all to themselves, they will maintain the one unit within them and not suffer jealousy, anger or emptiness because of relationships. When, however, they meet potential mates, sends out desire energy, and develops a romantic love toward him or her, they find that they are no longer a complete energy unit. To be complete (as far as energy is concerned), the female must send to him the same amount of desire energy that he sends to her. If he does not receive it, he will feel unbalanced and will be forced, sooner or later, by his nature to take his energy back and once again become stable.

Let us take Jim, for instance who has been a happy single person for the past five years. He finds himself in a state of balance for he is sending out no romantic energy and keeps his entire unit to himself; that is until Sue crosses his path. He finds her very attractive and after a date decides to go out on a limb and send her 25% of his emotional unit. She is not interested and does not return it. Jim then feels out of balance for a few weeks until he gets the message that she is not interested and gradually draws it back in.

Jim may not realize it but it is not his destiny to remain single. A short time later he meets Betty and bravely ventures forth 25% of his romantic energy again. This time the reaction is different. Betty is attracted to Jim and returns the energy with a risky 50%. Now she is the one taking the chance because she is giving 50% for 25% and if she does not draw more energy out of Jim she will feel out of balance. Jim, on the other hand, feels great. He takes 25% of her 50% and adds it to the 75% he already kept inside him and he now has his 100% stable unit with a 25% surplus to play with should he decide to venture forth some more energy.

The truth of the matter is Jim felt burnt by Sue (his previous relationship) and he is hesitant to let down any more walls so he keeps his sending energy at 25%. On the other hand, Betty is beginning to feel short-changed and unstable for she only has her 50% plus Jim’s 25% (that he is sending) or a total of 75% of her unit. She now reaches a point where she must draw more out of Jim or end the relationship so she tells Jim: “Either we get serious about each other or we’re history.”

That does it. Jim wakes up. He likes Betty and does not want to lose her. He increases his energy output to 75% and Betty responds likewise. That is enough to do the trick. They then spend the next several years sharing between 60-80% of their energy together, always trying for that 100% but never quite achieving it. They are both afraid to let down those last few walls.

Then comes a time when Sue bounces back into the picture. Now she cannot have Jim she finds him attractive and sends him 25% of her energy. Jim and Betty are both sharing around 80%, but Jim is flattered and returns to Sue her 25% plus another 15% for a total of 40%. Now he is only sending Betty 40% and she feels a definite void and asks Jim: “Is there another woman?”

“Of course not,” he responds. “That is your imagination.”

He says this halfway believing it because physically he has been completely faithful. He does not realize that he has robbed Betty of her energy.

While Jim is leaking out energy to Sue, Bob (a family friend) picks up on Betty’s need for emotional support and invites her to lunch. He’s always liked her as a friend, but never felt impressed to show her romantic attention until now for he feels her need for energy. He accepts her 40% and sends her 80%. She responds by withdrawing the remaining 40% from Jim and sending an entire 80% to Bob. They immediately have an affair.

Now Jim is beside himself. He has a 15% overflow to Sue and 40% to Betty. 55% of his energy is missing. When Betty is late getting home from work that night, he is suspicious. He questions her. She is defensive. He knows something is wrong and does not want to lose her. He becomes desperate. He withdraws the 25% from Sue (which causes her to feel strangely out of balance) and pleadingly sends an additional 10% from within he has never given her before.

He is now sending Betty 90% and getting back 0%. He is devastated and almost loses his will to live – unless he can get her back.

Now we have put our point across let us make a long story short. Jim and Betty patch up their marriage, but because of guilt and pain they are both hesitant to share more than 60% of the energy unit for some years to come. Jim never does realize that his “innocent” yielding to Sue by sending her some of his feelings was the indirect cause of the whole crisis to the marriage. All he can think of is: “Why did Betty do this to me?”

On the other hand, Betty is not without responsibility. She could have resisted Bob and put her energy into restoring balance, but she would have never had the temptation from Bob if Jim had not taken energy that was rightfully hers.

Let us sum up the key to romantic stability which is this:

Each person has one unit of romantic energy and when the sharing of that energy begins, the amount shared must be returned to maintain peace and stability.

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Chapter Eleven
The Meeting of The Minds

We have covered principles governing the sharing of two out of three of our basic energies: our desire nature and the heart. The full sharing of even these two energies is very rare, but the sharing of all three – desire, heart, and mind – is almost unknown among men and women at present. A union of minds is an almost idealistic goal, but it is one that will soon be achieved by a few advanced souls who will pave the way to complete fulfillment for the rest of humanity. In several hundred more years, this will be a much talked about subject.

