Chapter Twenty-Two
The Molecular Order

Introduction

All relationships in this universe are progressing toward relative perfection. All relationships in the universes below this one (within the atomic world) have achieved this perfection. As the intelligence of God progresses to larger more complicated forms this perfection becomes more difficult. Nevertheless, this Intelligence eventually solves all problems and perfects all forms.

As the Intelligence of God created and recreated quarks, protons, electrons, atoms and molecules in this universe relative perfection was eventually achieved.

As this great Intelligence progressed and created living cells from the molecules It put Its attention on the perfection of those cells so they could reflect, multiply and evolve until their great purpose would be fulfilled.

The Intelligence of God oversaw the evolution until the midway point of progression in this universe was achieved. This was reached by the creation of the human kingdom. As the human kingdom became manifest the Attention of God shifted from the lower kingdoms to Humankind and this great Intelligence rested upon humanity making them the present point of focused attention. As the attention of God now rests upon human beings throughout this universe humanity has the distinction of being the only physical conscious creators in present universal existence.

Keep in mind that human related beings on different planets will be different in appearance, just as the races on this planet do.

The Intelligence that has created the great and complicated forms within the atoms, molecules and cells has now gifted that Intelligence to Humankind.

Therefore, the first great purpose of human beings is to discover and use the intelligence behind the great forms that have already been completed in the microcosm and apply that knowledge to the macrocosm. Then after we have organized human forms with similar intelligence to the atomic, molecular forms and cells we will then move to the next great stage of evolution and increase the complexity and beauty of form to a perfection that has never been achieved since the beginning of time in any kingdom that has ever existed.

We will do more than repeat what has been done before. Instead, we will create “all things new.”

That is the first great purpose of the destiny of Humankind.

The next great purpose will be to solve a problem that scientists have discovered within our universe.

It appears to scientists that the universe is expanding and that there is not enough gravitational pull to stop this expansion. Therefore, they believe the universe will merely expand, dissipate and die after a period of ages.

Lo, such scientists are looking for the wrong solution for the salvation of our universe. The answer to this lies not in gravitational pull, but in the Intelligence of God as it manifests through Humankind.

The one unpredictable force that we know exists within creation is the human kingdom and these little humans living on an unlimited number of worlds will unite in Intelligence in ages hence and move planets, stars and galaxies out of their orbits and draw the orbs back from their mindless expansion. These lowly humans billions of years hence will seem like Gods directing the great systems toward more intelligent and useful forms that create life on larger scales than has ever been imagined by the highest avatar.

Imagine having the power to move a moon of Jupiter, like Europa, to an orbit similar to the earth as a preparation for the extension of human life!

Imagine having the power to move the star system of Proxima Centauri into our solar system creating a double star and much easier access to its planets so we can transform its primitive life into a garden of Eden.

Then imagine moving twelve star systems into one central location allowing the various inhabitants much greater access and communion on the physical level.

And yet this is only the beginning of that which the great Intelligence of God has in store for us.

Verily, here is a principle never before revealed to man in clarity. Human beings are the soul of the universe. Just as you have soul within your physical body that creates and gives you form, even so humanity is the soul energy within the great body of the universe and has a destiny to create the great body of God on a universal scale.

Macrocosmic creation is a great way off in time. Yet every great journey, whether it be in time or space, is composed of steps which must be taken in present time.

The next great step for Humankind is to duplicate among the human kingdom that which has already been accomplished in the lower kingdoms of molecules and atoms.

This coming evolution among humanity is the Molecular Relationship. It is called such because it is most obviously observed in the atomic unions in the molecules themselves, and now we must rediscover from the memory of God the principles that we will navigate from the lower to the higher kingdoms.

The Next Step of The Molecular Order

To understand this relationship, the first principle that must be realized is that there is life and consciousness in all forms, whether they be atomic, molecular, human, planetary or solar. Relatively perfect relationships which we call the Molecular Relationship exists in all forms from the cellular level on down. Even though life pervades all forms above the cellular, such lives have not reached Molecular Relationship. The cells within the organic lives such as plants, animals and humans have such relationship, but the greater lives are yet striving to obtain it. The plants yield to animals and the animals yield to human as the final point of attainment for this system of form. Now humanity goes forward with bodies of mineral, plant and animal components to bring completion to the present Purpose of God.

It is thus our responsibility as a species to take relationship to its next great beginning.

The purpose of the Molecular Relationship is to create, through the synthesis of two or more lives, a higher life and consciousness with properties hitherto unknown in the separate condition. The individual lives keep their identity, yet share the benefits of the higher consciousness and qualities.

One may ask, don’t we do this already? Do not animals gravitate into flocks, herds and various groups? Do not humans join into families, cities, states companies and so on and create something akin to greater life forms?

Yes, this is a true, but these higher lives are a preparatory creation gathered through the power of magnetic (or female) energy. The cycle of creation must be consummated through the addition of active (male) energy. Thus through the blending of male and female energy to create molecular human forms we have a creation that proceeds in full consciousness. In the past human and animal group life forms have not been a goal, but the unconscious result of some project or plan. Instead, this higher octave of the human relationship is the plan, purpose and goal, and when created in full consciousness, new conscious life forms will materialize.

The water Molecule is a good example of this higher synthesis. It is composed of one atom of oxygen and two of hydrogen. Oxygen and hydrogen in their separate state are gasses at normal temperatures and are very volatile. At very cold temperatures they liquefy and create rocket fuel that can send men to the moon. But then something miraculous happens when they create a bonded relationship with a ratio of two hydrogen atoms to one of oxygen. They create water, which is totally different in properties from either hydrogen or oxygen. In this synthetic union they are no longer volatile, but produce one of the most stable Molecules in nature. The creation of the water Molecule is so important that life as we know it cannot exist without it.

The individual hydrogen and oxygen atoms do not lose their identity. They are still there and can be turned back into rocket fuel, but, together in this specific relationship, they have much greater stability. They are good for each other, so the relationship continues for an indefinite duration, perhaps millions of years.

The closest humanity has come to creating a Molecular relationship with other humans is through marriage. The marriage covenant corresponds to the covalent bonds between atoms. The purpose of marriage is for the two to become one in purpose. A healthy marriage produces therefore a more stable and powerful unit than does an individual unit.

A marriage, however, does not produce a Molecule. The atomic correspondence to marriage would be more like a completed unit or atom. The male is like a positive charge and the female a negative one. Together they are like protons and electrons uniting to create a hydrogen atom, the basic building block of the Universe.

Therefore, marriage (or attempted union of male female energies) and is not the actual creation of a human Molecule, but it lays the foundation for such a creation. For thousands of years, then, the union of two attempting to become one has been laying the foundation for the next great evolutionary step.

All people feel in their hearts a need to find that one certain person with whom they can be as one. Some may be temporarily frustrated after a run of bad relationships; others may be having fling after fling trying to obtain fulfillment through quantity alone, still others are unsatisfied with their spouse and seek completeness in affairs; nevertheless, in their hearts they wish they could find that special person to make them feel whole.

It may be argued that we must learn to be whole within ourselves before we can ever be happy. As far as personal happiness and peace is concerned this is at least partially true. When the seeker creates correct relationship with the marriage of the higher and lower self a general stability is acquired and such stability is a very necessary step.

As far as individual progression is concerned one can progress far up the ladder of spiritual evolution without a bonded relationship. One can become a great teacher and adept yet remain in the single state.

On the other hand, the purpose of Molecular Relationship is not for individual progress so much as it is for group progress. There comes a time when the individual progress becomes linked to the progression of a group life.

So, are we dependent on others for overall wholeness? From a higher perspective the answer is yes. Why? Because there is only one life permeating the Universe. If this is true, then it is impossible to experience wholeness (or holiness) in a separative condition. Complete wholeness will only be reached when we are one with all other lives. This oneness cannot be reached by a mere belief in being one with the Universe, as many think. It can only be achieved through actually living in cooperation with other lives mentally, emotionally and physically in such a way that perfect harmony exists.

Some true teachers in the past have correctly emphasized individual responsibility for wholeness and happiness and from the viewpoint that we are Decision this is true. Person A must achieve soul contact through individual efforts as well as person B. Person A cannot make this accomplishment for person B, but only for him or herself. Then when person A and person B both achieve this contact harmony and oneness on a spiritual level become possible. Harmonious relationship is the final test of true soul/personality relationship. When this achieved to a degree then the molecular Relationship also becomes possible.

How can we say that we are one with the Universe, yet not have the ability to live in harmony with even one other person that we have by nature gravitated towards? Other people are part of this universe we are in and oneness with the universe includes other people.

If we are going to be one with the One Great Life, which is God, then we must initiate this process by finding one person, among the billions of human lives out there, with whom we may achieve oneness. And, yes, when we find this person, we will feel more complete, but will still not be in perfect balance. Each human Soul must eventually harmonize with all other Souls in the Universe before they can find their true home. Harmonizing with one other person is merely the first step.

This harmonizing is much more important on a spiritual level than a romantic level. Currently the distance in the polarities of the male/female is great causing a generally strong attraction. This will not always be the case in the far future as each of us balances the energies within us. But in the current time the male/female attraction takes us into an intimacy of relationship that would be rare without it.

Many seem to believe that marriage is no longer working because of the rising divorce rate. They do not realize that marriage is working today better than ever, even though the success rate is far from perfection. The reason the divorce rate is much higher now than in prior generations is not because marriages are not as happy, but because couples have much more freedom. There is more freedom to divorce because of relaxed laws and religious attitudes. Women have more freedom because they are much more financially independent. Years ago, women who were unhappy in marriage had to stay in the relationship in order to survive economically.

Even our present high divorce rate does not accurately reflect the number of unhappy marriages. There are still many couples holding the marriage together for economic, social, or religious reasons. In California, where people have more relaxed attitudes toward divorce, the 50% divorce factor is closer to the number of truly nonworking marriages in the West. Of the remaining 50% at least half of them are somewhat unfulfilled. Therefore, we could roughly estimate that around 25% of marriages result in some degree of stability and enduring happiness.

This does not mean that 75% of us are doomed to unhappy relationships, but it does mean that many of us may have to try several times before we find the relationship that will work. As long as the end product is happiness and stability, then we have not failed, even if we have experienced numerous marriages.

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Chapter Twenty-One
Birth Control and Raising Children

This has been a hot topic of discussion for many years, but it is a subject that is often approached from an emotional angle. It is time to discuss this subject in a higher light.

It is obvious that some kind of birth control measures must be used among man. Conservatives argue that the world could house twenty billion people and that periodical wars and famines are nature’s method of controlling population. This has been true, but they do not consider that we will be entering a New Age where Humankind will use their spiritual will to prevent wars, and our godlike intelligence will prevent famines and pestilence. Therefore, with the population doubling every several generations it will only be a matter of time before there would be ten, twenty or even forty billion people on the earth.

Sooner or later, no matter what measures we take to house the population, the time could come when there will be too many people.

