Suppression, Denial & Release

2007-4-28 07:10:00

We'll miss you Brian. Many may not realize you are one of the oldest members (as far as being on this list). I've always had a good vibe from you and am sure you will be an asset wherever you go. I hope you check in now and then and maybe join again in the future when things get stimulating.

On the bright side I'm glad Johann decided to stay with us. And thanks for your comments on the audio.

Johann was concerned that few were commenting on his posts. A lack of comment does not mean your posts are not interesting. Actually, if you want maximum comment just attack someone or some belief. I have often found that what I believe to be my best posts have received the least comments. I guess I could just chalk it up to the idea that the group were so overwhelmed by the brilliance that they could think of nothing to say in response.

Principle 56: Suppression, Denial & Release

I've already written quite a bit on this principle so I'll just add a few pertinent things.

Question:

As far as the emotions go what is the difference between suppression and denial? How do they prevent true harmony and peace? How do they feed a grievance? How do we obtain release from them?

To suppress emotions one has to first have a strong urge to release them and then force himself to contain them so they remain alive deep within the breast.

Concerning this SH asks:

Let's just say, hypothetically, that a person decides to make the transition from a life of suppression to a life of whatever its opposite is. How does this person do so without destroying all that he has been trying so hard to protect? Or should he just cut loose and not care about what happens? If there is a middle road, how does a blind man find it?

JJ:

To answer your question we must first distinguish between the duality of suppression and self-control. I point out this duality for a good reason. The fact that there is duality in all things is the reason that right action cannot be packaged in black and white. Duality makes it difficult to say that XYZ equals suppression and ABC always equals self-control.

We do know that self-control is overall a positive and constructive characteristic and suppression is a negative and destroying one. It takes a keen judgment to accurately discern the difference between the two in all cases.

Examples always aid in the understanding.

Self control:

Alison innocently burns Ben's toast for the third time this week. A he looks at the overcooked item he feels an anger building up. He feels like telling her off in a way she will never forget. However, he controls himself and reflects. He remembers that she mentioned she wasn't feeling good a couple days ago. Maybe she is feeling worse than he thought. Instead of showing anger he controls himself and asks in as nice of a tone as he can muster.

"What's with the burnt toast, sweetie? Is something distracting you?"

He thus avoids a suppressed grievance by controlling himself and yet communicating the problem.

Suppression:

Julie serves Brad burnt toast for the third time this week. Brad feels that she is sending him a subtle message that she has some unresolved issues with him and it hurts his feelings to think about it. What are those issues he wonders? He decides he really doesn't want to know and says nothing about the toast. He thinks that if he doesn't rock the boat that whatever the problem is will go away.

The end difference between self-control and suppression is this. If one uses self-control, but doesn't suppress then he will harbor no grievance or residual hurt feelings. But if he truly suppresses then there will be the after effect of negativity that will reside within to surface again when another offense comes.

The one with judgment will know that self-control is the right path when he can control and redirect his negative feelings without causing any grievance or residual hurt within himself. On the other hand, if he does feel a grievance the question is then what to do.

He has three choices:

  1. Suppress and harbor a grievance - wrong choice.
  2. Lash out in anger and let the person have it. Wrong choice again. This is sometimes a better choice than Number 1, but it is also destructive.
  3. Communicate your feelings to the other person. Use self-control and do not do this with anger but just tell the person how you feel.

"When it looked to me that you burned my toast on purpose I felt hurt and angry. I felt like really letting you have it."

This communication brings the release that is needed. Now you place the responsibility for the negativity on the other person's shoulders. If she is innocent she will understand and harmony will be achieved. On the other hand, if she is not innocent she may feel guilt and lash out. In this case there is nothing you can do but let this person deal with the negativity. It will be released from you however.

Suppression alone is bad enough, but denial in addition to it complicates the situation to the extreme, making release very difficult.

Pride from the ego is what causes denial. Here is the sequence.

A person, who is usually above average, suffers a negative emotion such as hurt, anger, jealousy, etc. Since he is a big believer in peace and love he doesn't want to make waves, suppresses the negativity and pretends that all is well. After the emotion returns several times he takes stake of himself and reasons internally this way.

"Wait a minute! I am a spiritual and enlightened person so this negative emotion has no place in me. I will immediately rise above it. It cannot exist in me because that is not who I am."

After this subtle reasoning he convinces himself that the negative emotion does not dwell in him because he is superior to it.

The truth is that he is not superior to it. All of us are subject to negative feelings in the right circumstances. The way to master the negativity is not to pretend it does not exist (falsehood) but to face the truth of it, work through it and find release.

The master of the situation always finds a way to send the negative emotion into its right place.

  

Global Warming Enlightenment:

If you see the illusion behind the global warming scare this quote will be of concern:

Ninety percent of Democrats, 80 percent of independents and 60 percent of Republicans said immediate action was required to curb the warming of the atmosphere and deal with its effects on the global climate. Nineteen percent said it was not necessary to act now, and 1 percent said no steps were needed.

New York Times, April 26, 2007