Up to now, a complete union of minds usually occurs between a Master such as the Christ and a dedicated disciple; this is sometimes called the second comforter and was mentioned by the Master: “And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you forever; Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be IN you.” (John 14: 16-17)

The Christ mentioned this principle once again: “Behold I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I WILL COME IN TO HIM, and will sup with him, and he with me.” (Rev. 3:20)

The principle described this verse is sometimes referred to as a divine possession, or overshadowing. A member of the Hierarchy such as the Christ or one of the Masters associated with him will project his own mental and living essence to dwell in the body of a disciple for a period of time. During this time, the disciple’s body will house two minds at once and the interplay of energy the disciple will feel will produce sensations of union in a much higher wavelength and intensity than was the union of the heart energies.

It is the destiny of man and woman to eventually receive this, the highest of unions. Presently, highly developed men and women share a small endowment of mental energy, but that interplay they may feel in the mind during lovemaking and other times is generally only a slight foreshadowing to the greater union to come.

The question then naturally arises as to what a couple must do to achieve this, the highest of unions, so man and woman can achieve fulfillment and make love simultaneously in the three worlds of human endeavor.

To share the heart center, the two must be masters over the world of emotion; to share the world of the mind, both must be masters over the mind. To be a mental master, the mind must be subject to all intuitive flashes given to it through the soul. If the mind does not “obey” the higher self and comprehend principles delivered to it, it becomes very limited in its usefulness and eventually becomes destructive. In esoteric language, it becomes “the slayer of the real”. In other words, without the connecting link of the intuition the mind determines that illusion is real, and because it is full of facts and does not understand all true principles, it rejects or “slays” the true reality.

For instance, the mind, relying on facts only, often rejects the idea that a higher power than human exists because it cannot be concretely proven. This reality is then slayed until the seeker intuitively grasps the principle of the One Life. The individual then readjusts the facts to fit the principle and the reality once rejected is brought to life again.

The mind must be led out of deception and illusion through the soul by the power of intuition that connects us with the God Within, the source of all true principles. Then concrete reasoning is directed by the soul. At this point, one still uses freewill to choose to accept or reject the intuitive instruction, and if it is used correctly, then the power of Will is used to direct the mind to comprehend and direct reasoning according to soul impulses.

When two people reach this point, they can finally see “eye to eye” as it is called in the Bible. When a male and female reach this plateau, they can begin to experience celestial sharing of the mind energy. The mental matter that composes the highest part of their aura will intermingle and great will be their union.

To achieve the highest possible union with the opposite sex, a person should approach a relationship from the “top down” (or from the mind down to the body), and not from the “bottom up,” as is the case with most people.

To approach a perspective partner from the top down, one must start the relationship on a mental level; next he proceeds to the emotional energies, and last to the physical union.

The natural approach is to seek first a physical union, and if this is successful, then proceed to higher areas of union. The problem with this latter approach is that a physical relationship entered into without the interplay of the emotions and the mind merely stimulates the sexual energies and makes it much more difficult to focus on the higher energies later. Women instinctively know this is true, even though few are able to logically express the reason in words. Most females are repelled by the male who wants instant sex. She wants to be known at least on an emotional level (desire plane) first. She wants to share some feelings so the physical relationship can have some meaning.

One can tell which energy controls people’s actions by observing how they initiate relationships. If they attempt physical sex at the earliest possible moment, then they are motivated most strongly by sacral energy. If they attempt to win a partner first by sharing romantic or deep emotional feelings, then they are centered in desire or solar plexus energies. If they attempt to first win the partner through the mental sharing of thoughts and ideas with no emotional involvement, then they are centered in the mind. If they attempt to first win the partner through the sharing of pure love or acceptance, as in a close friendship, then the centering is in the heart energies.

Examples Of Higher Sharing

An example of a person centered in the heart energy and initiating a relationship is as follows:

Jim’s consciousness is centered in the heart and is motivated by Love-Wisdom. He meets Sue and is impressed by her, and wants to investigate the possibility of a long-term relationship with her. He finds her physically attractive, but does not like the idea of becoming physically intimate too soon. He may not be able to explain why, but he has always wanted sex to be more than physical gratification.

He also resists the “natural” inclination he feels to capture her emotionally too soon; he feels this would interfere with his judgment as to whether she would truly be a good partner. He sees love as something more than deep emotional involvement. He considers a deep friendship as more important than romantic love.

Even though Jim is very attracted to Sue, he resists the impulse toward physical involvement and first tries to make friends with her, just as he would approach a male that he likes. He feels that if he can look upon her, first, not as a male or female, but as a good friend that he can truly love without romantic attachment, then a permanent relationship can work.