Another question to consider is this: What kind of approach is it to living to plan on a world where the population is controlled by war and disease? It is written” “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” If Humankind believes in this approach, then they shall have it. We indeed make our own reality. If this is true, that we can choose our reality, why not make a better one? Why not think, plan and believe in a world where war and disease are not necessary?

Such a world can only exist if the human race mentally participates in the extension of its family. The children of the New Age deserve the right to be conceived through a mutual love between two people. The parents should have a desire to give birth because of a natural desire and love and not out of a sense of duty or fear. Such children will be born with a much clearer channel to the Higher Self. Children who are unwanted to any degree have more obstacles in spiritual contact and control. They will have many fears and a sense of separateness.

Children also pick up and assimilate negativity that parents suppress. Honest communication between parents stimulates a higher vibration within the child.

Another item is that each ego needs a certain amount of time between lifetimes to assimilate past life experience and prepare the entity for the next one. When there is a high population density on the earth these entities are often forced to incarnate before they are ready and thus not reap the full harvest of the life experience.

Humankind has logically perceived that the earth has some undesirable population increases and has collectively decided that something needs to be done about it. Nevertheless, many still look upon any type of population control as evil and interfering with God’s will. They, of course, get this idea from God’s command in the Bible where he said to Adam and Eve: “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth…” Gen 1:28

The word “replenish” comes from the Hebrew MALE which means “to fill or spread over.” What they do not realize is that they can still literally believe the Bible, but not be condemned for limiting the size of their family. Humankind has been fruitful and spread seed throughout the habitable parts of the earth. In the early days of civilization this decree made a lot of sense, but now the commandment has been fulfilled and if we listen within to the voice of God we hear a new commandment for the Aquarian Age: Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth with my Spirit that knowledge shall cover the earth as waters cover the sea. Let every child that is conceived be through the holy bonds of Love, and knowledge so the highest of spirits will desire entry. Let a seal be placed on the Adversary that spirits of delusion will not walk the earth that the presence of Christ may permeate the human race in peace for over 1000 years.

This leaves the responsibility with the individual. The couple has the law of God written in their hearts, as Jeremiah prophesied would happen in the New Age, and they check with their souls for confirmation as to when they should have a child.

There will be no ironclad rule governing population control during the New Age as to whether a couple can have one child or ten, but the people will be educated and the tremendous veil of ignorance on the subject will be removed so all children will be wanted children, loved children and cared for children.

There are numerous modes of birth control practiced today. Contrary to popular belief the most harmful of them all is the rhythm method. Just as animals have their seasons where they have sex, and others when they abstain even so do humans have their cycles. The sexual energies of the female are the highest for several days before her period and several days afterwards. This is also the most desirable (and fulfilling) time to engage in sex. In the low fertility period the female sexual energies are low. This is nature’s way of telling her that sex is least advisable during this time. Frequent sex in the low (sexual) energy period and none in the high energy period leads to a depleting of the life force and lowers resistance to disease. Those who practice the rhythm method, therefore, are always having sex during the wrong cycle and this is the cause of much of the low energy and distress of which they complain.

The apparent problem is that nature made sex most enjoyable during periods of high fertility to insure the survival of the species. Therefore, it appears that in periods of the earth’s history when there is an abundance of population that some type of contraceptive will be needed. Fortunately, this is not always the case.

When men and women learn the correct use of their soul energies they will have full power to pick the moment of conception. Those who are so attuned will also be able to have sex, even during fertile periods, and not conceive.

An enlightened couple will be able to take the power of conception to a higher level. When they realize that male and female is more of an energy state than a body state they can use the power of their combined energies during sex, sometimes with the help of certain mantras, and conceive a new idea that can materialize in their life and help create the “life more abundant” as prophesied by the Christ.

The possibility of mental birth control has already been proven by hypnotic research. Women under hypnosis were told that they would not conceive. Amazingly, the order was obeyed and the success was comparable with standard physical birth control methods. This definitely shows that women do have control over their time of conception.

The problem is that most men do not want to hypnotize their wives before each lovemaking session. Fortunately, there is a better way.

Before there can be a successful conception there has to be a certain attitude of acceptance of a pregnancy on the part of the female. Many will argue that this is wrong, that there are numerous women who become pregnant when they have no desire for a child. Even women who have been raped have conceived – most of them completely against their will.

This is perhaps true on the surface, but even in unwanted pregnancies the female possessed a certain attitude of acceptance toward conception at the time of intercourse. This is more of an attitude of mind than a conscious decision. This attitude of mind was turned off in the women in the hypnosis experiment and, once avoiding this attitude, they did not have to even think about birth control to avoid conception.

The woman who gets pregnant through rape leaves this attitude open because of the belief system that is programmed in her mind. She is not to be blamed for, in her conscious mind, it was an unwanted pregnancy. She merely lacked the knowledge to reprogram herself.

The male seems to instinctively know that the female has power to prevent conception for when an unwanted pregnancy occurs he will often blame his partner when he was seemingly as much at fault as she was.

During normal sex when the female is experiencing a feeling of fullness emotionally she will often sense a strong desire to conceive that may go against all her common sense and reasoning. This feeling will be so private that she will rarely discuss it with anyone, even other females, but when this inward response comes it will feel so natural that she will throw caution to the wind and go with it.

The female, however, does not bear the full responsibility of the conception. Men also experience a deep soul impulse to impregnate the female and, when this attitude is accepted by her, the energy is sent to the female with an impulse to open up her conception desire. Nevertheless, an aware female may achieve power to checkmate this conception impulse. She has the ultimate say as to whether there is a pregnancy even though the male has a strong influence over her.

To prevent a conception some of the natural impulses that are inherent in men and women must be redirected by the mind. Suppression alone – of the conception instinct – will not prevent a pregnancy but have the effect of creating latent psychological problems for the forthcoming infant. Suppression is never the answer to any problem. Correct direction of force always is. There are many people who do not consciously want children, then, in the act of intercourse, they will momentarily open up to physical conception. Afterwards, they will suppress this feeling to no avail – wishing and hoping they have not conceived.

The conception instinct is a creative sense on an unconscious emotional level with physical results. If this creative energy can be redirected to a higher level – to a guided conscious conception of an idea (which originates from the intuitive level) then the energy will follow the thought and the physical conception will not occur. This is the secret behind the hypnosis effect. It works because energy followed the implanted thought. However, hypnosis does not make use of the tremendous creative energy released at the potential conception moment. If this energy follows a thought, then the thought will have an unfathomed power to materialize and the physical conception of a child will be bypassed. Eventually humans will develop this power to create though male and female interplay with thought so they will even be able to create physical bodies for children with no pregnancy period. Thus the Biblical curse on Eve will be removed from woman.

To move the creation process to a higher level during love-making it will be helpful to go through the following process. Shortly after you begin intercourse both of you visualize a very small ball of either golden or white light between your bodies in the heart area. See this ball as representing the Christ energy and see it as slowly growing until it surrounds both of your physical hearts. Feel a warm spiritual union developing between the two of you.

When you feel the spiritual light growing say these words together in unison: “The creative power of the Word is Becoming physical and the form it is taking is that which is seen and felt by us at the moment of union.” Sense the intensity of the light growing until you reach a climax and at the moment of climax together you must both see and feel that which you desire to manifest. If you do it correctly you will not have a baby, but will soon materialize that which you see and feel. It has to be done correctly by both of you and will take some practice. Therefore, you would want to get good at it before you depend on it as a method of birth control. Nevertheless, you can use it to enhance your power to manifest whether you use birth control or not.

I must warn you here that this is a very sacred energy and it must only be used with pure intent to manifest that which will serve more than the selfish lower self. Just as the physical conception gives life to another so must the higher conception help others to live more abundantly. It must be used with the intent to help others besides yourself or the energy could boomerang back upon yourself and cause an increase of selfishness and an inflation of the ego and other problems I will not go into.

To maximize this process the couple must practice tuning in to themselves as a unit until they can positively identify the moment of the conception instinct. When they are able to do this then mental birth control will be infallible. When this is accomplished their lovemaking can take on a new dimension of fullness with no inhibitions necessary.

When the time comes that the couple desire a child, they merely open their thoughts and feelings toward a physical child conception placing their thoughts upon the area of the womb in the woman. When a conception is not desired both must place their whole attention in the area of the throat or heart and not let the attention slip downward. To play it safe, when the conception moment is sensed lovemaking would temporarily cease.

Overall, then, soul infused human beings will have power to control the quality and number of children who come into their families, yet enjoy relationship and sex on all levels of feeling.

At present few are ready for this spiritual birth control and until they achieve the necessary spiritual sensitivity and consciousness traditional methods must be applied.

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Chapter Nineteen
Turning The Negative Positive

The Positive Feelings

The first positive feeling to examine is love.

In the Greek there are three words for love. The reason Love is so hard to define in English is because it is used on so many different levels and refers to any kind of emotional attachment. Let try and put into words the most universal meaning: “Love urge to be one with or keep within one’s sphere of influence that which is desirable.” Love is the most important emotion because it is the vine from which all others are branches. No emotion or feeling at all would exist if some degree of love did not appear first.

The most common expression of romantic love concerns the bonded relationship associated with marriage. A correct use of this energy leads toward union and a feeling of joyousness. An incorrect use can cause one to attempt to restrict the freedoms of those who do not respond to love as desired.

Happiness and Joy Happiness are achieved when that which is loved (according to the above definition) is made available for the individual’s use or purpose.

For instance, when a man loves a woman and she allows herself to be available to respond to him there is joy.

If you love a certain house then when you move into it you will feel happiness.

If you love your children and they evolve the direction you desire you feel happy.

The positive use of happiness is to share it with others. The negative use is to direct it only toward self.

Belief And Faith These also have their foundation on love. These feelings are caused by looking forward to that which is loved. Belief and faith can be very positive if the foundation of our beliefs is based on reality and tempered with love, but can be very negative if our foundation is on illusion and tempered with selfishness. Hitler, for instance, had a lot of faith and belief in what he was doing.

The Negative Emotions

The negative emotions also have their cause centered in the love energy. Anger, for instance, is caused by the frustration or delay in obtaining that which is loved.

Those who is saying they never get angry are in reality saying that they are never frustrated in obtaining that which they desire or love. Frustrations and limitations happen to us all until our will is in complete alignment with the will of God which is all-powerful. When this alignment has taken place death is then overcome. Therefore, if we are still mortal beings, we must not deceive ourselves, and admit our limitations and the feelings of anger when they come. Self-deception causes more limitations and thus more anger. Honesty opens the door to the removal of the limitation and thus a reduction of anger.

Anger also produces evil results if it is covered up. On the other hand, it, is good if it is directed by mind toward constructive use to galvanize the personality for the removal of limitation.

Jesus was angry because the worship of his Father whom He loved was frustrated. He constructively used his anger to raise the consciousness of those who misused the temple, thus helping to remove the limitations that bothered him.

