2008-6-4 04:48:00
Here's another chapter from my book that gives a glimpse into the mind of a dark agent.
A few minutes later, after Elizabeth came back to the kitchen, I broke the silence. "So do you think you felt any different or do you think that dagger thing just produced a psychological effect?"
"I seemed to feel lighter and a sense of well-being after he pulled it out," she answered with some surprise in her voice.
"But you were already feeling better than you were in years. What bothers me is that there is no visible or noticeable effect of his so-called healing."
"What I don't understand," Elizabeth said, "is you almost seem eager to accept everything that John gives you, but you seem to immediately reject everything that Brother Philo says. John came to us and taught some profound things and we considered them. Now, another person comes along and says even more profound things. Shouldn't we consider his sayings with equal validity?"
"Well, clear from the beginning when John spoke to me, everything seemed to make sense and registered with my inner Soul, but this guy is the opposite. His words don't make sense to me and strike no chord with my soul."
Elizabeth's voice raised. "But isn't it possible you are just not listening to him with an open mind? There may be a lot of teachers out there like John. Maybe they are both part of the same Brotherhood."
"But their teachings on the brotherhood and many other things disagree. Philo teaches there is only one Brotherhood and John teaches about two."
"But maybe they are saying the same thing, but in a different way."
"I would say they are saying different things in different ways," I said firmly.
"You don't know that," she said flatly.
"I do know that. This guy is not from the same Brotherhood as John. All he did was a bunch of mumbo jumbo and produced no visible results. John performed actual miracles with you and me."
"But every time John has helped me I got sick again. Brother Philo says that removing this spiritual dagger can heal me permanently. I think it's worth a try. It can't do any harm."
I sighed in frustration. "But if this guy is from the Dark Brothers, it can do some harm."
"Don't you understand?" cried Elizabeth, rolling her eyes. "I want to stay better from now on and Brother Philo offers me some hope. Why do you want to take that away from me?"
"I'm only trying to help and protect you," I said a little softer.
"Well, you might have even been the one to cause all my problems," she shouted back. "You tell me I have fears and negativity that I am denying. Well, how about you? Maybe you have some unconscious negativity that produced that dagger. Come to think of it, we did have some strong disagreements just before I got ill."
I couldn't believe I was hearing this from my wife. "Sweetie! Why are you saying this? We've had a few disagreements, but we have always resolved things. I'm only guilty of loving you like crazy since I met you!"
"But if I knew someone tortured me -- like I did you -- I don't know if I could live with them without holding some strong negative feelings."
"But I don't even remember that life, and, even if I did, I forgave you in that life and you became my disciple."
"But there could be something on the subconscious level and beyond that John remembers from that life. I tortured and killed him, too. He may not have completely forgiven me. Maybe his stringing us along with these keys and giving me a false hope is his way of getting back at me. Maybe there is no final answer. Maybe this will just go on forever!" Elizabeth put her hands over her eyes and cried, her back turned to me.
I immediately put my hands on her shoulders and turned her to face me. "Sweetie, all the time of this illness you have been strong and positive. I've never seen you so negative. What's going on here?"
She stopped crying and seemed to get a hold on her emotions for a moment. "I felt something when Brother Philo pulled that dagger out of me. He might also be two thousand years old and as powerful as John. I have a chance at a permanent healing here, and you're against it."
"He's not promising more than John. He's promising you a easier way than John. The easy way isn't usually the right way, and it's often deceptive."
"Well, it won't do any harm to try it. I'm not going to let you stop me," she pronounced over her shoulder, walking out of the room.
She slammed the bathroom door and remained there for about forty-five minutes. She seemed distant from me the rest of the day. I had never felt more alone than I did at that time.
That evening around eight, the doorbell rang. I opened the door to my old friend Wayne, whom I had called and invited earlier in the day. He took off his cowboy hat and ambled in. "What's this you were telling me about this guru that Lance dug up who might be a couple hundred years old?"
"That's what he told me," I answered, shaking my head.
"Lance comes up with some weird stuff, but I didn't think he was that gullible," he said, plopping himself down in a chair.
"Neither did I," I agreed, thinking how Wayne would flip if I told him I knew a 2000-year-old man. At least I had strong evidence to support my belief, I thought.
"I'm looking forward to talking with this guy. I love putting know-it-alls in their place," he chucked, pulling off his boots.
"Take it easy on him for a while at least," I said, in a lowered tone of voice, looking toward the bedroom "Elizabeth has seemed to take a liking to him and is in a strange mood today."
"Well, she ought to be in a good mood if she's walking again, like you say. I hope she can stay better this time."