In his friendship with Sue, he often finds himself in situations where he knows he could stimulate in her an emotional-desire love by speaking the right words, or making the right gestures, but these inclinations he resists until the time is right. He wants to first take the friendship to the critical level before moving to a romantic involvement.

He also finds himself in situations where knows he could stimulate Sue’s physical desire for him. There are times when he knows a touch, hug, or squeeze at the right moment would stir desire energies within her. These inclinations he also resists, for the stimulation of these energies would hinder his purpose to an even higher degree.

Jim’s friends think he is a bit odd for not making the “moves” on Sue, for she is very attractive, but he is not concerned about what they think. Jim is most interested in establishing a beautiful relationship.

One person, however, is very impressed, and that is Sue. Sue finds that she is very attracted to Jim, but has not yet become close enough to him emotionally to experience those deep longing feelings that she has had with other men in the past. Yet, she feels that if something could break the ice, she could be closer to Jim emotionally than anyone she has ever met. She finds that she is pleased that Jim respects her enough as a person to establish a non-romantic friendship. She thinks Jim is refreshingly different and waits with quiet anticipation for him to advance the relationship toward a greater involvement.

Finally, the time comes when Jim feels the moment is right. He speaks loving words to Sue. He tells her how much he admires her and wants to get closer to her. He touches and caresses her at the right time and looks in her eyes in ways that expresses his feelings toward her. Waves of desire and intense emotional feelings pass between them and at this moment they enjoy togetherness as they never have before. They have an enjoyment and fullness that is never known between those who begin at the physical or even emotional level and try to move up. By starting at their highest consciousness and moving down, Jim and Sue find they can experience a fullness in three levels of energy.

A second example is of one who is centered in the mental energies:

David is a thinker, a person of ideas. He is a person of logic and reason, and draws much inspiration from the world of the intuition. He often feels like a stranger in a strange land and tires of having to constantly reach down to an emotional level to establish relationships with women. He feels that he usually has only a surface relationship with most of the people he has met. He has never met anyone that he would like to make a permanent bond with, but he is always looking.

One day he met Elizabeth. He had a short conversation with her and found her stimulating, so he decided to check out the possibility of further involvement.

Even though she is very attractive, an immediate physical relationship is the last thing on his mind. He finds that he is not the slightest bit tempted to explore that area yet.

Elizabeth is also a person of strong feelings and David can sense this, but he consciously avoids any action or speech to stimulate those feelings, for he knows that a too-soon emotional involvement will often fog the mind so one cannot view a relationship in correct perspective.

David is not even interested in establishing a deep friendship even though he senses that this could be done quite quickly. A deep friendship may have the disadvantage of pulling his mind the wrong direction if this girl is not what he is looking for.

And what is David looking for?

David has been a searcher all his life, always looking for new truth and ever seeking to expand his consciousness. He has a strong sense of mission and seeks someone to help him accomplish the directions given to him by his soul. He will be interested in Elizabeth if she is a true seeker of light and truth.

He decides to test Elizabeth’s response and seeks another encounter with her. He asks her some questions and explains to her some of his philosophy and life goals. He finds that she is very interested and curious. She asks him many questions on various topics she has wondered about throughout her life and is stimulated by David’s answers.

David is now convinced that Elizabeth is a true seeker and may help him fulfill his life’s purpose. He begins to establish a deep friendship with her. Then, when the time is right, he proceeds downward from the heart energies, just as Jim did. Finally, when they begin their physical relationship, the two make a bonding covenant and are joined together for time indefinite through the energies of the soul.

David and Elizabeth experience a sharing of energies felt by few people on the earth and seek for a fullness of sharing at all four energy levels. The degree they both share is dependent upon the sensitivity of both to the energies of the soul and spirit. Generally speaking, the sharing of both cannot be much higher than the degree of soul contact experienced by the weaker partner. Thus, if Elizabeth is at a lower level of consciousness than David, David will have much incentive to lift her up for the benefit of both. Only by lifting her consciousness can David share in the highest energies with her.

After the bonding is consummated, David and Elizabeth share not only the energies of the heart and mind to a high degree, but also experience emotional and physical fulfillment that is felt by few. Highly evolved people seek not for fulfillment on spiritual levels only, but view all levels as one great chord where all the notes must vibrate to product harmony. The physical and emotional notes are to be played as well as the higher ones.

The physical and emotional worlds are as much of a creation of God as are the higher worlds, and when all creation is viewed as one, all things are spiritual. All energies are spiritual if they are directed toward the evolutionary path. To be evolutionary, the physical and emotional energies must adjust their vibration so they are in harmony with the heart and mind energies.