Hate is the energy directed toward a person or thing that is deemed responsible for limiting or keeping one from that which one desires or loves. If anyone besides ourselves is given responsibility for distancing us from our desires then hate is an automatic feeling. When this happens, the feeling should be admitted and the cooperation of the person producing the frustration should be sought. If cooperation is impossible the only way to then remove the hate is again to align ourselves completely with the will of God. When the will energy is tapped into then one realizes that nothing can interfere with that will, therefore there is nothing to hate.

Hate manifested without mental direction becomes very harmful, but when directed intelligently, and the cause thereof communicated and accepted, the consciousness of all can be raised and harm can be eliminated. Hate is actually a warning voice of the soul telling us we are headed toward harm. When we listen to the voice hate disappears and we become harmless as doves and wise as serpents.

Sorrow and unhappiness occur when it seems that that which is desired or loved is lost or delayed and cannot be immediately obtained.

The Christ, the greatest of us all, was sorrowful on occasion. Therefore, there should be no great humiliation in us admitting that we have similar feelings.

Just before the crucifixion he said: “My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death.” Matt 26:38 He would have liked to stayed here and build the kingdom of God among men but that was not in the will of God. When He realized that this desire that he loved could not be obtained he felt sorrow just as we do when we have to leave a beloved person or thing forever.

Sorrow is negative if we dwell on the past and refuse to be comforted by the future good. On the other hand, it is positive when we realize that our future we are building will give us more happiness than the past we left behind. When this thought is in our consciousness then we can even have happiness in the midst of sorrow.

Jealousy seems to be the most controversial emotion. Whenever I have taught that there is a good aspect to jealousy, I always have someone respond that it is entirely negative and that an evolved person rises above it. Let’s examine it more carefully by first defining it.

Jealousy is an energy manifested as a warning to make us aware that the thing we love and desire to be united with is in danger of being separated from us and that steps need to be taken to solidify the union.

We are perhaps more tempted to be self-deceptive about jealousy than any other emotion because it is looked upon as an unenlightened feeling. Another problem in understanding it is that, unlike emotions of anger, hate and sorrow, not everyone experiences the conditions which bring about this feeling.

Most jealousy feelings are felt in connection with relationships of bonded unions. Few realize that two conditions must exist to produce jealousy. (1) A desire for union. (2) A threat (real or imagined) to the union.

If we have no one special in our lives that we desire to be one with, then no one has power to evoke jealousy. If we do have someone that we desire to be one with and have a committed relationship and are dedicated to each other with no other objective in our consciousness then the second condition for jealousy is lacking and the feeling will not manifest.

If there is a one-sided commitment in a relationship then the uncommitted party will not feel jealousy, but the committed person will. If both parties have an understanding that they will have a loose relationship with a low level of commitment then these will generally have little or no jealousy.

For persons in the above situations to believe they are beyond jealousy is an illusion. The reason jealousy is often seen by them as a feeling belonging to the lower evolved is because it can be caused by an imagined threat or circumstances. A person who is always imagining circumstances that never occur will be uncomfortably possessive and jealous. This is the type of jealousy that most people associate with being negative.

On the other hand, when there is a union that one finds desirable and a situation comes up to divert the partner’s attention from that union there will be a definite jealous feeling sent through the solar plexus chakra of the one who maintains full attention on the union. If the soul did not send this urgency-toward-action to cement the union there would be no such thing as a reliable bonded relationship among mankind.

All relationships have points where energy is diverted and there has to be a force to make us aware of when the diversion may be too great. If we deny the feeling of jealousy or ignore it, we will never develop a close union that will last for many lifetimes until oneness is achieved. When oneness is reached and the two dwell together in perfect love then no jealousy or any other negative feeling will be possible because no diversion of energy is manifest

Like all feelings, positive or negative, jealousy has to be directed by the mind under the direction of the Spirit or the results will be considered evil. This common misdirection is why jealousy in particular has such a bad reputation.

The positive use of jealousy is to cause the individual to discern a potential threat to the union that one wishes to keep. Without this feeling the person may remain unaware of the need make any effort to solidify the relationship and the union would gradually dissolve.

Sue, Bob and Jim

An example of the positive use of jealousy would be something like this. Bob and Sue are engaged to be married and are very much in love. Several years ago, however Sue was in love with Jim and wanted to marry him. Jim was not ready for marriage and joined the Army. Now Jim has just finished his term and has returned home. He now realizes that marrying Sue would have been much better than the Army and looks her up when he gets home. Sue tells him that she is engaged, but Jim now feels that he is ready for a serious relationship and he tries to get her interest. Some of the old feelings that Sue has for Jim are rekindled. She loves Bob and believes that he would be the best marriage partner, but Jim has a magnetism that attracts her and it excites her that Jim is now seriously interested in her, whereas before he was not. Jim presses her to see him. She says no. She is engaged to Bob. Jim then asks her to spend some time together just as friends. How about going to lunch, he asks. That sounds harmless enough she thinks. “Just this once,” she says

They eat lunch and Jim asks her to go for a walk in the park. They talk about old times. Sue remembers the old feelings. “I’ve just go to see you again,” says Jim. “How about tomorrow. I want to show you my grandfather’s racehorses. That’ll give us time to talk some more.”

“I’m not sure.” she said.

“It’s just two friends getting together. I’m not going to attack you or anything. How about tomorrow at noon?”

“Alright,” she says. “But just one more time.”

At grandfather’s house they go horseback riding. They stop in the middle of a wooded area. Jim looks in her eyes and romantic feelings come back to her. The energy is so strong it seems for a moment as if Bob does not exist. He kisses her. She yields for a moment and then remembers that she should not be doing this if she really loves Bob. She pulls away and wants to go home. That evening she reflects on the situation. She loves Bob and feels that he would make the best marriage partner, but Jim is more aggressive and has a powerful draw on her feelings. She is not sure if she can resist him if he is around her much more. She is not sure if she can say no to him if he asks to see her again. She feels very distraught.

Now what is happening with Bob as all of this is going on? Bob knows that Sue was once in love with Jim. As soon as he learns that Jim is back in town, he feels a warning feeling arise in his breast. He tries to ignore it and tells himself that their relationship is beyond jealousy. Nevertheless, he does keep an eye open for any signs of danger.

He is not aware that Sue is seeing Jim, but he does notice that her kisses are not as deep as before, nor does she give him quite the same look as before and she seems to be a bit distant. He senses that something is wrong. Is she seeing Jim, he wonders? He wants to ask, but is hesitant. That would show a lack of trust, he thinks. On the other hand, just thinking of the possibilities make Bob irritable and distant. Sue notices and begins to wonder if he cares for her as much as Jim.

Then after several days a friend tells Bob that that he saw Sue and Jim together. Now he knows there is a danger. His feelings were right, but what is he to do? He feels jealous and angry. He would like to do physical damage to Jim and in anger demand that she never, never see Jim again.

Then he calmly contemplates the situation. He calculates that if he were to overreact that he would drive Sue away. He examines his feelings. He loves Sue and definitely is jealous over Jim, but now he has do mentally direct that energy wisely.

He thinks that another thing he could do would be to make Sue jealous and see someone else for a while. Then he concludes that this is game playing and that if Sue is meant for him, he will not have to resort to this. It is also a form of deception. He is really interested in Sue and would be pretending to be interested in someone else.

He loves Sue and wants to keep her, but knows of no easy solution. Something tells him that if he were to pretend that all is well and merely trust Sue to do what is right that he will lose her for he knows that Jim is persuasive. He also feels that Sue would be better off with him instead of Jim.

Finally, he decides to use his best judgment. He’s not sure if he is right or wrong, whether he will win or lose her, but he decides to be completely honest. He goes to Sue and tells her what he knows and how he feels. Sue is upset and defensive, but finally confesses that she is torn between both men. Somehow Bob knew this was going to be the situation and he calmly tells her that he wants a total commitment from her for his feelings cannot handle her fluctuating between two men. He explains that if he did not want a total commitment he would not be so bothered, but he desires a full union with her so she must decide between the two. He makes no demands, but merely tells her a decision must be made if the relationship is to continue. He tells her he loves her, wants to marry her, but doesn’t want to share her romantic emotional energies with anyone else.

Sue struggles with her feelings a few days and finally decides to marry Bob. Jim continues to compete for her attention, but Sue refuses to place herself in situations where her affectionate energy will be diverted from her fiancé.

Who can say that Bob was jealous here because he was not highly evolved? Is there anyone who would not have some feelings of jealousy in this situation? Probably not. It is a normal feeling and whether we are enlightened or not we are all subject to all the feelings in the right situations. Why not be honest with ourselves and admit it?

Here is another short example. Mary has been married to Bill for ten years. She loves him and is dedicated to the union and comes home early from a vacation and finds Bill in bed with Wanda, the next-door neighbor. Mary feels anger and jealousy, maybe hatred, but who wouldn’t? Evolution has nothing to do with it.

Conclusion

Jealousy, as with the other emotions, has a negative side. Bob could smother Sue and not let her out of his sight, or go to lunch with anyone besides him. He could demand too much of her time. He could restrict her freedom. He could monitor all her phone calls and open her mail. The over reaction damages the union. But the right action (as in the story) motivated by jealousy can save it.

It is really a matter of energies. Wherever there is a disturbance of the interplay of love or desire there will be certain negative feelings arise. The most important point is for them not to lead us further into deception. This is done by acknowledging the feeling and directing it constructively.

If mankind realized the importance of non deception with feelings, the world would be a much more open place and none would be ashamed of their emotions. This honest emotional communication is a grand key that leads us to a recovery of our lost estate. As we remove layers and layers of deception one by one the walls come down that hide the powers of the God within each one of us and the illusion is no more. The light within shines brighter and brighter until the perfection of the transfiguration initiation is reached and we may dwell with a visible light around our bodies.

By being honest communicators of our feelings, all negativity is neutralized and eventually we master circumstances so we can keep our minds centered in the higher love energy continually. Then at least for such individuals there will be “Peace on Earth, Goodwill to All.”

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Chapter Eighteen
The Positive and Negative of Feelings

Many religious and New Age writings are teaching that we should only feel the positive emotions of love, happiness, and bliss and that all other feelings are evil and should be extinguished. The basic thought seems to be that if we are “evolved” or “saved” then we will never feel fear, hate, anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, possessiveness, or unhappiness of any kind. God either without or within is only love therefore if we are one with Him we will feel only love.

We read all of these books about love and the way things should be if we are able to escape from the world of illusion and we begin to form pictures in our minds of ourselves in a perfect condition beyond the reach of negativity or illusions of any kind. We want to make the leap to perfection in one step because the picture painted by some inspired book looks so beautiful and true, we cannot bear to live with our imperfect selves another instant.

There are many inspired or channeled, books out that present sound principles designed to lead us out of the illusion toward a perfect manifestation of love. This is well and good, but if the goal toward spiritual progress is not approached correctly all this wonderful inspiration can lead us further into the illusion.

