2002-3-23 03:31:00
"Not all who have had visions of heaven have seen heaven. Some have seen hell and think through deluded sight they have seen the realms of the highest. On the other hand, all who can look upon the souls of their fellow men and women (whether these people be loving or full of gloom and negativity) and can see the face of Christ therein, and love this inner Christ -- these people have seen heaven and have entered the Kingdom of God."
-- Joseph John (JJ) Dewey
In your last life you created a tremendous injustice when you killed your wife and three children. On the other hand, that life was not without merit for you realized the gravity of what you had done and died with a desire to make things right. Dying in this state of "repentance" set the stage for your "redemption" from the wrongs you had committed.
Between lives you counseled with your Triad of Elders expressing a desire to pay off the karma of the last life in the next life so you could then concentrate on moving forward and living a life of service which would allow you to pay off past karma and enjoy the fruits of the inner Spirit.
This desire was granted.
You were born as a male to a loving family and became very popular as a teenager -- very athletic and good at sports as well as your studies. It looked like you had a great career ahead of you. Then war broke out and had to serve your people.
You proved yourself a good soldier and fought bravely in the midst of great conflict. But your commander became unstable when he learned that the enemy had attacked his village and raped and killed his wife and disemboweled his children. As you approached an enemy village he gave an order that the women and children be killed after the men were defeated. You cringed at this. You were willing to fight men on an equal basis, but you did not sign up to kill women and children.
You fought with the army until the men were defeated. The commander then gave the order to go from house to house and kill all the enemy including women and children. You pretended like you were obeying, but your commander caught a glimpse of your hesitation and took you aside and threatened to skin you alive if you disobeyed.
Fearfully you proceeded trying to convince yourself that it was best to completely destroy the enemy. To your relief the first two homes were empty, but when you opened the third one you discovered three small children huddled in a corner. Apparently both parents had been killed and they were alone and so frightened and so vulnerable.
You realized that if you did not kill them you would be tortured to death in a most gruesome fashion. You attempted to hold your conscience in check, raised your sword and was about to let it fall on the bodies of the innocent when something snapped inside of you and you could not force yourself to lower the sword no matter how much you feared the torture. You thought to yourself that you must be crazy, but something inside of you knew you had to save these children. You picked up the youngest in your arms and ran with the two older ones out the back door into the wilderness away from the battle zone. The only hope was to take them to an enemy village, a day's journey away. After much struggle you arrived and were arrested. The children were given to a loving family and you were tried before the authorities. After you told your story some believed you were sincere about helping the children, but others thought you were a spy and appearing to save their children was a trick to obtain their trust.
They decided to give you a trial by poison. They would feed you poison and if you lived you were telling the truth, but if you died then you were indeed a spy. (This was the custom in those days).
You were not excited about this, especially when you learned that few survived the ordeal, but you had no choice. They forced some deadly poison down your throat and it was only a short time until you felt your life force ebbing away and were so sick that death seemed to be sweet unto you. But something powerful within you wanted to live and you struggled with all your heart for life. You drifted for days in extreme agony between life and death until finally you regained consciousness. You awakened to see a beautiful woman who was assigned to take care of you.
"It looks like you will live," she said. "They say you are innocent and can now live with us without fear. Unlike your people we seek the ways of peace."
She seemed strangely familiar and you made friends with her. By the end of the week you found yourself in love with her and sought intimacy. She promised you her favors after a good meal and a bottle of wine.
After you drank several glasses of the beverage, your stomach began to ache and you felt extremely weak again. You fell top the floor. "What's happening to me," you exclaimed.
The woman grabbed you by the hair with great force and looked into your eyes and spoke.
"I'm not fooled by the silly test they gave you. You and your people are guilty of many crimes including killing my parents before my eyes as a child. Now you are getting what is coming to you - a painful death."
"Why didn't you kill me earlier?"
"If I had thrust a knife in you then the Elders would punish me. My only choice was to obtain some poison and give it to you and then tell the elders that the poison got the best of you after all. At great cost, today I obtained the poison I needed and it is a double dose. There is no way you will live through this. You have about five minutes left to live. I will take joy in looking into your eyes as your life slips away.
For the next five minutes she stared into your eyes seeming to take pleasure in watching you become weaker. You looked back, but instead of hating her you seemed to love her all the more. You were perplexed with this feeling. You were known among your friends as a nice guy, but did not stand out as one loving your enemies.
"Please, God," you thought to yourself, "why is this woman so familiar and why do I feel love toward her and bear no grievance?"
As you were near death a vision came to you. Instead of the woman you saw the face of the wife you had killed in your last life and the whole memory seemed to come back to you. You also saw that the three children you saved were the three children you killed back then.
As the woman was holding your head watching the last few seconds of life ebb from your immobilized body she was startled to see a tear flow down your face from your right eye and with superhuman will you spoke to her your last words...
"I love you."
She released her grip and ran out the door crying. Why she was crying she did not know. One moment she was taking great pleasure in your death and now a moment later after feeling your love she felt like she had lost her best friend.
This holy instant of love changed both you and her forever.
-- End Of Chapter Ten --
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Copyright 2002 by J.J. Dewey, All Rights Reserved