Highly evolved entities tune the chord of their energies from the highest to the lowest, and thus all the notes in the energy chord can vibrate harmoniously. If one tries to tune from the physical to the higher notes, the whole chord will sound off key and total fulfillment will be impossible.

All energies and creations vibrating in their pure state are good. It is only the inharmonious mixture or blending that produces poorly sounding chords.

We have stated that the desire nature must be directed and subjected to the higher energies of the heart, mind, and soul before the individual can correctly use those energies and proceed to higher levels of consciousness. If one is controlled by lower desires, a limit has then been placed on progression on the Path.

There are two basic desires seeking for mastery over the consciousness. The first is the desire of the lower or false self. When we speak of mastering desire, we speak of this. Second, there is the desire of the higher or true self. This is sometimes referred to as the Spirit or God Within.

As we evolve, we will find that these two desires are often in conflict. However, a person of low evolution will be almost entirely ruled by lower selfish desires. As progress is made, the higher desires are felt and they seem to conflict with the lower. Seekers fear they will have to sacrifice the wants of the false self and thus are slow to hearken to the impulses of the higher desires. However, the magnetic pull of the higher self increases, and sooner or later the aspirant yields to spiritual desire which leads to union. When this happens, one finds that the lower desires are not extinguished, but are instead put under the direction of the higher energies and the fulfillment of all desire is enjoyed with a greater degree of exquisiteness.

The desires of the lower self include all desires for the separated self, where the person disregards the group good. Lower desires are usually based on the physical or emotional need of one or two individuals and are often called personality needs. Higher desires do not concern personalities but souls, and in this realm one soul is as important as another. Those who are governed by lower desire seek to do their own little wills. Those who are governed by higher desire seek to say with the Christ: “Father, not my will, but thine be done.”

When the lower desires govern decision-making, the Son of God that is within each of us is bound in chains and has no freedom of expression. When the higher desires govern decision-making, the Son of God is released from prison and sits upon the throne to direct the lower self to greater expression and fulfillment. Thus, the whole self becomes free. This is one of the meanings of the injunction: “He who seeks to save his life (lower self) shall lose it (not find what he is seeking) and he who shall lose his life for my sake shall find it.” When we yield up (or lose) the lower self to the higher, we find the greatest expression of the whole.

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Chapter Ten
Correct Use of Energy

We now are laying a foundation of knowledge that will help us understand what is good and evil in sex, but one more important point must be understood: We must define the core principle behind that which produces good and that which produces evil.

Since we are in a state of evolution, good is that which tends to accelerate us toward union with God and/or our fellow men and women.

Evil is that which causes us to separate ourselves from God, our souls, or our fellow men and women.

It has been said that there is only one sin . . . the sin of separateness.

Does this mean that we should have sex with anyone who is willing in the hope that we can share a union with many souls and move away from separateness? No. This idea is part of a great illusion. Casual sex leads to separateness and greatly hinders union in the three worlds. Therefore, it is “evil”, or a mistake. The commandments given in the scriptures condemn casual sex because the Guides of the race know that it leads to separateness and not union.

When a person engages in casual sex with whoever is willing, there is generally only a sharing of the sacral energies and sometimes a partial sharing of solar plexus energies.

When a person is more selective about his sex partners and tries to pick only those with whom he feels some affinity or “love” toward, then there can be close to a full sharing of both sacral and solar plexus centers.

Most of humanity have settled for this second level of fulfillment. We feel inside that there is something more, but know not how to obtain it. It is like a dream that we are prepared to not have fulfilled. As seekers evolve, however, they find that their deep feelings were not a dream and when they taste the joys of the higher unions, they find that nothing in heaven or hell will stop them from finding the right mate and entering into the full joy of the Lord.

Before a person can enter into the higher unions, certain laws must be followed. The joys of God are not found on the broad path, but on the so-called “straight and narrow”. Before there can be a union of the heart centers, the aspirant must learn to master the emotional energy streaming from the solar plexus. This emotional energy must be subject to the control of the mind. Before the mind energies can be shared, the mind must be dominated by the intuition. The mind must be subject to the control of the soul energies, or the God Within. The mind must not “slay the real” with its concrete reasoning, but must be subject to seeing and understanding the real and the true as presented through the intuition, or communication from the God Within, the source of all true principles.

Those who only shared solar plexus and sacral energies yet desire to also enjoy heart energies, they must do two things. First, they must find mates who are at the correct point of evolution, as previously discussed.

Secondly, the indiviidual must subject all the desire energy of the solar plexus to the control of the mind. Only in this way can the blazing fires of the desire center be sublimated and directed to the heart. The heart energy then circulates and much greater union becomes possible.

