Response to Ron

2004-1-31 19:28:00

I think the key phrase in your post is this: "Later, I found out he had mistaken me for someone else."

Have you considered the fact that because you killed an intruder who was not innocent that you may have saved the life of an innocent person who was the intended victim?

That's something to feel good about.


Ron writes:
Do you know what you would do if you were attacked personally, first hand? I do. I was attacked once by a man who came at me with a knife in one hand and a coke bottle in the other. I kept my distance for as long as I could, reasoning with him at every moment and begged him to stop the attack. I had no idea why he was attacking me and I had to battle with my own mind to realize this was a real situation with imminent danger and I had no control over it. He backed me in a corner and it was him or me. He was relentless at trying to kill me. I knew if I did not do something, I would be killed. Death was inevitable, if I or something did not intervene. It is amazing how in that crisis, a moment seemed like an eternity and yet simultaneously that eternal moment was happening so quickly, comprehension was very difficult. I remember screaming in my mind for God to help me, but there was not even enough time to contemplate that single plea for help. I had never been in a hand to hand combat with a lethal weapon involved. It had been over 20 years since I had received combat training. I had no skills to rely on and what training I once had, was lost to me at that moment. I believe what I did in that moment had nothing to do with consciousness, a greater or lesser thing took over in me. I remember my fear turning into anger, my anger turning into rage and my rage turning my defensiveness into an attack. I killed the man who was trying to kill me. Later, I found out he had mistaken me for someone else. Later, I realized, if I had reacted quick enough, I could have turned and ran away from him in order to save my life. In truth, I did not run because it is possible I did not want to appear to be a coward, this I know from hindsight, although I don't remember having that thought at the time of the incident. There were 8 witnesses to my act of violence. They all said I acted in self defense. I was not charged in the incident with any crime. Had I acted differently, had I ran, I would still be alive today and so would he. I broke a commandment, there is no way to justify it. I would like to think, I learned enough from that to never take another life again. I live everyday with the consequences of my actions at that time. I truly hope it doesn't ever happen to you. I would not wish what happened to me to happen to anyone ever again.

Remember this; I killed to not be killed and I am opposed to killing, have been that way all of my life and yet it happened to me...... I am still opposed to killing. It is wrong!

peace and love,