And what is the correct approach to progress toward the true reality?

The answer is simple. All illusion is created by deception. Therefore, we find reality by practicing non deception.

If we do not practice non deception then inspired teachings designed to take us out of illusion can lead us further into illusion.

We must overcome self-deception if we are to see correctly. If we do not see accurately when we look inward then it is impossible to see correctly from the outside world. If we are deceiving the self within then it is fruitless to try and make any adjustment to the outside world. As the Christ said we must take the beam out of our own eye then we can see to take the sliver out of our brother’s.

Three Deceptions

There are three basic deceptions (often overlooked) that we need to master before a lot of progress can be made on the spiritual path.

[1] The deception of our place on the Path.

[2] The deception caused by not facing our true thoughts.

[3] The deception of not facing our true feelings.

[1] The first deception is an easy trap in which to get caught. This is largely caused by the impatience beginners upon the spiritual path. They read these marvelous events of the masters walking though walls, levitating, walking on water, teleporting and so on, and the writing may make it sound so easy a child could do it. They do not want to wait for many lifetimes to acquire all these abilities and thus gets all excited and figures this is his last life on the earth, that they are at least close to being masters and that they could walk through walls if the occasion arose. They often convince themselves that they are beyond all negativity and temptation and that it is not necessary to listen to anyone’s counter thoughts for none can teach these enlightened ones. If they sense negative thoughts, they deceive themselves into the idea that they did not think it. If they feel a negative feeling they force themselves into a mindset that they are beyond feeling such things and then deny having the feeling.

We must all carefully examine ourselves in the light of spirit and reason and discern our true point on the path. The purpose is not to brag about where we are to others, but so that we can know for ourselves. It is impossible to take the next step forward unless we take the step where we are, not where we are not. If I am in Boise and take an imaginary step in New York, then I have neither taken a step in Boise or New York. I have stood still. If we take imaginary steps on the Path of progression by being deceived into thinking we are where we are not, then no progress has been made.

Some people waste many lifetimes in taking only imaginary steps. The only benefit here is that they will eventually learn that they are making no progress and wake up to their true position. But why consume a thousand years needlessly? Why not search our souls and find out where we are now in the present time so we can take our next real step?

If one is not sure of their next step is there some key that will act as a signpost? Yes, the seeker will know he is taking a real step because it is thoroughly fulfilling with a sense of accomplishment, even if it seems insignificant.

[2] The second deception is that of not facing our true thoughts. Most of us are convinced that we have an open mind with no biases, but do we really? Are we perhaps biased against religion, the Bible, teachers, groups, people from the political right or left, Star Wars, abortion, the space program, or Mickey Mouse? Are there certain words that can be said that cause us to immediately shut down and allow no more input? Why do we shut down? What is the real thought behind it? Are we deceiving ourselves into pretending that our true thoughts are not there?

Perhaps we think our beliefs are not as important as the thoughts of others so we pretend we have no thoughts. Maybe we believe that our thoughts are more important than anyone else’s so we pretend that others have no thoughts.

Perhaps we have a belief and we do not know why we have that belief. It is just there we tell ourselves. But there is a thought behind every belief. All creation including beliefs come from thought. If we say it is not there, we are deceiving ourselves. We must ask, why are we afraid to face the root thought? If I am a Catholic and do not know why then perhaps there is a thought I fear to face. Perhaps, in reality, I am a Catholic because I admired my Father who was one. I do not want people to think I am a blind follower, however. I want them to believe I think for myself. The presentation of my thought behind my belief would be embarrassing so I pretend the thought does not exist. I say that I believe in the Catholicism because I just feel it is the best. Thus I have deceived myself and gone further into the illusion.

Our true root thoughts must be discovered and examined in the light of day if we are to see the true reality.

[3] The third and major area of deception at this time concerns our feelings. We are often afraid to face them and take great measures to cover them up because of two basic reasons. (a) We do not like to hurt or bother other people with our negative feelings. (b) We feel that all negative feelings are bad and we are somehow at fault if we are even feeling them. If we are good, or evolved, we will be beyond ever feeling anger, sorrow, hurt, or jealousy or anything but love.

Both of these statements are deceptions in thinking which lead us to misconceptions of how we are feeling.

[a] When we cover up a feeling to avoid hurt or disturbance we are creating a deceptive act. It is deceptive because the person is pretending that he is feeling fine when he is not. One virtually deceives the other person into thinking that all is well. This leads us further into illusion and postpones the day of freedom that much further. In addition, hurt is not avoided as hoped, but increased.

Emotions are like steam in a tea kettle. If they are not released the pressure keeps building up until the lid blows off. When a person suffers any hurt and it is suppressed, or denied then the energy of the emotion still lays latent. When a similar hurt comes later the person not only feels the energy of the present emotion, but this is added to the one that is denied.

After this process is repeated several times, a tremendous emotional energy is built up and can be triggered with the slightest offence. When this happens, the offending person is amazed by such a strong emotional outburst for such a minor reason. Unrealized is the person is receiving the combined emotional blast of several offenses.

If the emotions are not released and the pressure continues to build up, the release may take the form of physical weakness or disease. Consistent and honest communication of feeling brings a smooth flow of emotional energy and this openness unlocks the door for higher spiritual contacts and much more control over emotional release.

[b] Denial of the negative feelings is the greatest and most complicated problem of human self-deception at this present time period. Feelings are covered up for two basic reasons: First, the person fears the feelings are beyond control. Individuals feel that if they allow themselves to express all their emotional feelings that they will feel something they do not want to be or face. Thus, they pretend that they do not have these feelings and avoids mustering up the energy necessary to deal with them.

The second and most common reason we deceive ourselves in not recognizing our feelings is that many view all the negative emotions as evil. It is human nature to think that we as individuals are basically good and that nothing inherently bad can be in us. Because we think of some emotions as bad and we are good, we translate this into the idea that the bad, or negative emotions cannot dwell in us.

If this is our basic root belief and the emotion of hate, jealousy, sorrow, unhappiness, anger or other negative emotion is felt within our breast what do we do? The impulse is to deny it, pretend it doesn’t exist and thus continue in the uninterrupted belief that we are the good guys. The illusion, or deception that is created here is that we cannot be in the light if we have any of these negative feelings in us. But who has judged this? Is it not possible that perhaps one may still be somewhat enlightened and still have feelings of anger of jealousy inside? This seems to be a new idea to some, but we hope to show here that it is accurate.

The truth is that any of the feelings, positive or negative, can be brought about by the right circumstances. When these circumstances occur feelings manifest. When they do, we can either admit them to ourselves and channel the energy constructively, or deceive ourselves and others and pretend they do not exist.

Let us consider this. Both positive and negative emotions exist in us all. This is a fact. I have never met a person who has not expressed some of both. If we accept the fact that God created us and that we are created in His image then it stands to reason that all the feelings, positive and negative, are a form of manifestation of God, or the will of God. All manifestations of God are different vibrations of energy and as such are neutral and are neither good nor evil. What determines the good or bad of any energy is the manner in which it is directed.

Jesus Christ, the Master of the Masters manifested negative as well as positive emotions. He expressed sorrow and wept. He felt anger and chased the money changers out of the temple. We are also told he expressed “zeal” which is from the Greek ZELOS which can also be translated as jealousy. In other words he felt jealous of his Father’s temple and chased the money changers out. The Bible tells us that God hates, is angry, jealous of his people

Electricity just as emotional energy is a good example to illustrate the point. It can either be used to fry a man’s brain or to cook dinner. The intelligence behind its direction determines whether it is good or bad. This should be obvious.

It should also be obvious that this principle applies to all energies including all of our feelings. They are all neutral and can be used for good or evil. We shall illustrate them one by one next.

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Chapter Seventeen
Trust

We have covered the three prime ingredients to a happy relationship: communication, a willingness to give and an open mind. Trust is a fourth consummating key, but the others must lay the foundation for creating this trust. One cannot fully trust someone who deceptively communicates. There will always be the question: “What is (s)he holding back from me now? Is (s)he up to something that is not communicated?” If the mate is an honest communicator, these questions will never be asked and needless suspicions will not be aroused.

If the companion is truly giving, it will tend to make the other feel secure and if a fullness of energy is sent, it will be sensed by the mate and no feeling of betrayal will enter the mind or heart. If individuals do not honestly communicate and become giving, they cannot expect to be fully trusted, yet such a person will demand trust more than others. Trust cannot be delivered on demand, but must be revealed through honest communication.

Essentially trust is a strong reliance on a communicated virtue. We must communicate our strengths and dependability to our mates so they can trust in us.

The most important area of trust in a committed relationship is love. Each wants to trust the other with their love and trust that love will always be returned. To secure this trust, a committed relationship becomes necessary. Thus, the two publicly state before the world in a marriage ceremony that their love for each other can be trusted and a foundation for lasting trust is laid. But if correct communication and giving is not developed, trust will be shaken and the couple will feel insecure in love, which is among the most uneasy of all feelings and very disturbing to the balance in life.

After a couple develop communication and givingness, they find that the cement that holds the union is trust.

Trust in a marriage partner is not unlike faith in God, for trust corresponds to faith and the union sought with a mate is a lower correspondence to our desire for union with God. Before we can have faith in God, we must communicate (prayer, meditation, etc.) and give (donate, serve). Then we find we have faith or trust our concept of God.

Each of us has a reflection of God within themselves, and, when this God in man and woman manifests, a great trusting relationship becomes possible.

If we are to be trusted, we need to be trustworthy. Trust must be also be developed among associates in life outside of the marriage relationship. Groups, states and nations must learn to trust each other and be trustworthy so peace on earth, goodwill to men can be established.

Trust is an energy which is sent that is a reflection of Purpose. Trust which is built on sound principles is very magical. It causes “the law of dominating good” to manifest and sought-for events can miraculously externalize.

Trust is the driving power that moves people to oneness. It is the synthetic energy created through communication and giving.

Trust can only come after effective and honest communication is established. Keep in mind that trust can be wrongfully placed. If the Pharisees had trusted Jesus to teach orthodox doctrine, they would have been wrong. Obviously, such blind trust would show a poor line of communication.

To trust someone, you have to properly understand them. If John trusts that Mary will use her grocery money to buy him a bowling ball, he will probably be mistaken. For trust to have power to cement a relationship, it has to be properly directed. The correct placement of trust is a science just as dealing with electricity is. If electricity makes the proper connection, it may light a bulb. If trust is correctly placed, it may make a reliable union out of two people.

Sometimes, trust will inspire trustworthiness, but not always. Many people just cannot be trusted in certain areas of their lives and showing trust in them will not create an improvement. But for some persons trust can turn their lives around and they will be trustworthy merely because they feel someone believes in them. This type of trustworthiness is usually a temporary thing. Before it can be permanent, one must first be true to themself. When this occurs, others can place faith and trust in us.

