Neutralizing Negative Feelings
2021 Gathering, Part Thirty-Eight
Adam: You still want to process the emotions of that because we are human and we’re still dealing with emotions. So it’s important to still have an outlet for that so that we don’t suppress or deny, correct?
Rebecca: That’s what I was thinking. Right. How do you do that?
Adam: You want to get to a place of forgiveness but that doesn’t always come overnight.
JJ: Right. And if you do feel negative feelings towards somebody, you know, just don’t pretend that they are not there. That’s I think what Adam’s getting at. You have to be honest with yourself.
If somebody has done some terrible deed, like to rape another person, that’s a really difficult one. And if you still feel negativity over that, you’ve got to be honest with yourself. “Yeah, I still feel negativity.” Then you can deal with it intelligently, but if you’re dishonest with yourself, then it makes it difficult to forgive something that you don’t even recognize as being there. You have to recognize it’s there affecting your feelings before you can eliminate it.
Rebecca: I maybe have some major like major mental hang ups here. But I recognize that. I actually struggle with things that are more current in my life because it’s almost like if I forgive and I see the person as Christ and I see them in a loving way, it’s almost like I’m opening the door back up for them to come into my life and hurt me again.
I know a lot of people who are in rough divorces go through this where, they supposed to forgive when the person’s currently driving them nuts, and that’s not the case with me, but I know that that’s what a lot of people are going through. It’s similar.
JJ: And you made a good point here that if you forgive them, maybe you’re sending them positive energy, so they’ll come back in your life
Rebecca: Right.
JJ: Then they give you more stuff to forgive. Okay. Well, no, you don’t want to do that. Forgive them and also forget them. (laughter) Put them out of your memory. Okay? That’s what I’ve found as the key in my life. I forgive and I put them out of my memory. Except maybe sometimes I tell jokes about them. (laughter)
JR: So a practice that I use on a regular basis . . . maybe this will help you guys or not . . . whenever I feel any type of feelings towards anybody, whether I’ve been offended directly, indirectly doesn’t matter. But if I have those feelings, I instantly have trained myself to just take a moment and send just love and gratitude to them. And I find as I start to do that, that it starts to release that anger, whatever I have against them, you know.
I’ve been divorced and there’s constantly things going on with my ex-wife and my kids. And instead of holding on to those and getting upset, I just take a moment and “thank you, Jamie. Love and gratitude to you for who you are and the things that you have taught me.”
Rebecca: That’s it. That’s what I did. Thank you, JR. That’s what I did with the guy in college. I have forgotten because I appreciated . . . I appreciated so much who I had become because of the experience, even thought it was horrible. It changed me and it made me who I was. I was grateful for what he taught me, and I thank you. Give him a round of applause. (laughter)
JJ: Yeah, it’s difficult. It takes the second key of judgment to forgive correctly. Because it’s a complicated thing with all the feelings that surface. We want to forgive in such a way that the person doesn’t see encouragement to come back in your life if he’s a negative person. But forgive and forget.
Asaph: JJ, and on the other hand, I wouldn’t give love and gratitude to Adolph Hitler.
Rebecca: Really? Why not?
Joshua: Thanks. I think there’s another . . . see in situations there are multiple values competing for what’s the key thing, you know. And it’s important to not just get locked into, it seems to be about forgiveness, so that’s the most important thing here. There are all sorts of other things that might be as important or times more important.
And so to be able to see . . . like forgiving is ultimately the best thing if you can get there. But there’s also understanding the proper, the proper attitude and the proper take-away from the situation. Like you might be able to forgive the person, but you sort of haven’t sorted out what the problem was there to begin with, and then the situation will either come back around or come back around in a different way.
JJ: Are you saying that sometimes you maybe harbor negative feelings, but it’s not really clear what caused them to begin with? Maybe it’s not clear in everybody’s minds?
Yeah, you have to get clarity, that’s for sure.