To circulate and blend the heart energies during and after sex, a strong commitment or understanding must be made and faithfully kept between the male and female. Sex without a commitment or bond only stimulates the desire energies, which drown out the finer vibrations of the heart. This is why the revelations from God to man have always encouraged him to make covenants with his mate and have put great emphasis on not breaking them. These commandments about the sex act were designed to inspire greater union.

Without a boding commitment, or strong understanding, the desire energy overshadows the heart energy. Secondly, without a commitment, there cannot be a full sharing, even if some heart energies are active; strong desire energies feed many personality fears that cause partners to throw up walls of protection from hurt. These are walls of separation. Without a covenant and trust, people fear union and fear to share all their energies because if those energies are suddenly withdrawn, great hurt automatically follows. Thus, all those who have casual sex with no commitment create barriers of negative energy that militate against a full sharing of the heart – all because they are afraid of being hurt.

To prepare oneself for a full sharing, one must mentally accept the possibility of being hurt, be prepared to deal with it if it comes, and then dismiss it from the mind. Then one must make a covenant (marriage or private covenant) with someone whom he or she believes they can trust. Then they should make a concentrated effort to lower all the protective walls and maintain a full communication and sharing. If both parties feel secure in their covenant, are matched with the correct mate, and control desire by honoring their agreement, they may experience the sharing of the higher heart energies. During intercourse, they should make a concentrated effort to release the pure energies of love from the heart with no inhibition.

In some cases, there may be a sharing with no vocalized covenant. The understanding both parties have with each other may create the same trusting effect as a covenant. For instance, both parties may have a silent understanding that they will be faithful to each other. The soul may look upon this in the same way it looks upon a covenant, but it is rare for a silent understanding to create the same effect as a vocalized covenant, which creates spheres of trust and understanding.

In another light, we can say that to raise the sharing energies to the heart center, sex, as well as other energies, must be directed toward Purpose. Purpose is the unifying energy of God and Purpose is only expressed in actions that lead toward union with God or union with each other, which leads toward God. Purpose is like an eternal stairway where each action is a step which leads to another and still another without end, until Union is achieved. If you see an action ending with only one, two or three steps, then you know that action fills a finite objective and does not represent the true energy of Purpose.

On the other hand, if an action is only one step on an unlimited stairway with no end in sight Purpose is being represented.

If one has sex to merely fulfill desire, then the steps created by the action shortly reach an end and the objective is fulfilled. The energy is then dissipated and sent back to the solar plexus center where the energy of desire is recharged and sent out again on a blind mission seeking fulfillment.

When the energy of desire is controlled by the mind and the mind is directed by the soul, then the desire energy is directed upward toward the heart and head, and this creates a step on the eternal stairway of Purpose; thus, heart energy begins to circulate and two people may share a higher union enveloped in the Love of God. Once it is felt in fullness, desire will never hold the pilgrims completely in its chains again. They will see the benefits of mastering desire. Even a spiritual person must see some benefit before proceeding upon the path of return.

Very few people ever completely master desire as it is expressed through sex, money, and power because the energies directed toward separateness and selfishness are strong indeed. To be mastered, all desire connected with these energies must be directed by the mind toward the greatest universal good one’s consciousness can comprehend.

Concerning sex, the solar plexus will say: “I have desire-love toward you; therefore, it is good that we join together in sex.”

The mind directed by the soul will sense this language of the lower energies as saying: “I desire you because you fulfill some of my needs and I want you to fulfill that desire not tomorrow, but now.”

If the mind’s translation is correct, then sex will not produce a sharing of the heart energies, for only an object of satisfaction is sought, and there is no connection with the eternal stairway of Purpose. To make this connection, the mind directed by the soul must say: “I will have sex with you when I see a possibility of making the act a step on the eternal stairway of Purpose. I will have sex when eternal union with no walls is the goal. This can only be insured by a timeless covenant. When this is the case, the energies of pure unselfish Love will surround us and we will achieve fulfillment few humans have known.”

Concerning money, the solar plexus will say: “I want to provide for my family and give them all the finer things in life they deserve; I want my children to have those things I never had as a child”.

The mind directed by the soul will interpret this as: “You want money only for your own pleasure. Even the things you want for your family are so you can have greater personal fulfillment. Your goals concerning money are mere objectives that will have a separative end. . .

To direct money toward Purpose, one must seek a way to use it so it does the greatest good for the largest number of people. It is true that one must have enough money for personal and family needs before giving to other causes, but one must raise higher than just personal gratification if to fulfill Purpose and control desire. The individual must seek some action with surplus money that will in some way, great or small, benefit the whole world, and aid mankind toward the path of Union. A covenant can also apply toward money and aid in the conquest of desire. To achieve this, a person can make a strong individual or group commitment or promise to consecrate all his surplus money to some effort that will further the evolutionary development of mankind. This is a completely selfless act and tends to transmute the lower desire energies into heart energies that can lead to oneness.