A true friend and companion is one to whom you can say: “I trust you, my friend, to always seek that which is good on my behalf and to never intentionally make an effort to cause me pain or harm.”

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Chapter Sixteen
The Seven Needs

(1) The Need for Union

One can meet this need by being a true communicator as already discussed.

The need for union is the most powerful of all needs and all others are branches of this one root need. Union is the motivating force behind all evolution. When two people truly love each other they experience an overwhelming desire for union, and deep within their souls they know it is their destiny. Remember the statement: “Let us commune and be one.”

All people feel a need for more union than they have at the present moment. The single person is drawn to members of the opposite polarity in the hope of union. The married person seeks to create even greater oneness with their spouse. In addition to this, couples seek harmony and closeness with friends and associates. Towns, cities, states and nations all seek to unite their populace through group spirit.

The need for union is the inner motivating purpose behind the other six needs we shall discuss. Love is manifested as we move toward union. Hate grows in separative thinking. We can only appreciate union after we have gone through experiences together. Creative expression brings us closer to those who appreciate it. Knowledge makes us aware of the interrelation of all things. Emotional fulfillment makes us glad we have taken steps toward union and order causes us to see how all things work together in one grand united purpose.

(2) The Need For Love

This is probably the most frequently acknowledged need of mankind for nearly everyone is active in some degree in seeking love. Giving is therefore very important for it is an active expression of love.

Love has been very difficult for mankind to define because there are two basic types and people see what love is from their angle of vision and point of evolution.

The most common love is the love of the personality, or the lower self. The second, and higher form of its expression, is the love of the Soul, or the higher self. The manner in which we give and receive love is dependent on our point in spiritual evolution. If our consciousness has attained contact with our higher selves, or souls, then we can love others as souls. This is an unselfish love. If we have no contact with the higher self then we will love others as personalities. This is a more selfish and possessive love from a higher point of view and is merely a mirrored reflection of true soul love. It may be more appropriately called attachment. Generally, two people get married because they like each other’s personalities and become attached to them. In this situation if there should be an apparent personality change, then love, or attachment, would cease.

If one loves another’s higher self, then a personality change would not cause the love to cease, for spiritual love is not dependent on the personality expression.

Soul love may be defined as: “A desire for union, a desire to serve and fulfill and a desire to share with someone.”

Personality love is one or more of the following: “A desire to be in the physical presence of, or possess (because of the attractiveness of the personality of physical makeup), a desire to please (even though it may not be a beneficial pleasure), and a desire for sexual expression with another person.

Those who have developed soul love will find that they have not left personality love behind for soul love encompasses personality love. Soul love puts personality love under subjection. The person is then able to love on all levels, but loves the personality with detachment so when soul love comes in conflict with it the spiritual love will prevail.

Those who love others as souls still desire sexual expression and fulfillment, but this is not one of the main criteria for determining their love expression for one another. They will not let sex interfere with the desire for union, service and sharing on the soul level. These higher expressions are a first priority and the physical expressions are sublimated to enhancing the higher expressions.

Those who love on the personality level need to be with and be possessed by someone, need to be pleased and need affection and/or sex.

Those who love on the soul level still need the personality fulfillments, but also need union, need to serve to be served and need to share with someone.

The type of service the soul seeks is the service that will stimulate evolution and the sharing it seeks is a sharing of enlightenment that will bring a mate to a higher level of progress. The personality seeks service and sharing with no thought to spiritual stimulation.

The strongest soul need people have in the sharing of love is the sharing of enlightenment that can lead to joyousness. Every person has a strong need for joy and happiness and soul love seeks to fill this need in others through the sharing principle.

(3) The Need for Experience

Experience is an extremely strong need for it is the basic reason all things were created. The One Life who permeates the universe is seeking experience.

Every life form needs certain types of experience depending on its point of evolution. As we progress from life to life we share in many varied experiences. As we repeat certain experiences again and again, we find that we tire of them and that we seek new more challenging ones. When the time comes that we have experienced all there is under the current laws of existence then we reach a point where we are liberated from the physical world.

Each individual has a need to experience variety, change, and entirely new happenings in their life. A new experience can be like a stimulating medicine that can be a healing balm. Even old souls are stimulated by variety and change.

In a meditation I participated in years ago a young man was spiritually transported to a future society where interrelationships were of a very joyous nature. He brought back to us one sentence which impressed everyone in the group: “Our goal is to fulfill each other’s dreams.”

One of the best ways to fulfill one another’s dreams is to help each other have the most conscious expanding experiences that are possible. Find out what the other person wants and help him achieve or experience them.

In a bonded relationship one should study the kinds of experiences one’s mate may need and seek to fulfill them. Talk over the types of new experiences you would like to have together. Keep in mind that this can be anything from a vacation to a new paradise, to learning a new activity, to meditating together. In the Bible the Master says: “I make all things new.” His disciples sing a “new song.” Doing new things, sharing experiences never shared before keeps us eternally young and vibrant and should not be forgotten in a relationship.

If a relationship seems to be getting stagnant the best medicine available is a new experience that is not resisted by either party. Seek for it and the reward cannot be withheld.

(4) The Need for Creative Expression

This is a need that becomes stronger the farther a person progresses upon the path of spiritual evolution. When individuals are centered in the lower self the main creative expression is through imitation. They build, they draw, or create that which they have been instructed in and this fulfills their needs in the personality. These need praise and appreciation for that which they have made and derives much satisfaction from seeing their creations put to practical use.

Those who are centered in the soul develop a need to create things which are new, beautiful and original. They want to sing songs never sung, draw pictures that have never been seen, and build creations that no one has yet dreamed as possible.

We must search out our companion’s creative needs and seek to stimulate them and show sincere appreciation for the beauty of their creations. We should seek to understand the effort and sacrifice that was made. All people need to be appreciated. Perhaps in creative people this need is stronger than most.

(5) The Need for Knowledge

All people high and low need knowledge and can sense the impulses of their soul in some degree driving them toward it. As the need for experience within a sphere of activity decreases the need for knowledge increases. The most important knowledge of all is the knowing of our inner selves. Then we can better know the inner self of our mates. The knowledge of the principles that lead to a joyous relationship is one of the greatest needs humanity senses.

Each person has different areas of interest in which he or she is seeking knowledge and each person is impressed to go a certain direction. We should seek to understand the areas in which our mate is seeking knowledge and seek to help him or her expand the opportunity. If one person in a relationship has more knowledge in an interesting area than another, they can seek to teach their companion. They can enlighten and appreciate each other.

Gaining knowledge is much more than just obtaining facts registered on the brain through memory training. The key of knowledge is the understanding of the principles, for one principle is worth a thousand facts.

Henry Ford is a good example of this. He was once criticized for his ignorance of automobiles and details related to his business. He pointed out to his accuser that he did not have to waste his time memorizing all the details concerning the operation of his cars and business. All he had to do was merely give a call and he could have an expert delivering him the needed knowledge. Henry Ford did not clutter his mind with unnecessary facts, but, instead, worked with principles of good business; hence he was successful.

We must seek to give and receive the principles that make all knowledge available to us and share the knowledge we gain with each other as one of the steps to fulfillment.

(6) The Need for Emotional Fulfillment

The key to emotional fulfillment is to avoid suppression. Suppression is a form of avoiding communication. This is especially dangerous when the negative emotions are suppressed for this can lead to disease, as well as depression. Just like steam pressure in a tea kettle can cause it to blow its lid if it has no release valve, so can suppressed emotion cause a person to explode unpredictably. An unpredictable moody person is usually one who suppressed emotion.

All, whether they suppress or not, have a need to express themselves emotionally whether it be through romantic love, hate, anger, happiness or any other feeling. The emotions should be controlled and rightly directed, but not suppressed. No one likes to live with a walking time bomb and this is what they become if they do not intelligently release feelings now and then to let off the dangerous pressure.

Seekers must find release for emotional feelings as they arise or they can build up negative energy pressure to a dangerous level. For instance, if they feel anger, they should not pretend that it is not there. This is dishonest communication, and negative, whereas control of anger and honestly communicating it harmlessly is positive.

What then should we do with anger, or other negative feelings when we have them if we are not to suppress? Should we attack the person with whom we feel anger? No. This would be uncontrolled emotion. Instead, we must direct the expression of our feeling through the control of the mind.

When we are angry our emotional self sends a strong instinct not to think, but to immediately carry out a destructive action. However, the mind must override emotional authority and declare: “I will not release my authority to decide a course of action. I will stay in command.” After maintaining the reigns of control, the mind can then say: “My emotional self feels all this anger toward Mary that needs released. What is the most harmless way to let it off?” The mind then decides to communicate instead of attack. John says to Mary: “Mary, what you just said makes me feel very angry. I feel like strangling you. I, of course, will not do it, but you really upset me and hurt my feelings.”

Most people have feelings within them, positive and negative, locked tightly within and fear letting them out in the open. They are afraid of becoming vulnerable, believing that they may be hurt as they have been in the past. Nevertheless, each person still has an inward longing to share and release these feelings and they wish with all their heart they could trust someone enough to intimately communicate with them.

If you are reading these lines and feel a need to share suppressed emotions, but cannot because you feel that you can trust no one to not hurt you then the solution is to let the mind assume control and tell yourself: “If I suffer pain because I trust another with my feelings it will not be as bad as the emptiness I now feel. Therefore, I will share my innermost feelings, even at the risk of pain. Some pain mixed with pleasure is much better than non-existence.”

Life is always less painful to one who communicates than to one who does not. In one way of looking at it we could say: “Most emotional pain is an indication of a failure to communicate.”

Those who find themselves responsible for helping other people release pent up feelings will be endeared in other people’s psyches for a lifetime. The overflowing stream of peace and joy that follows such a release is sometimes overwhelming.

When individuals enter a situation where they can communicate and control negative feelings, then they are faced with the need of using their positive feelings to create a fullness of joy. This is the circumstance we should all find ourselves in if we follow our inner urges to communicate.

He or she then works toward a fullness in communicating love-desire energies, affection, sexual and romantic feelings, appreciation, generosity, givingness, and freedom.

Affection is extremely important in a male-female relationship. It is the glue that cements the bond leading to oneness. A touch, a caress, a squeeze or a loving look says: “I care about you and love you as I love myself.” Those who did not receive much affection as a child may not feel like giving or receiving a lot of it as adults. If this is the case one should let the mind assume control and declare: “Giving and receiving affection will help me receive a fullness of joy; therefore, I will give affection.”

If the mind drives one to be affectionate it will not be long before the emotions will be stimulated and they will “feel” like responding. Then the person will “change” into an affectionate person. There is no one in the world who does not have the capacity to appreciate affection. One should intelligently practice giving and receiving it until mastery is attained in this important area of life. One should also practice timing. Giving your mate a hug when he or she is in a rush may produce irritation, but giving the same affection on a lazy rainy day may be greatly appreciated. Sense when the time is right and then give affection and always be open to receiving it.

