Key Ten, Forgiveness and the Negation of Guilt
2021 Gathering, Part Thirty-Seven
JJ: The next key. number ten, deals with forgiveness and negating guilt.
Both of these things, to forgive people and to be able to negate guilt, are solved in a similar way. Because if you have a problem with these two things, you’re going to have a problem with just about everything in your life.
If there’s somebody that you cannot forgive, then it produces a negative current in your energy field. If there is something that you did that produces guilt, then the same thing occurs. It produces a blockage between you and your soul.
So let’s talk about forgiveness first. Peter was curious about this, because Jesus kept teaching about forgiveness and how important it is. So Peter came up to Jesus and he said, “Alright, Jesus, how often should I forgive? Should I forgive somebody seven times? And after seven times that should be enough, right? Then I can like punch them out.” (laughter) Because they’re just beyond forgiveness, if I have to forgive them more than seven times. And what did Jesus tell him?
Curtis: Seventy times seven.
JJ: Right. He says, no, that’s not the number. He says, “you’re supposed to forgive seventy times seven.” So what was he really saying when he said that?
Curtis: Limitless.
JJ: Yeah. In other words, it’s unlimited because seventy times seven is pretty big number. So it’s a number bigger than we’ll have to forgive anybody in a lifetime. So basically saying you forgive always, every circumstance, every number, doesn’t matter.
Why is forgiveness so important? Let’s suppose that somebody has an accident and he killed somebody close to you or injured somebody close to you, and it really was his fault. Okay. Why should you forgive that person? Why not just get the pound of flesh out of him? Why is that negative?
Joshua: Because on a larger level, it prevents the good from working out. Because it holds things back from, you know, restitution could be made, or good works could be done going forward. But it sort of concretizes it in a certain event, which is analogous to matter.
JJ: Okay. Any other comment?
Tyler: When you don’t forgive someone, you’re essentially giving up your sovereignty to them. You’re essentially saying you have control over me instead of giving that up.
JJ: Okay, that’s a good point. Any other point?
Ed: Well, what you criticize another for or what you don’t forgive another for, you’ll wind up doing that same thing yourself.
JJ: Okay. That’s a good point. Anything else?
Asaph: You create a cloud between you and spirit.
JJ: Okay, that’s a real important one, Asaph.
Is there anyone here that can give us an example in their life of something that was really hard for them to forgive. I’m sure there’s going to be somebody.
Rebecca: I do. It’s kind of personal but I was raped in college. And it was really bad, super violent. Oddly, I was able to forgive him, completely, presuming I understand what forgiveness means. I presume it means you’re not holding onto any more negative energy from the situation. And people have been just super shocked that I was able to forgive him. But for some reason I was able to and I didn’t hold onto it. It didn’t bother me. It doesn’t bother me now.
You know, things that have happened as an adult bother me with different people, but I don’t have any hard feelings for him whatsoever.
JJ: That’s great. You had something horrific happen to you and yet you were able to forgive, and so it no longer bothers you. That’s when you know you’ve really forgiven, is when it no longer bothers you.
Rebecca: I don’t know how to do that anymore, but back in the day I did.
JJ: Now you might have read recently, Sirhan Sirhan who killed Robert Kennedy when he was running for president, was recently granted parole. And Robert Kennedy Jr and one other son of Robert Kennedy accepted his parole. I understand they have visited with him in prison and forgiven him.
Of course, there’s also conspiracy theories around that, that he didn’t really do it too. So I don’t know what the kids believe. But you hear stories like this where somebody kills somebody’s spouse or mother or dad, and they forgive them.
Now Fred Goldman, the father of Ron Goldman who O.J. killed – boy, there’s no way Fred is going to forgive OJ. He wants a pound of flesh out of O.J. And I kind of admired him for standing up for his son because O.J. did deserve some justice meted out. But Fred really cannot stand O.J. And he’s probably going to have a hard time forgiving him. And he’s probably going to have to meet him again in a future life. But that was an interesting case.
Curtis: Well, all you can do if somebody like, shoots your wife, for example, it’s not an accident, you know? I mean, that’s a heavy burden, and all you can really do is . . . “the judgment is mine, saith the Lord.” You have to just kind of give it to God and let karma take its course.
JJ: Now if you forgive somebody, does that mean that if they killed a loved one that they shouldn’t be sent to prison? Is that what it means – that there’s no justice?
Asaph: No.