Concerning power, the solar plexus will say: “I want power to assert myself in areas where I have leadership abilities and to have the freedom, I need to carry out responsibilities related to these abilities. People like myself are natural leaders. Others need us to direct and guide them.”

The mind directed by the soul will interpret this as: “My desire nature seeks freedom for its own expression only, even at the expense of others. It wants to feed its pride and be recognized by men and women as being important and special. It wants to exert authority over other men and women even against their will, believing that it knows what’s good for them better than they know themselves.”

To direct power toward Purpose, disciples must use whatever authority they possess to serve and not command service. They must ever remember the injunction of the Master: “He who is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven is the servant of all.” They should use any power they have to serve and benefit the whole human race as much as possible – not just the insignificant self. The power and authority people have must not be under the direction of their desire nature, or they will become as the unrighteous dictator over a tiny realm. A man or woman’s power must be under the direction of the mind and under the influence of the soul. This will aid the transmuting of solar plexus energy to the heart.

All disciples must master the three energies of sex, money, and power and subject the solar plexus desires concerning them by the power of the mind, or else they will be “damned” (or stopped) in their progression and unable to move ahead in the realm of the soul.

For each person, there is one particular energy upon which desires are most centered and will be his greatest “temptation” to overcome. Some people are very generous and unselfish with their money, but are very selfish with sex and love. Others have no problem with sex, but have a strong desire to control and dictate to others. In still others, money is their major ruin. All people have some pull from their desire nature to use all three energies incorrectly, but there is always one that is a special problem to them.

Of the three energies, sex is the hardest to put in the right perspective because error in the misuse of sex is difficult to pinpoint and realize. Few have all the money and power they want but most have opportunities to misuse sex, and sooner or later we are all tempted to do so.

The sex urge is basically the urge toward union with the Divine. It is that power that attracts spirit and matter and creates form for incarnating lives. All lives that do not express desire in the sexual relationship yet follow the natural flow of nature are under no “sin.” The problems concerning sex are always centered around that part of humanity that has little or no initiative to subject desire to the mind.

Keep in mind that it is important to control he desire nature, but to not suppress. Suppression of desire is very dangerous, for a desire suppressed will always surface again with greater strength. When desire is controlled and directed by the mind under direction of the soul, it is not suppressed. Often desire will be less inhibited than ever, for the mind is wise enough to always find an outlet for desire and recognizes that desires should be fulfilled according to law, but they must be directed so their expression is constructive and harmless. To become harmless, the desire nature must be checked periodically by the mind and then redirected in paths of greater fulfillment.

A person whose desires are not subject to the mind/soul will always feel somewhat unsatisfied whereas one who subjects his desires will ironically have greater and more intense fulfillment of them.

It is a giant step in the progression of the soul for one to control desire with the mind which is linked to the soul. It is a difficult step, but it produces a giant leap in the expansion of consciousness of the individual, and places him in spiritual contact with a group of other lives who have “overcome”. The feeling of loneliness one sometimes feels begins to fade and is replaced by a group life force. Now the intuition begins to develop at a fast pace, and the person begins to gain power to initiate spiritual causes. Thus, he or she is called a disciple as well as an initiate.

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Chapter Nine
Sex and Knowing God

As we arrive at the cusp of the New Age men and women are asking questions about the right use of sex as they never have before. Many have broken off from the authority syndrome and are trying to decide for themselves concerning the use of sex.

Let us shed some light on this subject which has, in the past, been approached with such philosophical obscurity. To comprehend the answers, one must understand the purpose of marriage and sex as it applies to man and woman.

The Bible gives us some help here. In the Old Testament Hebrew two words are translated as “man.” The first is ADAM and the second is IYSH. ADAM is sometimes translated as “man” and sometimes literally as “Adam.” ADAM is not the name of a person, but of a racial being that is the hermaphroditic combination of male and female in the image of God: “Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called THEIR name Adam, in the day when they were created.” Gen 5:2 On the other hand, the word IYSH refers to the single male only.