Sex is one of the most intense forms of giving and receiving positive energy and feeling. There are many good books available on enhancing the pleasures of sex so we need not go into that. Nevertheless, the underlying principle of sexual fulfillment should be stressed: “Communicate your sexual needs to each other and seek to fulfill them in your mate so long as no harm is created.”

There has been so much written on how to put romance in a relationship that we need not go into it here except to say that this is an important area to practice giving and receiving. Most people are aware of how much little things like notes, flowers, a night out on impulse, a walk in the park, and other amenities can mean to a relationship. We must merely practice what we know in this area.

Freedom is, however, an emotional need that is worthy of comment. The couple should allow each other a certain amount of “space” as it is currently called. Almost everyone wants to belong to someone and likes to be possessed to a certain degree, but when that possession interferes with a desired freedom of thought or action then there is resentment. One must examine the mate’s need for freedom and allow the space he or she needs to act and express themselves. We will also find that we will be appreciated if we work to stimulate our companions to greater avenues of freedom. Nevertheless, the interdependency that is agreed upon by the two must be strong enough to hold the bonded relationship intact.

(7) The Need for Order

This need includes the need for balance, rhythm, harmony, structure and judgment. It could also be called the need for cyclic activity.

Despite the fact that we live in a liberated era where everyone wants to do their own thing, all people have a need for a certain amount of structure in their lives. We can see how order is necessary for living things by observing nature. The sun rises and sets at certain times in certain seasons and living things adjust to this. Birds and animals retire to sleep at certain times and rise at predictable times. They eat, store, build, migrate, leave home, and mate at certain set times of cyclic activity. If this is interrupted, their harmony is disturbed.

There is no living thing more out of harmony with nature than humans. In seeking freedom of expression, they often goe to the extreme and do not balance themselves with order as demanded by nature. When humans lack order in their lives, they are out of harmony and often become sick or emotionally disturbed.

Therefore, order is a human need just as love is and is needed for us to obtain a fulness of livingness.

Some types of order that is beneficial to humans are:

[1] Going to bed, rising, and napping (if desired) at approximately the same time each day.

[2] Eating at about the same time and frequency each day.

[3] Study at certain times.

[4] Entertainment at certain times. Man instinctually wants entertainment on weekends.

[5] Sex should be adjusted to harmonize with cyclic desires.

[6] Work at set times.

[7] The laws of the land.

[8] Religious ceremonies, sacraments and observances.

[9] Contemplation, prayer, and meditation.

[10] Marriage as a stabilizing structure.

Often, people with no objectives in life who suffer mentally, emotionally, and physically merely need some order and structure to their life.. This is basically how the churches the world benefit humanity. Their basic benefit is not so much in the knowledge they impart for they impart very little, but the benefit is that they give order and objectives to a family’s life. Very few people will admit that the need for order is the reason they go to church, but in the last analysis it usually is.

You will notice that those who are not active in a church will usually be involved in some civic organizations or fraternities. This involvement we seek is merely to fulfill our need for structure and order. Those who do not have some structure in their lives inspired by some organization or cause are usually listless and feel empty. These are often the type of people who turn to crime. They find no order in society to suit them so they turn against it.

The bonded relationship is so sought after by many because it fills a great need for order. In fact, many people get married more to stabilize their lives than for love. Marriage brings in the new ordered sequence of seeing someone you care for on a cyclic basis. Any newly established cyclic routine brings additional order and therefore, more purpose in people’s lives. When children arrive, new cyclic encounters occur and greater stability reached. These ordered relationships, can, if they are structured correctly, bring more fullness in a person’s life.

The need for ceremony is part of the need for order. This is a basic human need that has received little or no attention by psychologists.

The human need for ceremony is well illustrated in the marriage process itself. For instance, a couple could merely agree to live together with no ceremony and the relationship could be just as successful as a full-fledged husband and wife. However, this is rarely the case because of the need for ceremony. We have created the ceremony of the wedding rites, vows, rings, and laws governing such so we can feel a stamp of public approval on this major decision. Humanity has created covenants that bind this relationship so they can have more order, structure, and purpose in the hope of creating a more permanent relationship.

To create more order, we set up authorities whose word is either law or sanctioned by it. Men and women are married by such an authority. They exchange rings. That is an ordered ceremony. After that, they have the wedding reception. The bridal dress and wedding cake are two more ingredients which fill the need for order here along with all the order amenities of the wedding reception.

Very few couples can really “feel married” unless they follow the accepted public order in getting there.

Even the Christ had to fill people’s need for order when he healed them. Often, if he would not have done it, the people would not have had enough faith to be healed. Sometimes Jesus had them bath in water, another time he poked his fingers in a man’s ear, another time he anointed a man’s eyes with clay made from his saliva, other times he touched their eyes, or tongue, or laid his hands on their heads. Part of the reason he used these techniques was because he recognized people’s need for ceremony and order. People couldn’t believe they could be healed unless he followed a strange ritual of some kind. He perceived the need each person had and tried to adjust to it to strengthen their faith.

We should search for the need for order and ceremony in the lives of ourselves and our mates and seek to fill it. Seek to be a part of the order that is in your companion’s life. Seek to create all the order that is needed to bring a fullness, but beware of being overly rigid. Too much strictness may be a greater evil than not enough order.

Couples should seek to establish mini-sacraments in their relationship: A bottle of wine on a special occasion, getting an ice cream after a movie, collapsing in each other’s arms after the kids are in bed, kissing each other on going and returning from work, saying “I love you” before going to bed etc. These little rituals we all establish help stabilize a relationship through order. If we lack these little ceremonies, it will be found to be advantageous to consciously create a few.

Retired people are especially in need of order because their lives are so disrupted by losing the ordered sequence of going to work. An amazing number of people die within a year or so of breaking off from the work cycle. Those who have a happy retirement are those who can keep order and structure in their life. This is may be more important than diet or exercise for living a long, healthy life.

To become a fulfilling giver, one must learn to control giving with the mind, for if the giving nature is controlled by the emotions, then we will only give when we “feel like it”. When giving is controlled by the mind, we can find ourselves giving when we don’t feel like it, but at the same time accomplishing a great good. If we only give when we feel like it, we are no better than the savage who does the same. But when we give when we think of it, or when it makes sense, then we become the master of the situation and become a true giver.

Most persons have times in the marriage relationship when they do not feel like giving communication, loving feelings, or loving words. This is the greatest opportunity to exercise mental control. The mind is like a muscle and it cannot become strong enough to control the emotions without exercise, but after sufficient and regular exercise, it does become strong enough so mental control is effortless.

Here is one of the best mental exercises you can do: The next time you have your feelings hurt by your mate or loved one, and find it difficult to show any love at all, take hold of him or her and look in the eyes with as loving a look as you can muster and over a short period of time say “I love you” three times. Try and get the partner to do the same. This will dispel much of the negative feelings you have, even if you do not get an “I love you” back. Those seeking the path to union and fullness must develop the power to do this exercise IN ANY SITUATION. When this is accomplished, they will gain a sense of freedom and liberation never before felt and will realize to some degree that the peace that passes all understanding is not dependent on circumstances or other persons, but on the individual.

If the first exercise mentioned above does not dispel all negative feelings, then try this second one: Within the period of one hour, give something three times (tangible or intangible) or provide a needed service for the person who hurt your feelings. Remember that the other person is not responsible for your negative feelings if your mind is in control. Thus, it is not their responsibility to dispel your negativity. It is your own. It matters not how dire and wrong is the deed your partner did to you. It matters not that they do not accept your “I love you,” or gift, or service. What matters is that you give them, and in giving them you liberate yourself. This is why Jesus said: “Give to him that asketh thee.” (Matt. 5:42) He also said we should go the extra mile. Simple advice, but difficult to do.

If, after these two exercises, the negativity is not yet dispelled, there is one more thing you can do: Ask your spouse to do something giving for you. One thing may do the trick, but three things over a period of time is preferable. Do not pick something difficult, but choose something you know they can easily do. If you have told him/her you love him/her three times and given to him/her three times, then (s)he should be ready to give to you. If (s)he hasn’t given to you in some way, ASK. The giving will make you feel better and bring peace in the home.

Generally, these three steps will dispel any negativity in a relationship unless a major rift has occurred and the other party is utterly beyond response.

A yielding nature is essential to create oneness in any relationship and it must be possessed by both parties. People who are truly giving and yielding are rare and when they are found, they are usually mated with someone who is unyielding and takes advantage of their good nature. One yielding person can make a relationship bearable and somewhat workable, but it takes two cooperators to make a true union.

There is a basic difference between giving and yielding. We generally give that which we feel like giving, but when we yield, we often give in areas that are against our feelings for the sake of a relationship. Yielding is the highest form of giving, and, if both parties possess a certain amount of it, the marriage can be “made in heaven.” It is a simple ingredient in a successful relationship that is ignored by most because they do not “feel” like cultivating it.

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Chapter Fifteen
 Key Three – Willingness to Give

Whereas communication is the keystone to happiness, a giving nature is that which builds the bridge to a joyous union. When Joan communicates her needs to John, she needs a satisfying response to obtain fulfillment. John must be willing to give in to those reasonable needs which are communicated. Communication itself is the highest form of giving. Giving is merely communicating to the other person the idea that you value him or her as much as you do yourself. Those who do not have a giving nature are rarely good communicators on a one-to-one basis. They may be able to speak before groups but be incapable of sharing feelings on an intimate level.

The committed love relationship is the highest form of schooling on the earth in that it teaches communication and givingness. The reason for this is that male and female are on opposite polarities as far as energy is concerned. This also applies to same sex relationships as in any relationship one gravitates more to sending, and the other in receiving. This causes in both individuals the need to make a considerable effort before they can effectively communicate and give. They are both forced to develop some empathy and open-mindedness.

To give to another person what he or she wants is not always easy to do. It will be found, however, that the more accurate the communication is for both parties the easier it will be to give. Generally, the reason a partner in a committed relationship does not have their needs fulfilled is because they were not properly communicated. One should always seek to fulfill the needs of the mate involved as long as one’s own needs are not sacrificed to an extreme and there is no harm done. In doing this, we will create an automatic trigger in our mates that will cause them to respond with givingness. It is impossible to give over an extended period of time and not receive back. It is a universal law that we must receive that which was given out.

A Course in Miracles states it aptly by saying “To give and receive are one.” If we fulfill the needs of others, then others must come to us, sooner or later, and fulfill our needs. If every married or attached person believed this law they would then seek to fulfill the needs of their mates whether they thought the partner deserved it or not, for if they refuse they may find their own needs unfulfilled.