JJ: Can you forgive someone and still say, “well, let justice prevail?” Right. Asaph says ‘yes’ and I agree with him. So yes, if somebody steals from you or injures somebody that’s a loved one, there’s nothing wrong with having justice play out and supporting that justice, but you can still forgive them.
Forgiving them is a release of the feelings within. And the reason forgiveness is so important is because when you do not forgive another person, you are not seeing their true self. And their true self is what?
Audience member: Soul.
JJ: Within themselves is the Christ, and the Christ is within everybody no matter how bad we are. Within the purity of our souls is the spark that is from God, and we have to see that and the lack of forgiveness clouds that.
So when you look at that person that you cannot forgive and you see evil, you are not seeing his true self. And again, it’s a form of deception. You are deceiving yourself.
Now A Course in Miracles has an interesting take on this. It says this whole universe we’re in is like a dream, and if you, for instance, have a dream that your best friend came in and had an affair with your wife . . . If you had a dream about that and in the dream, you would be maybe really upset. Okay.
But then let’s suppose you woke up and found out, “Oh, wait, that wasn’t real. That was just a dream. He didn’t really have an affair with my life. I still like him. You’re still my best friend. (laughter)
So A Curse in Miracles says this is the kind of attitude we have to have to forgive people 100% – to realize that people, when they misbehave in this reality, are not being their true self. They’re being like an actor. They’re being a false self. If you want to see their true self, you have to look beyond the external flaws to the Christ within. And when you see the Christ within, then you take a step toward your own awakening, and you manifest your own Christ that is within you.
Another thing, the Course says that is very helpful for forgiveness, is that when somebody offends you and does something that you think requires forgiveness, the key to forgiveness is to realize and take the attitude that nothing has happened. They have done nothing. Again, we go back to the dream sequence. If your best friend has an affair in the dream and you wake up, “well, he didn’t really do anything. It was just part of an illusion.” We were down here like Shakespeare says that this whole life is a stage and all of us are actors, and all of us play many parts in this play that we are in. So that’s an interesting way to look at it.
Now the way D.K. teaches it is this. He says that we must learn to take the vantage point of the observer – similar to A Course in Miracles, but a little bit different take. I’ve found the key to forgiveness, on my part I think I found first in DK’s writings about the observer, and then A Course in Miracles reinforced that. I found taking the viewpoint of the observer and then being in a state as if nothing real has happened, is an amazing, liberating aspect of forgiveness.
So if somebody really offends you, you can start with small things because most of us haven’t gone through a rape or murder, that type of thing. All of us have gone through something. A lot of us, everybody perhaps has gone through a difficult relationship where the person said things that was offensive. Let’s just start with that. So when somebody says something offensive, you can you maybe feel your emotions bubbling up, like, I need to really let this guy have it.
But if you take the viewpoint of the observer, like everything that’s happening is in a play and you do not have to respond in any particular way. Now with the average person, you press a button, a certain button, and you can be almost one-hundred percent sure he will respond in a certain way.
In the movies, that’s always the case. When somebody gets insulted in a movie, then the guy takes a swing at the other guy or whatever. But in real life, where the person becomes the observer, he does not have to take that swing. He does not have to return the insult. He can take the vantage point of the observer and he can just think, “it’s as if nothing has happened in the real world, and let it go. And it’s amazing how much grief you eliminate from your life when you just let things go.
Rebecca: Help me clarify the difference. So I think this is really good. It’s a good idea. I know it works. But I’m often concerned when I take that position of the observer. I’m concerned that I don’t want to be dishonest with myself. What is the difference between, being the observer and not getting riled up and also still being honest with yourself about, you know, what you’re feeling or thinking?
JJ: That’s a really good point because a lot of people, especially religious people, that are trying to follow Jesus, they’ll think, “well, I’m supposed to forgive, so that’s what I’m going to do.”
If you forgive from the vantage point of thinking, “I am the person on the higher ground because I am forgiving. So I am the righteous one and he’s the evil one and he deserves everything that he can get, but I’m going I’m going to be the big guy and I’m going to forgive him.”
This is the wrong attitude, and it won’t work because you’re assuming the vantage point of the higher ground. To really forgive, you have to look on that person as an equal brother. You are brothers. He’s made mistakes. You’ve made mistakes, and I forgive.
Now, if you say you forgive and you still have feelings . . . negative feelings around that person, then you haven’t really forgiven. Just saying you’ve forgiven, doesn’t do it. And this is what happens with many religious people. They say they forgive because they want to take the higher ground because that’s what Jesus tells them to do, but in their hearts, they still harbor negative feelings.
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