At that point, I told Wayne the details of our morning encounter and the removal of the dagger.
"Sounds like the guy is really full of hocus-pocus to me," he agreed. "It's like he's trying to take credit for a miraculous recovery that has already occurred."
"That's what I thought," I agreed, nodding. "But this guy seems to have a hold on her that I've never seen happen before. Maybe they knew each other in a past life."
"Like I always say, anything is possible, but we only know a few things for sure."
At that moment the doorbell rang again. Elizabeth came out of the bedroom and joined us. As I answered it, I was almost surprised to see Lance in a lighthearted mood accompanied by Philo still looking sober. Lance seems to have a talent to bring out the humor and lightness of any situation.
"What have you been up to?" I asked, inviting them in.
"We just got back from cruising in the park," said Lance, "and we met these two babes whom we impressed to no end." Lance walked to the kitchen refrigerator and took two beers, handing one to Philo. He asked Elizabeth and I if we wanted a beer, but we declined.
Lance has been single for several years and is an endless flirt. He's had a number of girlfriends since his divorce, but the relationships have been short-lived. Nevertheless, he is never deterred from his endless quest to find the perfect female, a quest he attacks with gusto.
"So, did you do all the impressing or did Brother Philo join in?" I asked jokingly.
"Are you kidding? We were a team like you wouldn't believe. I got the conversation going and Brother Philo impressed the hell out of them with his deep thoughts." Lance grinned at Brother Philo, who seemed a little embarrassed at the humor.
"Like what kind of deep thoughts?" Wayne asked.
"Oh, he said several things about relationships, but then when he started talking about sex, they really got interested."
"What did he say about sex?" asked Wayne.
"He told them how they could have a climax a hundred times more powerful than anything they have ever had before."
"I would be interested in hearing that line," Wayne quipped, who's also a single man.
"I'm not sure I want to know," I said.
"Speak for yourself," said Elizabeth. "The majority rules here."
"Actually, it's not a line. This guy is for real," said Lance. "He told them about how two people during sex can meditate on their sacral or sexual center in connection with the rising of the Kundalini, and can have an experience that is mind-blowing beyond any drug."
"I've read that the stimulation of the Kundalini can be dangerous," I said, frowning.
"Not when you know what you are doing," said Philo, in a more serious tone than Lance.
"So, tell us more about how to have this mind-blowing experience," Elizabeth asked.
"Telling you is of little value. I would have to show you," Philo replied, giving Elizabeth a penetrating stare that flattered her, but made me uncomfortable.
"And by "showing," I suppose this means you would have to have sex with the person to teach them," I said dryly.
"That is correct," said Philo in all seriousness.
"What did I tell you?" Lance laughed. "Is this guy a good partner in picking up girls or what? I'll tell you this. After Brother Philo finished telling the gals about how sex should be, they were more eager than you can believe to see us again."
"I guess Philo can't be all that bad if he can help you get a girlfriend," Wayne joked with Lance. "God knows you need one."
"Speak for yourself," said Lance. "And call him Brother Philo."
"Why the hell should I do that?" Wayne asked, who has a natural rejection of direction from most any source.
"Because that's the name he wants to be called by."
"As far as I'm concerned he's Philo, and that's probably not even his real name. Philo is all you're getting from me. That all right with you, Philo?" Wayne asked, looking him in the eye.
Philo smiled in a patronizing manner. "Call me what you wish. How you honor the name given to me by the Guardian is a reflection of your Inner Self."
"Well, I happen to like that reflection, Mr. Philo," said Wayne.
"As you wish," said Philo, nodding.
Lance looked a little disturbed. "I don't know what the big deal is here," he said to Wayne. "Brother Philo makes one simple request and that is be called Brother. I've introduced him to a lot of people in L.A. and they don't seem to have any resistance to the word. I'm not sure if the problem is that we're in the backward state of Idaho or if it's just you guys."
"It's probably both," said Wayne. "People in Idaho have more sense than people from California and we, or at least I, don't just call anyone brother. I don't just call anyone Father or Your Holiness either."
"I don't know if I would equate the word 'brother' with 'Your Holiness,'" I said. "To me, it's more like someone wanting to be called Mister Bill instead of just Bill. It seems a little silly unless we are in some group that has some established protocol."
"I think you guys are making of big deal out of nothing here," said Elizabeth, exasperated. "If he wants to be called Brother Philo, let's just call him Brother Philo and move on here."
"I don't think anyone is making a big deal here," said Wayne. "I just don't want to be forced into calling someone Brother unless I have good reason to."
I was glad Wayne gave the rebuttal. I didn't want to offend Elizabeth by disagreeing with her in one of the few times we seemed to have an opposing view.