There are some instances where fulfillment of the needs of the two involved may conflict with each other. For instance, he may want sex four times a week and she only two. This is what they each need for fulfillment. In this case it would be wrong for the woman to give in to the man all the time if it causes her consistent distress. We must not forget that we have an obligation to our own fulfillment as well as that of others. In this case a compromise is necessary and compromise itself is a form of giving. Compromise is only permanently successful when both parties are willing to yield, or give. In this case they could agree to sex three times a week or they could decide to let the male initiate sex during one week and she initiate the second week. This way each could be fulfilled sexually at least every other week, and as they grow old together seeking to fulfill each other they will find that their needs and desires will adjust to each other and they will eventually be satisfied a larger percentage of the time.

In seeking to be true givers who who fulfill their mates they must seek out and understand human needs so they are aware of where they need to direct the giving energies.

There are seven basic human needs just as there are seven rays, seven colors and seven notes. Here is the list that we shall discuss:

1 The need for union.

2 The need for love.

3 The need for experience.

4 The need for creative expression.

5 The need for knowledge.

6 The need for emotional fulfillment.

7 The need for order.

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Chapter Fourteen
Key Two – The Open Mind

Open-mindedness is, in the last analysis, open-communication and being an open communicator can greatly enhance a relationship. The amazing point is that everyone seems to view themselves as being open-minded. I have a friend who asks many people he meets if they think of themselves as being open-minded. He has asked hundreds of people and, without exception, all of them so far think they are as open-minded as the best of us. On the other hand, you and I know that there are many closed-minded people. We meet them every day – people who refuse to consider or even hear a divergent point of view.

After my friend asks concerning their open-mindedness, he then proceeds to converse with them in a logical sequence using unorthodox data which goes contrary to their preconceived notions. Nine times out of ten, the person will shut off communication on the subject; in other words, he closes down his mind. It is interesting to note that even after this mental shutdown, the person will still insist that he is open-minded. It is interesting to watch a person shut down his mind and afterwards insist that it is still open.

This is one of those subjects where we need to define our terms to clarify communication, for the numerous people who argue over the phrase obviously have different concepts of it.

An emotional person who shuts his mind off to enlightened communication will insist he is open-minded because he seems to use the following definition. To him open mindedness is: “A willingness to hear an associate’s point of view briefly expressed.” When that point of view contradicts something he ‘knows’ or feels to be right, the case is closed and the communication must immediately end or change direction. How can he consider something he knows is wrong? He is always willing to consider additional knowledge pertaining to points of view with which he already agrees.

Using this point of view, anyone can be open-minded, for all of us encounter additional light on concepts in harmony with our thinking. Nevertheless, it is how we handle opposing points of view that determines our true open-mindedness.

A truly open-minded person adheres more to the following definition: “A willingness to hear any opposing point of view and a willingness to exchange facts and data on the subject and follow a logical sequence with the data until a conclusion or consummation is achieved.” The mind remains open to two-way communication until this consummation is reached.

Closed-minded people shut down lines of communication as soon as a point of disagreement is apparent. They think that those who disagreed with them are closed-minded. They may feel that they expressed themselves clearly and the other party should therefore see as they do and agree with them. If others do not agree, they are judged as closed-minded whether the lines of communication are open or not.

To disagree, debate or argue is not being closed-minded, but, as the word implies, it means to close the mind down so there can be no further communication on the metal level.

It is amazing how many people accuse others of being close-minded merely because they disagree and then, immediately after making this accusation, they shut down their minds and refuse to communicate. Who is the open-minded one? Is it the person with lines of mental communication open and desiring to reach a conclusion, or the one who stated his case and shuts down?

In a two-way conversation where there is a mental disagreement, the first person who turns off communication is the more closed-minded of the two. In other words, he closes his mind first.

Every person alive has certain facts and data stored in their minds that is believed to be true. The test for open-mindedness comes when another person states a case that runs contrary to those “true facts.” An open-minded person does not disregard the data he believes to be true, but will be open to the possibility, however remote, that the data is not a fact. For instance, in arguing about addition, one does not disregard the “fact” that two plus two equals four. The acceptance of certain facts such as this is essential to create a chain of data to reason with. On the other hand, as impossible as it may seem, one must be open to the remote possibility that two plus two equals something else and be willing to carry on a two-way conversation about it if someone claims an argument to the contrary.

Open-minded people are not necessarily always correct. They will not always be convinced in an argument, but are much more likely to change their minds when presented with a sound argument over a weak one. A sound argument is one that commences with exploring a point of view and leading in a logical sequence to the conclusion.

Let us say that I believe that the moon is made of green cheese. I can believe in something even this ridiculous and still be open-minded. If someone comes along and tells me that the moon is not made of green cheese “because the Pope says so” am I closed-minded because I reject this argument?

No! Open-minded people need logic and facts to convince them. A mere statement of belief by another person will mean little. Why should the Pope’s opinion be more valid than our own?

If someone says that the moon is not made of green cheese because that is a silly notion and “I personally know it is not,” am I being closed-minded for not accepting this?

No. Again, no reasoning is presented; what I think I “know” is just as valid as what another person thinks he knows.

If someone says that the moon is not made of green cheese because the scientists and authorities say it is not, am I being closed-minded for not immediately accepting this?

Again, the answer would be no. The arguer has not told me why these authorities reached this conclusion and has presented no facts or reasoning.

Let us suppose that another person comes along and says: “The moon cannot be made of green cheese because the moon is not green. Look at the moon and see for yourself.”

Am I being closed-minded for rejecting this? Yes. This person is presenting more than a mere statement of either his opinion or another’s. He is offering me a chance to look and see for myself.

Am I being closed-minded if I say: “The moon certainly does not look green, but the gray color could be caused by a distortion of our atmosphere?”

No. This is a possibility that needs to be explored from my point of view, impractical though it may be.

After I have sorted this out, I may then look at the moon and ask myself: “Whatever made me think the moon is made of green cheese when the moon is not green? It must be made of grey cheese.”

Am I being closed-minded now?

No. No one has proven to me or presented a logical argument that the moon is not made of any kind of cheese. They merely proved it was not green and I accepted it. I am still open to communication on the subject.

Later another comes along and shows me some actual pictures taken from the moon’s surface and scientific data on core samples and says: “Here we have irrefutable evidence that the crust of the moon is, in many ways, similar to the earth and no cheese of any kind was found on the moon after a half dozen trips.”

Am I closed-minded if I reject this? Yes. The thought that the moon was made of cheese may have been a cherished belief of mine for decades and it may be very difficult to accept that this is not true, but I must strongly consider it or be a closed-minded person.

In the end, open-mindedness is open communication through the mind, or from mind to mind, until oneness is achieved. Two open-minded people placed together will eventually become one in thought if pertinent facts are available.

Open-mindedness between companions creates smooth sailing on the waters of life.

Communication is the foundation of all happiness. It is the prime key and ingredient. Communication is the door that leads men and women back into the presence of God. Communication reveals the path that leads to the kingdom of God that lies within every person.

When we can be completely without deception in all communication, we have then opened the door to overcome all things, and see our way out of the great illusion that holds us bound to mortality.

Pure communication reveals that there is no death. The Christ showed the result of pure communication when the tomb burst open and the immortal Son of God walked free. True communication eventually reveals to us that we are now what we have always been: Sons of God. We are as God created us. Deceptive communication tells us that we are much less than this. True communication leads us out of all illusion, but we must begin to walk the path to liberation by applying honest communication in normal day to day relationships with men and women until it becomes clear that they are not just men and women, but sons and daughters of the One God.

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Chapter Thirteen
Three Keys to Happiness
Key One – Communication

There are three basic keys to happiness in any relationship; they are communication, giving/receiving, and trust.

These three simple ingredients can lead the way to great happiness for anyone. It is important to contemplate the root source of happiness. It can be summed up in one sentence: Interaction with others that leads to unity. No one has ever been truly happy in relationship who has not had a hope of unity or union with another.

The first union that needs to be established is within the individual: the union of the personality with the soul, or the lower self with the higher self. When we communicate, give to, and trust the soul and subject the personality to it, we take a major step toward joyousness, and truly then begin to consciously seek merging and oneness with others.

Let us briefly discuss the three keys mentioned that lead to happiness in a relationship.

The first key is communication. Communication is the most important of all the keys, for it is the foundation upon which the other two are built. Contemplate this sentence for a moment: If any two people truly communicate, they will be one, for the vast majority of disagreements are caused by a failure to communicate.

All unhappiness in any relationship can be traced back to a failure to communicate by one or both parties.

When we examine common problems that occur in a marriage relationship, we can always discover a lack of communication. A divorce is, in the last analysis, a statement by one or both parties that says: “If you had communicated to me before I married you what is communicated to me now, I would have seen that our relationship wouldn’t work.”

There is one other rule we must take into account: People can communicate with each other only to the degree they have learned to communicate with their souls. Those who have had no soul contact will find that every communication they give or receive will have some deception in it. Words themselves veil true meanings and to have true communication, one must “read between the lines” or learn to look beyond the literal meanings of words.

An example of a communication problem is: A Catholic and a Protestant have a child who has become old enough to go to church. The two get into a heated disagreement over which religion he is going to raised in. This disagreement shows a lack of communication in three areas:

[a] Premarital: The couple should have communicated these feelings before they were married and reached an agreement then. Perhaps communication at that time would have caused each of them to seek elsewhere for a marriage partner.

[b] Communicating each other’s current feelings: If they truly understood each other’s feelings, they would be willing to compromise and reach some agreement in the interest of the child – providing they both have the interest of the child at heart.

[c] Communication with their souls: If they had true understanding, they would realize that in the end, it would not make a lot of difference which church the child started with, especially if the parents teach him the basic virtues found within both churches.

A second example: Joe likes to play cards with the boys every Wednesday night, and Mary does not like this, for she says she wants him to spend more time alone with her. Joe becomes upset because he feels restricted and nagged, and Mary is upset because she feels lonely and rejected.

Again, Joe’s need to spend time with his friends as well as Mary’s need for companionship should have been communicated before they were married. It may have made a difference in their decision to marry.

On the other hand, it is possible that a little communication in the present will solve the problem. Does Mary really need Joe home every night or does she just want more attention and security in their relationship? Is it possible that “I want you home tonight” is a deceptive communication? Is she avoiding saying what she means because of fear of rejection and hurt? Is she really saying “I want to be more a part of your life. I want you to think I am important and if you made me feel that way, I wouldn’t feel insecure if you left for an evening”?

Perhaps Joe thinks Mary is very important but has not communicated it to her. Perhaps it has been years since he bought her flowers, or wrote her a sweet note, or told her how much he cared for her. Communication leads the way to the fulfillment of both their needs.

A major cause and effect of discord in relationships is arguing. All arguments are caused by a lack of communication. A good marriage counselor can sit between almost any two people having an argument, explain in different words what the other party means, and the argument will usually cease because the other’s point of view is then understood. As long as both parties are receptive to communication this can be done.

Arguments have two basic causes:

[1] The two have a different interpretation of various words used in the argument. This different interpretation has not been communicated.

