Entering into Emotion

2002-2-8 04:08:00

From Self Consciousness to Initiation, Chapter 3 -- Entering Into Emotion

Let's examine the above four wrongs described in the previous chapter, to see how you suffered from the effects.

You were born as a female and became the wife of a mighty chief who traded you off. Your new mate was cruel, and you were his fourth wife so you also lost all status. You suffered much hurt and pain from this.

After this you lived another life where you suffered the same temptation again. Now the first time you traded your wife you felt no reservations of hurting her, but this time you did. Nevertheless, several of your less experienced companions made fun of you for hesitating in the service of Self and you traded her to look strong in their eyes.

You were thus caught in the same trap again and born as a female who was traded off. This time the hurt was greater because you cared more. You vowed deep within yourself to avoid this type of pain again.

In yet another life you were tempted to trade your mate off. This time the humiliation of looking soft by refusing to serve Self was even more overwhelming. It was difficult for you, but you resisted the temptation and kept your companion. It was in this life that you first tasted the feelings of romantic love and you never betrayed your companion in this manner again.

Trading your children into slavery had the strongest of effects upon you. You had effected generations with distress; therefore, you were affected for generations.

Over all you were a slave for dozens of lifetimes. After much suffering you gained a respect for the suffering of slaves, even when you were born a free man. Then, in later lifetimes, you actively worked for the freeing of slaves.

The reader can probably guess what happened here. You lived in a life where you were the wife of a loosing tribe and watched an enemy kill your husband, and the killer took you as his wife. You were forced to serve his Self or he beat you.

Even though you were a brave Self in normal circumstances, you were born in a situation where hidden fear in you was stimulated. This made your father ashamed and he had you killed.

As you suffered through these effects of past mistakes something very mysterious began to take place inside of you. You started identifying with sensitive emotional feelings and found that you were increasingly influenced by them.

At first you were ashamed of these feelings and tried to pretend they were not there. You feared that these emotions were a sign of weakness, of being less than a whole person, but you could not make them go away.

When Self first appeared it terrified you and you fought its power. Now just as you were adjusting to cooperating with Self a new power emerges to frighten you again. You finally settled on calling this Emotion.

Emotion was like an ocean to you and in the beginning you felt like a child putting his big toe into it at a time when a tidal wave was about to engulf you. It was interesting and compelling but at the same time you suffered an overwhelming fear of drowning.

It was easier dealing with emotion when you incarnated as a female. A female was supposed to be weak in those primitive days so you could release some of your more sensitive feelings and not suffer embarrassment. But it was difficult to handle them as a man. A man was not supposed to have empathy, or show pity, emotion and concern. As a man you felt all these things but did not have the courage to show them. Emotion was terrifying for you.

Nevertheless, you were drawn to Emotion for now the world of Emotion was the future and the world without Emotion was the past. The past is always comfortable and seems safe and secure, but sooner or later we approach the time when we cannot resist the future.

After many lifetimes, your power to sense Emotion grew and you began to become aware that you were a stranger in a strange land in dwelling with your primitive brethren. They began to think you were strange because you sensed Emotion and were driven by it. You felt that they were insensitive and lacked understanding and a desire began to form within you to be among others who respond to feeling.

The reflection, or image, of God which is within you picked up on this desire and in your next life you were born among a more civilized people who use much Emotion.

This began your preparation to enter into Class Two. To graduate to this second class you had to learn to leave instinct behind and make all your decisions based on feeling. Therefore, God placed you among other feeling people so you could learn from them.

It was difficult at first. Everyone seemed so superior to you, whereas before you were superior to others. Everyone seemed to follow their Emotion whereas you still relied heavily upon instinct. In the beginning, instead of pulling you up to a higher level it almost had the opposite effect. Just as your primitive brethren were repulsed by your sensitivity, you were repulsed by the higher sensitivity of the more civilized people with whom you now found yourself.

