Spiritual Journey (my life)

2005-9-11 00:59:00

Great story of a spiritual journey. I think it deserves to be placed in the Archives.

NS Writes:

This is to everyone on the list. I need to release this to some ppl who understand.

First I'd like to say. That JJ is pretty spot on with that definition of freedom. I can see nothing wrong there. So I agreee 100%

Next I'd like to say how much this has helped me. This list. These wittings. And other writings such as Ramtha, conversations with god, The Celestine Prophecy. Ekhardt tolle. modern science. Mental science. metaphysics/consiousness. Alice Baily. And others, It has all played a part in teaching me.

Even though some of the things I have read are not perfect. There is a general picture that has been forming about this which has lead me to an increased understanding about the truth of oneness. and the TRUTH. That is the word. The only thing I have been after. Motives for desiring this truth has changed and grown. But basically it is an overwhelming want for freedom. When I started hearing. "All is one". And Ye are gods. God is in you. You are in god. Everyone, everything is connected. It was something to me that was not completely understood.Or sure about. And at first when I herd this is meant little. And I felt little. but the meaning has grown and still is.

As has my increased awareness in 'goodness' and what it means to be 'pure'. in will. At first It seemed just something on the side that was nice to be but didn't mean all that much. Now the obviousness of the concept suprises how I was not seeing what it meant. So I have increasinly recognized how much I am losing by not being of the highest. Where as before it did not seem like I was losing all that much, or that it mattered at all.

As my desire to see something higher has increased, so has my ability, but it has happened so gradually that I don't realize all the progress I've made. Ironiclly the more I have tried to know and progress the more work I am seeing that is ahead of me.

It is hard to believe from a few short years ago in my youth (11) I actually stole something. (shoplifting) And I thought it was fun. I did it with a friend, and it seemed great to get stuff for free. It seemed to make life more abundant and exciting. And I considered if we got away with it, life was good.

This phase happened over a short period of 2 weeks. Out of this 2 weeks we went to the shops about 3 times.

Strangely, being with the person, and doing this stuff when I look back on it. It was actually one of the best times, where I was the the most happiest in my life. Despite how wrong it was. I didn't seem to see it that way.

Of course we did not go around stealing and doing evil things. We were just kids and we did stuff that we enjoyed, swimming, roller, blading etc. We weren't purposely being bad. Just trying to live. Why I mention this is My consciousness was SO different. So different that it amazes me.I had no concept of any of this which i now contemplate. This difference in consciousness brought on a totally different experience, If I was to be in the same circumstances I would experience things very differently.

From this I understand your consciousness does create how you experience things. Its difficult to explain what's happening with me because I don't understand it myself. but I know something is, and I know that after beginning to sing that song 144,000. I feel great. So great that its almost getting painful. Like a great light is trying to penetrate or something. Maybe I am not ready to receive the light that I desire. because it is slightly painful.

It seems as if my progression has snowballed. I understand I have such a long way to go. But as difficult as my life is. I strangely feel pretty great about it. In addition the writings and teachings have begun to really resonate with me. I was reading about the dweller. And I have never come across it before. So this confuses me.

The only thing I remember is a strange dream I had. Where in front of this entity, and it was just such a horrific feeling to be looking at this entity, like space itself was shaken, blurred, and the fear was like a force that was alive and running through me like electricity. i think at the time i was contemplating fear, and it amplified itself in my dreams. maybe this has something to do with my dweller but I am not sure. I have not had much experience with this dweller thing.

Even though The thing I desire most is to see through the eye of god, but I don't know how to see all of this. I know I have to expand my consciousness, and that it will probably be a slow process that is going to take me a long time.

but in these recent few days I have been on a sort of spiritual high. I know there is ups and downs, but this is really strange and new to me. That it has crept up on me like this and all of a sudden is almost something painful, and I realize it is the light I have been striving for. And I cant turn back,I don't want to turn back,but at the same time I feel like turning back, because it is so different and overwhelming. I don't know if everyone understand what i am feeling here but it would be good to have some support.

I just needed to say this to you all. This seems like the right group of people to talk about this with. I hope no-one will judge me for it. I have a lot more to say but i am going to stop. I know it may bore people to read it. but I needed to write it.

thank you!