[2] The two are seeing from different levels of vision. No two levels of vision are exactly the same, but a real problem occurs when one of the arguers sees only on the emotional level and the other sees on the mental. The mental person must step down to the feeling world to reach agreement with the emotional person. It is very seldom one can get a person who is polarized in the emotions to follow a course of pure logic.

One would be surprised at how many times cause #1 occurs. Usually when this happens, both parties actually believe the same way, but have a different use of words. Here’s an example:

JOHN: Every time someone communicates, he is teaching in one way or another.

MARY: Do you mean that any time someone says anything, he is teaching?

JOHN: Yes.

MARY: That cannot be right. I have had many people speak things to me that did not teach me anything. In fact, many things were completely untrue.

JOHN: Even if the communication is untrue, there is some fact conveyed.

MARY: Let’s take an example. I take a bite of a steak and I say “This is delicious”, but you take a bite and don’t like it. How does your communication teach me anything? I know the steak is good independent of what you say.

JOHN: Nevertheless, I related to you the FACT of my distaste for the steak and that is my opinion. My opinion may not be true in your eyes, but it is a fact that it is my opinion and I taught you what I think.

MARY: But your opinion was nothing useable so I was not taught anything.

JOHN: It doesn’t matter whether you use it or not. I still taught you my opinion.

MARY: You did not teach me anything. Your opinion wasn’t even true from my point of view.

The problem here is that John and Mary are using a different definition of the word “teach”. John thinks that to teach is to relate any fact so it is understood, whether it is useful or not to the other person. Mary thinks that there is no teaching accomplished unless the person receiving the communication receives data he can use in her life.

Even though John’s opinion may not be true to Mary, it is still a fact that it is his opinion. He related the true fact of the way the steak tasted to him. In relating this fact to Mary, he was teaching by his definition.

By Mary’s definition, he was not teaching because she didn’t care what he thought of the steak. It was not useable knowledge to her.

The two will argue till doomsday and never reach agreement on this point until they agree on a common definition of the word “teach.” If they go to the dictionary and use the most accepted definition and abide by it, then they will find that they agree with each other after all. Perhaps they could arrive with two different terms to define what they felt about teaching. For instance, to teach would be the communication of any fact, useful or not, but an “effective teacher” would fit Mary’s idea of one who communicates useful information. Once they have defined their terms, they have no need to disagree unless one party is just plain stubborn.

Perhaps we can now see the truth of the following rule: “If two people agree on their definitions, and communicate on a logical basis, they will always reach some point of agreement.”

The second cause of arguments is that of seeing from different levels of vision. Some arguments from this category are over such things as capital punishment, religion, abortion, equal rights, racism, etc. If two people are arguing over an emotionally charged subject, then one may know that one or both members in the discussion are emotionally polarized. If both members stay on the plane of the mind, they can stay calm even in discussing such emotional subjects.

Thus, we have two basic types of arguments in this second category: a) Emotional verses emotional, and 2) Emotional verses logical. mind

Here we have an example of emotional verses emotional:

DON: All men are created equal. Blacks are just as good as you or I.

RON: I never met a black I liked. They are all lazy and want to live off the white man. They ought to be sent back to Africa.

DON: You’re a racist pig if I ever met one.

Ron then takes a punch at Don.

Notice that neither of the two men use any intelligent reasoning. Now we will examine an emotional verses a logical argument:

DON: All men are created equal. Blacks are just as good as you or I.

JOHN: It depends on what you mean by equal. In reality, no two people are alike, even in the same race.

DON: You sound like a racist to me.

JOHN: A racist is someone who does not believe in equal rights for the different races. I do believe in equal rights so how do you get the idea that I am a racist?

DON: You do not believe that blacks are equal.

JOHN: I said that I don’t believe that any two people are equal, or exactly alike. By that I don’t mean that they are not Equal in rights, or even potential. I’m talking about ability and personality. You didn’t seem to be listening. You and I are not exactly equal, or alike. For instance, I can run faster than you, and, at present, there is nothing you can do about it.

DON: Do you believe that the black is equal to the white?

JOHN: We all have unlimited potential and blacks and all races should be equal in rights, but in other ways one race will differ from another. For instance, I think that blacks are better basketball players than whites on the average, but, on the other hand, whites seem to excel at hockey.

DON: It sounds to me like you’re a racist.

JOHN: It sounds to me that we had better pin down your definition of a racist so we can talk intelligently.

Notice that Don thought John was a racist because he did not speak from the same feeling level as he did. John was exasperated because he was trying to speak logically to an emotionally polarized person. If Don could shift his angle of vision to the world of reason he would see that John does not LOOK at other races as being not as good as his own. Instead, he is trying to examine differences in a logical manner.

There is one other cause of disagreements and this is illusion. Illusions are caused by wrong core beliefs in a person’s thinking. All beliefs that branch off this core belief may seem completely logical and sound if the core belief is unexamined. But when the core belief is seen in the light of the mind, the illusionary nature of the branch beliefs are readily seen.

If one person believes that man is basically evil and another believes he is essentially good, then the two will disagree again and again on the branch beliefs. To reach harmony, they must both trace their branch beliefs back to the core belief and examine them under the light of reason. Only high mental thinkers will be able to do this. Emotionally charged people can never trace their beliefs back beyond the point of where their mind currently has its attention.

We can begin to see that true communication is difficult to achieve, but when it is we will be amazed at how simple, yet joyous it is.

There are two types of communication: (1) Deceptive communication. This hides the whole truth, consciously or unconsciously, and, in the end, creates restlessness and pain. (2) Honest communication. Here the feelings and thoughts are conveyed as accurately as possible. This leads to joyousness and peace. Some may argue that a certain amount of deceptive communication is necessary because “the truth hurts,” but what is not realized is that the truth only hurts when it follows a deceptive communication.

Let us say that a man is unfaithful to his wife and doesn’t want to tell her of the affair he is having because it will hurt her. Thus, he tells himself that he is doing right in deceiving her; but what he doesn’t consider is that he had to give her many deceptive communications before a secret affair could even take place. If he would have communicated fully with her from the beginning, he would have avoided producing the circumstances that create the hurt. Deception to avoid hurt only becomes necessary when a foundation has been laid by previous deception.

Honest communication is difficult for people because of two fears: 1) The fear of hurting others and 2) the fear of becoming vulnerable and hurting oneself.

Both fears are illusions in this upside-down shadow world. The truth is the opposite of the way most people think. Hurt is caused by lack of communication or deceptive communication – not honest communication. Honest communication only hurts when it exposes deceptive communication.

Every man and woman will admit that they want someone with whom they can communicate. Each person has a strong inward longing for real communion with another. How can we achieve this? How can we let down the walls and let our thoughts and feelings flow unchecked without fear of pain?

As long couples are polarized in the world of feeling and allow emotion to govern decision making, they will generally communicate with some degree of deception, for their emotional selves greatly fears pain for themselves and others, and is willing to deceive to avoid it. To achieve true communication, even on an emotional level, we must raise ourselves up to the plane of the mind and subject the emotions to mental control. The mind realizes that pain is a part of life, that some of it is inevitable, and accepts the fact that some of it will come our way. Because the mind accepts pain, it does not have unreasonable fear of it. Mentally polarized people can be more honest in communication because they do not deceive to avoid pain. They can then subject the emotions to the mind and command the emotions to express themselves in fullness. The mind also controls itself to a degree and expresses itself honestly, provided it is not under an illusion.

No two people can truly be one until the mind through the soul assumes control in the relationship and there is communication without deception from beginning to end. There will be no big hurts even if the two were to separate, but in a relationship of true communion, separation is rare.

Establishing true communication where it previously did not exist takes a great degree of aggressive energy. Honest communication does not occur among emotionally polarized people by “going with the flow”. The emotional self generally leads a person in the opposite direction of the pure reason of the non-deceptive mind. That is why the mind must assume control and literally force communication, as much as will be allowed. When all channels are opened up and a free flow of energy established, then true communication will be the natural state.

To learn honest communication, one must examine every thought expressed by ourselves and others, and look for deception in thoughts unexpressed. The speaker must constantly ask himself, “Have I truly communicated my thoughts in what I just said? Does the listener know how I feel about the subject?” If the answer is “no”, he should seek further clarification.

Example: John is starting up a new business and Joan seems eager to help him succeed. She is helping him with the books, answers the telephone and runs errands. The time comes, however, when Joan seems to lose interest and John finds that he has to badger her to get her to help him. He says to Joan:

“Joan, have you lost interest in the business? What’s the matter?”

“Nothing’s the matter” replies Joan. (Deceptive communication. Obviously something is the matter).

“Do you not think our business will succeed or what?”

“I suppose it will if you work at it hard enough”

“What do you mean if I work it? The business is ours, not just mine.”

“Ours?” she says coldly. “It is no concern of mine. I’ve got a lot of other concerns to keep me busy. I’m tired and I’m going to bed.”

Joan then rises and walks off to the bedroom. John is baffled by her behavior.

Every sentence Joan has spoken here has been deceptive. She did have a problem. She teaches an aerobics class and wanted John to show some interest in it, but he ignored her completely. He also made no comment when she lost ten pounds and her figure improved. Her feelings are deeply hurt. She is afraid to communicate her exact feelings for fear she will be patronized by John and hurt more deeply. Thus, she suppresses her feelings, but suppressed feelings do not die . . . they grow. Joan’s feelings grow into an unconscious attack on John. She strikes at John by ignoring his business in the same way he ignored her.

The problem is that now she has made John upset, the two suffer a loss of affection and the channels of communication are cut off more than ever. At this point the solution to the problem must come from John. Joan is upset and totally focused on her feelings to the extent she does not want to even think about the problem or solution. John must ask himself what he did to hurt her. He must retrace his steps to the first sign of discord. What was the original thing he did to hurt Joan? Was it the aerobics class? He can see signs of how he hurt her by examining how she tries to hurt him. If he can guess accurately and approach Joan with the real problem and show a willingness to solve it then the lines of communication can be reopened.

It would have made everything much easier, however, if Joan had not been deceptive in the first place. When the hurt first occurred, she should have said:

“John, do you realize how it makes me feel when you ignore projects that I am interested in while, at the same time, I am showing interest and enthusiasm for things you like? It makes me feel like you are the only one that counts in this family and that nothing I do matters. It makes me feel like not even helping you in the business.”

“I didn’t realize I was ignoring you. I guess I’ve had a lot of things on my mind.”

“How would you feel if I dropped all interest in your business and acted like I didn’t give a damn?”

“I’d feel pretty bad. I depend a lot on you,” said John.

“I want to depend on you too,” said Joan. “I need your support.”

“I’m sorry honey, but I’ll tell you this. From now on you’re going to see a big improvement.”

Here we see that honest communication would have prevented any major hurt and alienation from taking place. Fortunately, John was yielding and willing to give in to Joan’s communicated needs. This willingness to give is the second ingredient which creates happiness.

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