The word ADAM should not have been translated “man” as IYSH was for it refers to a certain type of man. Genesis 2:26-27, where we have a description of the sixth creation day, is an example of ADAM being translated as “man” in all Bibles. Let’s transliterate ADAM as it reads in the Hebrew as “Adam” and see how it reads: “And God said, Let us make Adam in our image, after our likeness…So God created Adam in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”

This scripture is especially interesting when we read it in the light of the next chapter which tells us that “on the seventh day God ended his work…” Gen 2:2 On the seventh day, then, we are told that the “end” or last work of God was the creation of woman. She was taken out of the man and brought to him: “And Adam said, This is the bone of my bones, and the flesh of my flesh: she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Gen 2:23-24

If woman was not created until the seventh day then who was the female mentioned as existing during the sixth day?

The amazing answer as we shall illustrate is that the male and female were united in one body during the sixth day and were divided in two on the seventh day.

Enlightenment on this mystery is revealed in the Hebrew word for God. In the first part of Genesis ELOHIYM is used. This is a strange word because it is plural and has been literally translated as “Gods.” The mystifying part is that it is used with a singular verb. In other words, if the first part of Genesis were translated literally it would read: “In the beginning Gods creates the heavens and the earth.” Translators have generally used God (singular) for ELOHIYM because of the belief in one God and it also goes with the verb. On the contrary, we know that God is not singular because later it reads: “And God (ELOHIYM) said, Let US make ADAM in our image…” Thus, we see that God is more than one entity and Adam was made in its (or their) image.

How is God plural? This is indicated in the word itself. The first part of the word is EL and is masculine and means “strong.” The second part of the word is thought to come from ALAH which means “to covenant.” This part of the word is feminine. It also is thought by some scholars to correspond to the name of the Muslim God “Allah.” If we place the meanings together, we can say that ELOHIYM, or God, means “strong covenant.”

If we add the fact that the male and female genders in the word indicate the “us” that makes the word plural are a male and female united we can say that God, or ELOHIYM, is “a male and female united through a strong covenant.”

Verily, this is the power that created the heavens and the earth and, in this light, the first verse of Genesis could be translated as: “In the beginning male and female energies united by strong covenants (or bonds) to create the heavens and the earth.”

This agrees with our previous statement that all manifested form was created through the marriage of opposing energies symbolized by the one wavelength.

Genesis continues and tells us that God made Adam in his own image “male and female created he them.”

God, who is male and female united by a strong covenant, created Adam, who was the image of God, or male and female united by a strong covenant…

This first Adam was created out of the non-physical (from the human point of view) ethers and was like a living cell with male and female united into one. He was a reflection of the Divine Hermaphrodite God with all the capabilities of reproduction.

The “Fall” occurred shortly after man was divided into two sexes. At this point, his energies became out of balance and the Adams fell away from the powers of godliness that was their divine right. These powers can only be regained by a person cleaving (making a strong covenant) unto his opposing energy and becoming “one flesh” as they were before the fall.

The greatest of masters, the Christ, made a comment on this: “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?’ And he answered and said unto them, ‘Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them (the Adams) male and female (hermaphrodites), And said, For this cause (because they were in the beginning male and female in one) shall a man leave father and mother (leave the separate duality), and shall cleave unto his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore, God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

“They say unto him, ‘Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement and to put her away?’

“He saith unto them, ‘Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.’” (Matt. 19:3-8)

Jesus understood the fact that man was in the beginning a hermaphrodite, that male and female could not get divorced and that man must eventually evolve back to that state. To initiate evolution in that direction, male and female must unite themselves through a strong covenant like the ELOHIYM and represent, as close as possible, “the image of God”.

To make such a strong covenant that can survive even death and continue into eternity, God must join the couple together. When the two are both at the correct state of evolution so they can balance each other’s energies, they can, as previously stated, receive a soul confirmation on each other. Without this godlike confirmation, God has not placed them together and divorce may actually be advisable. But if the confirmation is received, then a marriage covenant should be made that should never be broken by the will of man, for what God puts together should only be separated by God, if separated at all.

The marriages throughout the world should be rearranged so each one is confirmed by the powers of godliness working through the soul; then they should not be separated by the little wills of man, but should seek continually the divine male and female union as if in the image of God.

Jesus continues to expand this principle: “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication (her heart is not with her husband), and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away (unjustly) doth commit adultery. (See previous explanation). His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.

“But he saith unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs (those who do not marry the opposite sex including gays) which were born from their mothers’ womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men (men who were castrated or have physical impairment): and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.” (Matt. 19:9-12)

The third category of eunuchs are those who have not received a soul confirmation to marry yet retain all their procreative parts; in other words, they have not been joined together by God to the opposite sex. Jesus said that all people cannot “receive this saying” or incorporate it into their lives, but those who cannot find a suitable marriage partner for an eternal bond, and are spiritually minded, should be a Eunuch for the Kingdom of God. He should covenant not to marriage but toward the kingdom of God and fulfilling the purposes of God. To be a true eunuch, he would abstain from sexual intercourse until God, through his soul, joins him with a marriage partner.