"OK," I said. "I think we have gone as far as we can on this subject. Whether Philo is called 'brother' by us or not, we're curious about his views; and I know all of us love to talk philosophy, so this should be an interesting evening. I thought we'd start the ball rolling by telling you about a new project I'm going to undertake with Elizabeth's help. I'm going to write a book."
"About time you did something worthwhile," Lance jested. "By the way, did you know that Brother Philo has written several books?"
"No, we didn't know that," said Wayne, expressing mock surprise. I sensed that Wayne felt a similar vibe from Philo that I did.
"What are your books about?" asked Elizabeth, ever the pleasant host.
"They are journals, really," said Philo. "I keep a journal of my thoughts on a regular basis, plus all the revelations I get from the Guardian."
"He's had a lot of different backers who want to publish them," Lance added, "but Brother Philo feels the time is not right."
"I think everyone has a book inside them," said Wayne. "I've started writing a book several times, but never finished one. So what's your book about, Brother Joseph?" he asked, turning to me.
I smiled at Wayne for calling me 'brother' after giving Philo such a bad time. "You remember all those conversations we had about the question WHO or WHAT ARE WE?"
"Sure," Wayne answered.
"Well, I thought I would write a book about a guy -- someone like me -- who just happens to stumble across a teacher who has been roaming the earth since the days of Christ. This teacher has twelve Keys of Knowledge, but instead of just teaching, the guy gives him hints that he has to solve. He goes through a great struggle before he gets the first key, which he must solve before he goes on to the second, and so on."
"So is Elizabeth going to be in the book?" asked Lance.
"Yes. She's going to be suffering from a disease when they meet the teacher, and the teacher will promise her a complete healing if the guy can solve the first three keys. This puts him under pressure to really make an effort. What do you guys think of the basic idea?"
"It has potential," said Lance. "How interesting the book is will depend a lot on how interesting the keys are."
"Yes," said Wayne. "The keys need to be more than worn out cliches like 'All is One', or 'Love is all there is', or something nebulous like that."
"I agree," I said. "These keys need to present some new material, or at least old material in a new light. The first key, for instance, will be the answer to WHO OR WHAT AM I? As you'll remember, Wayne, we've already had a number of discussions on that idea."
Wayne nodded. "And as I remember you did come up with some unusual twists on that one. What's going to be the second and third keys?"
"I don't know yet," I said. "I'll cross that bridge after I start the book. I'm sure you'll be helping me solve them when we have coffee."
"I'll bet Brother Philo could come up with fifty keys," said Lance. "I'll tell you, this guy's well never runs dry. You ought to have him consult with you."
"I don't think that will be necessary," I replied.
"The first key is Love," injected Philo unexpectedly.
There was a short silence.
"You said the first question was WHO OR WHAT AM I?" said Philo. "The answer is Love. God is Love ... we are Gods ... I am Love, and so are you."
As I was contemplating whether or not to give a long answer explaining how love is a part of what we are, but not our core self, Wayne injected his thought on the matter. "That sounds good," he said, "but what part of love creates thought, then? Some thoughts are very unloving. If love was our core ingredient, then love would have to create our thoughts. And I don't believe all our thoughts could be created by love. On the other hand, great thoughts can create the emotion of love."
"That sounds logical," I said, impressed by Wayne's quick thinking.
Philo put his fingertips together and smiled. "Love does not have to be logical," he replied. "It just is. You can't change that."
Then Wayne, who always loves a good argument, countered, "But thought is logical, and if love is our prime cause, then love created logical thought. Therefore, even if you are right, love would have some logic behind it."
"The more you try to explain love, or substitute something else for it, the more confused you will become," said Philo.
"It's true," said Wayne, "that if you don't think, you won't get confused. I would prefer to continue thinking and allow myself a little confusion now and then."
"Sounds good to me," I added to the jest. "A little confusion sounds good to me."
"I have to admit," said Philo, "you are the first people I have ever met who prefer confusion over love, and there's just not one of you, but two."
"You're putting a wrong slant on it," I said, leaning forward. "It's not that we prefer confusion over non-confusion; but we prefer thinking to following platitudes or words from some authority. Thinking reveals the things we don't know, which often brings some confusion. If you just concentrate on emotion and never think, you will not know if you are in a fog or not."
"He who dwells on Love is always in the Light," said Philo, closing his eyes.
"That's exactly the type of platitude that Brother Joe was just talking about," said Wayne. "Before we can even know what you are talking about, we should define what love is. How about it Philo ... What is love?"
"You do not understand love by defining it. You understand it by being it," Philo retorted.
