Understanding Love
The first paragraph in the Course says this about love:
“The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence, which is your natural inheritance. T-in.1
It is interesting that for a subject that it does not aim at teaching that it indeed covers it quite well and mentions it 1737 times in the FIP edition.
Even though this is a major subject. the Course maintains that its real meaning cannot be taught:
“Love is not learned. Its meaning lies within itself.” T-18.IX.12
In other words, we cannot just take one who does not understand love and cause him to understand it by explaining it to him. That just does not work.
What does work then?
What works is to remove “the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence” so it can be felt.
Then, because love is our “natural inheritance,” we can recognize true divine love when we feel it. We know it when we actually experience it.
There is a problem with recognizing real love and that is false or illusionary love gets in the way and “blocks” our understanding of it.
“In Heaven, where the meaning of love is known, love is the same as union. Here, where the illusion of love is accepted in love’s place, love is perceived as separation and exclusion.” T-16.V.3
The real meaning of love is known in heaven, but here in our separated state “the illusion of love is accepted in love’s place, love is perceived as separation and exclusion.”
What does it mean when it says that in the illusion “love is perceived as separation and exclusion.”
This is explained by what the Course calls the “special relationship.” This quote sheds some light:
“Be not afraid to look upon the special hate relationship, for freedom lies in looking at it. It would be impossible not to know the meaning of love, except for this. For the special love relationship, in which the meaning of love is hidden, is undertaken solely to offset the hate, but not to let it go.” T-16.IV.1
This is a very difficult teaching for many students to accept for all of us in this world have special relationships with our spouse, our children, our family and friends. Concerning them we are told this:
“You cannot enter into real relationships with any of God’s Sons unless you love them all and equally. Love is not special. If you single out part of the Sonship for your love, you are imposing guilt on all your relationships and making them unreal.” T-13.X.11
I do not think that the admonition to love all equally means that you pay as much attention to your neighbor’s wife and kids as your own, but that you treat everyone with equal fairness.
For example, let us suppose that your child gets in a dispute with another child at school and the principle thinks your kid is mostly to blame. The natural tendency of many parents is to defend the kid right or wrong. This is showing special love. The parent who loves equally will be as concerned for the other child as with his own and if his own child is in error, he will place responsibility where it belongs.
In this day and age perhaps the greatest temptation of special love comes from our current political division. Perhaps on one side you cannot stand a certain politician and his supporters, but love the other side and their voters.
To love equally would mean that you see perfect Sons of God on both sides who equally deserve your love and support. Let us suppose you pass by one of these opposition voters who has car trouble. Do you smile at his problem and drive on, or do you stop and help him with the same care as you would with one who votes as you do?
Similarly, the parable of the Good Samaritan given by Jesus is a great example of one who transcended special love, but these words from the Biblical Jesus surely make the point:
“Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
“For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.” Matt 5:43-48
There has been a lot written about the problem of special relationships but the main point I wish to make here from the Course is that in the special relationship “the meaning of love is hidden, is undertaken solely to offset the hate, but not to let it go.” T-16.IV.1
In other words, your love for one political candidate “is undertaken solely to offset the hate,” you have for the other guy.
To gain a true understanding of love we have to let the hate go or the true love of God will elude us. On the other hand, if we transcend the special relationship, we are promised that the true meaning of love will be revealed for “It would be impossible not to know the meaning of love, except for this.” (the special relationship) T-16.IV.1
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