As Jesus said this concept is not for everyone who is single, but only those who are “able’ to receive it. Nevertheless, he who does become a eunuch for the kingdom of God will obtain great power to focus his spiritual energies.

What is the core principle as to what is right and wrong with sex? Humanity has long cried out for an answer and none has been delivered. Nevertheless, mankind needs to know, for if he has not a sure guide, he will not be able to choose correctly and will always follow the path of least resistance. To tell a person who desires sex that “God thinks it’s a sin” does not carry the needed weight in this enlightened age. Therefore, let us seek the true principle.

In ancient days, sexual intercourse was described by the Hebrew word YADA, or the Greek work GINOSKO, which meant “to know”. When a man had sex with a woman, he was said to have “known” her. Here are several examples: “Then Joseph being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife: And KNEW (GINOSKO) her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name Jesus.” (Matt. 1: 24-25)

“And Adam KNEW (YADA) Eve his wife, and she conceived and bare Cain.” (Gen. 4:1)

“And Cain KNEW his wife and she conceived…” (Gen. 4:17)

“And Adam KNEW his wife again and she bare a son, and called his name Seth.” (Gen. 4:25)

This word is especially revealing when we examine its use in the following verse: “And this is life eternal, that they might KNOW (GINOSKO) thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent.” (John 17:3)

Other references are: “Then Manasseh KNEW that the Lord he was God.” (II Chron 33:13)

“They KNEW he was the Christ.” (Luke 4:41)

“Be still and KNOW that I am God.” (Psalms 46:10)

“All shall (eventually) KNOW me, from the least to the greatest.” (Heb. 8:11)

“I am the good shepherd, and KNOW my sheep, and am KNOWN of mine. As the Father KNOWETH me, even so KNOW I the Father.” (John 10:14-15)

All these quotations are translated from the same equivalent Hebrew or Greek word.

Why was the ancient method of expressing sexual intercourse the same as that used for establishing spiritual intercourse with God or the Christ? Is there something similar about a person knowing his opposite and man knowing God?

Christ even presents an interesting correspondence of sex when he says: “If any man hear my voice and open the door, I WILL COME IN TO HIM, and will sup with him and he with me.” (Rev 3:20)

When a man has sex with a woman there is produced union of the divided sacral energies. This produces a “knowing” of each other, a high physical sensation. Since each of us are a part of the projection of God, then we can know God by knowing our other half that completes that projection. The two halves are united and we finally know the whole, or the “one flesh” in the physical sense.

The sacral and the solar plexus centers, which influence our desire energies, unite during the average sexual act and produce high physical and emotional stimulation during above-average sex.

These two, however, are the lowest centers of feeling and are a mere reflection of the feelings of God, or the feelings of our highest attainable human consciousness.

The next major center, which is higher than the sacral and solar plexus centers, is the heart center, which projects love-wisdom energies. It is the center of the Christ consciousness and sends out the energy of pure unselfish love. Less than 10% of humanity are able to have interplay of a significant degree with this center, but those who do will know the meaning of spiritual sex. The sensations and knowing are on a higher plane. The feelings are much more spiritual and the sensations much more fulfilling. Those who do not share the heart energies will always feel that something is lacking in their sex life even if they reach a full physical climax with each act. They will have a sense that there something greater that could be obtained.

The sharing of the heart energies in their fullness is higher in exquisiteness than the sharing of the lower energies, just as the moon is brighter than the stars in light.

The highest major area to be shared is the head centers, or the world of the mind. The heart centers can be shared when people advance into the higher use of the mind. These people understand how to work with mental substance and have learned the use of common sense and unselfish love. The head centers cannot be shared to a great degree until both parties move up to the world of the intuition where they become one in vision. Here they open up communication with the God Within and commune with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, a great trinity of sharing. These sensations are higher than any sexual experience man has imagined. The mind sensations are higher than the heart just as the sun is higher than the moon, and a grand celestial knowing and union at three levels are experienced that goes far beyond any result produced by physical sex alone.

When a couple have known each other on these three levels, their consciousness has then together entered the presence of God. This conscious sharing from the solar plexus, heart and head energies then continues at all times when they act and think in oneness, even when they are not having sex. The sexual act merely serves as a source of recharging these energies and to remind the couple of the threefold union they should share 24 hours a day, even in each other’s absence.

This, then, is the ideal that all men and women are driven to seek: Union in the three worlds until the presence of God is entered, and Christ and eventually the Father come into the union and “sup” with them. The Father and the Son will be one and we will be one with them.

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