"And I suppose you think you are being it?" Wayne asked.
"I am the IT you call love. I cannot be anything else," he replied, smiling.
"You can't define IT, but you think you are IT. Maybe you are the wrong IT. Because if you can't define IT, you don't know what IT is, and you are being a different IT than you think. Maybe the IT you are is blissful ignorance."
"You need help," Philo said after a moment, glaring at Wayne.
"I think he's right there," cracked Lance. " I've always thought you needed help, Wayne, and I'm not so sure about Joe over there."
"That's funny," I jested, "we always thought it was you who needed help."
"If you guys think you are so smart," Elizabeth injected, looking at Wayne and me, "then why don't you tell us what you think love is."
"I'd say love is an attractive energy," said Wayne, taking the challenge. "If you love someone or something you are pulled toward it."
"I would say that is correct," I agreed, "but I would add that there are degrees and types of attraction or love. There is a selfish attraction -- like a fatal attraction type of love -- that wants to possess; and then there is a selfless attraction that just seeks sharing."
"I could buy that," said Lance. "But isn't even the selfish lover seeking to fulfill his desire to share?"
"I would say that is true," I said. "The difference between the selfish and unselfish lover is that the selfish looks only at his own desires, and the unselfish looks at the needs of both himself and the object of his desire."
"So the unselfish lover is one who has a little common sense about him," said Wayne.
"I suppose that's true," I said. "True love always brings the mind into play."
Philo rose up from his chair and lifted his hands toward the ceiling, stating in a raised voice, "Must you always attempt to destroy love with your definitions and feeble attempts at thinking?" Then he raised his voice. "Love just is! It is a feeling that you have to experience. When you dwell in love, you realize that it is beyond words. If you really desire to know what love is, I am here for you!"
Philo sat back down and bowed his head as we looked on in astonishment for about 30 seconds.
"Well, Brother Joseph," Wayne said, leaning forward to pat my knee. "I guess we don't have to do any more thinking. All we have to do is bask in this guy's presence and we will have blissful love."
"I guess so," I said, laughing. Then after reflection, I thought I would put Philo to the test. "So, you say you are here for us to give us love. If I were to tell you I want this love, you have to offer what we need to do next."
"You are not ready to experience the Love That Just Is," said Philo in a haughty tone.
I thought that was an ironic statement for me to hear after my experience in the New Jerusalem, where the love was so intense it boggles the mind. "So is Wayne ready for this gift of love?" I asked.
"Both of you are like small rebellious children who want to eat candy and avoid the more nutritious food," he replied flatly.
"But you said you are here for us," I challenged. "If there is nothing you can do for us, then how are you here for us?"
"I am here for you if you are willing to take the correct steps to dwell in the Love."
"And what would those steps be?" I asked.
"It is needless for me to say because you are not ready," Philo replied.
"But if I were ready, what would be the first step?"
Philo looked a little perturbed that I continued with the questions, but finally answered, glancing in the direction of Elizabeth. "The first step is to look in the direction of Love Made Manifest. The love that dwells in me is a starting point. You must blend with that love."
"And how do we do that?" Wayne asked.
"You must subject your thoughts to the feeling of love and keep them under subjection."
"And how do I do that?" I asked.
Philo's eyes brightened slightly, as if he thought he might actually be getting through to me. "To gain the total freedom of love you must put your rebellious thoughts aside and subject yourself to the words of love. If you are willing to do this for a short period, then and only then will you know that what I say is true. You can be one of those who are blended in love. As I have submitted to the Guardian and you submit to me, then we all submit to love and become Love. We then become what is. I AM THAT I AM, and that is Love."
"I have heard that the name of God is I AM BECOMING rather than I AM," I countered.
"How can I become that which I already am?" Philo asked. "If I AM Love, then I cannot become it. Where did you hear such nonsense?"
"It will be in my book," I said.
"That is extremely dangerous doctrine," said Philo. "The core doctrine of the Brotherhood is that we just are. There is nothing to become, for we are gods and one with God, and everything is already present within us. All that needs to be done is to remind us of who we are. If you would but completely submit to my ashram for a few days, you would discover my words to be true."
"I don't think so," I said, shaking my head. "How about you Wayne?"
"I don't submit my will to anyone or anything," Wayne insisted.
"Are you asking them to give up their free will?" Elizabeth asked Philo.
Philo let out a short laugh. "Goodness no! I could not take away your free will no matter how hard I were to try. Like all other things in your complete self, your free will just is and cannot be lost. All I ask is to give me a chance to show you a great gift. Let me give you an illustration.