Joshua: But like a lot of people . . . I’m not one of these people, by the way, as some people probably know. But a lot of people are very quick to forgive and not have conflicts and stuff like that.
And often that’s at the expense of the intellectual view of the situation. You know, you can get too intellectual, and be tight on the emotions, but it’s like what’s the thing there that’s the most important is that there’s some intellectual being understand or is it letting go of the emotions? Or maybe they’re equally important, or whatever.
JJ: Okay, I’ll end with this part on forgiveness with my basic attitude of how I handle it. When somebody does something that offends me, I go with the idea that that is now in past, and the past is not here. It is as if nothing has happened. If nothing has happened, there is nothing to forgive.
But you intellectually understand what did happen. And if the person is such a person that it’s best to eliminate them from your life, then it’s best not to send any thought, because energy follows thought. You may figure it’s best if this is one of the people that you don’t see again, so you put them out of your mind.
And yeah, you have to do this right away. I find that once somebody elbows their way into your life, then it’s really hard to get them out. So what I do is I’m very selective about people that take that first step into my life. I sum them up right away. My judgment is pretty good about judging people’s character . . . and if I get a feeling, like somebody comes on like they want to be my best friend, and I don’t get the right vibe on this guy.” I’m going to ignore him and tune him out of my life.
And that’s when it’s really easy to tune people out of your life is when they try to when they’re trying to take the first step into your life. That’s when it’s easy to get rid of them. But when they take three or four steps in there, and you allow those steps to be taken, and then they consider you a good friend, then if they turn negative, they’re very difficult to get them out of your life.
It can be done. But it’s much more difficult than when they’re just a casual acquaintance. Because eventually people that have become your good friends, started out as casual acquaintances. So once you have casual acquaintances, only admit the ones in your circle that vibrate well with your own soul, and that will be the path of safety, most normally.
Also use some common sense because some sometimes people mistake their feelings for their soul. So use your common sense and your highest inner perception. Okay. Any other comment on forgiveness?
Curtis: Yeah, I got one. There are three positions that I like to look at. You talked about two of them. One is the actor where you’re engaged with that person and so you’ve done me wrong, and now I have to, you know, take measures to forgive you. And it’s really hard because I’m attached.
And then there’s the Observer where I’m detached myself from myself and try to look at the whole thing objectively. But there’s another position and that is the director, if you can see yourself to rise above both people and see yourself as a director, where the two people came together for a particular reason and you really have to be in a state of detachment to do that.
You can see that, “yeah, they’re down there playing with all these roles and there’s a reason for that and they’re getting the lesson from it.” You have to really detach yourself from that space of being a victim or even being in the role. But I’m directing it. Now I’m directing all these particles, these people down there in a way that “ah, I can see it from a much higher level.”
And so I’m not as involved emotionally in that drama.
JJ: Okay. So the two sensations are feelings that we’re dealing with in this key are forgiveness and guilt. And with either one of these, if either one of these is a problem, there’s going to be a barrier between the disciple and, the soul.
You may have some soul contact at times, but it won’t be in fullness if there’s any of a lack of forgiveness or you’re harboring ill feelings or grievances because of lack of forgiveness. We must let all grievances go.
And grievance is the key word for forgiveness. Because if you feel a grievance toward any individual, then from a higher level you are feeling grievance toward yourself. If you attack any individual, you are attacking yourself. The way you see any individual, no matter how bad he is, it’s a reflection on your own self-image and your own self.
So we have to let those things go to clear the channel between ourselves and our own souls. And it’s hard to do. It’s hard to let things go, but that’s what you have to do. And like I say, what works for me is when somebody does something bizarre or crazy, I just think, “well, that’s the past. Let’s start . . . let’s focus on the present. The past is as if it has not happened.
But you can intellectually keep the past to an extent that maybe you want that guy out of your life. So you arrange it so you don’t put any thought in his direction. Have that as like a thought in a different box, where it’s not affected by a grievance or emotion. Don’t let any negativity enter your actual heart.
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