You often made fun of their feelings and acted as if you had none. You reverted to operating on instinct and channeled that energy to the glorification of Self.

In several lives you entered into crime, drugs and prostitution. When you were a female you supported men in these endeavors. You didn't have any stable relationship, either with your parents or a spouse. You used them and they felt used and hurt. Then you came back in other lives, had encounters with other young souls and had your feelings used and abused.

After tossing around this emotional energy for numerous lifetimes you seemed to enter a vortex of force that constantly pulled you toward an emotional low. This again was merely the result of the law of cause and effect. You were not uplifting anyone's feelings nor were they helping yours. Therefore, the only feeling to feel was that of a low empty vibration. There was a feeling of unfathomable loneliness that you could just not shake.

Instead of doing something positive about it you lashed out at it and seemed to hurt everyone around you. When you saw that you hurt others this caused your hurt to grow even more rapidly, but you pretended to others that you were beyond hurt, that you were hardened, that you were free to do whatever you wanted. This was a terrible pretense because you did not have the slightest clue as to what you did want. You felt like someone out there was supposed to give you direction, make decisions for you, guide you, help you, but no one seemed to be there.

Religious people approached you, but their ideas of God and especially their silly rules seemed ridiculous to you. They were the last ones you wanted to turn to. Alas, you were left entirely to your Self and you did not like what you saw. It seemed that you did not like life. Life was only misery, loneliness and full of uncaring, unloving people. Anything was better than this. At least if you were dead you would not suffer would you?

Finally, you decided to put yourself out of existence. You had faced death courageously before as a warrior, but this time it was different. This time you wanted to escape, but at the same time you feared as you had never feared before. Ultimately, you put the fear out of your mind and killed yourself.

To your dismay you found out that it was impossible to extinguish the life principle and you were even more uncomfortable in the Spirit World than you were on the earth and then you were reborn to face your problems again.

This time you faced the same problems again, but with more intensity. You committed suicide a second time.

In the next incarnation you faced the same problems, but with even greater intensity. You took your life a third time.

You were quickly placed back in incarnation and faced your problems a fourth time which had grown to monstrous proportions. At this point you were overwhelmed. You did not know where to turn. In one way you wanted more than anything to commit suicide, but something within you kept saying "no" and you could never force yourself to do it.

You were truly desperate. There was nowhere for you to turn, except... Except for one avenue you have always disdained -- religion.

In desperation you attended a religious meeting, hoping that none of your friends would see you. Those in the meeting were talking about the "Lord" and being "saved" from sin and the devil. They said the Lord could bring peace to us. We are all sinners and we must repent and be saved.

A lower part of yourself said all this was nonsense, but another part of you said, "Do it. Obtain salvation."

The teacher was beckoning all to accept God, but he seemed to be speaking just to you. It scared you. You suddenly wished you had not attended the meeting. You wanted to run, but somehow your legs would not cooperate and you were frozen in your seat. You felt at that time as if there had been some big heavenly conspiracy to get you at this point of time and space so you would be forced, once and forever, to submit yourself to God.

You could not stand the pressure any more. You knew that you had been a sinner and you couldn't bear the burden of the black hole of your sins any more. You yielded when you could do naught else.

You did not remember the words you said or how those around you responded. You could have cared less. All you knew is that you yielded to your version of the Lord God, for at that time he was your only hope.

You discovered then that there is a power greater than anything you had known in the past, for God did pour forth His Spirit and you felt a sweet loving vibration sweep over you and all that was negative or painful was gone in an instant. Replacing it was a peace that you had never known before.

It was beautiful and you were convinced. Never again would you be ashamed of your emotions. These high feelings seemed so wonderful that you wished to hang on to them forever. From this point on, the world of feeling, or Emotion, would be the criterion from which you would weigh all your decisions.

This was the day that you graduated from Class One and entered fully into Class Two.

  

-- End Of Chapter Three --

  

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