"Let us say you wanted to learn to snow ski and tried to learn on your own, but without success and kept falling down. Finally, you meet a master instructor who agrees to teach you on one condition. That condition is you must obey everything he says until you complete his course. Then after you complete the course you no longer need the instructor and no longer need to submit to his will; you use your own free will to ski with more freedom than before and even become a master instructor if you so desire. Now let me ask you a couple of questions. While taking such a course, have you lost your free will?"
"I guess not," said Elizabeth. "I could withdraw if I was not happy with it."
"That is correct," said Philo. "But then if you complete the course, wouldn't you say that you now have more freedom than before because you can now ski slopes you could not approach before?"
"Yes, I suppose that is true," said Elizabeth.
Philo then looked at Elizabeth closely and said, "Even so, if you were to submit to me as your instructor, I could lead you to a greater love than you have ever experienced. Then after a short time your freedom as well as your enjoyment of life will be enhanced."
"Sounds too good to be true," said Elizabeth, blushing. Then she paused a moment and asked, "Why I am saying that? There is nothing too good to be true."
"That's the spirit!" said Philo. "And let me tell you of a great benefit you will have from completing my course. When you are able to be one with All the Love That Is, you will be impervious to any other negative attack that could bring the spiritual dagger back. Then you could not and would not ever be ill again."
"That sounds tantalizing," she said, smiling.
"It also sounds like it could be a smoke screen for mind control," I injected, not smiling.
"You have too many fears," Philo said to me in a dismissive tone. "You must see a boogieman in every corner. I seek only to give away more freedom, not take it from you. As I indicated, your free will is a gift from God and no one can take it from you. Fearing a loss of free will is as close as you can come to losing it."
"How about you Lance?" asked Elizabeth. "Have you taken his course?"
"I'm not sure," said Lance. He looked at Philo. "You've taught me a lot, but have I taken the course?"
Philo smiled. "You have been taking the course all along since you have known me, my brother. You are like the person learning to ski by being in the presence and imitating the instructor. This is one way to learn, but then a short intense course will greatly increase the learning time ... and that is what I now suggest. I propose giving all who are willing a three-day course of sharing. Then, after three days, you will know what I know and see what I see."
"So how do we know that you won't turn us into idiots?" asked Wayne.
"Look at Lance," said Philo. "He's still your regular Lance, but a little more enlightened."
"Maybe so," I said, "but I've never known Lance to believe so much on so little evidence."
"Some would think that is good, not bad," said Philo softly.
Maybe some, but not many," I said.
"Whatever," said Philo. "Here is my suggestion. We will be here a few days. Think about it overnight and give me your answer tomorrow. We can begin then if you should so decide, and if I decide you are ready."
"I've already decided," I said. "I'll take a rain check."
Philo turned to Elizabeth. "How about you? Have you decided?"
"I'm not sure," said Elizabeth.
"You need to make up your own mind and not look so much to your husband," he said in a serious tone. "Just remember this. Nothing bad can happen from exploring love and great good is always a possibility. I believe we can help you to never experience illness again. Remember, disease is experienced by one who is at 'dis-ease', or not at ease with the love energy."
"I'll think about it," she said, looking down demurely.
"You can't be serious," I said to Elizabeth. "This guy is just blowing smoke. For some reason he wants you under his control."
"You need to chill out," said Lance to me. "Brother Philo only wants to give more freedom, not take it away."
I stood up. " I tell you I can feel it in my bones. This guy is up to something. For some reason he has designs on my wife!"
"Would you calm down?" Elizabeth scolded me. "You're embarrassing me here." I sat down.
"Let us all just relax and take a deep breath," said Philo with his hands outstretched. "We can all make our decisions in calmness tomorrow. By the way, Wayne, you are invited to take my course. Are you willing?"
"I think you're full of BS," Wayne answered, "but you do have me curious about what you have to offer... and I certainly have no fear about losing my will to you. I may come by to see what you're all about."
"Then it is set. We will begin at 8 PM tomorrow," Philo said smiling.
"I thought you were going to wait for a decision from Elizabeth," I said.
"Internally, she has already decided. She will be with us tomorrow and I suspect that you will be there also, keeping an eye on her. You might as well. You will already be here."
I tried to ascertain from Elizabeth's facial expression what she felt, but she wouldn't look at me. I felt as if I were playing chess with this guy and he had called the first check, thinking he was about to mate, but I was not about to yield to him so easily. Somehow, I had to expose him for Elizabeth's sake. I had a sense of danger concerning her.
[End of excerpt.]
Go to:
Dark Forces, Part 1
Copyright © 2008 by JJ Dewey, All Rights Reserved