Loving Relationships, Part 4
Honest Communication
Audience: “You give examples but I’m talking about a wife who cackles and a guy who snores. They’re not forcing each other to look at the soul. They’re just saying hey you’re really irritating me with your habit. They bicker back and forth. How are they forcing soul contact?”
JJ: You’re talking about a habit like snoring that you can’t do anything about. Even so, if the snoring bothers you it is best to communicate your feelings on it while ceasing to blame him as if he is irritating you on purpose. With something like this you can look upon it as a mutual problem and look for the best solution available.
Then there are other things that you can do something about. If the food is bad you don’t need to say anything unless you need to clear your feelings. Maybe the eggs were burned 10 times in a row and you know the person can do better and should be told. Express your feelings. Don’t react but tell how you feel. That’s the important thing. Being honest isn’t going out and criticizing everybody. It’s means relating how you feel when the need is there.
“It makes me feel bad that I know you can cook a lot better than this and you don’t. It makes me feel that you don’t really care how you feel about me.” This is demanding a response. She thinks, do I care about him or not? If I do care about him let’s see what I can do about this. She’s following her soul. If she’s not, she thinks I’m glad you don’t like it. I’m glad you’re choking on that piece of meat. You deserve it. You didn’t fix the sink yesterday when I told you to, so you deserve this. So subconsciously she didn’t fix good food because of her feelings which now come out.
Then when you get the feelings out in the open you end up making love an hour or two later. It’s all out and everything is better. But getting out the things from the hurt feelings in the important thing.
Remember, don’t criticize but share your feelings. That will help the other person share his feelings. Sharing feelings honestly demands a response from either the soul or the personality. The person you share your feelings with has to decide on whether to go by one or the other. So it does demand a response, always. The person will either respond from the personality of the soul. If he responds from the soul the damage goes back and forth like a ball. The ball bounces this high once, then this high then pretty soon it doesn’t bounce anymore. This is what the negative energy does when the response is from soul. It bounces back and forth until the negative energy is now gone. Then you’ll feel great.
Did you ever notice in personality relationships that if you don’t have a good fight every now that it kind of stagnates? Then you have a really good fight and let out all the energies of the hurt feelings and you feel really great afterwards. When all the hurt feelings get out and they are shared by the energy of the soul and they’re responded to on the soul level, then there will be peace. Until eventually you won’t have any more problems. Eventually you will be in a state of peace.
Audience: “If you had been doing the no denial and no deception in the first place none of this would happen.”
JJ: You’re right.
Audience: “I think you’re painting a clear picture on the idea but I don’t think everyone has those same responses you’ve been describing.”
JJ: Not everybody tries to respond from the soul.
Audience: “That’s not what I’m referring to. I’m referring to the occasional fight to clear the air. That’s not what everybody would do or want to do. That’s not the only way to clear the air.”
JJ: You don’t have to have an occasional fight if the two people consistently respond from the soul level. Sometimes a fight will stimulate a response from the soul level if you reach a point of tension where they say I don’t like this at all and reach for the soul.
Audience: “Sometimes we say things that the other person never needed to hear and that stays with you forever if you say something in anger that you shouldn’t have said.”
JJ: When you show your feelings you shouldn’t be doing it in anger, but you are right we need to avoid insults that cause long lasting emotional harm. I’m not teaching anger here, I’m teaching non-denial. If you have hurt feelings you shouldn’t share them with anger.
Audience: “You said if you blow up and have a fight.”
JJ: I’m not saying you’re supposed to blow up and have a fight. I’m saying having the fight and releasing the feelings is better than not releasing them at all. At least they’re released. I’m not teaching that you’re supposed to go out and have a fight. Having the fight at least brings out the feelings so you understand that the other person was hurt. You have to understand that the other person was hurt.
If you are hurt, you have to decide how you are going to release it. You can say, I am hurt but you just had a rotten day and you don’t understand so I’ll tell you about it. Then you respond and it’s over. If I feel bad and don’t tell you then the next time you come to me I’ll still have those feelings. If we feel something it has to be communicated for what it is. If we pretend all is well it’s a deception and deception leads us further into illusion so we cannot communicate soul to soul.
A sense of humor can help you overlook the unattractive, tolerate the unpleasant, cope with the unexpected, and smile through the unbearable. – Moshe Waldoks
Oct 5, 2009
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